Poison to the Plate
by Dante's Muse
Summary: Light realizes his folly too late. L does his best to deal with the aftermath. Chapter revisions as marked.
1. overture

Welcome, this is an epilogue to a story that has been my obsession since I've started writing it. You should know that it is written by a sick and depraved (quite literally) human being, featuring first and foremost angst. Torturous, mind numbing, depressing, angst. Also in this story you will witness the beginnings of a budding relationship between two members of the same sex, namely L, the worlds greatest detective, and Light, the worlds greatest Villain (scoffs...Sorry Kami sama) scratch that: World's greatest student.

There are many sharp turns ahead so keep reading especially if it gets boring as that is usually the precursor to something extreme happening. There ARE graphic descriptions of torture and death as well, so don't say i didn't warn you. (I apologize to everyone I haven't warned...eep!)

I also apologize for the many mistakes I make, I have no beta and worse yet, no patience. I will be refining it when the mood strikes.

Also, my character's may seem a little ooc at first, but I have a very good reason for that, which you will have to read to find out.

I do not own the or a Death Note, but If I did... it would probably end the same way.

Read on my pretties,

Dante's muse

THIS EPILOGUE HAS BEEN REVISED

* * *

"Bring the note book here," L stated firmly into the headset. The air outside the cockpit a maelstrom, the heavy beating of the helicopters blades, punctuated the air. Light sat next to the detective, staring ahead, watching his father carefully. The spotlights making it easy to point out the killer, he clutched at his sides as he watched. Both sick with worry, and shaking with adrenaline. 

He would find out soon. His worries, his fears. He prayed that L was not right, and that he was not the original Kira. He didn't know how he knew, but this would all come to an end very soon. He watched the procession warily.

A monster?

'Both Mogi san and my father. They have both seen something?' A wave of panic roiled up in Light, could the notebook be controlling them? Light stopped for moment, baffled by his own thoughts. How could a note book control anyone? He shook it from his mind and focussed on the situation.

He watched Mogi jog up to the Helicopter and hand the notebook over to L. Why is a notebook so relevant?

"Indeed a reaper…. it truly…. exists." L said staring off in the distance eyes wide.

Light couldn't believe his ears, why was L staring off in the direction of Higuchi's car? Was some kind of group hypnosis at play?

"Ryuzaki, is it true!? Let me see that." He grabbed the note from Ryuzaki's unflinching hands. Instantly a wave of nausea, then as if a strong sense of nostalgia came over him, within seconds his mind roared with the memories.

'He was Kira! No…. No it can't be. Why? Oh god what have I done?' He cried out a long and anguished cry. When he came back to himself, sitting in the chopper with Ryuzaki in the pilot seat and Watari in the back a ready sniper, L was watching him through suspicious eyes.

A tear escaped one eye and fell steadily down his cheek. His heart beating against its bone cage, threatening to drown out the rotary blades as they mercilessly cut through the air.

He couldn't stand it, in a moment of madness; he grabbed the gun from the console and put it to his head. Ready to stop the killings, ready to send himself to whatever awaited him in death. He clicked the safety off, staring blankly ahead.

But L was on him in seconds, the gun being pulled away, Light fought for it. The struggle continued on for a moment until L got the gun away from him. Light reaching for it, eyes wide in fear.

"You must kill me Ryuzaki! I can't be alive anymore. I am Kira!" Light was frantic, still reaching for the gun as tears streamed down his face. He was crazed, but L merely held the gun out of his reach a restraining hand on Light's chest as the teen reached out for it.

"Watari?"

"Yes L" the old man retreated from his sniping position and pulled a box from his jacket pocket, something that he kept on him always since the incarceration of Light Yagami.

He readied the needle and grabbed the flailing teen's arm before roughly injecting him with the sedative, the needle bent in his arm from the struggling and L winced.

Light quickly went slack, slumping in their arms. Watari brought the teen's hands behind him and cuffed him securely. Leaning him back against his seat.

A loud wailing could be heard in the distant ruckus and L could see the chief doubled over in utter anguish.

"I assume you all heard that over the head sets?" The task force stood staring blankly at the chief's sorrow. Matsuda, scrubbed at his wet eyes, and helped the chief to stand.

"Yes." Came the solemn reply from Mogi who with the help of Aizawa put Higuchi into the back of an unmarked van.

L's eyes turned on to the still furrowed brow of the teen.

"We will be back at head quarters." L stated before ripping the headset off his head and taking off towards the building that had helped in Kira's downfall. He glanced somberly at the teen.

"I win."

* * *


	2. Cesura

REVISED

* * *

Light awoke from his nightmare into another one, so the transition between the two was easy. He opened his eyes to find that he was strapped to a chair, his limbs tethered to the arms and legs. The chair was cold and metal, and the room bare and white. He lifted his head wearily and saw the one-way glass before him, he could feel eyes on him and it made him shiver. 

He looked down, ashamed he was still alive.

The door opened and L walked into the sterile room. He slowly walked with bare feet to a spot before Kira and sat down easily on the heavily padded floor.

L had thought for three whole days how he should handle this situation. Yagami san did not like the delay, he was with his family. L only hoped that they could remain strong enough for each other.

L looked up at the bowed auburn head, it had snapped up at his entrance but now hung low as if in shame.

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked L, his tone more soft than Light had ever heard it. His eyes appeared from beneath their fringe. It looks as if he had never slept at all, like those three days he was forced into a coma, meant nothing.

"There's…. nothing to say." He hung his head again. L bit back the anger at seeing Kira in such a state. He almost felt betrayed. Judging by Light's actions after he remembered his being Kira when the notebook returned to him, the boy felt remorse. But it only made his opponent seem weak like he was never that great of an opponent after all.

"Well, why don't we start from the beginning, I already have a confession, but it certainly will bring some things to light, so to speak, if you told me everything." The detective wrapped his bony wrists around his ankles.

"…" There was a heavy pause; of course L didn't expect the teen to just admit defeat, so when he spoke next L was surprised to hear a full confession come from those lips. The monotonous droning voice sounded dead and empty.

"I found the death note when I was 17, I thought it was a prank at first. I don't even know why I picked it up, except that I was bored. So I took it home and I wrote a name down on it." Light lifted his head at the thought, throwing it back with the memory of the incident.

A ghost of a smile on those perfect lips.

"I don't know why I did it. It was so obviously fake. But it was written in English, and it intrigued me. It was whim. I wrote a name down and then dismissed it, nothing happened at first, but then the news anchor said that the man had collapsed and later they revealed his death."

"At that moment I was filled with such fear, I had killed a man. Barely raising a finger, but nonetheless, he was dead. And as I stared at the screen, the children reuniting with their parents… It felt good. Incredibly good. Knowing that those kids got out of there safe." Light paused in his story, as if it were a casual stroll down memory lane. His voice was dull, the only clue that the words he spoke where dripping with emotion were the quiet pauses. "I was skeptical too, of course…

"I had to see it again. I had to make sure; I walked to the gas station. There was this girl there that was about to be raped. I… stopped it, the guy sped off after her on his bike and a truck hit him. At that point I guess I flipped out. I had killed two men now, one I watched broken and bleeding. Twitching on the pavement as he slipped away."

"I knew then, that whatever this book was, it was as much a curse as it was a gift. I felt enlightened yet, burdened at the same time. I was never really afraid of death; at least that is what I told myself. I thought that who ever made the book, would be coming for me soon, to perhaps take my own life. So, I quickly wrote down names. Five pages worth. One after the other, Osamu Bin Laden, Muhammad Atef, every last terrorist that had a picture on the FBI sites, then Mikoto Hirata, Katsuya Takehashi, Jorge Alberto Lopes Orozco, criminals that had murdered and drug trafficked all over the world…" L watched as Light recalled the names easily with his photographic memory. "I was beyond redemption already, after that first death. But I thought since my soul was already blackened, I should take the death note and I should use it for good. It was already too late for me. But now that I had the means, it felt as if I could save the world. And maybe someday, I…" Light shook his head, ridding the images that he forbade himself from having. 

"Soon Ryuk showed up." L raised his eyebrows. Another shinigami?

"He said he dropped the note in this world because he was bored. I could relate. When he said that anyone who used the death note could go to neither heaven nor hell, I realized that I **had** to make this work. My life would have to be great enough so that I wouldn't… go back to being nothing. I wanted to make my own heaven. And from there it just escalated…I soon lost sight of my original goal, when I met you, I suddenly had an opponent…I was actually very glad for that." Light's head hung low. Seemingly finished with his tale.

L sat still contemplating everything that Light had told him. He didn't want to but he pitied this boy that sat before him. It was a sad story. But still thousands died. The news of Light's first victims, the terrorists. He hadn't heard any of this on the news. No doubt the terrorist organizations wanted to keep hidden the fact that their great leaders had been disposed of, of course L had assumed that Kira had already killed them, but for some reason this struck a chord with him.

He did notice the great conflicts in the Middle East dieing out after Kira had started his reign. But it didn't change the fact that this boy had killed thousands of people. It wasn't his place. But then was it anyone's really? To sentence any criminal to death, wasn't that the same as playing Kira?

Was it any better to sentence Kira to death? Capital punishment was meant for those beyond any kind of help. But this boy was not. Even though he had killed those FBI agents, and would have killed more had they gotten in his way, by the time Light had gotten to that point, he was all in. Interference by the feds would have lead to his capture and ultimately his death. And L realized that Light really didn't want to die, at least not before making the world into something different.

When he looked at it objectively, from a spectator's viewpoint, he was almost nauseous with indecision. They both wanted justice, but a naïve 17-year-old boy, was given the cruel opportunity to become justice. Having craved that sense of right, he knew that Light would have had to make the decisions he did. It wasn't fair.

And the fact that this unbalanced behavior stemmed from his intelligence, and resulting boredom…the similarities between L and Light were staggering. That is what led to L's ultimate decision.

"I am very sorry Light but, my other purpose for coming here today was to tell you that the day after tomorrow you will be put to death by lethal injection. If I had it my way, you would be locked away, spending the rest of your days contemplating the innocent lives you took. The criminal's who might have repented, the second chance you took from them, that you wont get either… But I know now what motivated you. And perhaps the real justice is just as corrupt as you are, but there can only be one justice Raito kun, and you were not it… I am very sorry Raito kun." Light lifted his head and actually smiled at L.

"Don't worry about it Ryuzaki, this was one of the futures I saw for myself so I can't really say I'm surprised, especially after having worked with you. I remain firm in my beliefs. I had to try. And you saved me from becoming a monster that I didn't even know I was becoming."

L wanted to argue with this as it was Kira who had given himself in, but Light interrupted him

"I was not worthy of the death note. I know that now. Thank you for making my final days exciting; you really were my best friend. The only one I could relate to." Light shifted his head as he stared, smiling at the detective. A shiver ran down L's spine. He knew that the statement was just Light in another lie, but for whose benefit? Light or L?

"I'll see you later Raito kun." But there was no answer as he slowly pulled the door shut, and locked it.

* * *

L sat hunched and folded in a rather uncomfortable chair. To his left was a pale Yagami san, with the rest of the investigation team, offering support to their chief. To L's right sat Watari and three stuffy suits, there faces a mask of indifference, they were merely witnesses to the event that would take place here today. 

They would return to their countries/organizations baring videotapes and documentation stating that one: Light Yagami, age 18. Serial killer/mass murderer IQ 189 born February 28th, 1986, was put to death on October 17th 3:00 PM.

The camera's placed about the room were a live feed to requesting families and world leaders, either of those that had enough money to pay for it, or those family members of the twelve FBI agents.

L never met any of the other's eyes as they prepared for the event, but stared blankly ahead through the glass at the t-Shaped table that would restrain Light in his last moments.

At 2:30 PM Light entered the room blindfolded and gagged, wearing only boxers and a white t-shirt, chains connecting his hands and feet. He was escorted by two nameless guards and the warden, of the facility were the execution was taking place.

Traditionally there would have been a chaplain present, but no one bothered with finding one, and Light didn't complain. All though his face was mostly hidden with the gag and blind fold, one could see that the murderer was calm and collected, he plainly knew what was coming.

They strapped him onto the table, arms placed onto the supports that only slightly strayed from his side. Arms and legs were secured, palms facing up like some messiah on a wilted cross. They then tied a strap holding down his thighs, and torso, another for his neck. They removed the blindfold and fastened the last restraint over his forehead.

His eyes stared blankly at the ceiling until they tilted the table up so that the witnesses had a better view. Light's eyes settled on the wall over L's head, not daring to meet any one's gaze. Where was that defiance L had always expected to see when this day had come? Because L had known this day would come for Light Yagami, before he ever met him. He would have laid a very hefty bet, his instinct was so strong.

The doctor connected the heart monitor, and L watched the tiny line blip in a rapid fear filled beat.

The Doctor collected the IV tube that ran from the anteroom. He then inserted the needle, with it came a strangled sob to L's left.

Yagami san.

He was so tore up over the fact that Light was Kira. L felt something reach inside him and twist his insides; he really did like Yagami san. He was a hard working, loyal man and he fought for justice. This must be very hard on him, thought L.

One of the guards took his position standing by the phone, waiting for the reprieve that would never in a million years come. It was more for tradition's sake; L wouldn't be surprised if the line were cut.

"Light Yagami, you have been charged with 4,756 murders, including twelve innocent FBI agents. On agreement of 31 countries you have been sentenced to death for your crimes." Light began to shake slightly, but his face gave nothing away. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"I want to apologize to my family for putting them through this, they never deserved the anguish I caused them. And I want to apologize to the FBI agent's families, I know that my death will never be enough to assuage the pain of their loss, but I hope they find some small sense of justice in this."

L smirked. **There** was that defiance that he had been looking for. He couldn't expect Light to apologize to the families of the criminals; half of them would have been sentenced to death anyway, if they had ever been caught. Sure there might have been innocents that were wrongly accused, but Light felt they were sacrifices that had to be made.

But L was disappointed with the little speech, he had definitely seen more articulate, and he found Kira's to be rather bland and boring. But it seemed L had thought too soon.

"I also want to apologize to the people I worked with nearing the end of my life. I am sorry that I so easily deceived you. I would like to thank L for stopping me, and for…being an excellent opponent. I am sorry that we won't have more games of chess together."

"Is that all?"

"Yes."

"The time is exactly 3:00 PM." The warden walked over to the wall opposite the window. He pushed a button. "Start the injections"

L watched the Intravenous line, but the solutions Light would be given would not be visible. First would be the Sodium Thiopental, an anesthetic. He watched as Lights eye's widened first, then began to flutter rapidly.

Everyone else in the room would think that Light was cold and detached, but L could see past Light's mask now, and the teenager was quite afraid. Soon those tiny signs were gone as L watched Light's eyes flutter once more then shut with a sense of finality.

Next saline would flush the lines, and then following would be Pancuronium Bromide. A muscle relaxant that would stop the diaphragm and lungs.

The heart monitor had slowed already to an almost nonexistent pulse.

L watched as Light's lungs shakily filled them selves with air and then fell with the exhale. His breathing was no longer visible, but still the heart pumped on, defiant, strong.

They waited, but not for long. The heart monitor stopped its steady adagio, until the line fell flat.

"Time of death, 3:12 PM." The guards immediately rolled in a gurney and placed the body of Light Yagami onto it. They began to roll it out of the room. L stood from his seat, sparing a glance at the stock still Yagami san. L turned away and walked from the room. Pausing only to sign the witness registry. Ryuzaki… ha.

* * *

L entered the vehicle and sat back in his seat drawing his legs up beneath him. He placed his thumb in his mouth. 

"Shall we head to the rendezvous point?" Asked Watari as he entered the driver's seat.

"Yes, I would like to get there before that awful lieutenant arrives. Oh and we should pick up that type of castella cake I like before we head for the states." He held up his index finger as if he had just come to a conclusion. "Oh and a adzuki roll, some anpan, the mini ones, I don't like the big ones, some kuri manju, and mochi ice cream should survive the trip. Don't get the green tea flavored this time." L made a comical blarg face.

"Yes I can arrange that." Watari smiled.

"Watari?"

"Yes L?"

"Do you think I did the right thing?"

"Well… yes. I do. It may make things a little difficult for a while, but when have they ever been easy."

"You don't think I behaved like a spoiled brat do you?" L made a sour face as if he was remembering something someone told him.

"No, it was a very logical decision."

"That's what I said."

The rest of the ride to the rendezvous point was tense. L tapped away on his computer, while Watari gave Aiber L's groceries list. L's thumb never left his mouth. They arrived on the American air force base. A guard took the vehicle while a little Jeep drove them to the plane they would be flying back on.

It was a small private jet, not L's choice as this one was **too** small, but they were on a deadline. Watari busied himself instructing several soldiers to place L's belongings in the cargo hold, while the guard directed him over to a cargo plane and a white van having just pulled up.

A tall man with short blond hair and bright blue eyes stepped out of the vehicle.

"Agent Anderson, I trust everything went smoothly."

"Yes, smooth as can be expected at least. We should have the package in the states at 0300, and then we should have him in New York at 1100. They think the package will wake mid way to New York, and they are wary about giving him any more drugs, shall we bind and gag him?"

"Yes, The doctors in New York should know what to do, we will get there later than you, so you will be in charge of delivering the package. We called a head but it seems only you guys will get permission for an air corridor."

"I understand sir, what shall I tell the gentlemen flying the plane?"

"Tell them it's blue bark." The Agent nodded his head and saluted before he made his leave.

A tall gentleman emerged from behind the van. His hazel eyes sought out L, and tried to pin him to where he stood. L slouched even more forward at the sight of the dark brunet man.

He wore a uniform that looked like it came straight out the package and thick-rimmed glasses sat on his 30 something face.

"L."

"Lieutenant Nix." L bit his thumb but that was the only sign he was anything but indifferent to the man standing before him.

"That was quite a stunt you pulled, going above my head."

"I don't follow your order's Lieutenant Nix, and I needed the right pair of ears." He pulled his thumb from his mouth, and inspected it. "Yours are filled with months of build up. And I haven't mastered necromancy quite yet, we needed this one alive."

"Then why not let your own country handle it?"

"I wouldn't want to dirty their hands with such a task. But the CIA has been quite gracious with my requests."

"There was a deal made L, no amount of hightailing it back to your own country will save you if you welch." The back of the van door's opened; a black body bag on a gurney emerged and headed towards the plane. L ignored what ever else the lieutenant had to say and made his way towards it. The doctor from the execution nervously got out of the van, L spoke to him first.

Usually this was Watari's job, but L had so much invested in this.

"Takenuchi sensei thank you for your cooperation." The doctor bowed, glad to see a familiar face.

"Everything is set up for your arrival in America, you don't have to worry about being pursued, the American government will place you with a new name and a new identity. For all rights and purposes Light Yagami is dead." The doctor nodded but his eye's shifted to the still form in the body bag on the gurney, only slightly open to allow its occupant fresh air.

"Don't worry about him, he will never again be allowed to harm anyone." The doctor nodded again more firmly. L dismissed him into the guard's hands, who escorted him to the jeep. L slouched towards the body bag. He unzipped it further to reveal a peacefully sleeping Kira. He had probably thought that he could find some kind of peace as the drugs sent him into oblivion.

Not yet, Kira had a lot to do in his next life to make up for his past one.

"I'm not letting you off that easily." L said indifferently down at his first real friend.

* * *


	3. Spiccato

REVISED

* * *

A month passed after L returned to the states. He stayed in a posh hotel near Fort Monmouth, as details in the contract dictating what would happen to Kira were ironed out.

L cursed as he signed his "name" on the dotted line.

'I'm sorry Kira' thought L.

The contract summarized that Kira would be in the hands of the CIA, for one year of interrogation, and testing. L's usually demure face contorted not unlike he had just tasted something extremely sour, as he read the paragraph again.

Of course it was not as if L was getting nothing out of it. Kira was also to be further educated in specific fields to aid in L's missions. L was then to gain custody over the detainee for the period of three years for his operation, for further training. Of course this meant strengthening US bonds and obligations, but L didn't mind as the states provided more than enough interesting cases for him to dissect. And it wasn't as if he would be restricted from working other cases.

At the end of the three years, it was open to negotiation. But by that time he wouldn't be worried.

L didn't like having a country hold something over his head, but at the same time he held something equally incriminating over them. They had after all performed the operation that saved the most wanted murderer of the era.

For all parties involved it was a stalemate unless certain officials in the CIA wanted to go under. Of course it would mean the utter annihilation of L's task force too.

Images of the time L had sat in on a CIA 'interrogation' flashed through his mind. The next year of Kira's life would be hell. But it was necessary for the path to Kira's atonement in the eyes of those who L worked for.

L watched through the monitor as Watari walked through the halls of a building located in Main that was under CIA jurisdiction. L had no doubt that this would not be Kira's final detainment point, as the CIA were a rather suspicious lot, and didn't like L knowing too much.

He watched the video feed from the camera on Watari's lapel. Of course they knew that Watari was acting as L's liaison and they agreed to the breech in security that the camera might have caused. But L had been out and about too much for this past case and he needed to lay low incase any kind of word had gotten out.

Watari followed the doctor in front of him through stark white halls, of a military hospital. The place was dilapidated and some portions of the walls where obvious with water damaged, white paint slapped over it in the haste to make it look presentable.

L watched as the two descended two flights of stairs the jutting and rocking motion on the screen making L a little nauseous.

They seemed to be in the basement of the facility as the walls were now of concrete with pipes and wires around. This facility appeared to be not taken care of, but L new that was merely a cover.

As if to confirm his thoughts the doctor turned a corner past a large boiler to be presented with two guards. The doctor flipped his ID. But the men quickly waved them forward. This was a scheduled visit.

They stepped through the door that looked plain enough to be a Janitors office until they were presented once again with a large metal door. The doctor pressed his thumb to the tiny screen adjacent to the door and a loud hissing noise could be heard over the headset.

The door swung open and they entered into a completely different atmosphere. This cold white world was clean and there where no signs of neglect. A nurse jogged down the hall with a stack of chart in her arms. Another doctor raised his eyes from his coffee as he sat in his office, at the new comers. The doctor headed to a desk in the center of the hall, stream lined and modern. This was definitely a CIA facility.

The guard looked up cheerful and bright.

"Dr. Miller. And this is Mr. Watari. We are here to see patient No. 55297?"

"Of course, just push the door indicator and I will unlock the door." L scoffed at the cheery smile the man wore. It was obvious he had no idea what was going on around him and that suited him just fine.

Watari followed the doctor down the main hall. They came upon an unmarked door with a small switch adjacent to it. He switched it on and looked back to the front desk where the guard waved and then unlocked the door. They stepped into a small office. The doctor propped the door open and walked across the room to another door. A small window near the top showed the room to be unlit and black.

The doctor punched in a key number and the door slid open. The doctor then stepped aside and let Watari through.

"I will get the lights." He tapped a few keys on his computer and suddenly the room was lit with a brightness that far exceeded even the outside whiteness causing the occupant to cry out in surprised pain. L sneered at the screen. He did not like this doctor.

In the corner of the now fiercely lit room huddled a bedraggled looking Kira. His eyes red from lack of sleep even though the room had previously been kept dark. He blinked and tried to focus on the newcomer that wore a dark suit. He moved slightly but his arms that were bound behind his back almost caused him to topple. He looked exceedingly thin as well.

'No one wore anything dark in this facility, they all wore white.' Thought Light. He blinked a few times.

"Wa.. Watari?"

"Yes Kira." Watari said, it was obvious that he too was apprehensive to Kira's living conditions. L crackled over the head set into Watari's ear.

'Ask the doctor to leave' Watari obediently turned back to the office retrieving a chair and placing it in the room. He turned towards the doctor then.

"If we could have a moment?"

The doctor was nervously shifting.

"He has been cooperative so far, but I really don't think that is such a good idea." L noticed before Watari that the doctor was holding a capped needle of something, probably a sedative.

"You should have surveillance in this room?"

"Well yes…"

"Then you can watch the proceedings on the video feed." L smiled at the tone that Watari had taken with the man.

The doctor reluctantly nodded before turning around and leaving, closing the door behind him. Watari adjusted the chair so that it sat right in front of the boy in the corner.

"How are you Kira?" Kira blinked wide eyes, just staring at the man. He pulled his head back and it bounced off the cold stonewall, but he never took his eyes off the visitor.

"I'm fine." He lied; now that he was closer he could clearly see bruises criss crossing his body. The boy's long arms could barely be seen as they were secured behind him, but what could be seen was covered with scuffmarks and scrapes as well as numerous injection sites. The teen was very groggy as well signifying that the boy had been kept drugged up at all times.

'Watari, ask him if they have been giving him drugs."

"They have." Stated Watari seemingly to no one. Kira quirked an eyebrow, wondering if he might be hallucinating again.

"I have L through headset." Kira tried to nod, but forgot his head was pressed to the wall.

There was a long awkward pause and Watari shifted, while Kira sat still, eyes wide. As if blinking might make the man disappear.

"I have come here on L's request to inform you of the situation. It seems the American government have great use for your mind so they have agreed to keep you alive."

"Why?"

"I believe the fact that you gave L a run for his money had something to do with it. You do have an IQ exceeding 187." Kira looked down. His arms were trembling slightly, he frowned and held them tighter to himself in an effort to make them stop, but it only served to make the rest of his body shake.

"So you will remain with Dr. Miller for 1 year of training. Then you will be handed over to L for three years following him, in order to gain experience. After that, is open to debate."

"I can't." Kira looked up. "I wont survive a year here. Please Watari…" His voice cracked. "Show mercy. Kill me now." Watari smiled sadly down at the youth.

"How do you I propose I do that?"

"Don't give me that… you know. I know you know how. For you, it would be just a simple flick of your wrist… Please." Watari heard a growl coming through the earpiece.

"I'm sorry Kira." Watari stood and hesitantly looked down at the boy whose head hung. Watari brusquely left, bidding the doctor farewell and only momentarily stopping to sign the necessary forms for his visit.

As he walked out of the building he finally spoke.

"L I think you should be prepared that he might not make it in there."

"He will make it. After all, I know everything there is to know about Light Yagami."

* * *

1 year passes….

Matt was not a waiter. He wasn't a waiter and he wasn't a damn chauffer and he wasn't a damned caddy either. He was 15 for Christ's sake and couldn't even legally drive yet! Thankfully Pen let him drive, and he sure did love to drive, but he always had to be baby sat by her. Stupid stuffy British old farts.

He grumbled to himself as he carried a heavily laden tray through the dark upper hallways of Wammy's orphanage.

'This was NOT in the job description' he thought as he struggled with a tray baring five Mr. Good bars, a giant bag of assorted Halloween chocolates, two glasses of milk, two dr. Peppers, a large bag of skittles, a bowl of vanilla ice cream: Extra churned, a Large bag of vanilla biscuits and Two large pots of strong black coffee.

Just looking at it safely tucked away in the packages, nice and undigested, made him sick. Perhaps because at one time or another he had upchucked each of these items. Being surrounded by sweet teeth wasn't easy for some one who had a delicate digestive system, such as himself. He learned very quickly that he was not a sweet tooth. Damning the fact that he was surrounded by them.

"Room service." Matt said as he some how managed the large tray through the heavy oak door after punching in the security code. The room was dimly lit with a soft orange glow that made it feel warm and cozy, if it weren't for the artificially lit faces that reflected the white computer light.

It was quite the comfortable room with two tan sued couches and a large set of bay windows off to the side. Several computer terminals were spaced through out the room, some clean and untouched some heavily used and cluttered. A large Fireplace off to the side was unlit, waiting for dry timbre. Over the fireplace was a large dry erase board that had a spider graph, names listed on the side pointed to places and times.

"Bout damn time." A 16-year-old Mellow grabbed the chocolate bars off the tray that suddenly shifted precariously from the change in weight. Matt righted it, ignoring the blond teen's temper.

A 14 year old Near never looked up from his Lincoln logs but he shifted a stack of files making room for the tray.

"Thanks," Matt said as he set the heavy thing down, wiping the sweat off his brow. He seemed to remember something and turned to the other occupant in the room. He scratched the back of his head in intimidation.

"Umm… Me and Pen couldn't find Skittles ice cream, so I brought skittles and the kind of vanilla ice cream you like." He said trying to act nonchalant, and failing miserably.

The raven-haired man sighed heavily turning his large owl like eyes onto the striped clad one.

"Pen and I…I suppose this will have to do." L, the worlds best detective retrieved the said bowl of ice cream and bag of skittles and began to mix the two together. It just wouldn't be the same as the skittles would not be properly crushed and the ice cream would not be perfectly flavored to accentuate the chewy candies. He sighed heavily again.

Matt made to return to his own 'work' station. Even though the only reason L had agreed to his being there was to replace the absent Watari with serving the eccentric detective. L interrupted his begrudging thoughts.

"Can you take the coffee in for him please?" Matt froze in his tracks. He slowly turned back to face L, to gauge if he really had meant the request. L was already typing away a hundred miles per hour. Next he looked to Mello to see if he would save him this time. No dice.

Matt let out a grunt and walked back over to the tray grabbing the two pots of coffee he slowly went across the room to the one of the doors.

He opened it, and swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat from the doom and gloom that seemed to flood out of the other room.

The room was chilly, the occupant not having bothered with turning on the heat, or the light for that matter. He was half tempted to just throw down the coffee and run, but he knew better.

L had clipped this 'boogie man's' wings. He entered the cold dark room devoid of anything but a lazy boy chair that Matt had never seen the other occupy. He looked to the left and could barely make out the iron bars that covered the windows, through the thick blue and maroon curtains. He ignored the chill that ran down his spine from the sight.

He made his way towards the complex computer positioned on the floor in the middle of the room. An indiscernible noise being emitted from the speakers as the computer users, large amber eyes were riveted to the screen.

A lanky thin boy sat behind the screen wearing hospital scrub pants and no shirt. It made him seem crazy to go with out a shirt in this cold room.

He set the pots down next to the three empty styrofoam coffee cups. Those staring eyes looked up from the screen into Matt's face, he held his ground. Despite feeling like the biggest coward of the group he could hide it quite well, and as he looked at the obviously tired genius he began to feel sorry for him. Not much but, the feeling was there.

"Your coffee." Those eyes seemed to peer into Matt's soul, before averting back to the screen. Empty. Lost.

"Thank you." Came the quiet reply from a dry throat. He tapped away at the keys and Matt could hear some classical crap playing, as the investigator flipped through gruesome pictures of a crime scene, from the case they were currently working on.

"What is that playing?"

"Ives. Three places in new England." The other said with indifference. Matt didn't reply, just rose an eyebrow. "Do you have a light?" The long haired man asked holding up a pack of cigarettes "This little hot wire lighter they gave me doesn't work."

"Oh.. Uh yeah." Matt pulled a Zippo from his pocket. "Don't tell L I have this." He tossed the lighter to the man who let it fall to the floor. Matt scowled, wondering if the flint had been knocked loose.

The genius eyed it warily.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? Handing me an incendiary device?" Matt feeling more confident having shared more than eight words with the psycho, rolled his eyes.

"You'll give it right back. I'm not lighting your cigarette for you, you aren't my type."

The genius quirked his lips at this remark and Matt almost fell over from shock. The loner lit his cigarette and tossed the lighter back to him.

"Do you think… I could bum one?"

"How old are you?"

"15. I already smoke. I just don't have them on me." Matt said puffing his chest out.

Kira laughed then shrugged.

"What are they going to do? Execute me?" He took an unlit cigarette from the pack and threw it across the room. "Those things'll kill ya." The pale man poured himself a cup of coffee and chugged half the steaming hot liquid down.

For the first few minutes they smoked together in silence, the amber eyed one's face lit eerily by the glow on the screens with the faint hum of flutes in the back ground, a cigarette hanging from his lips. Matt's eyes wandered to the thick bandages on the genius's arms.

"So, I heard about what happened this morning." Matt said with confidence. The cigarette fell from startled lips.

"Shit." The startled one scooped the lit cigarette up, not paying any heed to the cherry as it began to burn his hand. He put the ashes he held into the can.

"That's really none of your concern."

"What? You wanted to get out of your sentence? Death is better than this?" The amber eyes fell onto Matt and glared. Matt shivered again, but pride and a sense of self pushed him on.

"No." the man returned to typing furiously.

"Then what?"

"I simply, wanted to see what my arm looked like from the inside, it wasn't near any major arteries." The other said with indifference.

"They really did a number on you didn't they." Amber eyes snapped up. Matt involuntarily shuddered. Their eyes met for a moment as the music began to crescendo.

"That's quite enough."

"Well I'm just saying…"

"I get what your saying. Subject over."

"Christ, sorry, did I hit a nerve?"

"I'm all nerves, pick one." The other said turning back to his work.

"Yeah." Matt said shifting.

"You can leave now, unless you have something to say relevant to the case." The genius stared hard at the screen.

"Alright, I'm sorry. I'll go." The striped one stood and quickly deposited the nearly spent cigarette into the can. His plan for opening up relations with the ex murderer had failed, and feeling dejected he made to leave. As he stood and made his way towards the door, the other spoke.

"Thanks for the coffee."

"No problem Kira." Matt genuinely smiled at the man behind the computer. He gave a short wave and exited the room. He missed the pained expression.

* * *


	4. Bisbigliando

L sighed. Tomorrow they would make another move back to the states to establish a base so they could be closer to the case they were currently working on. L hated moving around all the time, but it came with the job.

It also meant tomorrow would be a long day. For him, and the recovering genius in the next room. He wondered how he would break the news to the scarred man.

And also the news about the case would be quite difficult to divulge. He had purposefully kept many aspects of this particular criminal from him. He knew that Kira would be upset about it; he wasn't ready for the ramifications this case could bring.

It had been three days since 'Kira' had returned from that awful facility. The memory of the blank expression on the once vibrant youth, upon his arrival was a memory not soon forgotten.

He sent the boys to bed early and sat alone in the room for a moment, crouched in the chair looking at the door to the other room warily.

It was a rule that all the windows in the place needed to be barred when Kira was involved, and all doors locked but it was Kira who asked to separate himself from the group. L couldn't really blame his want for solitude. He was sure Kira had little of it the past year.

He said he could feel the eyes of L's young counterparts picking him to pieces and could not work under such conditions. L new that the boys were uneasy around Kira, and he couldn't blame them for it. Even though he tried to explain the situation many times.

He stood from his position in the comfortable computer chair and let the blood rush back into his limbs. Slowly he walked to the door that led to the other room and opened it.

Gazing in he noted how Kira's hair had grown quite long, it now almost reaching his shoulders.

"Its time to change those bandages and go to bed." The detective declared in his typical monotone.

"Hnn" the other said not looking up from the screen. L flipped on the light.

"Its not healthy Kira kun to have the heat so low in here, you could catch pneumonia or at least an upper respiratory infection, and we need you at full thinking power for the coming case." L said. Kira ignored the comment.

"L, how do you expect me to do anything with out the full deck of cards? You are keeping things from me." Kira said eyes not lifting from the screen. L made his way over to the boy. His legs were splayed on either side of the key board, a position L never would have thought he would see when he first met the youth.

L wrinkled his nose as he lifted it into the air.

"You smoked again?"

"Yes." L's eyes widened as he stuck his thumb into his mouth.

"That's not like you, to put toxins into your system so willingly." At those words Kira's eyes lit up for a moment and seemed to dance in silent laughter at some private joke that L was not let in on. L suspected it had something to do with the medical facility that he had just returned from.

"Come on, let's go to bed." He offered the teen his hand. Kira sighed and put the computer on sleep, rising with L's help.

"You still haven't answered me." Silently L led Kira from the room and walked across the investigation area to their adjoining bedroom. He veered to the right and led him to L's large personal bathroom. He sat Kira on the toilet.

"Where's Watari? Shouldn't he be doing this kind of thing?" L looked into the empty eyes of his friend and nodded.

"He is preparing for our arrival in New York." As expected the captive snapped his head up. L retrieved the medical supplies from beneath the sink and extracted the gauze, tape and scissors from the kit.

"We're going to back to America? When were you going to tell me?"

"Approximately 2:30 am." Kira looked out of the room towards the clock, it was indeed 2:38 am.

Kira sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He felt L grab his wrist and start to carefully peel back the tape from his arm.

"We will give you a sedative and transport you to the airport, I will be riding with you this time." Kira thought a long moment, wincing as the last layer of gauze was removed and with it a layer of scab.

"Well… just don't mix sedatives…they gave me Thorazine in there and I don't think its out of my system yet." There was a loud clattering and Kira flinched.

He looked over towards the detective and noticed the other had dropped/thrown down the scissors.

"They were under strict orders not to use that again. Are you sure?" Kira stared up at the heavily breathing detective, eyes wide. He nodded.

"No wonder you shredded your arms. You were going through withdrawals." Kira looked away as L returned his attention to the wounds.

"Sorry." L said nothing. He knew it wasn't Kira's fault, but ever since his defeat, the teenager had taken the worlds worries onto his shoulders. Unless…it was all an act. Which wouldn't be unlikely coming from Kira.

"That wasn't your fault." He carefully bandaged the arm and began working on the other one.

"So are you going to tell me about the case, or will it be later in New York."

"You are persistent tonight Kira Kun."

"Maybe with sleep I will handle the information you are so trepidations in giving me. What are you hiding?"

"The case we are working on has 46 murders so far. They are being efficiently kept from the media so we know there isn't a copycat. But, the way that the victims were killed…"

"There chests were tore open and several ribs cracked so that he could reach the heart. And it looks like he smashed the heart directly. But those are the only things you have given me. And then you ask me to process them? That's a tall order when at least half the pictures are missing"

"So you noticed." Kira scoffed at L's reply.

"How could I not? I only saw bodies, no weapons. No blood splatter. No forensic evidence. I've determined from the pictures that he must have used a hack saw of some kind on the ribs, but even that is negatable with out the coroner's report."

"I'm glad to see that Kira is still pretty sharp even with Thorazine in his system."

"Hnn…" Kira grumbled then looked down, clearly frustrated but not pushing it any further. Where was that spark of anger that should be in those amber eyes?

"You are right. I have left out quite a bit." Kira didn't bother to look up, he had figured as much.

"The assailant opened the chest cavity while the person was still alive and crushed the heart using his hands. There were finger indentations, the NYPD couldn't be sure at first but they have confirmed it."

"He crushed their hearts?" Kira felt uneasy.

"Yes and on the wall there were several words written in blood. The words read: Kira lives."

Kira's heart stopped, he swung his head away quickly staring at the bathtub.

"Is it wise? To have me help you with this case?"

"Why wouldn't it be? You are Kira, indeed you live. It pertains to you, and no doubt you will be invaluable for this case."

"It's probably just some psycho Kira follower."

"The probability of that is 97 percent."

"Three percent? That's what you brought me here for?"

"You seem to have mistaken your situation Kira Kun. You are in my care regardless of what case I am working on. That was the agreement. Would you rather return to Fort Monmouth? That could be arranged" Kira's shoulders slumped, and his eyes narrowed.

"No." He bit out, bitter about being threatened like a child.

"Watari and I have been lobbying for your release from the CIA. The agreement that we met was that after the three years, depending on your performance, you could continue to work with me. But it seems that the CIA has taken interest in you, and is reluctant to leave you in my hands." The other shivered. L taped up the last portion of gauze. He washed his hands in the sink then returned the freshly washed thumb to his lips.

"Kira, I would like you to tell me what goes on in there." Kira looked up at the detective, eyes wide.

"…"

"There are no bugs on you nor are there any recoding devices in this area. Please tell me. You will not get into any trouble." L watched, appalled by his friend's state of mind as his lip began to tremble. What had those monsters done to him? He had some suspicions, but they were yet to be confirmed.

He knew that anyone living under Kira's circumstances would have crumbled long ago.

He only had the medical report to go by, that was most likely doctored, and the boy himself, who came back in a near catatonic state, scars crisscrossing his body. He gave nothing away.

"They will find out…." His voice was weak and childlike. "It… It doesn't matter what happened." The tone of defiance returning as he spoke again. L new what lay unspoken. It didn't matter because Kira had lost. He was the monster now.

If he had won he would have been a god. But he didn't, he had lost.

"I need to know what is happening, if I am to get you out of there." L observed. Kira stood quickly.

"You're a fool if you think they would ever let me out of there alive." Kira strode past L and walked into his own room. It was just as sparse as the other. With only a bed and a lamp. He sat on his bed and turned away from the super sleuth. L followed him in. And sat on the floor facing the bed.

"It is true that there is much bureaucracy in play, but you are a worthy mind. I hardly think that they would just dispose of you when there are many departments of the government that could use you."

"Ahh yes, but those departments don't all know I am alive do they."

"True that the world thinks that Kira died last October with the execution of you and Missa Amane. But I hardly think that the CIA would just throw away a million dollar operation like that. I chose America, for your survival. Any other country in the world would have put you to death. But with the help of the CIA we could have you kept alive… Would you prefer death?"

"It doesn't matter what I prefer. I have crimes to atone for." He said automatically. The tone and quickness of the phrase frightened L.

"If all it took for you to admit you were wrong was losing then I should have defeated you at the very beginning." L replied looking at the ceiling. Kira recognized the body language to mean the detective was kidding. Kira smirked.

"Like you could."

"I was being facetious Kira kun."

"So was I…. L, why do you fight for me to not return to that place? Why did you fight at all?"

"I believe that you could help the world a great deal, and I believe that you should have to, for your punishment. And besides, we do not so much need the help of our friends as the confidence of their help in need"

"Epicurious. How can you be so very sure that I would help you back?"

"That is not what friend ship is about Kira. And Kira Kun seems to have forgotten that he was once one of my prime suspects, indeed the culprit I thought him to be. I know him better than anyone else, perhaps even himself."

"Hnn." L stood and walked to the door.

"I will leave you to your rest then, tomorrow will be a long day. Goodnight Kira kun."

"Night." L closed the door behind him, gently turning the lock. He rested his head against the door "I apologize Raito kun. It was the only way to save you."

* * *

When Light woke the next day, he could hear the commotion from the other room. He noticed his door was open. Taking that as a sign that it was time to get up, he swung his legs off the bed. Rummaging through the small duffle by the door, he pulled on his scrubs top and retrieved his toothbrush.

No one said anything as Kira groggily made his way to the bathroom. L watched as the door closed. It was at this time that light had cut up his arms the previous morning using shards of a broken coffee mug. But L made no move to observe the teen.

"Shouldn't we… I don't know. Tell him to keep the door open or something." Matt asked the detectives casting a glance at the closed door.

"Psh, let him off himself, we don't need him." Mello said setting L's keyboard into a milk crate for the moving van. L spun around.

"He is better capable than you at critical thinking and maybe even better than I at divergent thought process. Let him have some privacy. Yesterday his behavior was spurred on by something else" The boys were quiet a moment longer until the bathroom door opened again.

"I hardly think that I am better than you at any form of creative thinking."

"No Kira kun. You think ahead with ease. I am not the creative type. More the deductive type."

"So modest." Kira rolled his eyes and plopped down onto the sofa that sat before the fireplace. He clapped his hands together.

"So, where are my drugs?" He mocked in fake enthusiasm.

"No need for sedatives, I have just been informed that it wont be necessary."

"…"

"Well it seems the CIA has sent us an operative to assist in this case and in keeping watch over you. He has determined that no sedative is needed. But you will need to be bound."

"Oh I see. So you are going to bore me to death instead."

"You would prefer the sedative?"

"No…" the thought of being incapacitated was unnerving, but he didn't want the headache that always seemed to accompany sedatives either. Also there would be no blindfold "Its much better than that Hannibal Lector device you had me in before."

"Agreed. All right then we should be ready to go after we get the last boxes down stairs. How bout we enjoy some tea while we wait for our guest, Kira kun."

"Alright." L and Kira rounded on the small coffee table that had tea and cake set ready, while Matt, Mello, and Near took the last two boxes down stairs.

"Your useless." Said Mello to his junior who happened to be holding no boxes. Near said nothing but rolled his eyes as he began to twirl a chunk of silver bangs around his finger.

The detective waited for the door to close and lock before turning to the cake, he helped himself to the sugary treat. Serving it up with two carefully balanced silver utensils held between index and thumb. When offered a piece, Kira quickly declined.

"They wont be working with us, will they?"

"No not on this case, I don't like having them traveling to America, since Near is from that area"

"Near is the youngest?"

"Yes." The answer was clipped, leading Kira to believe that there was much more to Near's situation than L let on.

"So are you going to tell me about it." L asked not lifting his eyes from the cake.

"What?"

"About what goes on at Monmouth."

"I hardly think-"

"I thought about it and decided it wasn't entirely fair to have you divulge painful secrets if you knew nothing of _my_ past. And since you no longer have the means to kill me in your preferred method, I find you no threat." L interrupted, dark bangs covering his eyes, to hide whatever emotion lay there.

"Your…past?" Kira knelt neatly with his hands folded into themselves on his knees. He watched as L poured the tea into two brown stoneware mugs. He didn't know what to think about learning L's past.

"Yes. I was an experiment too." L said with a stoic face as he lifted a fork full of cake to his lips.

"An experiment?"

"Yes, well as you have already guessed, I am an orphan. My parents were murdered by a madman, thus instilling my drive for justice, much like Missa… after some testing I was sent to work for the government…. From there I went to the NSA working on decoding foreign transmitions. I was 11 when the Berlin wall fell." He took another bite and chewed then swallowed, eyes gazing off to the upper right as he reflected on his past. Visual remembrance, observed Kira's brain

"There was a great shift within the NSA, I was moved around from place to place to see if there was something more suited for me. For three years I was placed in a medical facility, and experimented on." L set the plate down his hands now shaking slightly.

"In 1993 I helped the FBI with a rather large serial murder case. You may have heard of it the Joel Rifkin case?" L lifted his brow in question.

Kira's jaw dropped.

"That was you?"

"Indeed I had helped the case some. It was at that time that I met Watari. He saw what a passion I had for solving mysteries, he having come from London to help the FBI with the case. Watari is quite the detective you see." L smiled that impish smile that made you think he knew something you didn't. "Did you know that?"

"No." Kira was still in shock that the man before him helped solve that heavy a case when he was just 14.

"Yes, well Watari took me under his wing and arranged for a trade in forces between London and America. A skilled computer technician took my place, as I made my way to England. I discovered that England is far more humane with their treatment of their polymaths. I stayed in a facility with other children like me.

"It soon became obvious that my deductive skills far out shined those of my peers. I was given unlimited access to resources after I solved a particularly hard case. And I have been solving crimes ever since." Kira sat shocked at the secrets that were just uttered. A year ago, that would have been enough. Enough for 'Light' to track down L's real name and kill him. Kira shuddered.

"Your turn"

"Um…" Kira shifted uncomfortably.

"Rest assured that I would keep the information between us." L sipped his highly sweetened tea. Kira opened his mouth but closed it as he hesitated again. They sat in silence, Kira looked down at his hands.

"The usual I suppose. I'm sure you have been through worse."

"I did not tell you my past so that we could exchange woes. I do need to know how they treated you there, if I am to present a firm case as to why you should not return." There was another long pause.

"Well there were the injections…" Kira looked up nervously at the detective across from him.

"Continue."

"Basically… I mean from what I can guess, they give me experimental antipsychotics and hallucinogens. Its not as if they would tell me what they were doing. A lot of the tests are useless. Trying to determine specific sleep patterns, stupid things like hot and cold resistance… they just want to see if I differ from anyone else. I think they have a hypothesis that I some how created the death note.

"As you know Ryuk hasn't shown himself to them and after you destroyed the death note Rem disappeared, so they find the existence of shinigami dubious. Even with all of the Japanese investigation team's eye witness accounts."

"I thought they would." Kira paused and looked up at the detective. "What would you do if they tried to get you to write in a death note?" L asked out of curiosity. A startled look graced Kira's features.

"Write my own name down… I know it is the cowards way out but…" Kira tapered off, looking down. L sighed heavily. Pondering for a long minute.

"Is that why you haven't tried to kill yourself since your detention in Japan? Because it is the cowards way?" Kira shook his head.

"No… I don't know how to explain it, and maybe I'm just making excuses to myself, but, I lost, I was wrong I tried to prove a theory and when that theory proved wrong, I lost and now I will pay the price. I knew that… at the beginning what ever befell me, I fully deserved. Whether it is good or bad. I thought it was justified in making a new world order. That is also the reason why I have not chosen to forget." He paused

"Whatever happens to me is my punishment." L set his cup down rather harshly causing Kira to involuntarily flinch.

"Yes you were wrong, very wrong. But there were other forces at play. It was a dangerous thing that note in your hands but it would have been dangerous in any one's case. Maybe not to the extent as you and your former ideologies, but perhaps just as deadly. You know that now, I think. It was a mistake; however wrong it was there is always the possibility for atonement. More and more I doubt my decision to let America have you." Kira laughed nervously.

"There is no atonement for what I have done L. I knew I was killing people, I was so terribly wrong. Lethal injection would have been to good for me, I deserve all that has happened to me in this last year." Kira looked up into wide black eyes trying to see into his soul. 'Are they looking to see if my words were the truth? It doesn't matter any more. Let him think me lying. I have nothing left to prove' thought the browbeaten Kira eyes shifting away sadly.

"I do not think you are lying Kira Kun." Kira's head snapped up.

"You know it's really unnerving when you do that."

"Sorry," L smiled sheepishly. They sat in comfortable silence, each thinking about the earlier shared words, processing them. L, in order to save his friend and Kira to see if he had given anything else away. He didn't know why he felt the uncontrollable desire to hide what happened at Fort Monmouth from L. He supposed it was his last vestiges of pride clinging to him in futility.

"You said you deserved what has happened to you in the last year, what else has occurred?" Kira looked up scowling for the first time at L's persistence. He sighed heavily and met the detective's eyes, with his own weary ones.

"They took a biopsy of my brain." The fork that had just delivered its sucrose based confection to L's parted lips now clattered back on to the plate.

"What?" Kira looked around nervously at L's behavior. Something that L noticed immediately.

"They took a biopsy?" L asked almost sounding afraid.

"Its not that big of a deal."

"Kira they took a chunk of gray matter from the head of a genius and you don't think that it was a big deal."

"I am not a genius, like… like you are. I simply had to think hard when I possessed the death note." He said, trying to calm the detective down. L stood from his seat going over towards Kira he knelt down next to the teen and started carding through his hair at the top. Kira tried to pull away but the detective pulled the head he was inspecting towards him. Finally finding the scar in a very dubious place.

"The temporal lobe?" The detective asked, with almost a tremor in his voice.

"Y..Yeah I think. Can I have my head back?" The detective released his head.

"They didn't shave your head, so we wouldn't notice when Watari would check up on you." The detective stated flatly. He sat back on his haunches in typical L posture. He chewed on his index finger nail. "Kira, have you experienced any seizures since it happened" He asked staring into Kira's eyes for the truth.

"L…"

"You did then?"

"Well yes, but you should remember that I've been on a cocktail of different types of drugs for close to a year now." L bit down hard on the nail he had been chewing, a small snap could be heard as he bit through it. They stared at each other for a moment when the door burst open.

"Ryuzaki, there's a man here that wants to see you! Hyde called him a suit. What's a suit?" A little girl said pouncing on the raven-haired detective. The little girl was a blur of brown curls and a green sundress. Kira instinctually stood and walked towards his room, eager to get away from the child.

This was no place for her.

"Bonnie, didn't I tell you not to come in here? You overloaded the lock again didn't you?" Big green eyes widened to look at L, her lip began to quiver.

"But but but…"

"Its ok, just go back to your room and wait for Miss Quinn. Kira, wait." Kira froze his hand on the door handle.

"Oh my god Bonnie! What are you doing in here! I told you not to come up here, get over here this instant." A tall blond woman entered, looking to be in her mid thirties. She had her hair in a high bun and looked every bit of the grade school teacher she probably was.

The little girl ambled over to the woman slowly. Tears shimmering in her eyes.

"Please don't be too hard on her Miss Quinn, I have a feeling that someone put her up to this."

"Yes L, I'm so sorry." She smiled sheepishly

"It is alright."

The woman ushered the child out of the room, on her way she met eyes with Kira and smiled warmly at the teen, before she disappeared through the door. ' Ok then, so she doesn't know' thought Kira, he shook his head 'of course she wouldn't know. She would never tolerate a monster in a house with children around.'

Miss Quinn stuck her head back in the door.

"There is a man here who says he is from The CIA? Would you like to meet him in the parlor or should I have him sent up."

"Please send him up."

"Yes" the woman nodded and then ushered the little girl out into the hall.

"Kira kun where-" L was interrupted by voices coming from the hallway.

"Excuse me?"

"Ah sorry."

"I told you to wait in the parlor."

"My apologies…"

"L will see you now he is right this way," the door opened again to a flush faced Miss Quinn.

"I'm sorry L but the man is here already, it seems he was too impatient. He **has** been through the necessary check points however."

"Let him in.". Lieutenant Nix entered the room, looking as plastic as ever.

"L, I apologize but it seems a few of the children here knew I wanted to see you so they led me up here."

"No need to explain." L stood and made his way towards the agent, he shook his hand. After all they were on L's turf and the detective demanded formalities.

"Is the prisoner ready to be moved?" L's eyebrow rose. He looked over to where Kira was standing. But stopped as he saw the teen frozen to his spot eyes wide with fear staring at the door in front of him.

"Kira? What is the matter?" This seemed to shake Kira out of it. He turned to the detective and started to walk towards him. L's eyes narrowed. This was Kira's mask. L never thought that Nix would take time to introduce himself to his captive, he was the type of person who would rather stand in the shadows. But now it appeared as if Kira knew the man.

"Nothing, I am fine." As the teen stepped into the other room, Nix's jaw clenched. L noted every detail that came with their interaction.

Nix walked over to Kira, and to L's shock placed a hand on the teen's head roughing up his hair slightly. The lieutenant smiled with warmth that never reached his eyes.

"Isn't this area a bit too open for you Kira?" The Lieutenant asked. Kira nodded. L's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"L, I must say that allowing the prisoner to be out in the open, able to do as he wishes is highly unadvisable." L who had been staring at his friend as if trying to figure him out, snapped his gaze back to the agent.

"I know Kira kun quite well, after all I am the one who captured him. I know exactly what he is capable of and whether or not he wishes to escape."

"Regardless, per the agreement you made with the CIA, it states that he must be locked up at all times. Especially with children around."

"He is, this room is quite secure you have nothing to worry about, except less than intelligent people leaving the door open when it is painfully obvious it is quite a secure door with numerous locks and alarm devices attached." The agent blushed as he looked behind him and closed the door. "As for the children, Kira is no threat to them, and they may even help in his reform."

"Ah sorry." The lieutenant's eyes narrowed as they fell upon Kira as his hand still rested on his head. L's demeanor completely changed as the man apologized, he smiled goofily up at the man.

"Don't worry about it lieutenant, how could you have known. Shall we make our way to the air port?"

"Ah, yes. First there are a few precautions that we will make." The agent kept glancing at Kira, who still looked down to the side.

"He must be bound, and this… tracking devise which must be worn at all times while he is in New York." L sighed heavily.

"Yes I have read the agreement also. Alright go ahead."

The agent pulled some chain from his wool over coat and motioned towards the down cast teen. He first cuffed his hands together. Then his feet. A chain linked the cuffs on his hand and feet together, effectively incapacitating him. The agent spared a glance at L before he spoke.

"Please take a seat Kira." L's eyes narrowed as he watched Kira awkwardly move to the sofa slowly and sit, the man bent over him and L noticed how Kira froze.

The agent placed a black cumbersome collar around Kira's neck and taking pliers from his coat pocket, he firmly secured the bolts into place. Once the collar was fixed onto Kira, the agent moved the heavy protruding box to the back of his neck making the collar less noticeable.

"Alright, we are done." The agent said pocketing the pliers again.

"L?" Kira asked looking up to the detectives eye level avoiding the lieutenants still.

"Yes Kira?"

"I think I will take that sedative anyways."

8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8::8

AN: going to Florida for two weeks. I will have computer access, but this story wont be my first priority… be back soon.


	5. Ma Non Troppo

I do not own death note. Oh yes, please don't bother telling me that Kira is OOC. Wait until the end of the story to decide that, ne?

sort of revised

* * *

Ma Non Troppo:

Not too much

* * *

Kira woke screaming. Reaching out into the darkness to strangle whatever demon haunted him moments before. He was covered with sweat from head to toe. But when his overly long nails felt no flesh give way, he relaxed. It was just a nightmare. He closed his eyes again and fell back down onto the pillow. Throwing his arm over his eyes and biting his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood.

L watched from a navy velvet armchair placed near the door. He had been busy typing away on his computer, but when the adolescent had begun to stir, he turned his calculating eyes on Kira. He paused for a moment before breaking Kira from his reverie.

"What was it about Kira kun?" Kira's arm flung down, punching the mattress before he put weight on it to help lift him back into a sitting position. His eyes searched the darkness, and L couldn't help but to compare him to a frightened deer that had just heard a gun shot.

His eyes fell on L and it seemed that his rational mind began to wake. Comprehension slowly filtering into his amber eyes.

He thought for a moment cocking his head to the side.

"I… don't remember." Kira's brow creased. L's eyes narrowed, he had thought that Kira's acting abilities would have diminished since his captivity, but he couldn't be sure. Usually having just woken from a dream one would retain at least some of the memories, he should remember something, a color a sense of the ambience. Dreams allways left you with something when you first wake up and especially one that had gripped him with such ferocity, only seconds ago.

"Surely you-"

"I don't remember L!" Kira interrupted, almost panicked himself. Clearly the physical affects of the dream still lingered.

"All right." L said returning to gaze at the computer screen unseeing.

"We are in America?" Light asked rubbing the goose bumps from his now cold arms, and looking shiftily about the large room.

"Yes." the detective didn't left his eyes to confirm it.

"Where is…"

"Nix? He is reporting to his superiors. I have sequestered him away from headquarters, you do not have to worry Kira kun." L said firmly. Typing gibberish on the keys to distract himself.

"I'm not worried." Kira snarled.

"Quite pugnacious this morning Kira kun…"

"Yes well I require coffee, if you would be so kind." No, Kira was not a morning person anymore. "What time is it?"

"Still a few hours from sunrise. Watari is preparing coffee for us as we speak." Kira sighed thankfully.

"Kira kun… If you would please explain your reaction to Lieutenant Nix. You seemed repulsed by his presence? How do you know of him?"

"He was… at the hospital quite often."

"Truly?" L's eyebrows raised.

"Yes." Kira said, wondering what was so surprising about it.

"It's just that Lieutenant Nix is not one to…dirty his hands." L returned his focuse to the laptop, scrolly down over the case file and sighing.

"Well it was more like he was just a face… an overseer" Kira pulled pulled the sheets off of him. He was freezing.

"I see, but still that does not merit the type of reaction you gave him."

"I guess he was just a reminder of… there." There was a long pause. There were many questions L still needed to ask but he had noticed that a caffeinated Kira was a much more agreeable Kira, so they waited in silence.

Kira stood and searched about for his somewhat clean clothes. He had a plastic garbage bag he had been using from the medical facility. But it was no where to be found.

"L… where are my clothes?"

"I've tossed those aweful rags out. It is being taken care of. You will have to wait a while longer before you can change."

Kira shrugged, but inside it stung. Even if it where a measly pair of scrubs and a grubby white t-shirt, they were the only things that he owned… that were his.

"Light, I would like to know more specifically what happened in the hospital where you were kept. It is imperative that I know." Kira looked up meeting L's eyes, when their eyes did meet Kira flinched slightly, something L did not fail to notice.

"I already told you." He said adamantly.

"Kira… that abbreviated version is hardly case enough. I can tell already that you suffered psychological trauma as well as physical. Those scars on your back and torso…"

"L…" Kira said warningly.

"No Kira, you must listen to me, it is quite obvious that what they have done to you is beyond your coping ability. Your denial to tell me the facts will only hurt you in the long run. You must tell me what has happened." Kira was saved from answering as Watari entered the room rolling in a shining silver tray laden with coffee, and all its accompaniments as well as muffins for L and a plate of bacon, eggs and toast for Kira.

When he spotted Kira awake he smiled. Kira almost wanted to look behind him, as if Watari were smiling at someone else. But his need for something hot liquid and full of stimulants won out and he rose from the bed, quickly making his way to the tray pouring himself a cup of the strong brilliantly made coffee, nearly guzzling the entire thing before refilling it and returning to his seat.

"Hello Kira kun." Watari stated amiably. Kira's eyebrow shot into his hairline. "If I remember, you take your eggs over easy. He placed the plate on the nightstand before attending to L's own breakfast.

"Uhh, yeah." He had seen Watari a few times in the hospital when Watari made sure that the agreement that L and the American government had, was not being breached."

"L, I talked to doctor Savage, as did Miss Penelope. They both agree that Kira must go into a hospital for tests that can not be run here." L sighed.

"I suspected as much, all right, make an appointment if you would Watari."

"Yes L." Watari departed wheeling the near soundless tray out with him.

"Isn't it a bit early for breakfast?"

"Ah, Watari knew that we would still be on Cambridge time."

"Oh." Light dismissed, as if it hardly concerned him.

"So…" L said shutting his laptop with a sense of finality before raising wide owl like eyes in expectancy towards Light.

"So what?"

"Please don't act naive Kira kun. Its unbecoming of you." Kira snorted at L's comment.

"Listen, they kept me hopped up on so many drugs that I couldn't remember the color of the sky all right? And when I wasn't pumped full of drugs I was nose deep in books and studying. More importantly what was that about a doctor?" L's eyes widened at Light's aversion but he let it go.

"Yes well, several tests must be run to assure that you are in good health. And to make sure that your brain biopsy hadn't done any damage." L said, watching Kira like a hawk.

"Do you really think that it did?"

"Well your seizures indicate that something is wrong. True I do not have a list of medications that were given to you. But I want it checked out anyway." Kira guzzled down the rest of his coffee and helped himself to his third. This time adding a splash of cream. Even though the Kenyan beans hardly needed any alterations to taste.

"Kira has a voracious appetite for coffee."

"Yeah well, it was one of the things that they had no problem giving to me. It was often time a reward of sorts."

"A reward?"

"Yes well, if I was 'well behaved' or if I scored high on a test."

"No doubt it's addictive qualities were the drive behind liberally plying you with it. Giving you some incentive..." but Kira was basically ignoreing him as he cradled the over-sized mug in his hands as if in some sort of communion.

"Yeah… what ever." L sighed heavily.

"Would you like a tour of where we will be working?" Kira looked around his accommodations for the first time since he woke. He was unsurprised to see it was lavishly furnished with a huge Victorian, mahogany dresser against the far wall. A Victorian lamp on the bed stand. Kira had no doubt that they were antiques, and strongly suspected that L got his tastes from Watari. Then his eyes settled on the bed. It was… a king, black coverlet and tan sheets. A very familiar bed indeed.

"You have got to be kidding me!" L knew what it was about before he even looked up from his blueberry muffin.

"What better way to keep an eye on you than to be room mates. It's not as if we haven't dealt with it before."

"But L-"

"Kira would you rather stay in your own room? Barely furnished, locked in every night? Just like your cell at Monmouth"

"I'll still be locked in here wont I?"

"Yes, but you wont be alone. Besides I must gather data on you to present a firm case as to why you should not return to the CIA. Also, this way there aren't any camera's watching your every move. I would think that would be a relief." The truth was, that he just didn't want Kira to go killing him self in the middle of the night. That would be counter productive.

"You are a liar." Kira said eyeing the detective critically.

"Perhaps, but I thought it would be a lie that you might want to believe." L's mouth turned up into that infuriating impish grin, but Kira found himself smirking back. The truth for him was that he would value feeling another presence there at night. He knew he had always been watched in Monmouth, but he was left alone, sometimes for weeks

"What ever."

"So eloquent as well, this morning Kira kun."

* * *

It had felt good to fall into the familiar banter that he and L had shared the year prior. It felt amazingly good. Almost human. Kira had only eaten an adequate amount of the breakfast, but L didn't remark on it, no need to fuss just yet. Even though Kira was woefully underweight, it would just be a fruitless argument.

L had allowed him to shower, and it was amazing. Kira hadn't realized how much he missed being able to control the temperature of his own shower. He ran it scolding hot if for no other reason than he could, and he spent a ridiculous long time washing his hair with the exact brand of shampoo that he favored most. The exact brand he had been denied for a year. He almost laughed at himself as he enjoyed the soapy scent. He could kiss Watari for buying it. Or not.

L had asked that the bathroom door remain open, and surprisingly Kira had obliged, probably for the same reason L had not remarked on his eating habits.

When he was finally ready, changing back into his scrubs pants and top. L couldn't help exclaim his surprise.

"You didn't look into the mirror Kira kun." Kira looked at his wide black eyes in question. "I thought that since you had taken such a long shower that the vanity you displayed a year ago had at least not left you from your prior life" L clarified.

Kira nodded.

"Oh…well it doesn't really matter anymore does it? Were you watching that closely?" Kira asked shaking his head, but not expecting an answer. He now waited for L to rise and give him the grand tour.

L let it pass, and rose into his familiar slouch making his way for the door.

"Oh yes Kira kun. Lieutenant Nix will be visiting today so to assuage his fears I think we should don these." L pulled a very familiar set of handcuffs and chain from his pocket.

Kira stared at them blankly before sticking out his wrist to allow himself to be tethered to the detective.

"No qualms?"

"No…" This was a completely different Kira after all. L was almost inspired to pull out a notebook from his pocket and take notes on Kira's new behaviors.

L opened the door and the two made there way out. Kira noticed that he and L were standing on a wrought iron terrace over looking a huge open two-story apartment. He looked down at the floor's layout and saw a living room directly below them and a dining room kitty corner to that. The far wall was entirely window, from ceiling to floor, and considering that the ceiling was a story above them, that made for a lot of glass.

They could see the sun rising and Kira stopped dead in his tracks watching the red glowing orb from across the apartment. L noticed Kira's fascination and his mind quickly found Kira's reasoning. This was perhaps the first sunrise Kira had seen in a year. L made a quick decision and started to descend the stairs.

At first Kira was reluctant to follow, not taking his eyes from the beautiful sight of the sun rising over a New York skyline, but they descended the stairs and walked briskly through the living area furnished with plush green sued couches and a very large TV. Then made their way through the tastefully and equally soft hued kitchen, done in hazy jades and creams, over to a set of see through doors.

It was a terrace. He could go outside! He followed L into the cool, breezy, morning air and his lungs shuddered as they took their first chilly lungful of air in. It smelled so wonderful, and the sky, he could cry for how much of it was visible to him. He felt his knees weaken, he spotted a set of patio furniture and made his way to it, gingerly sitting while his eyes never left the sun and the pink colored cirro-stratus clouds that had always reminded him of god's ribs when he was a child.

L watched Kira sadly, witnessing his every move. After a long moment he stepped forward and climbed up onto the opposite chair. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He noted the wetness in Kira's eyes as he gazed at the sky.

"You can smoke, when you need to, out here, but I highly advise you to quite. There is no where to smoke on the investigation floor, and coming up here for a fix will be time consuming… besides it is very bad for your health."

"Mmhmm." Kira affirmed, but he wasn't really listening as his eyes fell from the clouds onto the mentholated brand before him. He didn't smoke menthols usually, he only smoked what ever the guards bought him, but he wasn't about to complain. He only pounded the pack once to pack the tobacco and then he unwrapped them and extracted one, Lighting it with difficulty due to the wind.

"I take it you haven't been outside in a while?"

"You could say that." They sat in silence enjoying the clean air and blue sky. Kira inspected the cherry of the cigarette a moment before he found the courage to ask what he had wanted to know since his fake execution.

"L… What happened to Missa?" L visibly stiffened and right then Kira knew. She was dead. Either from an execution or her shortened life span.

A pang of guilt hit him, and he mourned for her.

"She was executed by lethal injection." L said lowering his head, and letting his bangs cover the emotions that permeated his eyes.

"Why…" Kira asked, his breath beginning to choke him. "Why was she killed and I spared?"

"I could do nothing for her, The CIA had no use for her and they demanded her death. I'm sorry, but it was beyond my control." Kira shed no tears.

"But…"

"I could do nothing Kira. If I could have… I would have." Kira stared at the somber L and knew it to be the truth. Kira finally nodded. He put the cigarette out into a stone ashtray that L provided and stared at the detective, as if he was awaiting orders.

L stood and led him back into the apartment. He showed him the bathroom and the kitchen featuring a huge refrigerator stocked up on every type of sweet imaginable and other various non-sweet items. There were other doors that L didn't bother explaining and Kira felt no need to know their contents.

Finally they approached the elevator. L told him that they were on the top three floors and that they were closed off to the rest of the tenants. A special code had to be entered to work the elevators on both ends, as well as an eye scan to get onto the top three floors.

Light was barely surprised at the fact that L had use of three floors of a New York apartment building. Nonetheless, it had to have been insanely pricey.

When they finally reached the floor above them, they stepped out into a dark hall. Kira followed L down the hall and into a huge dark room. The opposite wall had a gigantic computer terminal much like the one in the Kira investigation building. Off to the left he saw a cubicle Very well lit and surrounded by glass. He could see all the equiptment that he had been required to learn how to use. Or at least have a basic knowledge of.

"You have a scanning electron microscope, and a you have a Gene Track?" L nodded seemingly bored.

"They have been keeping you busy Kira kun."

Kira stood back, clearly admiring the equiptment.

"It's nothing special Kira kun. Only the basics. But the NYPD has agreed to help us in the forensic department of course."

"You have a liquid handler and you call these basics?"

"Well of course. That is a very basic instrument to have for DNA identification…" L said waving off the lab. He made his way over towards the computer terminals; Kira reluctantly followed gazing at the equiptment. He had never been allowed to actually use any machinery only study manuals and guides.

L pulled out a computer chair and gestured Kira to sit. Once seated L spun him around to face a blank wall. Kira smirked.

"Am I to sit in the corner and contemplate my malefactions?" L looked at him sternly and walked over to the wall. He touched the wall in the lower left hand corner and the entire wall sprang to life. It was a giant touch sensitive computer screen. Kira couldn't help being impressed.

"This is a map of New York. Depicting where all the bodies had been found. Each red dot you see here, are locations. Each dot is numbered in order from when they were killed. If you touch your screen before you, you will see a copy of this screen." Kira complied and the screen lit up he watched it as L touched the red dot labeled 01.

A file popped up. It was the complete forensic file of the first victim. A dark Hispanic woman in her early twenties smiled up at him from the file.

"This is Vinita Katz. Found on March 7th of this year. You will find in this file all of the information that the NYPD has gathered from her life until death, including the forensic report and coronary report. Each victim has been categorized as such." Kira looked at the masses ofvictims. The murderer had been at work,Kira had learned that most deaths caused by a serial killer were kept quiet in the media, pending on the situation the victim was found in and the family's wishes. Kira had no doubt that the public only thought there were a few deaths, compared to in actuallity. He wondered if that was unfair to the public. He knew that **he** would be much more careful out on the streets if he knew there were 40 victims as opposed to 18.

"Helllooooo" a Strong female voice echoed through the large room Kira and L both spun in the direction of the doors. It was Wedy strutting in, dressed with New York cunning and swinging four large department store bags.

"So sleeping beauty has awakened." Wedy stated, as she scrutinized Kira, showing neither contempt nor disdain, but neither approval. She plopped in a chair next to Kira, who instinctively backed away. Her unimpeded gaze never left Kira, he felt like a bug under that very electron microscope on the other side of the room.

"I got what you asked for L." She stated as Kira tore his eyes away from her own penetrating one. It seemed she wanted to throw down a gauntlet of some sort, but he just looked on and smirked. "They did a number on you huh? And got you a pretty collar too. Won't even force eye contact like the obedient pup you are."

His head snapped up to look into her eyes. His eyes shot over to L who just shrugged. There was an awekward pause as Wedy and L awaited the snarky comment that Kira was supposed to reply with. To L's disappointment and Wedy's surprise, there was none.

"Call it woman's intuiting." She finnaly said,she stood and tookeher eyes from his form. Kira let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding.

"Well I'm going to pick up Fitz from the airport, so you owe me for that. Oh yeah and there is a stiff upstairs, Watari is trying to keep him occupied. I really don't like the idea of The CIA knowing where we are."

"Neither do I, but for the moment we will have to deal with it. You have my thanks Wedy."

"Narcissus better like what I picked for him. It's not everyday I actually shop for some one else. If I remember what he usually wore, then he should find it acceptable."

"Yes I am sure he will."

"Alright well I'm off, see you later Kira, I really don't trust you, but L's the boss. Don't make me right. Ciao."

And with that she was gone, taking the whirl of chaos with her as she went. Kira stared down at the bags in question.

"It is some clothes, I thought you would like to wear something other that those scrubs."

"Oh…"

"Perhaps you would like to change here before we go meet with Nix?"

"S-sure." L pointed at the bathroom and placed his back against the wall next to the door and waited for Kira to change.

"Kira kun, you must know that Wedy is just over protective of me, we have been working together for quite sometime, 10 years to be exact."

"It's fine." Came the emotionless reply from the bathroom. There was a tug on the chain and L dutiffuly unlocked his end.

"Aiber will no doubt be the same."

"They will both be working on the case?"

"Yes... well they are at my disposal if need be. They are not needed in the case right now, but I have offered them room and board. Also the young man that Wedy referred to as Fitz is another one of my employees."

"Oh yeah?" But Kira didn't sound like he was interested at all.

"Yes, he is a world class hacker and I believe that who ever we are dealing with,also has such capabilities."

"The murderer?" Kira asked his interest piqued.

"Yes. Every case when there should have been videos accessible of the assailant either arriving or departing the scene of the crime, He has either some how obtained the video footage or hacked into computers to erase the data. Even the cameras that the city of New York has installed to stop street crime have been hacked into.

"So he is good enough togetinto the department of transportation…"

"Yes, and I believe that some one of that caliber will be able to be traced by Fritz. Only he can do that kind of work."

"I see." Kira said stepping out of the bathroom. He wore a navy tank and black yoga pants. It was something that L and Wedy had agreed on, not yet ready to give him sturdy fabric, until his mental state could be more defined.

"But surely you will be cold with only a tank top. It is a chilly September this year." L pointed out. Kira just shrugged, saying that he was always hot anyway.

Another interesting fact that L added to the list, L secured the cuff.

They made their way upstairs to meet with Nix. Kira's slight trembling in the elevator did not go unnoticed by L.

When they reached the lower floor the door opened with the noise of Wedy shouting at some one.

"…clearly fucked up and malnourished. What right do you people have butting your noses where they don't belong any way, If you were smart enough you wouldn't need L but he is here helping you people, so you better…" Nix spotted L and sighed thankfully.

"Thank god L, would you please call of your harpy?" Wedy snarled grabbing her jacket and walked onto the elevator practically punching the buttons. The dark haired ken just watched her with amusement.

"I'll be back in a few hours, tell Aiber to wait for me please?" She directed at Watari who was trying to hide a smile. He nodded.

"Lieutenant Nix, How can I help you?" Kira was a frozen statue next to L. He had the impression the Kira would very much like to gnaw off his wrist with the cuff tethering him to L to get away from the lieutenant.

"I am here to check up on the prisoner and make sure that the security is acceptable." Nix walked over towards Kira who didn't budge nor meet Nix's eye.

But Nix ignored this and placed his hand on Kira's shoulder.

"Have you been behaving yourself?"

"Yes sir." The sight of the interaction sickened L.

"L if he starts to get bossy or uppity, I suggest you call me. Usually that means he is planning something. He may need a reminder of what he is."

There was the sound of metal clanging out through the apartment. L tore his seething eyes away from Nix to look at Watari who apologized, quickly picking up the silver candle holder that he had knocked over.

"Yes, well he has been quite fine while in my care, perhaps if you treated him more as a human…" The lieutenant laughed then and L had never wanted anything more than to punch this man in the face. It was strange this feeling of protectiveness over Kira, but L decided that it was only human to feel such.

"If that is all?" L forced his voice to remain civil.

Nix quirked an eyebrow.

"Yes, I suppose." He patted Kira's head as he walked past him and into the elevator. The blank look that adorned Kira's facesent chills down L's spine. L couldn't help feeling that there was more to this interaction than met the eye. And he fully intended to find out what it was.

When the elevator dinged closed, L spun to Kira.

"What, may I ask, was that Kira kun?"

"What are you talking about?" Kira scowled and made his way towards the coffee pot. He stared at it fora moment as if willing it to spring into life and produce Watari quality java, before he shakily extracted the pot and filled it with water.

"What went on between you two? That is to say, why do you completely shut down whilst in his presence, _and call him sir_?"

"Well he is superior to me after all, and I don't shut down." L was getting frustrated and so was Kira for that matter, as he struggled to remove the filter from the pot. Watari took pity on Kira, either that or he didn't want to go buy a brand new coffee pot and shooed Kira away from the kitchen as he prepared some coffee.

Kira looked extremely grateful and Watari nodded indifferently.

L grabbed Kira's shoulders to draw the young man away from his intense focus on the now gurgling machine. He certainly didn't expect, Kira to flinch. And he definitely didn't see the right hook sent his way either.

L fell back wards, thankfully landing on the plush sage carpet, and pulling Kira forward violently as well.

L shrugged it off and poised his leg to send the teen flying in the other direction but when he saw Kira's face, he stopped.

Kira was staring down at L In utter horror. His fists clenched at his sides. His mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. Watari sprung into action and led/carried Kira over to the dining room table. He sat him in one of the tall backed chairs. L stood in front of him his eyes wide.

"He is having a flash back, I think. Will you be all right?" Watari turned to L as he asked.

"Yes, I am quite fine, I am more worried about him." Stated L, eyes wide.

"Kira? L would you go get a glass of water?" Watari asked as he knelt in front of the trembling teen. L nodded his head, already freeing himself from the chain,and left the room. As soon as he was out of sight the light came back into Kira's eyes.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to, I was just frustrated and I acted without thinking. I'm sorry…" Kira began to babble, full of remorse. Even though he seemed to be out of the flash back, he was still shaking violently and he wrapped his arms around his chest. "I'm fine, there is nothing wrong."

L had reentered the dining room to hear those words. They sounded very familiar.

He made his way over to the adolescent and sat in a chair next to him.

When it was clear that Kira was somewhat back to normal, Watari left to prepare the coffee that he knew would help tosoothe.

L sat awkwardly for a moment studying his white knuckles placed over his knees. Neither knew what to say until Kira broke the silence.

"I'm sorry L." L was a little nauseated at the apology. Kira had nothing to apologize about, but it went unvoiced to become leverage for information.

"Kira I want you to tell me everything that you remember, about that place and lieutenant Nix." Kira visibly stiffened. He then turned his eyes on L. What L saw almost scared him. They were a live with warring emotions. It seemed as if Kira was deciding whether to be mad, or grateful or even frightened. They looked like a madman's eyes.

Finally it seemed that his mind had been made up to bare silent rage.

"I was broke L. Is that what you want to know? Like you would break a wild horse or vicious beast. I was…tamed." He spat bitterly. L sat for a moment in silence. Even the smartest detective was speechless to information like that. He knew that if he said something wrong, that… something terrible could happen.

Not to mention, he still had a theory to work out and Kira needed to be stable enough to confirm it. He finally found the nerve to speak up.

"And lieutenant Nix?"

"Is nothing more than an ugly reminder." Kira bit out. Watari approached them and set a large cup before Kira and a slice of tuxedo cheesecake for L. Kira still looked angry but more than anything, he looked tired. His experience had to have been hard for him. Especially on such a fragile and arrogant psyche such as Kira's.

He was no doctor, but he knew of one that could help him. After all, she had helped him with his PTSD.


	6. Misterioso

2 new chars. Much needed plot devices. Not to worry, the focus shall now and forever be on my beloved geniuses.

Well not mine, no, no death note is not mine, and I do not claim anything...not what your thinking. I DO NOT OWN DEATH NOTE, please don't sue me!

* * *

Despite the earlier disaster of the morning, Kira quickly recovered after nearly two pots of strong black coffee. L marveled at how fast the other could slam the stuff down. And he didn't seem wired at all. In fact, he almost seemed drowsy. 

They went down stairs, Kira thankful that L had at least paused in his questioning for the moment. L idly typed away at his computer, hunched over the keyboard, occasionally glancing over at Kira. Each time he did, L's eyes would get a little wider.

Kira was pounding on the keys mercilessly. All ready he had input all the data on the murders into a program to study, any similarities. Whether it was if they ever went to the same coffee stand in the month preceding their death or whether they had hung up on the same telemarketer. His attention to detail was astounding and his work ethic… well, L thought it was a little scary.

But pretty soon they were getting leads and a steady banter rose up from the two. Almost exactly like how it was a year before. Around seven, right after Watari took their dinner plates away, (Watari showing L Kira's untouched pot roast and vegetables while still Kira pounded away, Ignorant of the annoyed/worried glances of the other men in the room.) The elevator dinged open.

"It's the room right over there, see?" the steady timbre of Aiber boomed out. A streak of neon green blurred through the room. A squeak of "Hey L" being the only evidence that the lightning fast apparition was corporeal.

Kira blinked. Aiber cruised in as smooth and debonair as ever followed by a sleek Wedy, still dressed to the hills, and a short middle aged woman with a mass of long curly black hair and a round frame, she wasn't fat, but middle age had bore its sign upon her body.

"Hello L," The woman greeted cheerily. She strolled into the room making her way over to the duo. Her eyes hazel eyes turned to Kira and her smile widened. The action seemed deranged to Kira.

"You must be Kira I presume." She stuck out her hand. Kira stared at it a moment his brain faltering. 'Oh…right….people in the west… handshake…hand. He took her hand. It was surprisingly warm but dry. "I am your new doctor, well I'm pretty much the doctor to everyone here, everyone calls me Pen, it's short for Penelope. I believe we have an appointment?" Kira turned his head towards L who sheepishly turned away.

"I may have forgotten to mention that he would have a doctor's appointment today." Kira's brow furrowed. Pen turned to L.

"I really don't like ambushing my patients L." she chastised. He gave her a lopsided grin.

"Today has been a bit stressful for Kira kun, I didn't want to add on to that stress." L retorted to the stern gazes he was receiving from both Pen and Kira.

"All right well I'll be in my office, you two come up when ever you're ready. Oh and L, Wedy is a bit testy, just a warning." She clasped both their shoulders before she waved goodbye to the others.

Aiber and Wedy, Kira and L had noticed were talking quietly while the doctor introduced herself. Kira's face flushed as he noticed both of them staring at him. He quickly turned back to the screen he had moments before been so absorbed in.

"Aiber, Wedy, do you have anything in particular you would like to say to Kira?" L asked turning back to his own screen.

"Yes actually I was thinking that Kira kun's hair has gotten long, perhaps he would like me to cut it for him?" Aiber said with a thick brogue that Kira had never before heard on the man. He gestured at Kira's hair as he started towards him. Kira blushed.

"He is actually pretty good with hair. Even though I wouldn't let him touch mine with a ten foot pole. But I think you should keep it long." Smirked Wedy as she made her way to the computer chair next to him. She sat and began to spin, keeping her eyes spotted to Kira's own.

Was he really having this conversation with these people? Perhaps a scarlet K pinned to his chest, was in order.

The computer in front of Kira let off a soft beeping noise. A window popped up on the desktop that said 'JUST SAY NO' He turned to L who was smirking at Kira's screen, hands on his knees.

"Thank you but I think I will keep it like this." Kira forced a smile, not one of his better he had to admit but convincing enough, or at least they played along.

"All right, but don't blame me when Wedy starts playing with your hair non stop. She loves long hair on guys."

"Hmph." She folded her arms, then stood and headed towards the Elevator.

"Oh come on I was joking." Aiber said following her, but not before roughing up Kira's hair, much like Nix had done only a few hours before. L watched Kira's face as he waved bye to the two ex felons. It was only a brief moment of visible shock. Then he smiled.

"What are you thinking Kira kun?"

"What, you mean you can't tell?"

"I was just thinking…" but then Kira's face did fall. "That they are trying to break the ice. I used to know how, but now I'm not so sure any more." Kira clammed up rather quickly as he realized that the message on his screen didn't come from L, meaning that it came from Fitz, meaning that he could hear their conversation.

Another line popped up on Fitz's window.

'I'm Fitz by the way' a little graffiti style figure of a rat in a bright yellow vest popped out and waved at him.

'Nice to meet you' a third and different font showed up on the screen.

'Fitz, don't you think it more appropriate to come out and meet Kira face to face?'

'I'm not a face to face person, you now that L.'

'Maybe not, but Kira is.' The door that the blur had earlier dissaperated into, slowly opened and a fried blond head of hair popped out. He opened the door further and made his way over to L. Shuffling his feet.

Through the screen, Kira had thought the boy brazen. But in real life he looked awkward and shy. His hair was long in the front to cover half his face, but short behind. If Kira had been in the real world the last year, he would know that Fitz's hair was now quite popular amongst the young, but he hadn't been so Kira's first impression was that the kid was an eccentric.

"Fitz" the boy, who looked no older than 16 stuck his hand out cautiously.

"Kira." He said holding his hand out and shaking the boy's hand.

"Can I go now?" He whined at L.

"Yes. You have your orders for the department of motor vehicles and the public transit security footage?" The teen nodded his head meekly. He really was shy. "All right then. Shall we go upstairs then Kira kun?"

Kira felt like he had been plunged into an Icy bath, was this a dream? what a strange dream if it was. All these people who supposedly know of my past… walking around like... like I'm simply a kleptomaniac or something.

Like all he had done was lift some manga. It made Kira feel worse than a monster. It made him feel like a patronized and pitiful waste of space. Mu would have been too good. Ceasing to exist, no thought, no will, no Kira, no nothing. Just a rotting corpse that no longer housed any consciousness, and the faded memory of the mass murderer and monster in the mind of others.

"Kira is there something wrong?"

"Huh? Oh no." Kira stood and waited for L to lead the way upstairs. He didn't know what to expect from 'Dr. Pen' but he had a feeling that the short reprieve he had taken from his crap filled morning, would not be enough.

* * *

"L if you don't mind." 

"No, not at all Pen. Please continue." L said graciously unlocking the cuffs. He made his way towards the door. "I'll be right out side if I am at all needed. And Kira, Pen is a medical genius. If she had specialized in a field, she would most definitely be top in the country. So don't give her a hard time." Kira raised his eyebrow. L had owlish eyes at the moment, as if he knew exactly what was about to happen in this yet to be toured infirmary.

It struck Light that L In fact looked a bit omnipotent. He easily guessed the reason why, no doubt that the room was under surveillance.

"Kira, please have a seat." The blank faced man sat on the examination table. His demeanor giving nothing away, it was obviously a trained response to stress and tension.

"Kira…." The woman started, seated behind her desk now wearing a white lab coat and glasses. Looking every bit of the doctor she was. She shuffled some papers around and pulled a file from a pile that sat atop her desk.

"I'm having you sent in tomorrow for an MRI, but I want you to tell me about these seizures you've had." She stood with the chart and made her way over to Kira.

"Ma'am, I can't really explain the seizures. Every time I've had one, I was on some type of drug. That's why I told L that it may not be from the biopsy.."

"Right, right. But there is still a chance that it could have been caused by a botched job, oh and call me ma'am again and I'll give you a prostate exam."

"S-sorry. " Kira stuttered. She patted his knee and smiled. But Kira being the aficionado on fake smiles could spot one from a mile away.

"'S all right. Now, how did you get those scars on your abdomen and back."

"I don't remember."

"All right, then what do you remember?"

"Well the wounds… I just woke up with them one day. I was in a different cell, restrained and my torso was bandaged. They felt no need to explain what had happened.

"What about this Nix character? How did he play into it all?" She asked jotting down a few notes, which Kira might have given his left foot to read.

"He… He is also a bit vague in my memories from there. But…" there was pause. "I suppose there is no such thing as Dr./Patient confidentiality with L involved, is there." The doctor smiled.

"I'm afraid that even if L were trying to keep his nose out of this, he would still end up figuring it out. But no I am afraid not. Surely _you_ didn't expect any preferential treatment."

"No. Of course not. Its just, I'd like to know whose ears are listening…. Well, Lieutenant Nix, was somewhat the disciplinarian at the hospital. A few months ago I was in a bad way. I didn't know up from down. And all I ever felt was pain, and a vague awareness I was drooling all the time. I made some noise, fighting with the guards then, Nix was the man who reeducated me on the matter."

"What did he do?"

"Took away privileges for a few months, and put me in solitary. I was always being tested on so they couldn't keep me in there very long." he stated firmly and with a sense of detachment.

"What Kind of privileges did you have?" She looked to be asking more out of curiosity. He looked into her eyes and found them disconcerting. It seemed he had mistaken them for being warm when in fact they were filled with fire.

"Books on criminal science and theory, that sort of thing. Coffee. Cigarettes."

"Oh yes, I've been informed that you smoke. You should really quite, its very bad for your health. And judging by the climate control they kept you under, your need for cool temperatures as well as the lowered immune system from smoking puts you at risk for chronic bronchitis." Kira only nodded. There was a pregnant pause as the doctor observed Kira.

"You believe in some higher power don't you Kira?" He looked up at her startled as she scratched her pen on the bridge of her nose.

"No." He said, almost scandalized.

"Sure you do, deep down inside, you are testing god or what ever deity there is out there to smite you with lung cancer, etc. etc..."

"No I'm-"

"You think that since you challenged his or her throne, that it is what you have coming. And now you hope for it. I wonder if you hoped for it, the very moment you began using the death note?"

"That's a load of presumptuous bull shit!"

"Is it?" She sighed turning from Kira towards the sink. She put on a pair of latex gloves. All right, I will begin the physical now. Please change into the dressing gown at the head of the table. I won't peak." Kira tore off his shirt sneering at the woman. Who did this bitch think she was?

"Ready? Good, now face the table and place your palms flat. Bend over slightly."

"B-but you said…"

"I lied."

* * *

L had a headset on and he was sitting in the living room with the others who had all gathered around him for information. He was multitasking listening in on the Dr.'s examination, and also those of his fellows around him. 

Aiber threw himself into the plush lazy boy.

"Well?"

"He is evasive, fidgety, experiences nightmares, and he had undergone a brain biopsy."

"So it could lean either way. I say we get the hell out of dodge and hide him away in a small dark room in the Philippines or something. I don't see why we need him. I mean we already have one power genius. And this one may be irreparable anyway." Wedy said inspecting her flawless nails.

"Light Yagami was an exceptional mind rivaling my own. I dare say almost exceeding it. At least he was when he thirsted for power from the notebook. He was also my first real friend, with whom I could hold a conversation with and not have to tone down the caliber of intelligent speach."

"Well we may not be as smart as you, but we are friends right L?" Asked Aiber flashing a million dollar smile.

"So says the con-man who pulled a billion dollar scam over without a hitch, and who now receives a decent salary from my pocket book." L said dully. Aiber shifted and swallowed, sending an annoyed look L's way.

"Why do you call him Kira still?" Spoke the small voice from an invisible baggy clad teen sitting away from the group at the end of the couch.

"I told him when we first brought him stateside, that Light Yagami didn't exist any more, that he could never again ask about his home or family, as he had sacrificed it to become Kira. If he wanted to be Kira: god of the new world, then he could be. I let him have that mourned and loathed title so that he would never forget. And also I keep the japanese suffix kun, because it's another small reminder of what he left behind."

"Well your the boss, as long as you know how big of a risk this is..." Wedy said tapping on Aiber's shoulder.

"More importantly, you're off the line with Cambridge? Everything secure?" L asked Aiber, taking his eyes off the cherry wood door for only a moment.

"Yes. The kids are all safe and tucked in." Aiber nodded.

"Good, I have a feeling Nix will make his move shortly. I know that his plan is fast in fruition. I can tell by that smug look of accomplishment." L's face turned sour, His wide black eyes planted on the closed door before him.

"That guy is a prick, how in the world did you ever find the time to root in the muck and pick up that personality?" Aiber said pulling out his nail file, which was quickly snatched away by Wedy. She perched on the arm of the lazy boy filing away at her thumbnail.

"He was one of the people I met on my first and last case as an American citizen. He was less sure of himself back then. The spine he is sporting now is nothing more than the stick up his ass." L hissed holding the earphones down tight.

Wedy dropped the nail file and it clattered to the floor, a very surprised grin plastered its way across Aiber's face, and Fitz giggled.

"L really doesn't like that guy huh?" Fitz asked, loving when L was uncouth.

"No Fitz, I do not. Steele your selves, they are almost finished." Fitz rose immediately, he fidgeted in his spot.

"Yes Fitz you may leave."

"Thanks." He said breathlessly before bolting toward the elevator.

"Hang on sport, don't close that door yet. I'm coming with you, I want you to take a look at the knew sonic ear I got and see if you can spice it up." Wedy said, standing and making her way towards the elevator as well.

"You want me gone?" L nodded at Aiber. "As you wish." he bowed.

Only L remained, hiding the headset, as the door opened and a rather cantankerous Kira appeared with a smiling Pen.

"He may be a little sick tonight, I took some blood and started him on a flash antibiotic treatment because I'm a bit worried about his lungs. I want him on vitamins day and night. Other than that he seems to be in good physical shape, aside from the atrocious malnutrition, I suspect they were feeding him cardboard. You have to keep an eye on his diet." Watari was also in the room now listening to the good doctor's recommendations for diet.

"Also, he needs exercise. I can't stress this enough. The atrophy due to no exercrise and malnutrition is appalling. But physically? It can all be fixed, mentally however…"

Kira felt like swinging fists in every direction. He felt small, undermined and weak. He was being treated like a child. Yet even with all the rage, He felt listless, dull and tired. He just wanted sleep. Or to drink some coffee, smoke a cigarette, or even get to work on the case.

He unconsciously moved towards the windows numbly. The day was at the very end of twighlight. He absorbed the last minutes of light from a sun that was fast receding on the opposite side of the building.

He wanted to go to Aoarashi Park and watch the old people feed the koi. He wanted to smell the waffle vendors across from campus and the tantalizing smell of the rain on asphalt. To feel the warmth of the sun, as a cool breeze would reward you with your dedication to the daytime deity.

He knew he would never again see that park, or its blossoming cherry trees, or its brilliant red maple leaves. And he once again immersed himself in the bittersweetness of his own self-pity, quickly accompanied by self-loathing.

He didn't notice the two watching his far away vacant stare, until L was standing beside him and they were alone.

"You are foolish L."

"Why do you say that?"

"You should have had me killed. You should have let that doctor do his job and administer the right drugs." Kira stated, staring straight ahead.

"Ah, so now you are resigned to die?"

"You never listen do you? I was resigned to die the first time I realized the death note was real. I am afraid that…" Kira looked down at his hands.

"What is it Kira."

"That I might be capable of such again."

"Yes, I agree with you. You are very capable to fall back into the exotic power of the death note. However, I will not let you. It is as simple as that. You are now under my thumb Kira. You are a tool. It is clear to me, that you do not understand the value of a mind such as your own. But The american government and my insistence on keeping you alive should be proof enough."

"What is its value L? Surely with the number of brilliant minds you surround yourself with, my addition would be of no matter."

"I don't believe that. You are my friend Kira; you were simultaneously my best friend and worst enemy. And I do not know about you but, when I declare some one is my friend I mean it. And if that means saving him from himself, then so be it. You underestimate your own will Kira. You have chosen not to forget about the death note, and you still resist it."

"Can I resist it L? I said that before, but after seeing all those people, there bodies dotted out about this giant city, I can't help but think if only I had kept the note, I could have prevented those deaths. If I had the death note in my grasp…" he paused holding up his hands as if holding some invisible nightmare.

"If you had the Death Note you would kill me." Kira spun on the spot looking into L's eyes as if he had just been given an important piece to a puzzle.

"I think that yes… maybe… I don't know! You should have killed me."

"Where is the justice in that?"

"Maybe not, but I would no longer be a risk. As long as I'm alive I will be a risk to you. And no matter how tight these chains are, or how well the security system is. At one point, I will have the opportunity. To escape, to fall back into myself, to kill."

"Well then I can only hope that before that time comes I can change your mind enough to choose life over death." L said impishly grinning through his bangs at the ex murderer, Kira returned with a shaky smile, looking into the detectives eyes. And besides, you're underestimating my security. Shall we get to work?"

* * *

Kira opened his eyes to darkness, which was unusual for this time of day. He was so freaking cold, if that damn Miller didn't turn up the heat, Kira was sure more than his hands and feet would be numb. On top of that, the last round of drugs they had given him had royally screwed him up.

He could barely lift his head. And yesterdays counseling had left him with a bitter taste in his mouth. Why the hell did they want to know so much about L? Were they stupid? L wouldn't tell him anything about himself, especially not while he suspected him of being the mass murderer he was.

The door opened in front of him and his muscles clenched. It was never a good sign if they were coming in while the lights were still off.

He tried to look up but all he could make out was an awkward hunched silhouette.

"What?"

"Shh Raito kun, they let me in to see you." The form moved forward.

"L?"

"Yes."

"Why? Why are you here again?"

"I wanted to see you, I missed you very much Raito kun." Kira shivered. Something was definitely wrong.

"No you didn't." And it seemed that they had left him in the room on the very verge of a break down because even as he said that, tears began to pour down his face. "No you didn't," he repeated. The form came forward and wrapped his arms around Kira.

"Shhh shhhh. It'll be all right. We will fix this, you and I." The strong arms around him shushed his sobbing, and caressed his back. For so long had he gone with out any physical contact, at least not any of the good kind.

"L, they… they cut my head open… I'm so scared, and after the last time you were here, they punished me again, for something I didn't do. They want me to write in the death note again, they said they have a death note! I don't know what to do, tell me what to do!"

"Shh shh, it'll be all right. Your shaking are you cold?"

"Yes." Instantaneously the room began to heat up as the vents pumped in warm air. "Thank you."

"Raito kun, your so cold, what have they done?" L held Kira closer. Cradling the younger man in his arms.

"I don't want to stay here anymore L. I want to go home." Kira was crying. Truly and honestly crying for his lost home.

"I love you Raito kun." Kira froze. Stilling in L's arms.

"What?" He noticed L's hands caressing him lower, and he understood, that this was more than brotherly love that L was feeling. But his chemical riddled brain could not grasp the situation completely.

"Didn't you hear me? I love you." The cold monotonous voice sounded.

"I … I love you too." Kira stated his voice shaky and unsure.

L pressed his lips against Kira's. At the same time Kira felt a needle prick into his love handle.

"Do you know what we can do to be together?" Kira's eyes began to quickly glaze over.

"Yes, you told me last time." Kira stated, his speech slurring slightly. "You said that we could only be together in death. You said that I have to do it, to save my soul. You said I can save you, but I have to do it with my own hands.

"It's also the only way you can ever feel free from your guilt." L said and Kira nodded dumbly. There was something off about L's hair, and Kira couldn't quite place it. He reached up and ran his hands through the black.

"L your hair's too short. Did you cut it?"

"Yes I did… I have to go now Kira." The form shifted, still stroking up and down Kira's flanks. A tender caress that caused more tears to fall.

"No, don't leave me! Don't! If you go now, then Nix will come and punish me, please don't go."

"I'm sorry, I have to. I'll see you later all right Light Yagami?"

"No L!"

Light woke up scrambling through the sea of sheets and comforters. He felt a pair of firm hands on his shoulders.

"It was a dream Kira. Only a dream." When Kira came back to reality, he threw himself onto L and embraced him fiercely.

The younger man was crying, and had been crying for the last five minutes of restless sleep.

"Do you remember it? Some find sharing dreams cathartic." Kira extricated himself from L's arms; he looked blankly up into L's eyes.

"I…don't remember." Blank eyes quickly filled with fear and he clawed at L's shirt. "I really don't remember. It was important."

"Shh shh, you're fine now, so it is of no matter. Please return to sleep Kira kun. You've only slept for a half hour." Kira nodded and fell back onto the mattress. Reluctant to let L go. Something very important had been in that dream. He readjusted the collar so he could lie more comfortably.


	7. Divisi

The chess game that happens in this chapter is a mimic of Borris Spassky vs. David Bronstein in their 1960 game. It was also used in the James Bond film 'From Russia with Love' I used it because L reminds me of kind of a misfit 'James Bond' so that's my little ode to that. I also found that it fit quite well with the conversation.

Some one please tell me if I am getting too choppy in my chapters. I tried to make this long, but I'm afraid that I am just not a long chapter writer.

* * *

Divisi:

Division

* * *

Kira laid stiff as a board while the giant magnetic machine whirred to life around him. The loud chopping noises being drowned out by the annoying voice of some R&B artist. He sounded like a cartoon character singing a dopey love song.

His teeth clenched when he felt a hand on his shin. It was Nix's. The man had refused to leave the room while the tests were taken. Nix claimed that the biopsy had been done with out his knowledge but both L and Kira could see it wasn't a very convincing lie.

"We're almost done Mr. Yamata. Please remain still." The intercom boomed out.

L and the MRI operator were in the other room watching the scans filter across the screen. Kira had been a little saddened that L had chosen to remain out of the room. Of course no one was supposed to be in the room really, but Nix had a very convincing type of personality.

CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK

The loud noises now surrounded him and penetrated his skull. Kira briefly contemplated the mechanics of a magnetic resonance imaging machine. Then he felt Nix's hand caress his shin and his brain shut down,he vaguely wondered if that would be visible on the screen.

The machine abruptly stopped and startled Kira.

"All right Mr. Yamato, the scan is finished I will be in there in a moment to assist you." Said the operator.

Kira sighed and waited, relieved as the hand left his knee and stepped away. He heard a soft click and heavy footsteps on the Berber carpet of the MRI room floor.

Some one took his hand. And it only took moments for him to realize that it was Nix.

"Don't speak Kira, there is a microphone in there." Kira was frightened, being in such a vulnerable position, his body outside of the machine while his head was trapped in the confines of the metal beast. He supposed he could crawl out but something told him Nix would not appreciate it, even if he were now growing increasingly claustrophobic.

"Just listen, L is restricting my visits with you, and much to my distaste this is the only way that I can speak with you alone. I've seen that you don't look very well, did something happen? Squeeze my hand for yes." Kira's hand lay limp. "Alright good. I was worried about you. You know how important you are to the team and I. I don't know what I would do with out you. I have a feeling L thinks I may have done something despicable to you. I hope you are defending my honor?"

Kira squeezed the hand in his.

"Good boy. Now listen very carefully. I want you to go through with the mission, right now you don't understand but in time you will and you trust me right?" No answer was given, but Nix continued. "Have you discovered his name yet? I know you only have spent a few days with him but it is imperative that I know these things." The hand remained unsqueezed. The sound of the handle on the door could be heard.

"That is all right, but do not forget your task. You are to find his name and gain as much information about L that you can." Kira thought hard and suddenly the past that L had told him about when the detective was a child and had lived in America, came back to him. His stomach turned and his heart clenched. No he would not tell this man. He wouldn't tell this man anything.

The steady knocking on the door had turned into incessant banging.

Nix's hand had left his own and the door was opened. There was an agitated conversation occurring to the right of him but he barely heard it as thoughts and fears whirled through his brain.

Suddenly the bed began to move towards the light, the soft orange glow making the transition from darkness, easier. A flustered looking nurse helped him to sit up. She began inspecting him running her hands over him to check for anything out of place. She scathingly looked back to the lieutenant who was leant against the wall, arms folded. He merely shrugged.

When Kira looked up to the glass of the control room, he saw his ghostly pale features, eyes red rimmed and wide staring back at him. As well as L on the other side of the glass.

L looked for the entire world to have been watching the whole ordeal. Wide, stunned and amber eyes met coal black, keen ones. There was no message relayed other than discerning observation and shocked fear.

The nurse drew his attention away from the man.

"Let's get you changed." She was middle aged and Kira could tell that she had children from the bright blue stain of finger-paint on her floral scrubs top, and the condescendingly worried tones and touches she liberally administered to her patient.

"I'm fine ma'am. If you could please stop fawning over me." His tone was blank of emotion and the nurse looked alarmed as she sent another withering glance at Nix.

"All right, I understand. If you could please follow me." She led him into the changing room were he had changed into the hospital gown, but before he left the room, he looked up towards the monitoring room where L was standing to find the detective gone. He continued on needing to change into his clothing again.

When he was finished and exiting the room, raised voices could be heard from the hallway. When he opened the door, both voices stopped. It had been L and Nix. Nix smiled innocently at Kira. L hunched his shoulders forward and spoke:

"They have sent the images to Pen, we will go back to the 'office' and discuss them there." L seemed disappointed somehow, and he looked away from Kira motioning for them to follow.

The trip back in the Rolls Royce had been made in silence. Watari helping Nix to secure handcuffs and ankle cuffs to Kira, Kira's fingertips felt suddenly dry. He began chewing on his nails. What had Nix meant? A mission.

L had been briefed on his mission and that was to help L with solving crimes. Nothing else had been mentioned or had it? He seemed to remember a vague conversation. But he recalled nothing from it. Then thoughts of his memory loss began to plague him.

What if he was supposed to remember something and he hadn't? What if this brain biopsy had really done some damage? And he was now deficient and broken beyond repair?

He longed to be able to talk to the man in private. To be some how reminded of what he was supposed to do. Gain information on L that was for sure. But why? Nix had made it quite clear to Kira in their time spent together, that he did not like L. Why?

And for some reason, he couldn't… no wouldn't tell this man anything about L. A part of him felt that he was betraying Nix. But his betrayal to L would be tenfold. He owed L so much. And with him knowing little of what Nix wanted. He couldn't divulge the facts that the lieutenant wanted to know.

The drive was entirely too long for Kira. He needed to be alone. It was a hopeless dream but he held it anyway. The least he could do would be to get away from Nix. This strange man who invoked intense emotions from him. Fear, anxiety, anger and… admiration? Love? Kira had once been a master over his emotions but he felt the more he was around L and Nix that his control was slipping.

He needed to be alone with either L or Nix. But being in the same vehicle with the both of them was like a toxic reaction of two extremely volatile chemicals. Causing an exothermic reaction in Kira. Making his cheeks flush as he began to sweat.

No these two should never ever be in the same country, let alone car. He leant his head back so he was gazing at the sky from the back window. He wished he could be flying way high above the car instead of in it.

L wasn't facing the two. He sat in the front and he thought it a very strange thing for L to do. But then again he really didn't know if it was something strange for L. After all what did he know of L really? Maybe he sat up front all the time. Maybe he didn't want to sit in the back because it was crowded.

There were plenty of plausible reasons L could have chosen to sit in the front with Watari. Nonetheless, it seemed strange and it evoked feelings of panic within Kira.

He didn't know why. Hadn't he just been thinking that talking to Nix alone would be a good thing? Not that he could talk to the man in the cramped car. Kira felt as if he had been abandoned. Or left to fend for himself. And when Nix placed a hand on Kira's knee and squeezed, the steady panic began to roil up in him until his logic took over. The man next to him would try nothing being in such close proximity with L. What would he try anyways? Kira's head began to hurt.

His mind reeled with what had happened today. He couldn't let either of them know that his mind was on a precipice of some sort. That he could not remember things. If he was losing his mind and memories then he was of no use to L, and if he had lost his memories of this mission that Nix spoke of… Kira didn't want to know what Nix would do.

And of course there was the whole little problem of a botched lobotomy. What would the scans show? Would L throw him away if his mind were in shambles? Well there was no question about that, his mind _was_ in shambles…

They arrived at HQ and Kira all but leapt from the vehicle. His ankles and hands bound, he fell to the garage floor. They were in the parking garage level that belonged to the illustrious L. Watari helped him to stand as both Nix and L had approached the fallen teen that now wore a decidedly embarrassed look.

Nix smirked and scooped the still rising boy from his feet and into a bridal style hold. Kira went stiff, and his eyes went blank. L noted the pale face of the teen and what he had seen in the car had angered him enough to say something.

"I'm sure Kira is capable enough to walk."

"I know but this is just easier. Lead the way." Nix grinned with the smile of a fox.

L reluctantly lead them towards the elevator, he didn't notice that Nix and Kira were following at a slower rate. Nix leant down and whispered, his hot breath against Light's ear.

"I missed you Light Yagami." Lights eyes shot open, a red light settling into them. He tensed for moment, but after he gazed in Nix's eyes he relaxed perhaps more than he had in days. Settling into the tall man's arms. And leaning his head against his shoulder. He had an air of innocence about him now, like that of a small child.

"Lieutenant?"

"Yes it's me."

"I missed you too." Light whispered back, grinning as he stared at L's back in mischief. They were fast approaching the elevator so Nix hurried.

"I want you to go through stages 1 and 2 tonight if you can."

"2 as well?" Light gasped.

"If you can. But don't if you can't."

"I understand." And with that they were at the elevator and their conversation was over.

Nix Let Kira stand on his own two feet once they were in the elevator. He started to uncuff and unbind Kira.

L noted that when Nix had bent down to uncuff Kira's ankles, Kira had placed his hands atop Lieutenant Nix's head. Even fingering the strands of hair as he did so.

When they arrived at their floor, Kira looked longingly at the patio.

"Can I go have a cigarette?" He asked. His tone making L do a double take. It wasn't a request, it was more a proclamation. And for a moment, however brief L had heard Kira. The old Kira from more than a year before. The one not broken, still clinging to something detestable and vile. Someone made of paper, which ended lives.

"Yes." L complied. Kira smiled graciously straitened his clothes and made his way for the patio.

"I will take my leave then. Call me with the results later." Nix stated, staring after the youth with a gaze that was too longingly for L's liking.

"Going so soon? Pen is here, she can have the results within the hour."

"No, I should make a report. Good bye L." L watched the man exit to the elevator he waited for the doors to close fully before speaking to Watari.

"Nix's plan has been implemented, Prepare the infirmary and tell Pen to be ready, but first I must speak with him…"

"Yes L." The old man disappeared into the shadows as L poured a cup of coffee for the detained one and made his way towards the patio. He took a deep breath before opening the door.

If his suspicions were correct then the next few days would be… interesting for the lack of a better word. He would probably have to leave Watari in charge of the case. Besides L had his doubts about the case anyway.

Aiber and Watari would fair well presenting the NYPD with 'L'.

Luckily L had played the CIA's games many a time on various cases, so that he could discern what they had in store for him. The lieutenant really should know better.

He opened the sliding door and walked out on to the terrace.

Kira sat at the wrought Iron patio furniture, his legs crossed and his hand with cigarette aloft presenting an elegant image that both Aiber and Wedy could have been proud of.

"Coffee." L stated, taking the seat opposite. "I believe we have a lot to talk about."

"Yes." Kira affirmed. L nodded at Kira before pulling a large and heavy looking box from behind the small hybrid pear tree that sat in the corner of the terrace. He pulled a black and white checkered board from the box and began setting up the marble pieces.

"A game of chess?" L asked

"Why not? But it has been quite awhile I must admit. My skills may be rusty."

"We will see about that, Kira kun." Kira's feathers seemed a bit ruffled. But he could not descry the reason. It was no matter however. They shared a tense moment as Kira graciously offered to be black.

"Kira? What was said in the MRI room?" Kira's eyes brightened.

"Nix was being his normal patronizing self. His cover was to determine whether I was being treated properly by you." Kira laughed. "I hadn't the heart to tell him that I am being treated better than I have ever been treated in that facility." L's eyes narrowed at the strange turn of phrase.

"What do you think was his real reason? Was it honestly concern?"

"Slightly. He is a little peeved that you are leaving him in the dark and restricting his visits. I think he is concerned that I am revealing to you too much of what happened there." L listened and moved his pawn from E4 to E2.

"And you have only told me very little. Kira you mentioned after your nightmare that they want you to write in the death note again. Do they have a death note? Do you want to remain under the CIA because of it?" Kira shadowed L's pawn then eyes lifted to gaze at the detective.

"No, It was just a dream. Well at least to my knowledge they do not have one. And no L I do not want to return there" He stated firmly. L moved F2 to F4, as if mocking Kira's own, usually brash method of chess. .

"Then you must tell me what it is that goes on there. At this point the only way I could have you removed from there is if I can present a case of abuse and neglect to the proper authorities." Kira frowned.

"What makes you think that the proper authorities don't already know?" Kira took L's pawn with his own, now landing on F4, showing the detective that Kira knew how to over come himself as well as L in chess.

"There are always new channels that could be opened up with in the American government. But I am fairly confident that the authorities of whom I speak do not know of the hardships you have gone through. They may not care about your well being. But they do care about your mind." L moved his knight to F3.

"What exactly do you want me to tell you L?" Kira's eyes going fiery. "That they didn't feed me for weeks? Only bread and water. Or that they would give me ice baths from which I could not remove myself without solving a puzzle?" Kira moved D7 to D5. The dark pawn making a loud clicking noise as it hit the marble board.

L reached into his pocket to yield a small tape recording device. Kira just stared at it blinking.

"Do you want tears and wails of anguish?" His tone was full of venom.

"If they are evoked from your memories of your time spent there, then yes."

"What is this L? I already told you I remember little to nothing." L clicked off the recording device and slid it back into his pocket.

"Yes, it is of no matter as the entire building is wired." L said flippantly as he took Kira's pawn with his own and landed on D5.

Light clenched his fists before moving his bishop to D6, mad at himself for already moving one of the coveted bishop, something he rarely did this early in the game if he had a choice, he noted that he could have moved other pieces but the bishop just seemed right. Perhaps it was just his subconscious trying to throw L off his game.

"Are you _trying _to piss me off?" L moved his other knight to C3.

"What about in the car?"

"What about the car, you chose to let me sit next to him, when I think I have made it clear of my disdain for him." Kira sneered as he moved his knight to E7. One of his favorite pieces, always reminding Kira of self-sacrificing and brave men. How often he had wished he had such comrades under his command when he had battled with L whilst he possessed the note, instead of mindless pawns.

"Ah, but you showed no move to get away from him when he placed his hand on your knee." Kira's eyes flashed withfire.

"You saw that and said nothing!" He almost roared as L moved D2 to D4 effectively ending the game on that small corner of the board, until Kira might become desperate enough to sacrifice a key piece.

"Yes well I wanted to observe your reaction… you tensed, but that is all." He said resting a finger on his lower lip. Kira castled his king to G8. A sign that Kira felt threatened. Or it could be he was hoodwinking L.

"I can't believe you." Light quietly seethed as L moved F1 bishop to D3.

"What about in the Elevator? Your hands found Nix's hair quite intriguing?" L's voice sounded tense with that statement, surprising them both.

Kira moved his knight to D7… more defense? That was unusual. 'Kira should make an offensive move here.' Thought L.

L castled his own king.

"Jealous L?" He stated putting his cigarette out by smashing it in the ashtray.

"hmm." L replied, Kira seemed to regain his self control as he focused on the game before him. He moved his H7 pawn to H6 and waited for an assassin disguised as a mere pawn or rook. Kira sighed.

"Look L, I really don't remember much from that time… I would tell you more if I could." L studied Kira.

"I don't know if I believe that." L moved his Knight to E4.

"When have you ever believed me?" Light sighed exasperated, taking L's pawn with his knight.

"True. Kira, did you have sexual relations with Nix?" Light stood sending his chair clattering to the ground and shaking the board of it's pieces. L watched with interest as Light's King toppled over.

"What the fuck L?" L slowly stood looking with regret at their botched game before turning and walking into the apartment, shoulders slumped and head lowered.

Kira close on his heels, looking to confront L for his statement.

"Watari." L stated morose sounding.

"Yes L." With that Watari forced a black hood on Kira's head. Light yelped in alarm as his arms were roughly grabbed and pinned at his sides something like rope tying them there. L lifted a struggling Kira and carried him into the infirmary.

Light was yelling for them to let him go, asking what he had done wrong. L noted that his voice was not filled with fear but with anger. Pen's voice echoed out.

"I would have preferred to do this after he had regained some of his health."

"Yes, but unfortunately our time frame has moved up."

Light felt himself being lowered onto a cold metal table, a chill went straight to his bones and he did not want to admit that it was more from fear than anything else, he had a mission to do, and fear would only get in his way.

His arms were first tied down to the table. A well of intense panic rose in him. An echo from his rebirth, from a time when he had felt more terror than ever before in his life. At least back then he had pride enough to hold his tongue.

He gave out an anguished cry and began thrashing more desperately kicking at anything and everything that his still loose feet could find within their range.

"No no no no no no." He cried out in surprise as his feet were quickly, and quite roughly grabbed and then secured on to the table. He thought that his heart might pop it was beating so fast.

"I thought I was going to help you L? I thought we were trying to stop a killer together. A man who has killed over 40 people! 40! He has to be stopped! Why did you lie to me?"

"I did not lie to you Kira kun. This is not an execution" Kira felt a large painful needle enter his deltoid and stilled. L watched as all color drained from what was visible of Kira's face. L pulled off the hood to reveal Kira's eyes as vacant and glazed. He looked like something that had yet to have life breathed into it.

It was only scopolamine a derivative of Jimson weed, something often used around the world in supposed 'truth serums' He knew what would happen next would take a bit of risk on his end. Something he had willingly decided to do when he and Penelope were discussing the treatment of Kira.

To L, it was clear what the CIA would try to do. Frankly, he was disappointed in his birth country for thinking it beyond him. Of course they would brain wash Kira. Of course they would play mind games. But with a year's worth of mind control… the effects were not yet known. How well _had_ Kira been trained?

He never imagined that Kira would be easily brainwashed. He wondered if it was even possible to do that to a genius. But this was the CIA they were talking about, and they had had him for a year. Meaning that they either had had just enough time to crack the boy's skull or a year to play around in it.

He either was a raving lunatic or out for L's blood. But L was confident in Pen. She was a miracle worker after what she had done for Near and his inability to converse with others and not to mention himself.

She had her suspicions too, L knew. And she was perhaps better qualified than anyone in the world to turn Kira around. After all she had once been a doctor in the US government herself. Aiding in interrogations and thought control.

She had told L after briefly analyzing Kira's mannerisms and speech that more than likely they had placed a second identity in Kira.

Something that she regretfully informed him, could not be reversed.

He sighed as he gazed down at the blank faced young man. He couldn't help but to feel a strong sense of pity… and guilt. After all, he was the one who relinquished Kira to the American government. He knew better than to blame himself, but still the guilt ate away.

He had suspected that the CIA would do irreparable damage, even as he had signed the document that meant Kira's detainment with Nix.

He ran a hand through the long auburn locks.

"Kira, You have been brain washed." Kira's response was a noiseless gaping. He slowly and shakily sought out L's eyes.

"…washed…"

"Yes."

Pen lifted the back of the metal table so that Kira was still restrained but sitting up slightly. His head lolled against the bed and Watari brought up a small foam pillow and placed it behind Kira's neck before strapping his head in place. Kira's face looked stricken, but no one had the heart to comfort the boy just yet.

A high resolution I-vision device was placed on Kira's head.

"I don't need you for this part. For now it will only be observation until I can determine some sort of trigger." Pen said with a stoic face as she sat down with a monitor before her showing what the adolescent was seeing, and a clipboard to write down specific reactions.

"I will stay."

"L…"

"I will stay Pen."

"All right."

* * *

Four hours of images and audio were shown to Kira. Some pictures of the death note, before it had been burned, pictures of faces, places in Japan. His mother sister, father, Missa… nothing phased the almost mesmerized teen until displays of violence were depicted.

According to Pen, the scars on Kira's back and torso had been caused by a whip, and when the video of someone being tied to a post and whipped came up, Kira tensed considerable. Trying to turn his head away from the image.

The video and audio were punctuated with hypnotic colors, sounds, and voices and before long Kira was sweating and restless. He began swearing falling back on a familiar defense with his usual extreme anger.

L's own picture had been coupled with videos ofviolence a few times, and it made the teen tremble uncontrollably.

Very quickly he was pleading for it to stop. Claiming he couldn't take anymore. Every time he closed his eyes a high-pitched noise would send a shock of pain straight into Kira's eardrum.

The computer would sense the Chemical imbalance and brain waves from Kira and repeat similar images to try and mimic the distress it was detecting.

L watched with his thumb firmly placed in his teeth and a grimace on his face as images of Nix were paired with scenes of rape and sex. For a moment he thought the boy would throw up.

It went on for entirely too long, L was getting to the point were he wondered if trusting Pen had been the right thing to do. But of course he knew it was. L had to be resolute about this. Any lax in his attitude while dealing with the reform of Kira, could mean that they would have to start all over again.

L was feeling nauseous when he witnessed the free flowing tears tracking down Kira's face. He was sobbing now.

"Please…"

"Kira… Light. You need to tell me what they have planned. What does the Lieutenant want you to do. Can you remember? I can't make it better until you tell me." L stated firmly at Pen's insistence.

"I…I… I need to gather information on L, you. I think. Your name… anything I can get, and…" there was a long pause as some of the more violent images that he had reacted most repulsed too were recycled.

"…god…" Kira was breaking slowly but surely. He had been broken before and like bones that had healed wrong, they had to be broken again so they could align properly.

Suddenly Kira stiffened. Pulling on the restraints hard enough to cause his wrists and ankles to bleed. A choking noise came from the restrained youth.

Pen leapt to her feet.

"I Knew this would happen."

"What is it?"

"He is having a seizure." L sprung to his feet and ran to Kira's side. "He should be secure but we should lay him flat first." She said ripping the offending piece of machinery from Kira's skull.

Kira's eyes were fluttering while they rolled around in his head. A thin line of drool ran down his chin. There was little to do but ride it out. Until finally Kira's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he passed out completely.

L let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding.

"Right now all we can do is watch him sleep. He needs rest anyway. I think I have enough data on his weak points." She unsecured his wrists to see the damage until deciding they would be fine a little longer. "I'll leave him to you then." She said nodding curtly as she kept her eye on her clipboard scribbling away and headed out of the room.

L let out a melodramatic sigh. But he looked at Kira. His bangs wet with sweat. Kira's repugnance to L's images paired with violence most intrigued the detective. He had his suspicions of what that meant, but he would not state them until Pen had finished analyzing.

He sat contemplating Light's reactions awhile, gazing at the boy. Steady breathing and thin wasting frame.

The room began to chill with the lights turned low so that L moved forward pulling the blanket up around more securely for Kira.

Kira's eye twitched and L leaned forward as if to detect if the boy was waking already. Kira's eyes flung open and he lunged forward grasping L around the throat and squeezing. L 's eyes flew wide in surprise as the bruising force was applied to his thin neck.

Kira's eyes... L observed,were not his own. He was something else and L for a moment was truly afraid of what he saw there, but then he composed him self. He simply stepped back from the boy on the table. Kira's feet and waist were still bound to the bed.

L looked ruefully at the boy, he pushed a button on the wall. Watari answered as L rubbed his neck, never taking his eyes off the boy. The adolescent before him was not Kira, but a feral beast.

"Yes L." The speaker sounded.

"Send in Pen immediately." To L's chagrin his voice was hoarse. Pen flew into the room a second later, her eyes going from L's already bruised neck to Kira's crazed state on the table.

"How is your neck?"

"Fine. I thought you should see this."

"Yes." She stepped between Kira and L. Breaking the line of sight. "What is your name?" She asked Kira. He looked a little shocked. Like a wolf pup that had just discovered that he had done something wrong, and had discovered he was not the alpha. The feral features had fallen from his face immediately. But Kira did not speak. He only lay back down and pulled the blanket up under his chin. His eyes on Pen the whole time, staring at her white coat and stethoscope.

"is this the other personality?" Kira's eyes flung onto L and he all but snarled at the detective.

"yes… well, I'm afraid this is one of his personalities. I believe now that he has more than two." She reached up and massaged the bridge of her nose. "Which means more work for me… L, I will need to talk to you alone." A sternness that no one dared take with L besides her entered her voice. It wasn't really directed at L he knew, but more at the situation. It was merely a clue to how dire the situation was for Kira.

"All right then lets take tea in the puce room… Perhaps a sedative?" L gestured his hand at Kira almost amused as Kira watched the offending appendage with something akin to a bull seeing red.

"Yes." She walked over to the counter and pulled out a few supplies and readied a sedative. L called in Watari in case they would need his help in restraining the youth. It seemed that Watari had been waiting, at the ready right out side the door. He entered hastily but before L could elaborate Pen had approached Kira, who was as docile as a kitten in her hands.

Kira made no noise under Pen's gaze and even leaned in to her touch, presenting his arm to her when he saw the needle. She smiled sadly, understanding the situation and petting the boy soothingly as the sedative was administered. L and Watari watched in astonishment before realization filtered into their eyes.

Pen waited for Kira to fall unconscious before swiftly walking from the room, beconing both L and Watari to follow.

They entered the small tea room, Watari immediately going to the edge of the room to prepare snacks as he was needed to listen in, instead of prepare tea. L crawling into his familiar position on the dried blood colored armchair.

"As you can see he has at least three separate personalities." The plate Watari had been handling made a clatter. "One is extremely violent towards L. One is extremely submissive and protectiveof L. And the third is more of the thinker, the calculating and competitive one. He is the one out for his own gains, and the protector so to speak. I have no doubt now, that these identities were created to ensure your destruction. I am sorry L but it seems that Kira was meant to be a mole. And an assassin."

"I suspected as much."

"Yes." Well I'm not sure if you understand. Created multiple personalities through brainwash is a little different from the multiple personalities displayed in such movies like Cybil. It seems that in Kira's case, only one is aware of the other two personalities. That is the calculating one. Now I'm sure that the first personality, the one you have seen since he came out of the facility, and while you journeyed here, is the submissive. He is the one who was needed to get close to you.

"The one that you only briefly met over Chess is the calculating one, more than likely he was meant to set up a situation where the third personality would be able to attack. Just now you met the one that was meant for your destruction. I doubt there are others, but it is not unusual. I've seen this before, making separate personalities so that some one can pass for a friend or ally, there by getting close to the target, and then the second personality is the one to attack."

"If that's true then why are there three personalities?" L questioned with his thumb in his mouth.

"Yes, well you see, a goal brainwash within the CIA is usually just two separate personalities, but sometimes the process can get out of control. Once a personality is split it starts the ball rolling so to speak. The mind realizes that it can split so it progresses with new and separate personalities. I believe that his psyche couldn't handle the thought of destroying you. He truly doesn't want you to die, but upon the CIA's insistence he created a third psyche. One with base thinking and volatile enough to accomplish the task set before him."

"So then what do we do." L asked feeling extremely glum.

"Right now? Solve this case. We will play along a little longer with Nix's game. But set up a safe house where you can withdraw, incase things get too, hairy."

"It's already been done. I am 68 sure that the case we are working on right now, is a set up by the CIA. But we must play along a little longer. And we will need Kira's help."

"I will begin treatment immediately then. If nothing else I will have trigger words so that you can call upon the three separate personalities. My goal is to make him safe so that he will not attack you again. As strange as it sounds, I don't think that we have much to fear from Kira. It is obvious that he doesn't want you to die. Especially from what you've told me of observing hisdreams and nightmares."

"I assume he will be of no harm to you?" L asked tentatively. She smiled sadly.

"No it is clear that he was trained by doctors, he looks to me as a mentor. Some one whom that if he does not place his complete trust in, has the power to hurt him. L… Watari if we could have a moment?"

"Of course." Watari placed the tray before them and quickly left the room. She looked down as she clicked the pen furiously.

"L… This may take years to fix. It may even be unfixable. You know as well as I do, what they do to people to evoke separate personalities…. I know how much this young man means to you." L smiled sadly.

"Pen, I place complete trust in you, and I know that you will do what ever you can. After all, look what you have done for me?"


	8. Dissonante

No Death own Note

Dear readers,

I wanted to keep this a sort of mystery but I think up to this point you get that there will be twists and turns. I 'm changing genres from Mystery to Drama

I've been advised to change this to M. I wasn't really planning on making this very mature; if you've read my 'Dread Summons Met' and its naughtier double on adult fan fiction dot net Then you would see what I deem mature, but perhaps I'm an idealist and I must admit that I like things to straddle the lines of what is acceptable and shock value. So from now on this will be M, which could be a very good thing for all you yaoi lovers, just think of all the things I could have been holding back! If a substantial amount of you has a problem with the new rating, and I get enough feedback about it, I will remain at T.

Also I would like to thank all of the lovely reviewers. I cherish each one, and the ones with constructive criticism even more. They really inspire me, so each of you who have reviewed, you are responsible for at least a page of this. No joking.

Also, Monmouth is a real place. But to my knowledge it is only a military hospital. The NPA is involved with the location, so my including the CIA is entirely plausible, however unlikely. I would also like to apologize to the CIA. HA! I don't mean to make them out as bad guys, only a select few. I'm sure the CIA is a respectable organization, it's just that the mystery surrounding them makes for a somewhat more believable plot.

Read on my pretties,

Dante's Muse

* * *

Kira was screaming. He knew he was, because he could feel the vibrations in his throat, he could feel his vocal chords batter against each other to the point of causing him pain.

He knew he was because his lungs were expending large quantities of air through a forced passage located in his throat. But he could not hear it.

He could hear nothing except the steady noise of someone tap tap tapping away on a keyboard, a very familiar sound indeed. Before he opened his eyes. He surveyed the damage to his body, as he was wont to do while in the facility. If he was in too much pain he would try to go back to sleep.

Needless to say, Kira had slept quite a bit (when able) while in the Monmouth military hospital.

He had a dull ache in his head. His stomach was twisted and in pain with nausea, and his wrists and ankles stung something fierce.

Back to sleep. Hopefully L had not noticed his silent scream a moment ago-

"Kira should eat something." L stated in his droning voice. It seemed today Kira would have no such luck.

He could not remember anything after he had gracelessly fell from the Rolls earlier. Had he hit his head? He couldn't remember. He stiffened as he realized he had probably experienced another black out…and with out the aid of any medication, and in front of L.

"What happened?" He croaked out. He cursed to himself when he realized that he did not remember using his voice to the point of it becoming bloody and raw unless the entire time his body had laid prone, he had screamed that voiceless scream.

"What is the last thing you remember?" L asked tentatively eyeing the light stubble on Kira's face giving him a somewhat bedraggled look about him.

"The garage…and falling." L's eyebrow rose at Kira's stricken face.

"You had a seizure, it is normal to have lapses in memory." Kira nodded at L's offered explanation. He would take it.

"So then… what is wrong with my brain?"

"Quite a bit actually. You are suffering from PTSD, as well as being clinically depressed, and some other things…"

"Not that!" Kira scowled. "Why did I have a seizure?"

"Oh that. I'm sorry to inform you that the brain biopsy given to you has given you Temporal Lobe Epilepsy." Kira finally met L's eyes, searching for truth. What he found made his stomach flip. L was offering him pity.

Kira clutched his stomach and flung off the bed dragging L a few feet along the cream sheets with him, his laptop flipping closed comically. Kira reached his goal: The small trash can in the room, and started to throw up everything that was in his stomach. Which wasn't much.

He heaved, his eyes watering, but at the same time his brain was spinning wildly. TLE… He knew only a little of it. It was epilepsy. So… more than likely he would forever have seizures, what little else he knew of Epilepsy was that he would probably be put on drugs that would turn him into a zombie.

A thoughtless, drooling, zombie.

Kira finished, thankful that the painful wrenching in his gut gave him an excuse for his leaking tear ducts. 'Weakling.' He thought to himself.

This was it. He would be of no help to L. He would be of no help to the CIA; he would be put out of his misery. This last year… All that he had been through had been for nothing. He had accomplished nothing.

"We should get back to work on the case." Kira said his face still leaning over the bucket eyes wide, searching for a way to be useful.

L cleared his throat. "Actually…" L's voice droned out, "I have taken the liberty to exclude you and I in today's work."

"What!"

"It is quite obvious that you are in no state right now to be on this case, and the work and research would suffer for it. Besides the others will be able to do the menial tasks easily. They will call us if there is a break through." Kira gripped the edge of the garbage can tightly. He watched, as his knuckles grew gradually whiter.

It was very clear to Kira, that soon perhaps he would be discarded. Sent back to the monster of a lieutenant because he was of no use, **and** with nothing to show for it? The lieutenant would discard him as well.

The sad part to Kira was that he wished for it. He knew deep down that something hideous was afoot. And it did not bode well for L or any of the people around him. He would not be someone else's pawn and take part in L's down fall. Examining his loyalties, it was easy to see where they laid.

Kira owed everything to L, and that meant everything, good and bad. On both ends of that spectrum. But he could not betray L. Because if nothing else… He would not be a sore loser. He would treat his former opponent with the respect he deserved. Something he had thought himself incapable of a short year before.

But as odd as it seemed now, he could no more blame himself than he could L. They were two territorial entities that went by the name justice. And L was right, there can only be one justice.

He honestly believed that if he had won, Light Yagami would have been that Justice. But he had lost, and neither L nor him could really be blamed for being key players in a freak Epoch in the history of the world.

At least he could claim that much for himself. That he would be a blip in the headlines of history. A whispered bedtime story or a blockbuster hit.

His face would be distorted and garish and his cause would be misinterpreted but it would spark reverence perhaps in some, terror in others. If people could see that such things where possible… maybe it would dissuade them from leading a life of crime. That was the most he could hope for, from his previous dream.

He stayed where he was until the nausea was gone and then until he could find no reason to remain still. He tied up the bag and stood, staring blankly ahead. L watched him with interest. It was an echo of what seemed now a previous life.

"Can I take a shower?"

"By all-" L watched as his acquiescence was interrupted by the usually studious boy, who quite emotionlessly walked forward and pulled some clothing into his arms. L could compare him to a walking corpse.

Kira waited patiently outside the bathroom door. L got up to follow, with a heavy sigh. Normally he would give the young man a little privacy while he showered, but right now he really didn't feel comfortable doing that. So when L walked into the bathroom taking off his shirt as well, Kira asked him none too calmly what the hell he was doing.

"I don't like the idea of you bathing alone right now. Plus you have to shave your face, something you can not do without my assistance as it requires a blade." Kira absently brought his hand to his face and indeed found an itchy 5 'o clock shadow. He smiled sadly at himself when he looked in the mirror.

His eyes wandered on the mirror to L's neck. He stared for a moment, his genius piecing together the incongruity.

"My seizure couldn't have done that to you. What aren't you telling me?" Kira asked in deadly calm.

"Quite a bit, but I'm not comfortable telling you everything else just yet. Your mental state is too capricious for my liking, not to mention you are extremely depressed." Kira turned away and undressed quickly, the lack of modesty being a far cry from his youthful self of a year earlier. He stepped into the shower stall and started the water. Letting the freezing water cascade into a boiling temp. Kira adjusted the collar and began to wash.

L sighed once again, and obstinately turned the heat a little lower. Kira scowled. They washed in silence, L not being able to stop himself from looking at the thick and thin scars that spider webbed across Kira's back, and he knew, front as well. They did not end with his shoulders and lower waist; they stretched across his entire backside.

L winced when he saw some thick ones in the small of Kira's knees. Those had to be especially painful. They were thicker and more unusual than the others; the skin seemed to have melted into a heavy thick scar. He had gotten the reports from Pen so he knew all about them, but seeing the angry red scars in personmade L feel more uncomfortably human than he had in a long while.

Kira more than likely was trying to detach himself from L, but the detective only had a small hint as of why.

They washed their hair, backs turned to each other.

"Kira, I will not send you back to the CIA." He sensed Kira's hands stilling in his auburn soapy hair.

"What?" Kira asked. They both rinsed their hair and Kira turned off the water, after they both affirmed they were finished. They toweled off, averting each other's gaze. Kira wrapped the towel around his waste and pulled the accessible shaving cream from the cupboard. He sat on the toilet and waited for L to either elaborate or to retrieve the razors.

L quickly changed into a clean pair of boxers and jeans, not bothering with a shirt. He took the keys out of his discarded jeans unlocking one of the bathroom drawers. He took out the razor and set it on the counter relocking the drawer.

Kira reached for the razor but L swatted his hand away. Grabbing the blade himself.

"Lather up." L said in a monotonous order.

"What, are you going to shave my face for me?"

"Do you not trust me?" Kira sighed and stood leaning over the sink, he applied the shaving cream to his throat and face. His eyes never meeting his reflection's in the mirror. He finished, washing his hands and sitting once again on the lidded toilet. L cleaned out the sink and plugged the drain before filling it with hot water and retrieving a hand towel and washcloth.

He approached the young man with the razor and Kira held his breath as L tilted his head up with a finger under his chin, the plastic covered blade at his throat. L began scraping away the stubble and Kira closed his eyes. This would have been unthinkable a year ago.

Of course he did not need to shave so often back then. But when he did, L let him be. Now he was sitting prone, L with a blade to his neck. He shook a little, not because he didn't trust L, but because he couldn't trust anyone. And also the indignity the whole situation riled in him. That however, was the only outward sign his mind had openly displayed of his discomfort.

"Like I said, I will not return you to the CIA. Rest assured that they no longer hold any weight over you. I have enough information to prevent you from returning there. Even as we speak, Watari is sending video and evidence to Nix's superiors and to the British government as well. These are all the people that knew of your existence already of course. The contract I made with the CIA was breeched. Therefore they no longer have any hold over you and you are my prisoner."

Kira looked up into L's eyes, L hissed as the movement nicked Kira's chin. Kira was shocked.

"But why? I mean, its true that I don't know that much about TLE. But how can I be of any help to you anymore?"

"Yes, it **is** true that you know little of your ailment then, it is inconsequential. Did you think that you would be brain dead? No. We will go over the information Pen has provided us and we will discuss it. I looked into it a little; I found one interesting theory that I think you would most appreciate. Joan of Arc displayed symptoms of TLE."

Kira smiled at the many implications L had just made.

"So will I start talking to god soon?"

"Possibly, if you haven't already. Other people in history who may have had it include Napoleon, Tchiakovsky, Dante, Edgar Allen Poe. They were all thought to suffer from TLE. Charles Dickens had it as well as Lewis Carroll, Doestchevsky, Flaubert… The list goes on."

"I get the sense that you are trying to cheer me up, but really you are just telling me I may turn into a crazy eccentric, much like yourself." L pulled the razor away and thought a moment.

"You don't give yourself enough credit, you were already an eccentric far before I came along. So, no Kira, I will not simply send you away to rot in a cell somewhere, at least not because of your epilepsy. I would have thought you knew that I did not discriminate against such ailments, how could I? You yourself rightfully identified that I had Aspergers a little over a year ago." L rinsed the razor in the hot water and turned Kira's face with a cream covered finger to face the wall.

"Thank you L." L stopped mid-action.

"Whatever for? I am simply stating fact."

"Thank you for sensing my insecurities and trying to squelch them."

"I take it then that I did not succeed?"

"This is all hypothetical, I'm sure. I have heard that Doestchevsky had TLE before. I hardly think that I will turn into something of that nature."

"Perhaps not, but you did used to remind me of Napoleon, and before I knew that Shinigami were real I thought that perhaps Kira thought himself a kind of Joan of Arc. Perhaps you will just become an eccentric and write of white rabbits and ravens." L Grinned an impish grin.

"L _are_ you going to tell me what happened yesterday? How did you get those bruises? Did I do that?"

"I'm not at liberty to say at this moment. Rest assured that you will know in the near future…." There was a long pause. "Kira, do you play an instrument?"

"No, why?" Kira had gone a little rigid at the question, makeing L raise a brow.

"Well I was thinking that perhaps you should learn one. I could teach you." He was finished shaving. He threw the razor into the trash and tied the bag up to be put by the door and taken by Watari at the next notice. Kira washed his face and dressed quickly.

They made there way back into the lavish bedroom. L motioned toward the dresser where a carafe of coffee and cups on a silver tray sat. On the tray was a pack of cigarettes. L opened the window.

"If you are careful, you can smoke in this chair as the ventilation is quite good with the window open and we will begin discussing what TLE is. Pen is here as well, she will come up and explain a few things to us before the day is out."

"You mean we aren't even leaving this room?"

"Why, we have everything we need up here, and Watari will be bringing your breakfast in about 1 minute and twenty seconds. Which I might add you must finish in its entirety. Penelope was quite unimpressed, when she learned of how little you ate yesterday. I fear for my own safety if you do not gain some healthy weight back." Kira knew there was something very wrong. And it stemmed from the very pity he had seen in L's eyes upon waking. Something dangerous was happening. Something that even L was almost expressing emotion over.

Kira made his way over to the ashtray with cigarettes and lighter in hand. He lit one and L noted how This Kira held his cigarette differently from the one last night. Last night, that Kira had held the cigarette closer to his lips, much like a woman would, as it was clinically proven that females hold their cigarettes differently as to be careful of their face and complexion, while this Kira held it further from the tip of the filter and let it stay perched in his mouth, while he poured a cup of coffee. A decidedly more male approach to sucking in the toxins. L wondered what that meant.

Of course he had heard of disassociated personalities switching genders, was it possible that the other Kira, the more calculating one, was female in mind?

His mind reeled at what this could mean. And why Kira, might choose to make the more calculating and protective personality female. He began tapping on the keys furiously, creating three separate dossiers on the three separate personalities. They would all have to be observed and profiled.

The thoughts fell from his mind as a swift knock brought his attention to the door.

"Yes?"

"I've brought Kira's breakfast."

"Yes please enter." Watari entered and set a tray down on the table before Kira, who shied away a little from the old man. He was somewhat a reminder of his time spent at Monmouth, as Watari seemed to pop up for visits on occasion, often times those visits were after vigorous bathing and grooming. Post visit was the worst, as those times there was less regard to his physical state. The biopsy for instance occurred right after one of those visits. So Watari was somewhat of an ill omen.

Watari noticed the less than eager reception, but did nothing for it. He turned to L and bowed before leaving.

"Now you must finish every morsel on your plate before Pen comes up." Kira lifted the cover on the food to find a full plate of eggs and bacon as well as toast and even oatmeal.

Kira swallowed hard. He wasn't hungry at all. How nice would it be if he never had to eat again? He could just waste away into nothing.

His body just wanted to go back to sleep. But his mind would never allow him that. He did however allow himself a deep sigh.

"I don't know how you expect me to prove to you or myself that I am capable if you will not allow me to work on the case. I may infact never be this useful to you again. You should take advantage of that." L Stopped typing with a final stab at the keys.

"Just shut up Kira, you don't know what you are talking about." Kira choked on the toast he had just bitten into. They stared at each other for a moment until L let a mischievous grin split his face. "Well it's true."

Kira began to chew once again, not taking his wide eyes off the detective. Never had L talked to him like that… it was refreshing.

There came another knock at the door and L called who ever it was in.

Pen waltzed in with armload of assorted blankets and straps falling gracelessly onto the bed.

"Good morning gentle men." she chirped, entirely too cheerful for Kira but it seemed just right for L, as he grinned that knowing grin back at the doctor. Kira eyed the mass of fabric and the doctor warily.

"Is that my portable padded cell?" He asked dryly sipping now from the steaming cup of coffee with just a splash of cream.

She paused and smirked at Kira.

"Actually…"

"Kira does not believe that he will be at his full function ability because of his condition doctor, I was hoping you could tell us other wise." L interrupted smoothly.

"Today's medication list for epilepsy is a far cry from even that of a few years ago. No Kira, you will not be a drooling zombie." Kira sputtered coffee all over his breakfast at the familiar turn of phrase. "And yes Kira, you will be able to think with the same genius that got you here. At least eventually. We will more than likely have to see which drugs work best for you, but there isn't any reason that you shouldn't be at full thinking capacity." Kira must be dreaming again. It seems his dreams had been rather active lately.

"Uh ok." Kira stuttered. No longer touching the food on his plate but looking at it with disdain.

"Eat."

"I know, I just-"

"Eat." She repeated and Kira quickly shoved a piece of bacon into his mouth. It tasted of ash but he chewed on. He did not wish to incur this woman's wrath.

"Good decision Kira Kun." L remarked eyes gazing, barely visible behind his large note book screen.

"Yeah you should take it from L, He didn't eat for four days once and I had to shove a tube down his throat. While he was still working a case, mind you." L's eyes shot towards her and narrowed.

"What? Its true and we talked about this last night. You were going to open up to him, It would be healthy for you both." She shrugged, taking the blanket and folding it before setting it on the bed once again. Kira just stared at the two inter acting. Until both their eyes fell on him at the same moment and he averted his gaze, taking in another piece of toast with egg on it.

"Let him eat in silence, and maybe a cigarette." The doctor said returning to her task of menial folding to look busy.

These people were so damn infuriating, dancing around a subject the way they did. Would he ever know what the hell these people meant?

"It sounds an awful lot like this is my last meal. Will I get a blind fold too?"

"Do you want this to be your last meal?" The doctor asked now pulling the chair across from him out so she could seat her self.

"No, of course not."

"That was a quick reply. But really, wouldn't you rather just be dead?"

"This is ridiculous. I thought I got to eat in silence."

"I changed my mind." He bit hard into his toast raising an eye filled with animosity towards the doctor at the reference to his physical exam from earlier.

"You seem to do that a lot." Kira grumbled

"Perhaps, back to the question. Do you want to die Kira?" He looked over at L who was watching him with interest.

"No I don't."

"Why do you want to live? Certainly there is nothing left of your old life, your old dreams, that there is worth living for?"

"That not true. I could work with L, even if its just menial tasks, I could help him in putting away criminals."

"Even if its just menial…? That certainly doesn't fit your bill from what I've heard from L. Am I correct L?" L nodded before answering.

"Yes that's very unlike him. I don't think Kira would be able to stay in the shadows for very long. He would need to feel accomplished and most of all, accepted by others. And most definitely to prove that he is better. That is the Kira I know."

"Well the Kira you know is not the same as the one before you today." Kira spat bitterly.

"Is it because of what happened at Monmouth or is it because of your defeat." Kira swallowed thickly.

"Both I suppose." Kira stated watching the two. They were orchestrating something, but he did not know what, he was beginning to feel caged.

"All right now that your finished…" The doctor stood and Kira looked down, He had indeed finished everything that had been set before him. That was a lot of food, and the nausea was missing. He shrugged, lighting a cigarette and leaned back.

"L? I'll give you the floor." The doctor said once again rising towards the mass of cloth on the bed, she began to unravel some of the straps and secure them to the bed. The morning light gave the room a crisp feel with the dark stained woods and rich jewel tones the room had been decorated in. It was very comfortable, and should haveput Kira at ease, except that the doctor looked to be getting ready for some midevil torture.

"I need to speak with Light Yagami." L stated to the still seated teen, his tone suddenly far more serious than the almost jovial one of before.

The transition was unnoticeable to an unknowing eye, a single tap to ash in the ashtray, a careful repositioning of the filter between his fingers, and "Light Yagami" was in the room.

"So you have figured it out already. I told Scott that you would find out."

"Scott Nix? So I take it you are on intimate terms with the lieutenant." L had already hypothesized that if there was anyone having a relationship with Nix it would be this 'Light.' By the way the young man had earlier felt the lieutenant's hair.

"Well _he_ seems to think that we are intimate."

"Meaning that your 'feelings' for him are purely for gain. And he doesn't know?"

"Something like that." Light crossed his legs and ashed into the heavy glass receptacle.

"Is the third aware of you?"

"The third? Oh, you mean Lucious. No he is not, I am the only one aware of the others."

"Lucious? Derived from Latin, it means light." L said to Penelope who looked on interestedly. Normally she would be taking notes, indeed there was a pad of paper and pen before her now, but the whole thing was being recorded so she could review later.

"Latin? Why Latin?" She asked, gesturing with the unusedpen.

"Luious only speaks Latin, that is probably why you haven't had a conversation with him. He is very timid, except around L of course." Light smirked knowingly

"Of course." L scoffed

"How can we call Lucious?"

"You can not 'call' him at all." Light said haughtily. "Only I can bring him forth." Pen nodded.

"I see so you set the trap and the spring and Lucious is the iron teeth?"

"Yes, very good L. I expect nothing less from the worlds greatest detective." Light stated puffing arrogantly on the cigarette. "You know, Kira wont tell you this, he thinks it would be too forward or some such nonsense," Light said rolling his eyes. "But we prefer mentholated, I like Salems but he prefers Newports. These… frankly, suck."

"So you like Salems? At the risk of sounding sexist, isn't Salem brand usually enjoyed by females?" Light raised an eyebrow.

"Very astute, but I am not a female. I know that multiple personality disorder has been known to create different genders with their psyches, but the wiring of our brain can only justify an effeminate male."

"Why were you decided to be feminine?"

"All these questions…" Light whined. Taking the sugar dish and plunking two sugar cubes into the refilled coffee cup. L's eyebrows rose in almost astonishment.

"So you prefer sweetened coffee?"

"No I just like watching your reaction. Yes I prefer it." Light smiled.

"So, May I ask, Why Latin?" Light laughed at that.

"Don't tell Nix, but I believe Latin was chosen because we wanted to piss off the good lieutenant. He had to go through all the trouble of finding a translator within the CIA. Not many people speak Latin any more."

"No they do not, I wasn't aware that you, Kira, knew it either."

"Yes, well English and Chinese were boring and Spanish and French were easy, and after that, it was only matter of time before Russian and the others were as well. Once you know the basic principle behind language… It was only natural that we would look for a more difficult alternative. Kira never liked admitting to anyone that he had taught himself Latin. He thought it made him look too odd. But we did learn quite a few new ones while locked away. You'd be surprised at how much information can be crammed into ones mind when threatened with hot iron." L grimaced.

"So what can you speak."

"Well all of the afore mentioned ones we speak fluently, there's a smattering of others that the CIA thought would be useful. But we don't know them quite as well."

"I see."

"Why were you picked to be the effeminate one?

"Because I am the one to get close to you, am I not? You like the smart Light, even the angry one. Kira couldn't be that anymore after you killed him." He raised his hand to stop L from commenting. "Yes killed him. We are what remain. And in that twisted environment, they wanted separate entities. So eager were we to be reborn, that complying was the easiest thing in the world. Separating ourselves was child's play with the scalpel and whip their tools. They remolded the broken marble to make two separate statues. When a weakness formed we lopped off another chunk because…" Light looked pained.

"Why?"

"Because the prospect of ruining you was unthinkable. If Kira weren't so damned weak then we could have succeeded with just the two of us. But he failed. He couldn't handle the sleepless nights, when the doctors would not leave him be. With their poking and prodding and terror…"

"You must have had trouble with it as well if you could not do it yourself." Light slammedhis coffeedown.

"Of course I did… because I had to think, I had to go ahead and have to hope for all of us because he couldn't. You being our hope, only logical that you had to become our hope… I couldn't be the knife…I won't be that blade."

"That still doesn't answer the question."

"Look, we know you like this Light and we… were tricked into liking you too. There's no logical explanation… please don't ask me to explain. Kira thinks it's treating his enemy with the respect he deserves, but I know that it is more than that. Something much more… humiliating." Light ran his hand over his forehead.

"Are you saying you have feelings for me?"

"Oh please don't," Light's expression pained. "We couldn't help but notice how you looked at Light in the beginning of our friend ship, he hadn't been looked at like that before… ever. Your lucky it turned into love. Being forced in that kind of situation should have lead, by all rights, to your death."

"Love?" L almost stuttered, Light growled.

"Shall I call on Lucious?" Light threatened. "You don't really understand the effect you had on Light… Kira. He was untouched back then by rivalry, that was so stupidly confused with affection. Have you ever noticed any intimacy in your observation of Kira? In the beginning I mean. Everyone admired him, everyone had this, distorted view. Sure in high school there were confessions, but they were just that. Often paired with 'I'm sorry'. Why would anyone be sorry that they had feelings for another? He never understood it. So he was regarded as fine china on a shelf... never to be tampered with. He accepted that role and became as cold as that untouched bone ware. He was like that our entire adolescence, until… well, you. You and Kira were closer in a relationship than he ever was before, and there _was_ no 'relationship'… " L could not believe his ears. Was it true? His heart sped up at the implications

"Him being the fool he was, thought it of no matter that there was no progression in his relationships, beyond necking in the park, simply because that was expected of him." Light shook his head sadly. "Damn fool. His grades where more important. And what was virginity but something to be lost, and a waste of time. It's funny now... He would have been so head over heels with you, had he realized what it was he was feeling"

"Would have..." L stated, processing this too slowly. Light looked away ashamed.

"Yes would have, but I don't... He doesn't want it anymore. Thank god. It is something that died with us on that table. And what ever is left of it belongs to Nix. He took it. It is his now... The lieutenant offered something else, something far below what could have been with you,to us both Kira was indifferent but I snatched it up greedily. No matter that it wasn't love, or even affection. It was merely another stage to hone my skills on."

"Nix took it?"

"Our virginity?" Light said with a raised eyebrow. "For Kira it was rape. For me… It was a little more consensual…." There was a long pause "I've said to much, if the kid knew I existed, he would kill me. What can I say I have a soft spot for him. We protect each other. And I may be a fool, but I think I can trust you with this information. Really at this point… we've nothing left to lose."

"How can we call him back?" L's voice sounded too shocked for his liking still.

"With violence, pain… It wasn't my decision. That was all him. Subconsciously he thinks that he deserves to experience all the pain that he has gone through. I am thankful for that. It's the reason I told you all this. He wants death but deep down he wants you as well. If you don't want him… Well it would just be better if you killed us. I'm not going to do my job that Nix would have me do. I never wanted it."

There was a long pause. There was a heavy feeling to the air, like it was filled with new information that had not yet settled into the minds of those still processing.

"So what else do you want to know?" Light asked, causing the other two to snap out of their reverie.

"We need to know what happened in Monmouth… everything." L stated calmly. A pale Pen took up her notebook.

"Well. There are some parts, that even I don't remember, It is true that we were pretty drugged up the entire time… wouldn't this be more pertinent to have him tell you?"

"It would usually, but we are on a time frame." Pen stated

"Time frame… right…" Light poured himself another cup of coffee plunking in two more cubes of sugar and a splash of cream to the concoction… "I won't bore you with the details, but let it be said that they didn't hold back with their torture. I'm sure that's quite obvious. It would have been worse if it weren't for Watari's checkups… I'll get strait to brass tacks, they have a second death note." Light set his coffee cup down, watching L carefully. Surely the detective would show some sign of shock, but he didn't. L simply placed his thumb in his mouth and began to chew, before finally speaking.

"I know."


	9. Bocca Chiusa

Bocca Chiusa:

With closed mouth

* * *

Even though L had shown Light every courtesy, the elegant youth refused to give out the details that L so needed to know.

He was used to opposition however, and didn't dwell on it passed an hour. L was used to refining things, sharpening them. L thought a moment and even contemplated leaving Light/Kira/Lucious in Watari's care for a while. The older gentleman had a knack for bringing those closed off and barricaded in their minds out and into the open. He sighed and decided he would never do that to his old friend.

So instead they sat and played chess drinking coffee and talking petty philosophy. All in all it was comfortable. But for Pen it was torture, trying to keep up with their outlandish talk.

If it had been Angina Melanomas or Huntington's disease, she would have been enthralled. She excused herself and departed from the room, early in their conversation.

Light looked on after the doctor.

"Are you sure this is a good Idea?"

"Yes, she is not needed now, I can call her up if I need her."

"So you're fine being in a room with a potential assassin?"

"No Light, you _are_ an assassin, It's just that you a reluctant one with a disassociative disorder. But I have confidence in my training."

"As long as you are aware. We've had some training too, I'm sure you know it? A hundred and one ways to kill L with a ball point pen?" Light commented, returning his focus to the chess game before him.

"Light I hate to bruise your ego beyond its already damaged state, but last time we fought, I wasn't exactly putting in my all." L commented, almost smirking.

"That's good then." Light said slowly nodding. Nonetheless L had unhinged his arms from around his knees, now positioned like a cat ready to pounce.

There was a large crash that filtered up from down stairs. Immediately, L's laptop blipped for his attention. L stabbed the key.

"Yes?"

"L, a very aggravated Lieutenant is down here, he demands to see Kira." L noticed Light's immediate reaction. He froze with the look of a child who had completely forgotten he had chores yet to be done. L did not smile, as that was almost positively the case.

"We will be down in a moment." But Light was shaking his head adamantly. L had already severed the connection.

"I'm sorry Light, but I thought that you had no major qualms with the lieutenant."

"Ah yes, but the lieutenant, as you say, has a qualm or two with me. You should be dead right now, I fear for this operation and its task force."

"Light is the best actor, I know surely he would be able to buy us some time?"

"Yes but you see, it's difficult to explain, lets just say the lieutenant has a way of wheedling the truth out of me." Light began to wring his hands.

"What way is that?"

"…" Light ignored the question for a long moment. "I'm afraid I've been a bit of a procrastinator." L looked at the young man quizzically. But Light just bit his lip in that newly girlish manner and turned away from L.

"What are you saying?"

"L? I have a huge favor... Well isn't that funny. Me asking a favor from the almighty L? But… just don't read to much into it." Suddenly there was pounding on the door. Nix's muffled voice could be heard on the other side arguing quite heatedly with Watari. Light curled up into the computer chair at the noise.

"Please don't read anything into this," he repeated "but I need you to… If I don't he is going to be really mad." Light stood once again looking fiercely at the door. "I'm being ridiculous. But please humor me. I need you to kiss me. A… good kiss." L stared at the youth with impossibly large eyes.

"Light kun, are you feeling all right?"

"Please L, You can ask me all about it later but… Damnit!" The pounding grew louder.

L gazed at the young man's trembling lips as he stared worriedly at the door, and instantly a wave of hormones took over. He grabbed the youth and kissed him.

Light **did **say that it had to be good.

Their lips were firm against each other's, unmoving from shock. But then L, realizing with every fiber that he was kissing the young, attractive, and highly intelligent Light Yagami began to gently caress Light's lips with his.

It seemed that the entire world had disappeared. Not only the world, but also their bodies. They were two pairs of soft pink skin touching, feeling. And L realized that the old analogy of fireworks had not been far off.

His tongue began its inevitable journey into Lights mouth past those soft petals till they reached the hard enamel barrier of white pearly teeth, which opened eagerly inviting him in.

L decided that Light tasted like bubbles. The fizzy tickle on your tongue after perhaps you had your first sip of soda after days of being denied the sugary beverage. But Light was only a little sweet. He tasted like fizz more than anything else.

When they broke apart, L realized that while their minds and lips had been in orbit, their hands had been busy down on the mortal realm. L's hand was beneath the black long sleeved shirt and caressing Light's lower back while Light had his hands in L's undeniably, more messy hair.

They stared at each other for a moment in amazement. Until Light's smile broadened across his face. It was a genuine smile, with only a hint of mischief. Light came back to himself much quicker than L had.

"Very nice L." The youth commented before scratching L behind the ear and sauntering towards the door. The inexplicably shocked L stared after him and watched as the youth opened the door to let those in the hall, spill in.

L had the suddenly uneasy feeling that he had just played right into Light, and Nix's hands.

Nix strode into the room and surveyed its occupants with cold searching eyes, lingering on Light for much longer than L liked.

"Can we help you lieutenant Nix?" The one who was speaking was Light and L spun towards the youth, amazed at the fact that Light acted so comfortable around Nix, when moments before he had looked so utterly worried.

A sick feeling in L's gut told him it had been a test or some kind of step towards his downfall.

"I just… wanted to know the results to the test. I was worried." Watari scoffed but stood like a pillar on L's left. A hand in his jacket pockets, no doubt gripping a weapon.

L's vagrant mind finally returned to him, now with such a speed that it exceeded his usual thinking capacity.

"Was it necessary to cause such a commotion. Surely Watari told you that we would be down momentarily." L grabbed Light's arm and led him from the room, leaving the to older gentlemen to follow. Light smiled joyfully at the almost vice like grip on his arm.

They descended down the stairs where Pen was watching a laptop screen before her. Eyes wide with amazement, before slowly turning them to L and Light.

L frowned as he realized that she had most likely been watching the entire ordeal from the security system.

When the two reached the bottom of the stairs, they waited somewhat impatiently for Nix to follow. L led Light over to the plush couch and pushed Light's chest so that he plopped down next to Pen who watched them both, eyes still wide with wonderment.

When L turned to Nix, the man's eyes never left Light. He scratched his face before turning to L.

"I'm sorry L. I suppose that I got a little carried away." L glanced about the entrance way and saw the umbrella stand over turned. So that had been the crashing sound. Nix must have been in a hurry to get to Light. L was uneasy with the new questions that pummeled him.

"Yes well next time call for an appointment, instead of springing by for a visit. I assure you that I would be on time for it. Provided I had ample enough warning. 10 minutes should suffice." L said coldly.

"I apologize. It wont happen again."

"Can I ask the reason behind your urgency?"

"I was worried, no one called me last night with the results. I assumed that some one would."

"Something arose relevant to the case." Light giggled. L stared at the youth; he did just hear that didn't he? The Light Yagami had giggled. He had to rip his disturbed eyes away from the youth to refocus them on Nix.

"I understand." Nix suddenly looked uncomfortable. He turned to leave.

"Don't you want the results Lieutenant Nix? After all that is what you came here for isn't it?" L watched the army man. He knew plainly that this was not the reason. Nix thought that after leaving L with his Light last night, that L should have been dead. No doubt he was merely checking on the progress. And after he had found out the detective was quite safe he had become irate.

L felt suddenly weary, both with the knowledge that the American CIA wanted him dead and that they might still succeed.

"Oh yes of course, but perhaps you could have your doctor fax the information to my office? I am rather late for a meeting." Nix was jumpy as he eyed the detective strangely, like he knew something the raven-haired one did not, well ofcourse he did, still L was uneasy.

"All right, goodbye lieutenant Nix." The tall man swiftly walked into the elevator and jammed the buttons to take him from the awkward atmosphere.

"We will return to the room, Watari please be sure to lock the door after us?"

"Yes L." L swiftly walked towards Light and grabbed his arm again to return upstairs.

"Why can't we stay down here?" Light whined

"Because I don't trust you as far as I can throw you."

"So, about 8 feet?" L looked at light with a mix of exasperation and annoyance. When they reached their room, L threw the boy into the room before following him.

"… So rough." Light whimpered as he rubbed his elbow that had bumped into the desk.

"Why?"

"Why what?" Light asked toying with his hair in a way that made L immediately think of Near.

"Why did you have me kiss you?" L seethed.

"You could have said no if you were so against the idea." Light pouted. L raised his hands into a strangling motion towards Light's neck before they landed in his hair and pulled.

What had unnerved the detective so, was that he had enjoyed the kiss. Extremely so. Which would have been fine, if he had seen it coming, but he hadn't.

Light straightened and walked towards the still baffled detective until he was standing right before him. Light outstretched his hands and grasped L's own before bringing them up to his neck into the position they had mimicked before.

Light was placing the detectives hands around his throat, knowing how mad the detective had been, to show him what? His obedience? His suicidal tendencies? His trust? L didn't know, but watched Light's sad eyes unflinchingly.

"This Light is a good actor too, ne Ryuzaki?" L's eyebrow rose quizzically.

"What are you saying?" Light's hand caressed L's chest before pushing the detective away slightly.

"L, you must move those at Wammy's now. Nix left in a hurry, I believe the reasoning behind it was so he could call off the raid on the orphanage. I'm sorry."

"No, he won't achieve his goal if that is the case, all the children have been moved already. Wammy's is more of a corporation instead of an actual facility. Right now they are… safe out of harms way." L watched as Light's eyes lit up.

"Really?"

"Yes Light…" L said running an exasperated hand through his hair.

"Nuh uh. Not Light."

"What?"

"I'm not Light, I'm Raito kun. The one who gets to show you how much I love you the mostest!" L almost fainted at Lights Missa impersonation.

"But Light said…"

"Light is stupid. He thought if he kept me as a wild card he could hold one over on you. He isn't the one who pleases Nix, it's me. Raito kun. But Raito hates Nix. I love L." L felt that at any moment his head would explode. He plopped down into the desk chair and pulled his knees up under him. Running his hands over his face.

Was it too much to ask that something be easy for once? No, L didn't like easy, but Light's split personalities, and the prospect that there was even more, made L want to attempt crying for the first time in years.

"So that's why Light asked me to kiss him." L asked his monotonous drone sounding even more lifeless and robotic.

"Yep, It's because angsty Kira feels he doesn't deserve L's affections, so he created me."

"I'm… confused." L stated plainly into the air as if in confession, his mind was completely boggled and he didn't like it one bit. Raito approached the chair and began messaging L's neck.

"It's ok to be confused once in a while. Its what makes you human, right? Ask me questions I will try to help L understand."

"Are you a girl?" The hands quickly retreated.

"No." Raito said a bit incensed. "Sorry to disappoint." Light's tone darkened. Light turned from the detective and made his way towards the table to get another cigarette from the pack.

"Why were you created? I mean how did you come to the conclusion that I might even be attracted to you?" L wondered if his careful mask had somehow slipped during those days of his and Light's bondage.

"Oh that was an accident. Nix used to trick us into believing that he was you. And sometimes, he was very kind when he played L. Kira felt he didn't deserve what he thought was your kindness, so his mind branched off again. Isn't he so weak?" L winced as he realized each of the faces of Kira had criticized him. Did Light really think so lowly of himself? Then he winced again at the implications of what Nix and Kira had been up to.

"So then that means…"

"Yes, Nix as L would sometimes have sex with us." The boy pulled his left leg under him and brang his right knee to his chest. He had a faraway look in his eyes.

There was a long pause where L felt his brain falter and then putter down to a less than acceptable processing speed. He almost banged his head against the table to get it restarted, but then Raito spoke.

"L?"

"Yes Raito kun."

"You _do_ like me don't you?"

"I don't know? I just met you." L said trying to be half hearted, but at the same time needing to avoid the answer.

"That's stupid, I'm just a separate part of the Light you knew in Japan. Answer the damned question. Was that kiss as great as I thought it was?"

"…Yes."

The boy pushed his mouth into his knee to smother the contagious grin.

"Good, then you can fix us."

"Fix you?"

"Put us back together. You are the smartest detective in the world after all."

"Raito kun… I'm afraid that, that might not be entirely possible. You may never again have a single mind." L was almost pissed at the criminal for putting that kind of weight on his shoulders.

"You'll figure it out. I trust you, we all do. Except maybe luscious. Well I'll see you later L kun." The pale hand smashed the cigarette out.

"Wait! Are there any more of you I should know about?" L spouted quickly, but just like that Light was back in the room.

"…"

"…I apologize for my behavior earlier."

"Really? What did I do to deserve this fate? One Light Yagami was quite enough now I have to contend with four. Maybe more!" L needed to get away from the boy soon. His blood was practically boiling, but first he had questions.

"Please shed some light on what went on between you… Raito and Nix?"

"In short, there were supposed to be two out comes after he had triggered the other personalities to reveal themselves. One: last night, you'd have died. Two: was that you would turn out to be a selfish person and wanted us for yourself, and there for Raito would emerge. That is why a kiss from you caused him to come out. Everyone was banking on number one. In the event that you did choose to become intimate with us, plans would be halted, because there is the possibility to gain more information on you and your operation. And perhaps learn enough from you so that we could become America's generic version of 'L'. That is the one that Nix's superiors wanted." Light chuckled.

"If he has indeed made a move on Wammy's, Lieutenant Nix will have hell to pay." At that moment L's laptop blipped again. This time the rat popped up and waved at the two of them.

-What's all the excitement? -

-Not now Fitz- L typed furiously.

-Fine, but I just wanted to tell you how truly awesome I am. I have just cracked the CIA's mainframe. No need for applause. I have what you asked me for- L was overjoyed that he now had an excuse to leave the room.

-Thank you Fitz, I'll be right down.- L closed the message screen and contacted Watari to unlock the door.

"I take it I'm staying here?" Light asked, amused at L's eagerness to leave the youth's presence.

"Yes, Watari will be bringing up meals, if you need anything he will provide it." L snatched up his laptop and stood by the exit. Waiting for Watari.

"This isn't Like you L. Running away." Light said as he walked back over to the bed and pulled the blankets and sheets back. It may be mid morning, but Light would be damned if he were going to wait up here like a forlorn puppy all day.

L said nothing as the door was unlocked and opened.

"I will see you tonight Light kun. Have a good rest, and be sure to eat every thing on your plate." L said not even turning his head.

"Whatever." Said Light as he flopped over onto the mattress and settled in for a long sleep.


	10. Col Pugno

Just a warning, they start to get into what happened at Monmouth and it isn't pretty. Be warned. But also use your imagination. It was bad. Really bad. Sorry Kira Sama

Read on my pretties

:runs:

* * *

L walked down to the elevator, a smirking Pen on his heels. She didn't say anything but she didn't have to. L sped up hoping to be separated from her in the elevator but she quickly followed him into the small cubicle. Her long curly dark hair was up today in a messy bun, which usually meant she had been working very hard. L didn't want to know what that was on.

He sighed heavily before turning to Penelope.

"Can I help you doctor."

"Don't worry I won't tell anyone, but… There was a lot more going on than I could tell. If you ever want that boy to be somewhat human again, you are going to have to tell me what went on. And I have a feeling that you want him to be whole more than maybe he does."

"Dr. Pen. I assure you that the kiss that happened earlier was for the sake of Light's psyche. It ensured that another Light would emerge." L said eager to throw her off his back with the new, and he knew, more interesting development.

But she wasn't thrown, instead she crossed her arms in that maternal way that made L simultaneously want to hug her or run.

"He asked for a kiss to make 'Raito kun' Appear, who is a complete idiot and is head over heals in love with me" L scoffed stabbing the buttons against all logic to make them go faster.

"Come off it L, I watched the whole thing. That may have been _his_ motivation at the time, butwhat about you?"

"My friend asked me to kiss him. He was scared. He told me not to read into it, and he kept looking at the door in fear. All that shows, Dr. Pen is that I hold some trust in him. But thank you for pointing it out. I don't know what came over me. I won't be so trusting ever again." L said coldly as the elevator doors dinged open and L walked out briskly.

Pen huffed before grabbing L's ear and dragged him into a small room. The only one, who witnessed it, was Fitz. And he stared wide-eyed after the two.

"Is it so hard to admit that you have feelings forhim?" She said depositing him into a chair by the desk.

"I already admitted my feelings for him. I would not have saved him from execution if I didn't hold him as a great friend and asset."

"Its ok to be attracted to him L. Infact…" she crossed her arms knowing that buttons would be pushed. "I think he is your type."

"My type? When have you, or anyone else for that matter, had the liberty to discern… _my type_?" Pen clapped her hands.

"Well, if you had a type he would be it."

"I see so I am obviously gay, what gave that away? Was it the sweets? Over exaggerated hand gestures?" L waved his arms around sarcastically.

"Look, I know and you know that you have never shown any ambition in attraction to either gender. Your type is intelligent, exciting and deadly. Against all advice from Watari you still revealed your self to the Kira investigation team and there was a very high likely hood of Kira being in that group. You may listen to reason and stay out of the limelight most of the time, but you do have a taste for danger. Don't deny it."

"I…" L huffed.

"Look I witnessed the whole thing, on top of that I'm your psychiatrist. I can see when you are lying to yourself." L brought his knees up and placed his face in the crook between them.

"Honestly L, and I shouldn't be encouraging this, but I think he would be good for you."

"So what, should we all head to Vegas so that Kira, Light, Raito, Lucious and I can get eloped because I have to know now, there's the bus to be rented and I just _know_ that 'Raito kun' will want to wear a wedding dress…"

"I don't know how many gay ceremonies they hold there, but I know Hawaii has them all the time." She said teasingly.

"You are insufferable woman!"

"Look I'm not telling you what to do. I just want to make sure that you think this over with your heart as well as your mind. Too often you neglect your heart in the process."

"I'm going to ignore this conversation and deny it ever happened."

"You go ahead and do that, as long as the message sunk in." L stood and practically ran from the room, good thing that investigation room was relatively dark. Or Fitz would spot L's bright blush.

Aiber and Wedy walked out from the back room. Wedy was holding a large set of blue prints. They both nodded to L before directing their attention towards the blue prints once again. They went into the forensic lab and set them out over the light table, to inspect closer. Wedy pointed out something while Aiber's hand was on Wedy's lower back as he paid close attention.

L's blush flared again. There was something most definitely wrong with him. He turned his attention to Fitz, who was sitting at the main console, waiting for L's arrival.

"What do you have?"

"I found Kira's file. And… it's not pretty." Fitz relinquished his place to L. Allowing the detective control over the stolen and highly top-secret file.

There were medical files upon medical files, month after month of them. He randomly clicked on one and opened the file to reveal many vid files. He clicked on the first. And the screen came to life; it was a darker padded room. It was almost a gym, with a punching bag and various other gym equipment.

Kira could be seen standing in the middle of the room. He was without a shirt, so that L could plainly see a few scars on his back, they looked red and fresh and L winced. He was wearing a pair of gray sweat pants. And L could plainly see that he had been sweating, at least cardio. He was drenched in sweat.

Too much muscle development would have left L suspicious so they were building up his endurance instead.

L sensed Pen sit next to him in a computer chair watching as well. He was completely absorbed in the screen. It read Lucious on the lower left hand side of the screen, and it showed what date the video was taken on. February twenty third, five days away fromLight Yagami's birthday.

That meant that they had only had him for less than five months, and already Lucious had been split. And if Light was telling the truth, he had already been created as well. L leaned over towards the screen so that he was balanced on the balls of his feet.

A heavily padded man entered the screen. He was a monster of a man with red hair, and bright green eyes. L couldn't help feeling unease at the fact that he was so heavily padded, while Lucious was not.

"L's strong points are his legs. He will attack from beneath. So it is imperative that you gain some flexibility. L has trained in Brazilian jujitsu, and Hapkido. But he is also a master at San Shou so he is just as deadly with his hands. He will use kicks, if it is mere tournament play, but in an actual life or death scenario he _will_ use San Shou. There are other styles he may have studied, so you must be prepared fully..."

"Today we will be focused on your training thus far. Lieutenant Nix is watching, show him what I've taught you, I will not go lenient on you today." Everything was translated into latin, and then they moved on. L watched as Lucious bowed, and then the fighting commenced.

His gut twisted, at the speed of the ordeal. And in a matter of seconds the instructor was on the floor. Kira's foot was at his neck. They parted and the instructor rose to his feet to begin anew. This time the instructor landed a kick to Kira's abdomen, sending the boy back. He landed on his knee and foot. Before springing up to charge his instructor. Light grabbed his arm and the instructor's neck causing the instructor to roll in the air before he landed on the ground with Kira's knee in the small of his back and his hands holding the larger man's between his shoulder blades.

L watched with growing fascination. Light had been kicked and punched a few times, but he kept rising to his feet; sending his instructor to the floor. It was clear that his skills were still unrefined, but this was only month five. And L had to imagine his fighting skills had either leveled with L's or more likely, exceeded his.

Strangely this did not disturb L. Even though the detective knew it should have.

"Wow." Aiber said. Kira spun and saw that both Aiber and Wedy had come over to watch.

"L, do you think it is such a good idea to have…that, so close to you?" Wedy asked eyeing the boy on the screen.

"Pen if you could please update both Aiber, Wedy and Fitz on Kira's conditions, at least the ones relevant to their next mission?" Pen nodded and stood. She led the three back over to the lab and began to speak in hushed tones.

L proceeded on in his observations. He selected another video that took place in December of last year and clicked.

The screen that was instantly displayed made L nauseous. It was Kira, hanging from a wall by his wrists. The bottom left hand side read Kira hour 38. There was a loud grating noise in the background. No doubt to prevent him from falling asleep.

The thing that made his stomach turn was the blood. There was so much of it. Caused by split wounds that L could recognize as the ones that had left scars all across his body. A man in black clothing entered the screen; he was carrying a bowl of something. And L had to bite his tongue when the man took a handful of what L suspected was salt and ran it over the boy's chest, scrubbing it into his wounds. The resulting screams echoed through the investigation room. Causing all present to shiver in their seats, L put on a head set.

L watched as this went on for half an hour. By the end of which, the screaming had faded out, but not for lack of Kira trying. His voice was very simply dieing. Lieutenant Nix stepped in and told the man to stop. The man quickly left, as if banished by the sight of the lieutenant. Kira was thrashing in his bonds, wracked with sobs. But only whimpers escaped.

L watched as the lieutenant began to comfort the sobbing young man. He leaned down to kiss Kira and offered him love. And Kira, to L's disgust, responded.

"I'm sorry Scott. I didn't mean to." Kira sobbed, his body trembling violently as the lieutenant lightly wiped away the lumps of salt congealed with blood still clinging to the boy's chest. Nix preceded to uncuff the youth and carry the cowering boy out of the frame. The scene ended there.

L scowled and called for Watari to bring him some sponge cake. He was going to have to be thinking very hard for the next few hours.

* * *

L trudged up the stairs towards his and Kira's room. Watari had told him that the boy had spent most of the day in bed, only getting up to smoke a few cigarettes.

L gripped the disc in his hands like a talisman against the dark. Pen was still in her office, but no doubt she would be watching what was to come with keen eyes. It had been her suggestion after all.

L sighed heavily before opening the door. The room was quite cold, as Light had not closed the window after his cigarette. Kira was fast asleep with no blankets and only his scrubs pants on, curled into a ball to conserve heat. L thought it was the most pathetic picture. He made his way towards the young man. Looking down, his breath hitched. He had been avoiding these feelings all day.

Was it possible that L had feelings for Light, or whoever resided in that fickle mind? Why did it have to be so complicated?

Pen was right. L had never shown any desire towards anyone or anything. He viewed the human libido as something beyond him, a waste of time almost. But he never looked down on anyone who had feelings for someone else. That was their own perogative. L was just… built different; he didn't need the daily coils of man. Hormones were there to grow muscles and facial hair, not to drive him into an erotic passion. So he dubbed himself anti-sexual when all the other children at Wammy's were bouncing off the walls in hormone riddled frenzies.

On top of that, why search out a special someone only to become close and then one day, have them be ripped away or worse, realize that they really weren't compatible. He had no desire; he never felt the need to hold someone. Sure their was the occasional case when a detective or operative would spark interest and a hint of curiosity. But L could count those occurrences on one hand.

He had accepted the fact long ago, that he was a freak of nature. He wasn't naïve about the whole ordeal; he had studied it, in his wonder why he did not have these feelings. He had done countless cases driven around love and obsession. He had even knocked boots with a few of those attractive detectives, both genders, to really see what he was missing. But it only left him with a great dislike for that person, which was a shame because if he hadn't done it, they could have remained friends and assets.

L knew these viewpoints weren't healthy, after all Freud said that the only unhealthy sex drive was no sex drive. But Nietzsche said that Freud was 'stupid and abnormal' and the detective was more inclined to agree with the hermetic philosopher who was addicted to opiates, than the almost psychologist who preferred cocaine. Perhaps it was because L had dealt with too many coke heads during his career.

He reached out and lightly pulled a strand of hair from Kira's face but pulled his hand back as if he had not liked the result of his curiosity.

L briskly walked towards the TV and slipped the disk into the computer console so that it could play on the large screen that was normally hidden within the dresser. He turned up the volume louder than necessary and with his cordless mouse he opened one of the videos he had watched earlier.

The noise of screaming filled the room and Light shot up from his sleeping position looking around blearily. He rubbed his eyes and focused on the screen. Even with the almost nonexistent light, L could tell that Light or whoever this was, had drained of all color. He looked like an eerie specter as his eyes were riveted to the screen. L turned his head again to watch the video.

Something awful was happening. Something that even made the great L, who had seen the mangled corpses of thousands, set down his crème brule he had previously partaken in. It was something L had to detach himself from. He had witnessed it too many times before. But never on some one he knew.

The detective curled into a tighter ball as he stared at the screaming and crying figure of Light on the screen. It was a simple and very illegal form of torture. One that was vastly popular in the Middle East, because all it required was a live wire… and the human anatomy of theone being 'interrogated'

L turned his head away from the image when a metallic sounding Nix asked Kira if he would write in the death note once again. L flinched when he heard the resulting scream.

He thought that the practice had died out some with the democratic presidency in the nineties. That president having been a great advocate for amnesty international, putting a stop to the atrocious practice in China and across the world. But now he could plainly see that the practice was not dead. It had merely fallen into the underworld, reserved for intelligence and interogators.Jobs that were still criminal but easily pardoned.

L chastised himself for being so naive. He should have known, that when it comes to national security… anything goes nowadays. There was no doubt in his mind that America viewed Kira as a national threat. And in the eyes of those in that facility, Dr. Miller and lieutenant Nix, this was their god given right to 'protect their country'.

When L's wide black eyes fell on the adolescent again He knew that it was Kira sitting before him now. Tears were streaming down the boys face. And L realized very completely that this was still a boy. Still a teenager.

In the half-light of the TV, L looked at Kira's face. It was so full of strife, and pain. L needed to turn it off. But he didn't because he wanted to… comfort Kira. And that just wasn't in his repertoire. And yes, a very ashamed piece of L wanted to punish Kira for making L care. For having the detective kiss him today and awakening something that made his mind vacant and numb, simply because Kira was going through pain.

He felt as if he had tasted a highly addictive drug, and the resulting buzz made his mind compute in a frenzied pace. L remembered the moment of clarity that came after the kiss, and he sadly wondered if he would ever feel that again. And if he had to kiss the young man in order to get it.

By this point, Light was shaking and sobbing. Trying feverishly to control his emotions but failing miserably. L paused the scene before them, thankful that the white lab coat of Dr. Miller was blocking his view of the video Kira.

He stood and walked towards the teen and sat next to him, rubbing his back in soothing circles as the teen tried to breath, his want to comfort Kira, it seems had won out. L pulled away and reached the voice console that connected him to Watari, it was only 10 o'clock, the man was probably busy in the kitchen putting together Fitz's dinner, as the child ate late.

"Watari?"

"Yes L?"

"Could you please bring a small paper bag with a bowl of ice and some coffee?"

"Right away." Watari was a good man, L thought. Kira was still trying to breath but his breath kept coming and going in tiny gasps, he was getting too much oxygen, and as much as it would have made things easier to just let the teen pass out. There was still a discussion to be had.

Kira's face was red with the strain and his eyes and cheeks were puffy as the teen kept swiping at them. L pulled one leg up to examine the denim fibers that were beginning to wear thin.

"I'm sorry Kira kun." A sudden left hook flung the detective back onto the bed.

"Fine…way…. To… wake… some one… up…" But L was relieved. Last time Kira had thrown a punch at him, had the teen reeling into a flash back. L's smile quickly vanished however as he realized there was no need of a flash back with a perfectly good video of the events sitting before him.

"I'm sorry, but I needed to get the ball rolling. Kira… you have to tell me everything you remembered. I have a timeline of the events, and many videos of tests and 'sessions' but it is not all there. Please I need you to remember. Yours and my life depend on it." But Kira just eyed the detective, still trying to get his breathing under control. Watari knocked and then unlocked the door. Wheeling in a tray full of Coffee, cream, sugar, a bowl of ice water a wet wash cloth soaking in it, a paper bag, a half of an apple pie and a giant bag of Pistachios. Kira's favorite. It seemed Watari had gone shopping today, and had been talking to Pen about Kira.

There was also a stack of papers on the tray beneath the beverages.

Watari tsked at the young man before walking over to the window and closing it. The room was very cold.

"Anything else L?"

"No, but thank you Watari." They shared a smile as the elder man made to leave.

"Oh I almost forgot. The elder gentleman pulled three separate packs of cigarettes out of his pocket and presented them to Kira. "You shouldn't smoke, the walls will absorb the smell, and even with all the renovating we have done, the landlord does not take kindly to it. Not to mention your health." Watari chastised. Kira looked up amazed at Watari for knowing his brand of cigarette.

"How… did… you…?" the two young men sitting on the bed were illuminated only by the dim light of a dark TV screen and the light streeming in outside of the room.

"He is a detective remember?" L said biting the inside of his lip. Watari bowed and made his leave.

L scooped up the bag and scrunched the opening but when it was presented to Kira, the boy eyed it seemingly annoyed. He finally grabbed it away before setting to work, evening out his breathing.

"I've read the case files, I've made a timeline, I can go over it with you. It may even bring back some memories." L walked over to the smoking corner and set the papers Watari had brought up onto the table. He pulled the chair out by pinching the back and dragging it and motioned for Kira to sit.

Kira stood and approached the detective, he sat down in the offered chair and the detective pushed it in. Making Kira raise an eyebrow as he finally lowered the bag. L was acting strange, how much did he know of what went on at Monmouth? How much had Nix recorded?

L sat across from him after bringing over the tray and setting it down next to the case file on the medium sized table. He poured Kira a cup of coffee with only a splash of cream and then poured his own. It seemed almost that the detective was waiting for a full confession about what had happened, or perhaps he was stalling.

Kira picked up the timeline that L had set before him. L was not a fan of hard copy, so the need to print thisall out was… a little confusing to Kira.

L brought out his own copy and held the sheet up as if it were something toxic

He knew he would have to tell Kira that he had disassociative personality disorder.

Pen had made it sound so easy. She of course was against the idea. But once again, they had little choice. Time frame.

So he did the simplest thing, and played the first video on the DVD.

Kira turned in his seat to watch the TV. But once he saw that this was simply an interaction that took place in the investigation building they were now in, He relaxed considerably. Instead watching the screen out of curiosity, not because he was horrified.

The scene depicted the conversation that occurred after Nix had awoken Light and he and L were playing Chess.

"I… don't remember this."

"No you wouldn't, this is one of your alters who shall remain nameless because his name is also the trigger to rouse him."

"Alter? Are you saying I have… multiple personality disorder?"

"It goes by disassociative personality disorder now a days." Kira watched in astonishment as 'Light' and L shared a conversation that quickly escalated.

Kira flinched away at L asking if Kira had sexual relations with Nix. L stopped the video there and fast forwarded to earlier that day when Light was explaining that Kira was the weakest of the group and how he took all the pain. How he really wanted death.

"That's simply not true!" But L shushed him as Light went on to explain that Kira had feelings for L.

Kira was looking down at his hands and L had to struggle to determine Kira's thoughts.

"Look, I'm here to help you with the case, let me do that… this is a little difficult to deal with. Just... don't listen to them…crazy person here"

"A little difficult to deal with?" L asked raising an eyebrow feeling annoyed.

"Yes L difficult. This morning I found out that I had, what was it? PTSD and depression. But lets not forget the incapacitating Temporal Lobe epilepsy… and now, you tell me I have multiple personality disorder? It's a bit much to deal with!" Light slammed his fists on the table.

"Well it's not like you have to deal with the other personalities, you don't remember them at all when they come out."

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Kira's face was turning bright red as he shot out of his seat.

"Please relax Kira. I don't want to have to deal with Lucious." L said picking at his thumb. Kira deflated and looked exasperated at L.

"Lucious?"

"Oh yes, he is one of your alters who wants me dead. He is the trained assassin part of you." L clicked a few windows and displayed a Video of Lucious tearing into a man and beating him into a bloody pulp. Kira swallowed thickly.

"There is a part of me that was made to kill you?"

"Oh yes. As well as one designed to get me into bed." Kira stood quickly and made his way into the bathroom. A message screen popped up on the TV. It was Pen.

-Way to go, are you punishing him? Try and be a little more understanding. This has to be hard. I'm locking the security cameras on your room so you two will have some privacy. That means you will have to be nice to him because if Lucious gets out, no one will save you unless you call for Watari.- L quickly exited the screen and scowled up at the cameras. He waited a few minutes, there shouldn't be anything in the bathroom that he could kill himself with, the mirror was shatter proof, no blades... he stood up reluctantly, nowing that if one really wanted to, they would allways find a way.

He grumbled, theaudacity of that woman.

He heard the shower go on. And a loud crashing noise. L Quickly went to the bathroom to see what was going on.

Kira was in the bathtub while the shower was blasting freezing cold water all over him. He still wore his pants, and they were now sopping wet. When L approached Kira waved him away.

"No, go away!" The boy was already beginning to turn blue. L ignored the comment and spotted the small rack that held the shampoo. It had fallen and made the crashing noise from earlier. L turned the shower off and began pulling a limp limbed Kira from the claw foot tub.

"No stop… dirty… go…. Should kill-" L succeeded in pulling him from the tub and setting him on the toilet.

"Please stop whining Kira kun. I've invested too much to simply kill you off."

"But… I'm no use to you. I'm even a threat. You are not being very smart about this L." L ignored him as he turned around and ran the tub faucet with warm water. He exited the bathroom to retrieve clean clothes for Kira and he set them on the counter.

He went to work pouring Epsom salts into the bathtub; it was a trick that L had grown to rely on as with age his posture sometimes caused him aches and pains. Not that he would ever change his habits however. The water turned a milky shade.

"Get undressed and get in the tub, I'll wait to talk to you until you get in." I am not going to bathe in front of you."

"You are, and my kindness at letting you get in while I am out of the room is almost out of my character don't you think?" Kira scowled and shoved L from the room. As soon as L was out of sight his thumb met his mouth and he began to chew furiously.

'What am I doing? He doesn't want anything from me, not this Kira anyway. And if I show that kind of interest Raito kun will just show up anyways'. But L knew little in the ways of comforting. Except what one would do to a child. That meant holding him. 'Thus Raito… what a conundrum' L paced a few times until he heard Kira.

"I'm in." L grabbed the laptop and entered into the bathroom. Kira sat stick strait, sulking in the tub, his hair covering his face and a deep scarlet flush that covered his face.

He threw a towel onto the wet floor and another one onto the toilet cover. He sat awkwardly on the thing balancing the laptop on his knees as he pulled them under him.

"Look Kira, I have studied Lucious's fighting techniques, so I'm fairly certain that I can stop his attacks. Plus…" L pulled out a taser "I have this with me at all times." Kira nodded.

"The reason I tell you all this, that you have multiple personalities, is because some part of you is working with Nix to kill me."

"Why does Nix want you dead?" Kira asked, his voice petulant.

"Well I suppose that could be any number of reasons, but the one I think is most relevant is because they have a death note." Kira stopped breathing. He turned his face away.

"Please don't freak out, I know you've had a lot to deal with but, I need your complete attention when it comes to this. You must remain calm and think clearly, because your understanding is imperative to our lives. The reason I believe they want to kill me, is because I am the only one in the world who can call them out if they use the death note. They know I will expose them. And the CIA does not take lightly to anyone revealing anything about their practices."

"So then expose them already and get the hell out of here!" Kira said with vehemence but a tinge of worry faltered his words. For him the idea was entirely risky. "I can't believe you let that man into Wammy's, if they kill you, they would have to kill every one there!"

"I believe that Nix wants to capture the orphans of Wammy to create his own little super army. But that will never happen. I've suspected for some time that Nix has had his eye on me, there for the children have been safely removed. I've even known that he has the original death note" Kira Stared blankly ahead. He found it baffling that the pumping of his heart was not causing waves in the white milky water.

"I must ask, did you count on me bluffing your execution? Did you think up until the very last minute that you might some how escape some day to go back and get the book? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I…I don't know." He knew that wouldn't be enough for the detective. Even though L could see the immense shame written across Kira's form like lime green graffiti and he suspected it was numerous reasons, he wanted the answer strait from Kira's mouth.

Kira was shaking, again. Not daring to move an inch. As if freezing would save him. L remained quiet waiting for an answer.

"It was a back up, after I got captured. If there was even a chance that I could get out of there… yes L, I would have used it again." Kira looked at the detective with pleading in his eyes. "But not anymore! You have to believe me."

"I do, Mr. Leon, my English teacher at Wammy's quit smoking when he was 34, he kept a pack of cigarettes in his drawer for 40 years never smoking them. They were just for insurance. But why I wonder, didn't you tell me about it when you came back into my custody." Kira sunk into the tub, wishing he could drown himself. "Perhaps it was because you already knew the CIA had it and it wouldn't be there." L tapped away at the laptop as it wobbled on his knees.

"Don't worry, I watched the ordeal they put you through to admit it. And I've heard what they said if you where to tell me that they had it." L pushed a button and the acoustics of the bathroom were filled with the noises of Kira screaming again and of several men chuckling.

Kira shot out of the bath, L surprised at the eyeful he got, Kira pushed L forcefully off the toilet and ripped the lid open. The force of his retching worried L, he was sure that Kira would be feeling that in his gut for days to come. L set down his laptop atop Kira's clothing and draped a large clean towel over Kira's naked form.

He knelt next to his friend and began to rub his back in soothing circles.

"I'm sorry Kira kun. That was so wrong what they did, I'm very sorry. Those men should be shot." Kira continued dry heaving. He rested his head on his arm lulling in and out of consciousness.

"Kira, What those men did, there is the possibility for revenge." L stated as he continued drying the teen off. Kira's head shot up at L.

There was fire in those eyes. Blazing embers of amber. Revenge was a word that meant a lot to Kira. And it gave L goose bumps with that look. For a moment he thought he had awoken another alter, but the creases of sadness around those eyes told him differently. This was still Kira.

"Do tell."


	11. Unisono

Please Note that when I am talking about DoS attacks and all the hacker mumbo jumbo, it is for the most part all coming straight outta my twisted make believe lala land mind.

I do not know if the pentagon works on a separate mainframe. I do not know what I'm talking about really, BUT there are such things as Zombie Hackers, where they infect common PC's to use them as a virtual army on the side of the parent hacker, there are such things as daemons. I know, I saw it on public TV.

But I am by no means an aficionado, and I doubt that it is possible for what L and his team mentions to happen in real life.

Also the facility I am talking about in New Mexico (fixed) is an actual place. It is believed to be the new area 51, and often times UFO's are seen circling that mountain that the facility is under. It isn't however called 089. I made that up. : Hands the fiction police my artistic license.:

So while most of this is bull, there is a pinch of truth.

Also, the 'little black box' came out of my head… but hey, it could happen.

Read on my pretties,

Dante's Muse

* * *

unisono:

unify

* * *

Whispers of revenge flitted about in Kira's mind and commanded his attention. Even though they were just that, whispers. L had only mentioned that soon Kira would have the opportunity to get back at those men who had ruined him.

It was a strange kind of paper-thin resolve he had, but a resolve nonetheless. And after a full year of having no hope except for a vague promise made by L through Watari, He would take what ever he could get.

L had denied Kira anymore coffee, saying that he had slept all day. Unless he wanteddecaffeinated.

Kira quickly declined.

"Good, because there isn't any."

Kira sat on the bed, His stomach was sore and his muscles were weak. He watched as L stood by the tall window next to the table. Staring out over a city and the night lights it emitted.

"The city that never sleeps" Kira said with a small smirk. "It's very appropriate for you." L turned his head slowly towards Kira, a small smile and a nod. Careful expressions where all that either could offer the other, with all that had happened. And all that L had found out.

L knew.

There was no limit to how much the detective knew about him. The man could have easily written Kira's biography, with nary a remark on Kira's part.

"Kira… I'm sorry."

"It's fine,"

"No, I'm sorry for resigning you to that." L said sadly

"how could you have known what they would do." But he was lying to himself; of course L knew what he was signing Kira up for. Of course he knew all that could and would happen. But Kira found a strange need to make the situation lighter than it was. For L and himself.

He had to be fine with it. He had to be. Because if he wasn't, the shaky precipice he had stood himself up on would crumble and all that he was would have crumbled with it. That thought scared him. And he realized just how much that tiny hope, that tiny promise made to him all those months ago, meant. If he hadn't had that promise to fall back on? He would be dead.

"It's not ok. Kira. No one should have to go through that. No one." But Kira didn't agree. And he knew the conversation would escalate into an argument if it went any further, so he made a compromise.

"It's done with, no use living in the past. What about this case we haven't been working on." L sighed but answered.

"There have been no new victims, and I am 87 percent sure of the reason why."

Kira leaned forward on the bed.

"Why?" Kira asked, eyes wide.

"Because I am already in New York, no need for more to die. They have achieved their goal."

"Please elaborate." Kira sighed.

"I believe that the bodies were planted by a man that works in the CIA."

"Nix?"

"No, he has easily cleared himself from suspicion. Nix is in on it however."

"Your telling me that the US government ordered over 40 people dead?"

"No I believe it has been kept from anyone in charge. Nix and his subordinates were given orders, and they are going about it in the most despicable of ways. Keeping those whom ordered it in the dark to protect them."

"I see."

"So then, what? A man or a group of men have killed and they are just going to be set free?"

"The only way we can bring them down is to show the proper evidence to their superiors. They will have no choice but to try them."

"So we need Nix to ensure evidence."

"Yes, that is where you come in."

"…" There was a long pause where neither of them made eye contact.

"You want me to go back don't you?" Kira stood from the mattress and went to don one of his heavier sweaters that Wedy had bought him. He was actuallybeginning to get very cold.

L slowly turned towards him and he looked older than Kira had ever seen him. His eyes where heavy with no sleep, and his face was gaunt and pale.

"Yes eventually." Kira slowly nodded understanding L's dilemma.

"Just tell me what you need me to do."

" For now… I need you to eat something. Come on."

L led him down stairs and into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator door

"What do you find most appetizing?"

"I don't know, something easy."

"Something easy…" L repeated to himself before snatching up a pork medallion and the bag of apples. He set them on the counter and fished the balsamic vinegar out of the cupboard.

Kira watched amazed as L began to cook the items he had retrieved with skilled hands. The smell of roasted meat and apples lifted into the air. L took the balsamic reduction and he lightly drizzled it over the sliced cooked apples and pork. It was a masterpiece and Kira was amazed.

L took out a bottle of wine and two wine glasses.

"Wine?"

L motioned for Kira to go and sit at the table in the dining room. He did so obediently. He set the plate and silver ware before him and watched as Kira took a tentative bite. His eyes slowly widening.

"Wow L, This is… amazing."

"Try some wine with it. It's a Riesling. It should complement the pork nicely." Replied L's monotonous voice. Kira took a sip of the chilled liquid the color of a golden delicious apple. It was…complex. And even with Kira's limited knowledge of wines and corresponding dishes, these two went together well. He wasn't a fan of dry wines however so he set the glass down.

"Where did you learn to cook?"

"On board the Athenian, a cruise liner made into a private vessel. The chef on board is a good friend of mine. Also British society and government dictates at least basic knowledge of the finer things." Kira nodded as he continued to eat.

"So then if we don't need to focus on the killer we should focus on the victims, there could be evidence. Even if it is a government job, there is always evidence."

"Yes…" but L was skeptical Kira could tell.

"Even if its just epithelials or fibers, there is always evidence. You just don't like the case because you know already the culprit. It's like solving a puzzle you've already solved. Am I right?"

"I will not lie, that is part of it. But I am more concerned about the Death Note right now."

"I can understand why." Kira set down his fork, finished with the meal. He had managed to eat most of it. "So what are we to do about the... other personalities of mine."

"Unfortunately, there is nothing we can really do right now…" L decided to change the subject."I have a question Kira. What do you think about Nix having the death note?"

"I think that is a very dangerous scenario."

"That is what I think. If I were out of the picture the American government could kill unchecked. There would be no one to point the blame. It is imperative we get that note book and destroy it."

"Destroy it? You know that I will lose my memories if that happens?"

"I won't let you forget Kira. I would remind you of everything."

"I see. Well yes, I can see that we must get the death note away from them. How do you propose to do that?"

"I want to send you back."

"I thought so, L you are talking as if you already know of the complete pathologies of my illnesses. If Lucious were to come out right now, what would you do?"

"Lucious is still controllable and he may be vital to getting you back into that facility."

"L, we don't even know if the death note is even at Monmouth."

"I know it's not, it's in New Mexico, in an underground bunker."

"How do you know?" Kira asked dumbstruck.

"That is of no matter right now. When you go back, they will take you there."

"Why would they take me there?"

"Because you will make a deal with them. They will receive my name but only if you are the one to write it into the death note."

* * *

They stayed up the entire night and most of the next day, going over the blue prints for the bunker labeled 089.L kept confirming that this is indeed where they would be taking him, and that they would not bring the death note out of the bunker to meet him.

L assured him that this would be the scenario, even though he would not tell him how he knew this.

They had a meeting with Wedy and Aiber at noon to go over the escape rout. Then a meeting at 3 with Fitz to touch on Fitz's job in the sting, as well as what kind of untraceable weapons and tools they would need to use. Then another meeting with Nix at 5 to keep up appearances, to round the whole day out, it would end with a checkup with Dr. Pen and L.

Kira was glad to be doing something. Glad that he was useful again and after each passing hour he seemed to be filled with more of a glow. L hadn't slept yet, but the detective was nowhere near tired.

The almost excited look on Kira's face lifted his spirits and began his blood pumping. This would be extremely dangerous, but L was very used to danger, and Kira he had expected, jumped at the chance for revenge.

Of course there was still a lot he was keeping hidden from the boy criminal, they both knew that. But it was for his Kira's sake and he accepted that.

He chatted with Aiber and Wedy when they came in and went over the drawings, and rout, which Kira would be taking. It would be difficult because Government facilities like these often worked like submarines. If some thing wrong were detected, the whole place would go on lock down.

But there was a major flaw in the making of this particular facility. Usually government buildings such as the Pentagon and even Monmouth, worked on separate circuits.

No Internet.

Everything was usually brought in by a separate main frame so that it is virtually unhackable, and untraceable.

The difference between 089 is that, they do not have a third party to take the fall in case of a hacker, there were too many people who lived there to do that. The people in side the facility can go onto the internet (limited) and the place had no such 'impossible hack' mainframe, at least in that respect.

It did however have the best protection from outside hackers with firewalls and the like, this side of the asteroid belt.

Fitz however, could easily claim citizenship beyond our universe, in his ability. And for the past 3 weeks he had been preparing for an event, which would surely take him down into the history books. He had been infecting system after unsuspecting system with his daemon, a virus that when the time came would take control of that computer.

Then each of those infected computers would become a diligent member in his zombie army.

And with a little luck and some Flamin Hot Cheetos, Fitz claimed that he could take the 089 main frame down for a total of 15 minutes.

The doors would open, the locks would unlock and Kira would be able to accomplish his mission.

L personally didn't like the kind of trust they were placing on such a small window of time, and a twisting feeling in his gut went unidentified.

"Don't worry so much, this isn't your specialty but we know what we are talking about, right Fitz?" Wedy commented.

The little screen came to life with a video of thousands of zombies attacking a farmhouse.

The voice of the kid came out through the speakers,

"Some one's about to get owned" L smiled.

"All right, Kira I need to speak to you about when you meet with Nix. If you will excuse us?" The two present nodded, looking wide-eyed at Kira before he left.

"I won't be coming with you when you meet Nix."

"What?" Kira questioned, snatching his head up at the comment.

"He asked for a private counsel with you. Though it won't be as private as he thinks. I will be watching and listening, I wantedto give you the opportunity to tell me if there is something that you haven't admitted already." Kira's head slumped forward, his long amber bangs covering his eyes and creating a deep shadow over what was once usually piercing eyes.

"You know everything, I think, that we are in what he refers to as a twisted type of 'relationship' He mocks the fact that he took my virginity." Kira looked up expecting to see surprise of some kind filter into L's eyes, but none did.

"I know of that. Your second alter told me. He might call upon that alter, so don't be surprised if the meeting appears to go very fast."

"I… I understand."

"Also, it is imperative, I'm sure you know, that none of the information we discussed today comes to his attention."

"Of course."

"It also might be pertinent to hint at some kind of tension between you and I."

"Tension?"

"For when the time comes that I must send you back to him, it will be more believable."

"Yes I understand."

"I have talked to your two cooperative alters, so they know all this as well"

"You have?" Kira asked, bewildered with when the detective could have done so. L nodded.

"I will be observing from here, Watari will come down here and retrieve you, you will have to be cuffed when he does, to appease the lieutenant, do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Also, I apologize Kira."

"For what now?" Kira squelched the anxiety in his chest, knowing that L could easily pick up on it. It wouldn't do to make the detective worry, and Kira knew that the detective worried about him. Steady warmth filled his heart until he turned to L to ask again what the detective was apologizing about.

BAM

A direct hit to light's mouth sent him stumbling back a few paces.

He tasted the blood, and betrayed eyes lifted to L. But comprehension quickly took its place.

Appearances.

This was Kira's proof that there was tension between the detective and the murderer. He brought his hand up to his mouth wiping away the copious amounts of blood that steadily dripped down his chin.

"Let's get that cleaned up before he comes."

L led Kira into the bathroom, passed the two rubberneckers who watched them pass. Neither L nor Kira spared them a glance. It must have been unnerving to see the two emotionless younger men walk past, like a jab to the mouth was so common place between the two that it didn't warrant any display of emotion.

While in the bathroom, L lightly dabbed at his lip with a disinfected cotton swab. His mouth was terribly sore, and he knew that his lips would be tender for at least a week.

Not a word passed between them, and Kira never met L's eyes as he attended Kira's horribly swollen lip.

"Next time don't aim for my mouth, I don't want to go losing a tooth." Kira said, trying to make light of the situation. Giving a little awkward laugh, then wincing when the smile caused him pain.

"I did not use that much force, only enough to damage your lips. Lip wounds heal relatively quickly, and with your epilepsy I was afraid a hit to your eye might cause a seizure."

"Oh… yeah."

True to his word, Watari came over the intercom announcing the Lieutenant's arrival. Then the elevator light dinged on as the elder man made his way down to retrieve him.

L drew Light's hands behind him and secured a pair of handcuffs in place.

"I will be watching everything Kira kun. If anything happens, help is but a few seconds away." Kira nodded. Though he couldn't stop the sense of foreboding that seemed to hang over them.

Watari led him into the elevator by his upper arm,L and Kira met eyes before the door closed with a final ding.

When Watari led Kira up stairs the lieutenant was waiting patiently.

"Jesus, He did a number on you." Kira fought down the urge to scoff, he directed his eyes to the floorboards and waited to be led to where everthey would have their conversation.

Watari picked up a tray with water and led them to a dark red room. It was a bit depressing, but Kira couldn't be sure if it was the room making him feel that way, or something else.

"Thank you Mr. Watari." Nix said politely. Watari bowed and then left the room, locking the door behind him.

"I've finally gotten to have an audience with you, I thought L was trying to protect you from me, but now it seems that I should be protecting you from him?" Nix asked as he sat at the love seat next to the wall, eyeing the younger's split lip.

"It was a simple argument, we had a disagreement." Kira stated robotically.

"Really, what about."

"Nothing important. We had physical fights all the time in Japan. Nothing to be worried about. Our personalities just don't mesh."

"I see." Nix stood once again and led the still bound Kira over to the love seat with him, and sat him down next to himself.

"Our personalities are more alike though, aren't they? Both of us are willing to do what ever we can to get what we want. But it's all child's play for us. You with your great mind. And me, with the limitless power at my command." The lieutenant ran his hand through Kira's long auburn locks.

"And yet, we both want what the other has, more than anything else. Together, we can help each other to fulfill our dreams." Nix brought his hand down to caress Kira's neck.

"Don't" Kira pulled away, but a steady arm around Kira's waist pulled him tight to the lieutenant again. Nix laughed lightly.

"Don't worry, L has promised not to use surveillance." Nix looked up at the tiny camera in the corner of the room. "Of course I trust him about as much as he trusts me, that's why I brought this along." Nix pulled a black box from his pocket. It was the size of a fist and had numerous gauges and buttons on it.

"You see this dial," Nix cranked the knob until it was all the way up. "It creates enough static so that any listening devices in the room or even those that are pointed at the room will not be able to pick up our conversation. And then this button..." Nix pushed it three times. "Sends out electro magnetic waves, so that the video from this room will be choppy at best. Depending on the type of equipment L uses. It's pretty handy."

Nix set down the device and leaned in towards Kira who was watching the man in shock. No way was this happening. Nix pressed his lips fiercely to Kira's, and the pain from his split lip was immense. Kira could not help himself, as he whimpered at the pressure.

He pulled out of Nix's grasp and stood.

"Is that why you came here?" Kira said viciously, ready to fight the man even without the use of his arms.

He picked up the device again and turned it off, depositing it back into his pocket and pulling out a small remote instead.

"No, I came here simply to make a point to you and to L. You know, when I had to take that collar off you for the MRI, I didn't like the way you looked at all. You look much better with obvious signs of ownership over you"

He pressed on the remote and a blinding flash of light slashed through Kira

Pain ripped through his neck and traveled down his spine and up to his brain. He felt himself falling, landing on something hard that gave way underneath him, sending shooting pains into his back and wrists, but it was barely noticeable to the pain in his neck.

The raging torrents continued, until he felt himself being lifted up to sit on the man's lap.

"It hurts doesn't it?"

"…Yes!" Kira bit out at the man, convulsing and shaking in the man's grip. The force of his trembling made the man have to straiten his black-rimmed glasses.

"Its incomparable to the pain you will feel if you betray me." He whispered vehemently into Kira's ear. "Remember where your loyalties lie." Nix kissed him again, this time biting his sore lip and holding it tightly between his teeth until it began to bleed.

"Hnnng." Kira cried out as wave after wave bit into his only slightly mended mind. He felt himself being pushed aside and he vaguely noticed the man make his way to the door, knocking and waiting. But still the pain continued until the sound of a key could be heard in the lock, then he was panting hard, but the pain was gone.

Only his muscles left twitching and weak from the clenching the ordeal had caused. He lifted his head to look dazedly up to the door as it opened while he lay on his stomach, arms still bound behind his back. The lieutenant walked briskly out while Watari rushed in to take Kira's vitals and to uncuff his wrists, he checked him over for any wounds, discovering Kira would have a nasty bruise on his back.

An argument could be heard in the living area between Nix, Pen and L, but it didn't last long, as the tell tale ding of the elevator told him that it was over, thank god, Nix had left.

L ran to the doorway and looked at the heavily panting Kira where he lay.

"Can you stand?" Watari asked. Kira responded with a shaky nod as he went to sit up and put his shaking limbs beneath him. But his muscles were too weak, and L leapt forward to help catch him as he slumped in Watari's hold.

L easily picked him up and headed upstairs. Pen lead the way a furrow in her brow as she opened the bedroom door and L gently set the rapidly recovering teen down.

"I'm fine. It's better now."

He tried to sit up but a firm hand pushed him back down.

"Just rest for a little bit." L's monotonous voice wavered a little.Kira sighed but lay back on to the mattress.

"It was an electric shock right?" Pen asked as she suddenly pulled his shirt up and settled a very cold stethoscope over the teen's heart.

"As far as I can tell." Kira nodded his confirmation that it had been an electric pulse of some kind. L was pacing the length of the room as Pen continued her examination, finally checking his pupils.

"He doesn't trust me." Kira said flatly.

"That is fine, I don't think he ever trusted Kira. It's the other ones he needs." Kira's hand came up to his neck and he slipped his fingers under the scratchy nylon fibers that secured it in place.

"I'm sorry Kira, but Nix has informed me that Senator Burrows has signed an order that you can not take that off While in the US of A. He is the only one who knows of your existence with in the senate and the white house. This could be a help to us later..." L looked only momentarily distracted.

"Oh…Well it's fine then that he doesn't trust me, we'll just have to convince him with the other me's"

"Yes." But L continued pacing.Kira's heart beat finnaly starting to slow down.

"L would you please sit, your making me motion sick." Kira smiled. L stopped and turned, he came over to the bed and climbed onto his side of the bed, inspecting the teen for a moment. "Can I sit up now?" Pen nodded. Kira slowly pulled himself up into a sitting position.

"How do you feel?" She asked, that furrow still on her brow.

"Like I was just electrocuted…" He sighed shakily. "It feels like I have the flu, with muscle soreness, and a bad headache…"

"I'll get you some pain relievers." Pen said standing quickly and making her way downstairs.

"Don't worry L, I'm fairly confident he doesn't know anything. He was acting on paranoia."

"Yes." L stated blankly, wide eyes inspecting the youth further. "I'm sorry Kira."

"Stop that, you know that this was just the logical course. Frankly I was expecting worse." L shot up and walked into the bathroom, shuffling noises could be heard. "L you're freaking me out. It's not like you to apologize for something that you had no control over." He called out to L.

L reentered the room with a wet washcloth. But before he returned to his crouch on the bed, he called down to Watari.

"Watari, ice please."

"Yes L."

L climbed onto the bed once again and began to tend to Kira's lip once more. Pen and Watari entered together, Watari carrying a tray, and Pen cupping what was sure to be a pain reliever in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

"Here, this will, not only stop the pain but knock you out for a few hours rest."

"I don't need rest. I'm fine, just a headache." Pen looked to L for help but he just shrugged. She set down the glass of water and huffed as she exited the room, Watari set the tray on the table and wrapped some ice in a washcloth, before presenting it to L who swapped it out with the old one.

"Stop fussing, I'm fine, just a little sore."

"Is there anything else L?"

"No, thank you Watari." Kira waited until Watari left the room.

"Is that really his job? To wait on you hand and foot?"

"Yes, he gets paid enough to do it I assure you"

"And he is happy to do that?"

"Well he tells me he is, and Watari is hardly a deceitful person."

"Yes I suppose." L went back to dabbing the slowly oozing blood on Kira's lip.

"Would you stop that?" Kira took the washcloth and pressed it to his own lip himself.

"Once the bleeding stops, you should get some rest."

"I'm fine, more awake now if anything."

"Well it wouldn't be unusual for you to be overloaded with endorphines after that happened." L said with an index finger firmly placed on his lip.

"Just give me an Aspirin and I'll be ready to go in no time..." Kira moved his legs over the ledge and shakily found ground.

"We should go over that new weapon that Fitz developed don't you think? My control over it wasn't that great. And I should probably work on a few locks, I think the minimal lock pick training they gave me, won't be enough… Just in case I mean. I can't imagine they'd just have regular locks on the doors, but if I need to get into a file cabinet or a janitors closet…" Kira tenderly stepped forward, His face bright as he managed to stay on his feet while holding on to the back of a chair with one hand.

"Kira kun, have you looked at the time recently?"

"No." Kira turned towards the clock on the wall; it read 11 pm. "It's not late. So what."

"Kira you have been awake since 9 pm yesterday, now verging on 26 hours of no sleep, and I even longer than that. I require at least four hours of rest now. And you in your physical state need more. We should go to sleep now."

"Boy how the tables have turned." Kira smirked.

"More like aligned, you will more than likely crash in twenty minutes if you keep this up. Why not rest?"

"Fine then." Kira huffed. Pen walked into the room.

"I got you some extra strength Tylenol, but I'm not giving you any acetaminophens."

"I'll actually take the other now, if you don't mind?" He asked carefully. Her jaw dropped.

"He is almost as bad as you!" She accused L. But she reached into her pocket and drew out the pill that she thankfully hadn't put away. She held it out to him, and he swallowed it quickly before he needed any water.

Pen shook her head.

"Thank you." Kira offered apologetically. But she just raised her eyebrows and smiled as she continued to shake her head.

"Good night boys."

"Good night doctor." L said as he stood to change for bed. She exited the room, closing and locking the door behind her.


	12. Agitato

Also short chapter again, but the next one shouldn't be long in coming.

Read on my pretties.

* * *

Agitato:

agitated

* * *

For being so awake the night before, Kira had passed out right away. L got his required four hours of sleep and an extra hour, because he had been up relatively late. Kira was now softly exhaling next to him. 

Kira had removed his shirt in the night, as he often was warm. L watched the scarred chest slowly rise and fall. Some thing had happened since that kiss. Something he realized was already in motion but agonizingly slow in the making. His heart was not strong enough for this.

Suddenly with that kiss, a new side emerged. L had thought that his adoration of Kira was already unhealthy, but with the knowledge that Kira liked him. Loved him enough to revolve a separate personality for him only… suddenly it didn't seem so far fetched, these feelings.

Kira had always sparked some sort of curiosity in him. The same kind of curiosity that had landed him in bed with a very attractive FBI Agent or two. But it also went beyond curiosity, because he was fascinated as well. Before he had thought it was the criminal aspect, being so close to such an odd case. It was like watching a serial killer being born

But now, his fascination had only grown when it should have waned. And he was gripped with the overwhelming urge to reach out and touch those scars. And being L, someone whom almost always got what he wanted,did just that.

He sat up and leaned down over the boy, he lightly traced the thickest of those scars, he had a few scars himself so he knew how they made the skin sensitive. How when you touched one of those scars, it was only a thin piece of tissue between ones touch and it's nerve endings. He knew that it felt like the rest of your body was covered in dull cotton compared to the feel of when those old wounds were traced.

He traced it all the way from Kira's right deltoid down to his left oblique. And he wished with all his heart, he hadn't resigned Kira to the fate of that facility. He should have locked him up immediately, and disappeared with him.

A sharp intake of breath alerted L that Kira was awake, but he did not still his wandering fingers. A hand came up from Kira's side and grabbed L's wrist.

"What… don't..."

"I'm sorry Kira kun." L said still staring at the bright skin that marred Kira's naked chest. "I'm so sorry." L's voice wavered.

"Don't be sorry, you're giving me the opportunity to make the whole mess I've made right. Don't ever be sorry for that." Kira said groggily, his mind amazingly sharp even after sleep. He looked away from L and drew in a shuddering breath.

He curled on his side away from L. But L drew him into his arms and curled protectively around the boy. Kira stiffened, but then relaxed. He turned around in L's arms so that he was facing L, and looked up into those shining onyx orbs.

"I love you L." And the boy wrapped his arms around L's waist and burrowed his head into his abdomen. L shakily ran a hand through Kira's hair, and the startling realization hit him, that he loved Kira also?

He was in love with a repentant murderer, god help him.

Kira began to caress L's back and snuggle closer as if trying to get into the detectives skin. Kira tilted his head up, and L was breathless with those tear filled eyes staring at him. Kira pushed himself up further onto the mattress, till there lips met.

It was tender and sad and filled with pain and also hope. Kira's hands became much more adventurous as they traveled under L's shirt across his surprisingly well defined pectorals and skirting the belt line of his pants. L forcefully pulled Kira away from himself, both were panting heavily.

"Raito kun?" L deadpanned. Raito sat up and huffed, folding his arms over his chest.

"Hmph" L pushed him down onto the mattress growling down at the boy.

"I want to speak to Kira!"

"Too late, you scared him away, don't blame me." Raito giggled as L's hand on his chest tickled him.

"How can I call him back?"

"Light told you already, jeez you don't listen do you, pain remember? You know, I bet if you tried some kinky bondage play that pansy would come out to play, hahaha." Raito giggled again.

L shoved Raito harder into the mattress. He hated this self-loathing side to Kira, he hated that he had the need to protect himself from L.

But it wasn't that, he was sure Kira felt that _he _needed to protect L from_ himself_, and that he was not worthy to be shown affection by the detective.

And this detestable brat is what Kira chose to take his place? Perhaps Kira did hold over some spite towards L from their earlier battles.

Raito kun had wiggled away from L and stood, walking over to the dresser looking for something he deemed acceptable to wear.

He sighed, as the only options available to him seemed to be drab and cotton.

"Light Yagami. I want to speak with Light Yagami." L said from his place on the bed.

"No I don't think I'll let you."

"What is the meaning of this?" L asked in a monotonous drone that only Kira and his others would recognize as being filled with anger.

"You're a gaki you know that L? I may love you, and maybe that gives me more right than anyone else to say this…" Raito spun on his heels and stared the detective down with fiery eyes.

"It's hard for me you see, because I _do_ love you. Light and Kira have forgiven you for what you have done to us. But Lucious and I have not." His words were like ice as they dripped from his mouth. "Do you know what that is like? To love someone with all of your heart, and hate them at the same time? It hurts me. And to say that I am torn…" Raito smirked icily "Would be an understatement, don't you think?" L faltered, his hand clenching the sheets where Raito had only moments before been laying.

"So I think that you do not deserve to see the more forgiving of my … for lack of a better word, brothers, at the moment. Now I've been watching your plans, and I want to discuss the role I get to play in this drama, should we go down stairs?" L sighed heavily as the words that had been spoken swam around in his brain. Some part of Kira was angry with L for what he had done to him. It was almost a relief.

And like a bolt of lightening, it hit him. If he could some how, get Kira to openly admit his anger towards him, than maybe…maybe he would be on his way to whole again.

L sighed, willing to play along with Raito's games for a while.

"What is it like in there? Do the separate minds share a detached consciousness, or all of you floating around like ethereal entities inside your own mind?" L was truly curious, it isn't everyday that you meet some one with disassociative personality disorder, and Raito it seems would not be giving up the stage any time soon.

Raito paused, somewhat surprised at L's willingness to stay in his company.

"Hmm, you know what it's kinda like? It all centers on Kira. Kira is the main man, but I bet you knew that. Most of us just sit back and watch. Like a horror movie. Except Kira, he just goes unconscious and Lucious... he's busy bashing in the usher's head." Raito smiled fondly as if talking about the youngest of his brothers. After a moment L's mind realized that that analogy wasn't far off.

"How is Lucious, I've yet to really get to know him." L asked.

"Trust me, you don't really want to know him. He has an obsession with you L. He wants you dead, so you better be nice to me, or I'll let Lucious out to play." Raito sang teasingly.

"Is there anyway, that Kira can become aware of you three?"

"I don't see why not, but I'm afraid none of us knows how to do that, he made us to protect him. I also think… that he made us so that, he could protect the parts of us, he wants left untouched, and to protect the world from him. I don't really know it's just a bunch of psycho babble to me..."

"I see." Raito finished dressing and threw himself playfully on to the bed.

"I love this bed! It's way better than Scott's." L's eyes darkened. Raito noticed and he rolled over onto his stomach to look at the detective. "Are you jealous?" Raito teased.

"How could I be jealous of a ruthless bastard that beat and raped you?" L asked standing to change.

"Yeah he is a prick, I don't like him much, but when things got really bad he some how made them better."

"So that you would play right into his hands."

"That may be, but still it made at least _my_ time there bearable."

"Raito kun, what do you think of your brothers?"

"Hmm, I think Lucious is my favorite, just because he is so alone, and I really pity him ya know? Light is a pompous ass, and Kira is just a weakling that can't do anything. That's why I think that you choosing him to do this is stupid, you should pick Light or me."

"Why don't you like Kira? Didn't you feel bad for him after last night, and with what Nix did to him?"

"Nah, Scott was just trying to intimidate you and him. Even Kira knows that. I'm surprised Scott didn't call me out though; I think he is mad at me maybe. He thinks you and I have had sex after all. Ha, he thinks I'm cheating on him, but he gave me the damn orders."

"What?" L asked aghast as he pulled the stark white shirt over his head.

"Oh yeah, well, I wasn't even supposed to show up unless you and I get intimate. So since I was there when he busted in to our room, acting all macho, he thought that you and I…"

"I understand." Lsat up onto his haunches.

"Ne, so umm… you want to… do it?"

"Excuse me?"

"Don't worry I'm not like some black widow spider that will eat you after I'm finished. But since he already thinks that we had sex and now that we both know that there are feelings between us or you two... don't you think we should do it?" Kira asked with careful audacity, a bright blush adorned his cheeks.

Damn him for being so damned cute.

"I…I.. " L stuttered

"You, you what? Let me guess, you won't do it with me until Kira is aware of me will you. I knew it, so chivalrous. How kind of you to not take advantage of poor Kira."

"That is the first thing we should be concerned with before sex yes. And I don't know ifI'm even ready to consummate a relationship."

"Who said anything about a relationship?" Raito kun seemed to wilt a little before continuing.

"You know it would put everyone, on my end, into a better mood though right? We haven't gotten any in a while." L coughed, this had to be the most disturbing conversation of his entire life.

And that included discussions about Mary Kay-serial killers, and an excruciating talk about the 'birds and the bees' which he received… a bit… behind hand, from a stuttering Watari. He had thought the old man was having a stroke!

Even more memorable it had been intermittent with stressful phone calls from the British Prime minister and the coarse demands of an African bush man about how much he would be paid for guiding L's men deep into the Congo to stop an illegal diamond runner.

"At the risk of sounding like a flaming queer… do you think we could at least… cuddle?" L's head felt light, yes, he was sure, he was going to pass out any second. Light Yagami had just used the word cuddle. Not only that but he was suggesting to enact this most flamboyant of words with the detective.

L wondered if the 13 criminals he had sent to their deaths were cold? Raito continued after L's blank stare.

"It's one thing to be able to read some one enough to know that they care about you. But sometimes, it just helps to you know, solidify that fact?" he quickly continued.

"Unless I'm reading you all wrong and you really despise me after all." Raito's cheeks turned a flaming red then. And L suddenly realized what Raito wanted to hear.

The logical side told him that he had to admit his feelings to the youth. It would help when the time arose that Kira would have to make a vital decision when he was in 089, in that maybe he would make the right choice when it came to writeing a name down on the death note. But it's wasn't as if Kira would even know what happened here today, would he?

Then his heart welled up, and L had to stop himself from instantly pushing the feelings out of his mind. He had told Pen that he would consider his own feelings when it came to this.

And when he looked at the still blushing Raito on the bed, who had now turned away, graciously offering the detective a 'never mind', his mind was made up. He had to prove to the young man, that even this advantageous and bombastic side to him was appreciated, and yes, L admitted to himself, liked.

He silently and quickly made his way towards the down cast youth and wrapped his arms around him. They fell softly to the mattress, Raito's eyes were wide as the detective held him, until he turned in the man's hold and snuggled into his chest breathing in the sent of Irish spring soap and coconut shampoo, a very odd combination but uniquely L.

Yes L had in fact sold his soul to the devil, and what an adorable devil he was indeed.

He never ever, ever thought about himself being the comforting type. If it was unavoidable, that was Watari's job, but L didn't want Watari to take _this _task from him. And he felt a littlepossesive as he held the teen

L held him and enjoyed the warmth they shared in the early dawn until something wet could be felt through his shirt, he pulled the teen away in ignorant curiosity and looked down into Kira, no... Raito's eyes. He was silently weeping and two small spots of wet were visible on L's shirt.

"I… I'm sorry I don't know what is wrong with me." Raito tried to pull away but L held him firmly pulling him back into his chest as full out sobs began to wrack the once muscular frame in his hold.

"Hmmm" L hummed to himself, half to comfort Raito and half to help his mind muddle through the emotional mess he had fallen into. "Maybe you are crying because I am holding you, and you thought that I didn't have feelings for you."

"Come off it L, you don't have feelings for me, you have feelings for Kira. But yeah, I thought that you would be like Nix and just take advantage of our body, forgoing the mind."

"You know better."

"Maybe." And Raito had a far away look, before he pulled out of L's arms and sat up wiping all trace of melancholy from his eyes. "So Light isn't responding, and the only other way I can think to get Kira back with out using pain, is sleep, some how that resets everything. Maybe you can get Dr. Pen to use a sedative?"

"What do you mean Light isn't responding."

"I don't know what he thinks…which is amusing but yeah, he could still be shaken up about Scott, or he might be trying to give me more time with you."

"Light would do that?"

"Yeah, Light _would_ do that." Raito confirmed. "So, sedative?"

L looked quizzically up at the youth who was now refusing eye contact. Apparently he had done the right thing for the boy to be so easily giving in, where before he had been adamant.

"I… yeah… sure." L quickly placed the call to Pen, who groggily answered the phone.

"I'm still sleeping L."

"Ahh yes I am sorry to disturb, but Raito is sitting here with me, and unless I cause him bodily harm or we give him a sedative, Kira will not emerge. I really don't want to beat him into a pulp when he is not himself so would you mind terribly if you brought him a mild sedative" He stated calmly into the receiver.

"You two will be the death of me-" she hung up and L knew that the doctor was literally dragging herself out of bed and to the medicine cabinet.

* * *

Raito was now fast asleep on the bed as L ate his breakfast of French toast and maple cream. Both he and Watari were skilled in the culinary arts, but neither usually had the time to actually create such masterpieces like L usually had in the many four star hotels he often lived in on cases.

He eyed the sleeping one, soft auburn tan tendrils were covering his face and a tendril was at his eye, making it twitch, the boy too drugged to do anything but grimace. L sighed as if he were being put out and leaned over the opulent bed to pull the strand from its mark. There was something intoxicating in watching the young man sleep.

He seemed to command a holy reverence in L, and once again the detective found himself leaning oddly, and precariously over the soon to be twenty year old. L pulled himself up, remembering what happened last time he had been transfixed with the boy's beguiling image of innocence.

He focused on the screen of the computer. It was no secret with the team that this plan did not sit well with him. There were too many things to consider… too many Lights. He thought vaguely of this plan, a lot depended on Kira. More than he was comfortable with. The boy would have the death note in his hands… And even more, his name with it.

It was true that L didn't need to give Kira his real name, in fact that was the only thread that held him to this plan, but what was to prevent the youth from jotting down two other names in that book. Two names that L knew Kira had plans for revenge.

One Scott Nix and... one Light Yagami.

There was the side to Kira that L believed truly wanted to live, but there was a darker more powerful side that told him that he deserved to die.

L's only options were either to convince Kira that there was Life after the death note, or to guilt trip him into needing to live, to right his wrongs. Oddly enough the other alter's seemed to have self-preservation at heart; every other aspect of Kira wanted to live, but the one aspect that mattered.

To woo or to weaken? The answer was quick to come but he found himself second-guessing in light of this morning. Were his feelings getting in the way of the right decision?

What were his feelings?

Sense screamed at him to not trust Kira. But at the same time his heart was ruling over all that he did.

Kira was a mass murderer. Fact.

Light Yagami had been proud, defiant and had a lust for Power. Fact.

But Light Yagami had also been kind, studious, and brilliant when without his memories. Also fact.

Now what was Left of Kira was a shattered mind. With each and every one of those qualities embodied. But most prevalent were the benign. It was obviously a defense mechanism that had made for Light to fall into this sad ruined aspect, but surely the other qualities were still there.

It suddenly hit L that he didn't care. He didn't care if Kira would turn into a power hungry megalomaniac. Because really the only reason L was seen as any different was because he operated on the side of law. And it wasn't as if L was unsure if he could control that megalomaniac side of Kira.

He grumbled and pushed those thoughts aside for later inspection as he returned to the task before him.

Kira began to stir; at least L hoped it was Kira.

"Wuthabben?" It was Kira then. The teen coughed a few times before repeating himself.

"What happened?"

"One of your alter's came out."

"Oh… why?"

"I think it's because I hugged you."

"Wha- what?"

"Is that so bad? You like me right?" L asked with a bit of edge to his voice.

"I…What?"

"I apologize it must be difficult to have multiple personalities if they are always telling your secrets…" L said monotonously, with a hint of coldness.

Kira looked at L with a furrow in his brow as if he couldn't understand this L. He blankly stood and walked into the bathroom.

Kira looked at his reflection. He was so tired, but he knew that if he went back to sleep he would wake with even a greater headache than he already had. He rubbed his forehead looking briefly at his reflection in the mirror.

He must have done something to piss off L. …'Is that so bad….you like me right?' What the hell had gone on this morning?

Kira shook his head and began to wash his face. But the water kept slipping out of his shaking, cupped hands.

Shrugging it off, it was his lack of sleep Kira hoped. He quickly prepared for the day, eager to get back to work on the plan. L's odd behavior would wait until the detective decided to let him in on something only he and his alter's knew about.

He exited the bathroom, willing the unease out of his bones with the prospect of something to do.

"Should we go down stairs and get to work?" Kira asked as he pulled the black cotton pants and long sleeved sage cotton shirt he liked best from the drawer.

"We will go down stairs but we have different work to do."

"Different?"

"Yes, I'll show you when we get down there." L stood slowly folding up his laptop and walked towards the door. They made there way to thedownstairs to the elevator and then the investigation room.

Everyone was out today, Wedy and Aiber had taken Fitz to an electronics store to get parts, Pen was upstairs in her office and Watari was flitting about in the shadows somewhere like the ninja he was.

There in the middle of the investigation room was a treadmill machine.

A nice one, the kind you can only find in gyms.

"You have to start exercising. They had you on an exercise regime, but Pen has informed me that they must have kept you in a cage the last few months. The muscle you had gained is quickly deteriorating, especially with your malnutrition. I hypothesized that you would most enjoy running of all the exercise techniques."

"How'd you guess that?"

"Just a guess really." L shrugged him off. "I will be going over everything so far as you run." Kira smiled. It would be good to be healthy again. He had been deprived of it for so long. And his body suddenly demanded that he start exercising. L sat down and began picking through the case files before him with wary fingers. Oh how did he hate hard copy.

"Stamina and speed would be the most conducive to our mission as well." He said off handedly.

"I'm not complaining." He clapped his hands together and stood atop the machine. "All right time to walk the dog." L stopped his leafing through papers, and abruptly stood. It seemed as if he were refraining from something drastic as he approached Kira with a fiery glaze to his ever-open eyes.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing relevant…" Kira said taking a little step back from a red aura producing L.

"Did you just say… time to walk the dog? What did you mean by that?"

"Uh… nothing, wha-"

"So then are you saying, Kira, that you are my bitch? Because that's what it sounds like. And if you think that you're my bitch then why the hell not. Walk the dog..." Kira's eyebrows shot up. This was not L. L was not getting angry with him for a stupid little comment.

"But I guess it's true after all I let you sleep in my bed, all curled up at my feet like a good dog. And you heed my every whim not complaining about anything like a good dog. You even let me tell you which clothes to wear. Your such a good dog Kira kun!" L said in mock enthusiasm as he stepped forward and began to pat Kira on the head. Kira tore himself away from L's touch.

"You're even going to go fetch the death note for me, such a good boy." L said through his teeth.

"Stop it L." Kira said backing up some more and turning away. But L was on him in a flash, he grabbed him by his upper arm and spun the newly distressed Kira towards him.

"I wonder Kira, if you would even be unable to disobey an order? Maybe they built you this way. All of your alter's say that you are the dominant personality. The original, however weak they admit you to being. But I don't believe that. I think you are another fabrication of Nix's. Maybe to get pity from me, or even trust… I don't know. But this pansy ass attitude is not the Kira I knew.

"Shut the fuck up L!" Kira said backing away again, but really having nowhere to go. Where would he go?

"Here, I would like to test a theory Kira." L walked over to the stack of papers he had brought with him. He picked them up by the two corners, and threw them up into the air. A flurry of papers scattered about the room like huge minimalistic snowflakes from a different dimension.

The papers fluttered down around them as the two stared at each other until L spoke,

"Fetch Kira."

"L... why?" And L had to bite his tongue to keep up the image he needed.

"Kira, you aren't my dog are you, no, your Nix's dog."

"L please stop…" Kira said weakly, his voice hoarse but no tears fell.

"You're his errand boy. And I'm the mark, right? I'm the fowl. And this weak willed apathetic Kira is just a bird dog, weak in the mouth so that he can carry out his duty."

"Your wrong!"

"Am I? But how can you know? You don't even know the names of all your alters. For all you know, you could be more dangerous than the assassin Lucious." L's droll voice went up in pitch and strength, but only by a decimal.

Smack!

Kira was now standing stock still, his hair covering his face as he looked at the ground, fists clenched. L let his foot fly and sent the unprotected teen back. Kira threw another punch but this one just glanced off L's shoulder as he sidestepped it and elbowed the back of Kira's neck and sent Kira to his knees.

Kira stayed there. His empty fists clenching as they supported him on the cold tile floor.

"Bad dog, Kira." And L walked away, more perturbed that Kira had given up so easily in his fight.


	13. Guadioso

I've been getting a lot of questions about the chapter titles, and I've come to realize that some of them are not easy to find. So I will list their meanings here:

_Overture_: The opening.

_Cessura:_ to abruptly stop

_Spiccato:_ Reference to stringed instruments. A sound made by the bow bouncing on the strings. It has a bouncy and choppy effect

_Bisbigliando:_ Whispering

_Ma Non Troppo:_ 'But not to much'

_Misterioso:_ Mystery. To make a piece sound mysterious.

_Divisi:_ Division, usually when players diverge from unisono to create an almost dissonant **or** harmonizing effect.

_Dissonante:_ Dissonance, a simultaneous combination of tones conventionally accepted as being in a state of unrest and needing completion.

_Boca chiusa:_ 'with closed mouth' usually meant for a humming choir or performer.

_Col Pugno:_ To pound with a fist (on the piano literally to pound on the keys creating a harsh and reverberating sound)

_Unisono:_ Unison, most connected with Division, when a group of players fall into the same notes to strengthen the resolve of a piece

_Agitato_: Agitated  speaks for itself, ne?

Also, when I talk about Temporal Lobe Epilepsy. It is all true except for conformation on Vincent Van Gogh and Beethoven. That is just speculation and ofcourse edgar allen poe and joan of arc… I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. There is a very informative address at the bottom if you are interested.

Read on my pretties,

Dante's Muse

* * *

_Guadioso:_ With Joy

Kira was knelt on the middle of the investigation room floor. Papers scattered about on said floor with splotches of white and text. His head was bent level with the floor as he stared at the cold gray tile, his long hair hanging over his face.

His lungs heaved, but no tears fell. He felt L's eyes on him. Always L. For two years now… L had…. But it was wrong to blame L. He couldn't blame L because the detective had only brought Kira to justice.

He could never blame L.

The elevator dinged and Wedy's voice rang out.

"We're back, and we have-" She abruptly stopped. Kira _couldn't_ look up at them.

"What is going on here?" This time it was Aiber's steady timber. Kira didn't see as L lifted his hand and motioned them to stop.

"Nothing more than disciplining my pet." Kira shuddered in response. L shook his head. "Keep him down here, he is not to leave this room, do you all understand?" They all silently nodded, still watching the broken young man on the floor. "Do you understand Kira kun?" L's voice was dripping with venom. Kira didn't answer; he just stared wide-eyed at the floor. Swift footsteps approached him.

A sharp yank to his hair, brang his face up to meet L's.

"You will answer Kira kun." L demanded.

"Y-yes." L let go of his hair with disgust and walked from the room. Kira missed L making eye contact with Aiber, signaling for him to follow.

Wedy and Fitz came forward. Fitz was hiding behind Wedy with a look of astonishment on his cherub and bleach blond framed face.

"What happened?" Fitz asked meekly.

"That's what I'd like to know." Wedy commented as she gazed at the door were both L and Aiber had disappeared through.

"Please keep away from me." Kira asked with his head still bowed. Wedy straightened up and made the way towards the tech room.

"Come on Fitz. Best to leave him alone." Wedy said as she walked towards the door, with only a sliver of worry in her blue eyes.

Fitz leaned over towards Kira.

"Sorry." And then he ran after Wedy leaving the broken criminal, still quite broken.

A few minutes later he stumbled to his feet. And made his way towards the exercise machine. He took off his shirt and began at a slow steady pace before it turned into a rapid pounding on the conveyor. He ran, and ran and ran, wishing that it would take him anywhere else.

He wished he was running laps with the tennis team, he wished he was running to school because he was running late. He wished he were taking a leisurely run through the cherry blossoms that were just undoubtedly blooming in that park he so loved.

He didn't want to be what he was. The anger in him still boiled but he desperately tried to keep it down. To push it into himself.

He supposed it could be true that Kira really didn't know if he had something darker in him than even Lucious. It was possible. Who said that there weren't any more personalities? The one L refused to name, and then Raito, who had told L all of his secrets, and then Lucious.

In his heart he felt that there weren't anymore. But L doubted it, and L was the greatest detective in the world. And Kira was just… a criminal. He got off the treadmill and grabbed some water from the mini-fridge beneath the desk.

He did feel a little better, but his mind was still in a state of suspense. What if L was right about everything else as well? What if they were just playing right into Nix's hands? They really couldn't be sure. He pulled his shirt back on, wanting a shower but knowing L had forbade him from leaving.

Much time passed, but fortunately Kira had thrown himself into his work. Barely acknowledging when Watari showed up and served him lunch, no words were spoken. And Kira did not even look the old man's way as he set the grilled cheese next to him.

Kira needed more than anyone else to memorize the blue prints of the place. L had a suspicion of where they would be taking him, but it wasn't the only place they might go. His first task would be to act the part of vengeful lover. He almost laughed at that prospect when L had suggested it the day before.

He would need to seem distractedly angry enough that the men watching over him were lax enough for him to make his move eventually. He was fairly confident that he could act the part well enough; he thought that perhaps that was the reasoning behind L's out burst earlier. Perhaps he wanted to enrage Kira enough to easily distract himself with that role. But according to Aiber, the sting was still several weeks…

After they took him to the room that the death note was in he would have to some how create a distraction. Fitz was going through all types of Macgyveresk scenario's and devices that could possibly be smuggled in. But both he and L knew that nothing would make it past security. Save for a few needles and some fishing wire. Maybe.

Once Kira was in, at exactly 9:45 PM, Fitz would start the virtual attack. The entire main frame will be down for 15 to 20 minutes from then on. Fitz had rigged the virus to open all doors that led out for the first ten minutes, after that Light would have to enter in a very easy pass code to go through the doors. But this meant that Aiber and Wedy would only be able to get so far into the building, and it meant that as he progressed towards the outside, the opposition would increase in density.

That meant that Kira had to get his hands on some kind of weapon. A gun preferably… Kira did not like guns. But he supposed that he was desensitized enough thanks to Monmouth that he could pick one up and use it. They knew Kira hadn't liked guns and took liberty with aiming it at any body part they so chose.

Vengeance was a powerful drug and Kira in his heart of hearts, knew that he would be able to shoot to kill. L doubted that. And that familiar twinge of fear rose up. What if L was right?

Well damn L. He wasn't the one going in there.

The elevator signaled a new arrival, but Kira never looked up. He felt a hand on his shoulder and swiveled the chair around quickly. It was Dr. Pen.

"Kira, I need to speak with you." Her eyes were full of emotion and he could tell pity. He swiveled his chair back. He didn't have time for that.

"About what? I'm a little busy, can we speak here?" She sighed.

"I suppose." She sat down in L's chair and eyed the untouched meals next to him. Her eyebrow twitched.

"What did I say about meals? You have _got_ to eat god damnit. How do you ever think that this is going to work with a skeleton Kira doing all the work?" Kira's eyes fell on to the plates.

"Ahh. I'm sorry. I forgot, I wasn't focusing on food." He picked up the now freezing cold grilled cheese sandwich and began to devour it as he still typed away. It was a request form to L to train on a shooting range. If this was to work he had to get in some target practice at least.

"I need you to take this." Pen held up a pill and a glass of water he hadn't noticed she'd been carrying.

"What is it?"

"It's an anti seizure medication."

"You want to start testing these now? It will turn me into a zombie. No, I need my thought processes intact for this."

"I thought you'd say that. L said that if he has to, he would force you to take the pill."

"Tell L he can go fuck himself." Pen sighed again irritably.

"Do you know how annoying you two are? I will not be your go between. You go tell him that." She stood to leave, but Kira grabbed her wrist to stop her.

"Just tell me what he wants me to do? What's left for me? I'd rather be his dog, doing his bidding, than his caged bird, who does nothing." He said, not taking his shadowed eyes off the screen.

"… He doesn't want an animal Kira… he wants a friend. And most of all he wants you to… be healthy again." Pen ran a hand through her long wild hair.

"I'm trying so hard… I want to be better but I don't know how."

"That's just it Kira. Before, would you have cow-towed as you have so obviously done to L now?"

"No, but quite a few things have changed, I was... more than misguided back then Pen. I was damn near evil. I wanted L's blood." She sighed heavily.

"And there in lies the rub." She looked up at the security camera. "L is addicted to danger, and he does have some more…self destructive qualities. But your wrong Kira, L explained everything to me. You weren't evil. You were a scared, threatened and bored genius. Some one who can neither go to heaven or hell. I think it's safe to assume that your bad mental health started way back then, to say that you were going through an existential crisis… would be an understatement. But you went about dealing with it in the worst way possible. I think you know that now.

"Your want to end L was only natural. He was a threat to your survival, L knows this. Everyone knows this actually, the whole team, Watari, and most importantly Nix. And he has used it against you. L wants to help you, but you have to help yourself as well. Saying you don't know how is moot. If you knew how to get over this, you would have figured out a way to cure the human condition… you have to figure it out yourself Kira. Just like the rest of us humans. It is just that you have more to muddle through than most the rest of us. You have more in common with L that way, than you know about." She glanced back up at the camera for a moment.

"But look, just take the damn pill. We have plenty of time to figure out which one works best on you. And you aren't being led in there alone, contrary to what you might think. Everyone is giving their all on this, you're not as alone as you think." Kira nodded. He took the pill from her hand and swallowed it dry. He continued to work, but instead of leaving like she said she would, Pen sat back down.

"What?"

"Well I want to keep an eye on your reactions to the medication." Kira nodded, as he understood. They sat in silence; Kira began to work with a renewed frenzy. He wanted to accomplish something today before he would possibly start drooling all over him self. He knew enough about anti seizure medication to know the possible effects.

Soon, within fifteen minutes he felt the drug begin to fuse into his system, he was tired. So tired he could feel it in his bones and it was only 6 PM. After a while Pen started to notice his head lolling forward as she worked on the computers as well.

"Are you tired?"

"Yeah."

"Well that is to be expected at first, come on, I'll take you upstairs to bed." Kira tensed and Pen noticed. "What."

"Nothing." He followed her into the elevator and they made their way upstairs. The apartment appeared to be empty. Pen began walking down the hall on the lower level, away from his and L's room.

"Where…" he yawned, feeling extremely tired.

"Oh. L has asked that you take up a separate room."

"I see." But there was no inflection of anger or sadness. He walked into the room. It was sparse. Tan walls and a low ceiling. But the bed looked more than inviting, and there was a small half bath adjoined. Even though it was unfurnished and small, Kira found it very comfortable.

"This is the intercom. Just push it and it will patch through to either Watari or I. Get some sleep."

"Yeah... Thanks Pen."

"Good night Kira."

"Good night." Pen shut the door behind her. Kira pulled back the covers. There, sitting on top of the pillow, was a dog biscuit.

* * *

Kira hadn't seen hide nor hair of L in the last 48 hours, and it was really getting on his nerves. He had hypothesized what the detective was up to but to Kira it was a brash way to go about things

Watari and Pen had been the only ones in contact with Kira. The next day Watari had led Kira to Dr. Pen's office where he was to take his medication and talk for a little while of the effects it was having on him. Kira didn't like the medication one bit. Already he was bone tired and he knew his mind was sluggish and he often found himself rereading things.

He told her honestly but she said that a few more days would have her conclusion and they would start the next trial. He had to reach full dose and his body had to be saturated with the medication to really know the full effects and then he had to be slowly weaned off. With the later days starting him again on another prescription. He didn't care though. He just somberly took the pills and told the doctor how tired they made him. The end.

When Watari had taken him back to his room, the treadmill was there. Which made the room smaller, but it wasn't like he really cared. They had also brought him up a computer, but it had no hookup to the Internet. Only the case files and the information they had already input. Also as if to mock his lack of space once again, L had chosen an obnoxiously big instrument for him to study. The cello. There was a small note tied around the case and Kira lifted it and read:

_Dear Kira,  
_

_I picked the cello, because I think it most suits your disposition._

_You will find an instructional guide uploaded onto the computer._

_I think I would much prefer a songbird, to a hound dog._

_L_

He lay down on his bed facing the wall. He was tired. But it seemed that sleep wouldn't come quite yet. Nonetheless, he continued lying there, just thinking. His mind running over all the conversations he had had when he had met up with L once again.

Kira new that when his true colors where visible, he could be a rather volatile person. But so was L. More so than he. How did L do it? He had a mask sure. But it was generic, and most of its power lay in the name.

Kira, on the other hand, had dozens of masks. So that when Pen and L had told him of his alters, he realized they were manifestations of his many masks. He supposed L knew this. L after all, knew _everything_ about him. And Kira had to stifle a crazy laugh when he thought of how L was the only one really who was immune to his facades. It was a scary and liberating thought.

To think that Kira had thought that he could one day dethrone the detective. How childish he had been. He sat up and went over to the cello. He opened the case. It was a cello, nothing particularly special about it. It was obviously used, and had a few scuffmarks. The fingerboards were well worked over.

He pulled the bow from the case and the brick of rosin and began to polish the bow, not really comprehending what he was doing. He set down the bow, and pulled the cello out and held it in something akin to a lover's embrace. He mindlessly picked up the bow and pressed his fingers to the strings and began to play.

He wasn't really all that surprised as a beautifully somber tune filled the room. His eyes closed, and he let his hands take over. The melody reverberating through his skull and filling the room like a heavy smoke. It almost choked the ears but it was a rich and inviting melody.

He felt himself lifting above his depression and everything in his past.

He vaguely registered a noise of the door opening and he opened his eyes, and saw L. But he didn't stop. He wasn't sure if he could. And only a tiny piece of him thought that he should.

L sat at the small desk adjacent to Kira and shared in the communal experience of sound and melody.

Kira barely registering that it was his hands that made the strings sing.

The song died on a long and sorrowful note, and when he was finished, Kira set the bow down as if it were something possessed.

"You play beautifully." L said hugging his knees.

"That wasn't me playing. I've never played an instrument in my life."

"Oh? No it was you Kira. Lucious plays the Cello quite as beautifully."

"Lucious!" Kira spat.

"Yes. The side of you that wants me dead, loves the cello, and speaks perfect Latin."

"I don't want you dead. That is the side created by them."

"No, it was merely nurtured by them. You had that in you the day I accosted you on the television and you killed the criminal Lind L. Taylor, I frightened you that day didn't I? That may have been the day when you lost your humanity. Because I coerced you into becoming the monster capable of killing some one you had come face to face with."

"L, I'm tired…" Kira was so tired infact, he wanted to lie down and sleep for a decade. Even the thought of revenge wasn't enough to banish his exhaustion.

"No I think now is a good time to talk." Kira sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "I think I will call this whole operation off." L stated averting his eyes to the barely touched rosin cake. Kira's head shot up.

"What? But the death note."

"If we disappear, the government can't use it. They will try to chase us down and eliminate me, but they can't use the note if I know the truth, and could very easily open my mouth to other countries, that already have vendettas against this country."

"But what about Wammy's?"

"The children are safe and will remain so… We could always go after the death note later, when we are more prepared."

"You mean when you think that I am ready."

"Yes, that is most of it."

"L I can do this." He said it with deadly calm.

"Can you? When you can't even disobey your new master… How will you handle disobeying your real owner? The one who trained you, and made you who you are today."

"If what I am today was anything to be happy about, maybe then I'd have a problem. I hate Nix. With every fiber of my being."

"It is not uncommon for an attack dog to hate its master. It's whether or not it can disobey him that matters."

"I'm not yours or his dog!"

"But you act like one Kira. You follow my every command. You hang off my every word."

"What do you want me to do? Try to escape? Try to run? Fight you? When these hands…" He lifted his hands to look at them. "These hands can play the cellowell enough, they must also be able to rip you to shreds as they have been so programmed. No I will not lift my hands to you!"

"Then I will make you!" L's monotonous voice punctured the room in its loudness. Kira stood with a languidness that L simply was not capable of.

"L…" But L had sprang into action his feet sent Kira into the wall. Effectively knocking the wind from him.

L waited for Kira to stand again. Kira braced his hand on the wall and pulled himself up.

"Damnit L what exactly are you hoping to accom-" L's fist slammed Kira's head into the wall. He saw stars, but it hadn't been that hard, only trying to egg him on.

"L Stop it!" He stumbled forward toward L, who sent him back again against the wall. L was reminded of when they were chained together, their fighting was limited back then, and this small room was an echo of that.

Kira slumped to the floor, and brought his arms up over his head.

"No, Stop it! L Please!" L stopped and looked down at Kira. He quickly knelt in front of him and grasped Kira by the shoulders.

"You have to get angry Kira, you have to. You can never move forward from here if you don't."

"Lucious will come out if I do that. I won't get angry with you. I can't." The desperation in his voice rang out loud and clear.

"If you don't get angry at me, I will not allow this operation to continue."

"You can't do that… too much is riding on this. And I can't get angry with you L. What do I have to be angry at you for? You saved my life, you gave me a second chance, and you got me out of there!"

"I also am the one who put you there."

"No L, your wrong. I put myself there. You only acted within the options I left for you. There weren't many. You have to forgive yourselfthat, I won't fight you. I agree that there is some anger that has yet to be released but… I won't unleash that on you. You don't deserve it."

L rocked back in shock. Was he punishing himself? Was he forcing Kira into a fight so that he could forgive himself for what he had sentenced Kira to? He quickly stood. Looking down at the cowering teen with a swollen cheek and a dazed look to his eyes.

L cursed himself if that was the case. He walked over towards the cello, picking it up, he secured it and it's bow back into the case and then glancing back at Kira, he walked over to the door and opened it. But Kira had been waiting for L to leave, he did not expect this.

"Are you coming?"

* * *

L had led Kira into the living area where a furious looking Pen was waiting. She took Kira by the arm and led him to her office. Her angry eyes never left L. She sat Kira onto the examining table and proceeded to annoy the hell out of him by shining a light in his eyes. 

"Your lucky, no concussion." She walked to mini fridge stocked with sedatives that needed to be refrigerated, and ice packs. She pulled a pack out and tossed it to him before spinning on L.

"Why, Did you feel it necessary to hit him?"

"We both know that Kira has a lot of anger to come to terms with before we can move forward with this mission."

"No L, Lucious has a lot of anger to get over, this isn't Kira's problem right now, AND hitting him is not a way to get him angry."

"The Kira I knew used to fight with me at the drop of a hat. It was how he dealt with anger."

"Well he is not the Kira you knew any longer is he?" Kira flinched. The doctor clicked her tongue and went to her desk. She shooed them away as she began to write down, probably a psyche analysis of what had happened earlier in the room from her observation on the computer.

As L turned to Kira to gather him and depart, he froze. Kira had one leg beneath him and the other suspended off the examining table with his toes curled in. His arms were drawn in to cross over his chest, one hand on his neck rubbing repetitive circles over the skin there. His other hand's index and middle finger were rubbing furiously together while the young man stared at the light with wide vacant eyes; it appeared he was grinding his teeth.

"Pen?' L stated, worry evident in his voice. She spun in her chair with confusion. When she saw Kira she shot up from her seat and ran over to him, she tried to pull him down, so that he would be lying down, but he refused to budge.

"It's an aura. He'll either come out of it or-" but before she could finish Kira began to convulse. "L, his legs!" L rushed forward resting his weight on the flailing legs, as Pen restrained his hands. They rode out the storm that danced its way across Kira's muscles and nerves before relatively quickly, he stopped.

The doctor slumped into her chair.

"I'm too old for this…" L andPen were both heaving.

"Penelope, at 35 you are merely an increment beyond quarter life."

"If I hang around you bunch much longer, the AARP will be sending me mail soon."

"I… didn't think that he would have a seizure." The doctor's eyes had fallen onto L who almost looked forlorn. She sighed.

"L, please don't make this harder on me and blame yourself for this. I understand your tactics from earlier, but I just don't think he is ready to deal with his anger yet."

"Penelope, you know as well as I do, that we are working on a-"

"Time frame, yeah yeah, I know that but just give him a little more time. He can still handle planning what is to happen. Next time let me talk to him; I have a few less painful ways that we can try. Ok?"

"Alright… Could you get the doors for us?" L hefted Kira into his hold. Pen nodded and opened the door. She walked towards Kira's small room, but L stopped her. "No, we are going up stairs." She smiled knowingly and went up stairs to open the door, with L cradling Kira, behind her.

* * *

For L's penance, he gave Watari and everyone, except Pen, the day off. As the detective ambled through the video footage of Lucious playing the cello, a growing need to meet the assassin rose in him.

L prepared the waist basket and a glass of water in case the youth might vomit when he awoke. It wasn't uncommon. Also while Kira had been unconscious he read everything he could get his hands on temporal lobe epilepsy, also known as temporolimbic epilepsy. It was actually quite a fascinating subject. And he smirked to himself when he thought that if one were to be struck with illness, this would be the way to go.

He read dozens of support group websites, as well as accounts of what the epileptic experiences when stricken with a seizure.

'An often disabling neurological disorder. TLE is mani-fested by bizarre sensory and somatic seizures that can be triggered by light and sound. In some patients TLE is accompanied by hypergraphia, a compulsive urge to write detailed diaries and poems - and sometimes to draw with similar intensity.(1)' Simply fascinating.

One account described the experience as a feeling of enlightenment, a moment of clarity when everything made sense; another said that it was like severe dejavu. There was surprisingly a lot of literature on the subject.

Another lady from Ohio was an artist and musician; she said her greatest works came from her seizures. The antidepressants that her doctor prescribed were thrown out, and she was leading a full and meaningful life.

He read that repetitive behavior such as tapping one's foot and being unresponsive, could signal an oncoming seizure, as well as great insight. These were called Aura's. The patient would sometimes witness hallucinations of a wild and fantastic nature, always formless, mostly aberrations of light. An extremely tamer cause of aura like symptoms, were migraines.

L recalled how when he had a bad migraine, he would sometimes see lights behind his eye lids and wavy lines. Pen explained this was natural with people who had migraines.

Another thing that began to pop up the more he searched, was quite an interesting detail. It is common for some one to find sexual stimulation from the experience. Sometimes resulting in climax. L had to stop himself from going over to the youth and inspecting his boxer briefs. He didn't of course, but L was curious just the same.

L marveled at the idea that such great minds like Beethoven could have had it. And this very disease could have inspired Vincent Van Gogh. Dostoyevsky wrote, "I would not exchange for all the happiness life could give me the bliss" that preceded his seizures. Now that was saying something.

But there was a down side of course. Of fucking course. It wasn't all bright lights and out of body experiences, sometimes the patient's mind turned on him or her. Instead, creating a hellish nightmare.

A recent study revealed that it was possible that one's mental health, and view on how they saw them selves were reflected in the experience. This thought brought dread to L.

He learned that what Kira experienced was a 'typical complex partial seizure. Characterized by a repetitive motion' such as rubbing his fingers or grinding his teeth. Even his toes curling had been an automated response to the aura phenomenon.

He hated to think that perhaps their altercation that had happened before the event could have put a damper on a truly amazing experience.

Then he wondered if it had affected his decisions, choosing not to fight and instead act like the passive that L _knew _Kira wasn't.

It was possible, surely. And as Kira began to stir, he decided that when the time seemed right he would ask all about it.

"I'm really getting sick of waking up in this situation."

"I can understand."

"So I take it, that was from the TLE?"

"Yes. Kira would you be so kind as to describe the experience?" Instantly Kira blushed and L raised an eyebrow. It seemed his earlier curiosity was well founded. Suddenly a pounding began at the door.

"I'm coming in!" It was Pen, and she sounding rather abrasive. The door unlocked slowly and began to creep open, Pen holding her hand over her eyes.

'What was that insufferable woman thinking…oh.' Thought L. The detective was the only one who wasn't blushing. When she finally peeked through her fingers and deemed it safe to continue she rolled in a tray with coffee before discarding it next to L and sitting down on the bed.

"How do you feel?"

"I feel fine, a little tired and sore but fine."

"So… was it a good seizure or a bad one?" It seemed Pen had beat L to it.

"Pardon?"

The seizure. How did you feel before it happened, you were staring off into space for a bit there and you had this dopey look?"

"Why is that a symptom of TLE?"

"It can be. So…"

"I need to know more about this…" Kira grasped.

"So then it was a good one?"

"I don't know…" Kira blushed again.

"I know it's kind of embarrassing but, the seizures can cause you to…get off." Kira was bright red.

"Well I didn't _get off_ if that's what you're asking."

"So you just got excited? Did you see any bright lights, feel a sense of dejavu?" Pen leaned forward and placed the stethoscope in her ears before attacking Kira's chest.

"Yeah actually, but I thought it was just… I don't know… I thought it was because L… I mean Nix and I had been in that situation before."

"What situation?" asked Pen. Kira scratched his head.

"Well he had been intimidating me like L had been. Leaning over…" Pen looked at L who wasn't looking at either of them.

"But otherwise, what was it like? I had a patient once when I was an intern who said it was the best experience of her life."

"Well I don't know about best." A shy grin plastered on his face. "But it was pretty amazing." A collective sigh of relief erupted from L and Pen. "What?"

"I'll tell you later." Pen and L said simultaneously.

"I apologize Kira, but I need to speak with one of your alters now." Kira shifted uncomfortably at L's words.

"Which one?" He asked eyeing the detective.

"Light Yagami." Kira immediately leaned back onto his arms, while he crossed his legs.

"That was cheeky L."

* * *

Quotes have been taken from inman dot surnameweb dot org/documents/a-inman2.htm 


	14. Antiphon

I've been sick… really sick. I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday like I said I would:kneels: GOMEN GOMEN GOMEN GOMEN NE SAI:Bangs head on floor:

Also, I apologize ahead of time for this chapter. I was pretty loopy while writing it…I believe it will be a little dry. Don't worry the action is on it's way!

I need to take a step back and look at it more objectively. None the less, the next chapter shant be too long in coming… As apology for this being so late I will immediately start the next one after I read the whole thing through again! TODAY:Punches air:

Read on my pretties,

Dante's Muse

* * *

Antiphon

a liturgical or other composition consisting of choral responses, sometimes between two choirs; a passage of this nature forming part of another composition

* * *

"So?" L shifted uncomfortably under Light's gaze. For some reason, it felt as if this side to Light could see right through him, and that would never sit well with L. Nonetheless, he stared at the young man.

"I thought it pertinent to ask you instead of the more secretive Kira about your seizure. I don't mind explaining it to him again."

"Whatever. There isn't much to tell, Kira already explained it." Light stated, crossing his legs over the edge of the bed.

"Surely, you have more to say about the subject?" L asked staring.

"Surely, I do not." Light mocked. "You know L Those damnable eyes of yours are so black that I still can't read you"

"Are you referring to pupil dilation?" L asked raising an eyebrow.

"Perhaps that is what it comes down to." Light scratched his forehead.

"Well to be fair, your Japanese mannerisms confuse me greatly. Where as I make eye contact 79 percent of the time to gain your trust and good standing, you would rather stare at my neck. Which I have been told is a Japanese gesture of submission but often I wonder if you just want to wring it. I have also noticed that you make eye contact with me more than anyone else. Even more so than your own father when we were investigating together."

"I don't recall ever acting so suspicious, but yes, it is common place to show respect by not meeting the eyes in Japan. But it seems you have studied body language well, your mix of cues is highly jumbled. Perhaps to throw me off?"

"Perhaps." Light seemed to grow frustrated as he rose to his feet and made his way over to the coffee awaiting him on the table before L.

"I assure you, that I only want to verify that you did not hallucinate something of the deplorable past that we seem to be so fixated on."

"You mean did I get excited at the thought of Nix? No L. I didn't get excited at that thought." Though it may seem an obscene form of fascination on L's part, it was nothing of the sort.

True L did want to know what Kira had dreamt or saw from a personal standpoint but he also wanted to know from a professional one. And he knew that Kira would not give him an honest answer. After all, L wasn't even sure if Kira knew he liked the detective.

But medically he deemed it important because the progress of his ailment could be categorized by a few answers from Light. For instance, it would be very bad if say, Kira had experienced sexual excitement at say, the thought of the death note. It wasn't unheard of for a TLE sufferer to lose interest in sex, instead the brain cross wiring incorrectly.

One instance in the article he read earlier, had described a man who could not be aroused unless presented with a safety pin. There was no reasoning behind it other than his brain had rewired incorrectly. And it was very possible that the scoliosis in Kira's brain could have caused that effect, he just wanted to gauge how bad the scarring was. And he knew that if he hadn't asked the teen then Pen would have, and for some reason that just didn't sit well with L.

"Please tell me what your vision was of?"

"Maybe you should call upon Raito for this kind of questioning?" Light sneered. But that was the answer that L had wanted, surely if he had become excited from some thing as strange as a safety pin, Light would have found that unnerving and confided in him or Pen. And to his delight and chagrin, he hypothesized that it was the thought of him that had made the youth so enthralled.

Perhaps it was an arrogant thought but only a little of L's own emotions were calculated into the body language and equation.

"I also called upon you because Lieutenant Nix asked to be informed if any seizures took place."

"I don't think that is wise."

"Neither do I, but I thought I should inform you as we took a diagnostic of that collar around your neck and there are some sensors on it, he may show up for a visit today. I was wondering if he did you would take the place for Kira."

"You should know that it is not up to me but to Kira, L."

"I suppose." And L seemed to wilt in that childish way of his. Light took a heavy sigh and went to sit before L. "Why don't you tell me why you really summoned me?" Light asked ignoring the presence of Dr. Pen. Light lit a cigarette and tilted his head blowing a bluish cloud into the air above their heads.

"I am taking into consideration what Raito said. Perhaps it would be better if you instead acted as Kira and complete the mission."

"I won't do it." He said with a note of steadiness.

"Why not?" Light looked to Pen, which unnerved the detective.

"Because I just won't. Kira needs to do it."

"Why?"

"Because he needs it more than I do, you are merely setting me up for failure aren't you? You don't trust me yet, that much is clear. Are you waiting to see if I will jump at this opportunity? That they got it all wrong, and I'm the real killer/Kira while Kira is really Light? Maybe he had some split personality back then, or perhaps he was possessed by some demon? I'm sorry to tell you this but yes, a slightly more intelligent student was and is capable of killing thousands, maybe even millions. And while he may be a little unordinary, he is not exceptionally so. There were others L, others that followed Kira that if given the chance, would have done the same things he did. But we aren't that person anymore, and I feel remorse for killing, so does Kira. The only difference is that I know what needs to be done, and I'm over that pain… I don't know how to convince you other than to refuse to take this mission. If anything I agree with what you said earlier, perhaps this should wait until Kira is ready." If L was capable of scowling, Light supposed that he would be doing it right now.

"What? I'm agreeing with you." Light pointed out defensively.

"…"

"Hmm, perhaps reverse psychology, I disagree, Kira is completely capable."

"Shut up Light Kun."

"Hnn." Light poured his coffee and sat back enjoying the morning lights suffuse into the room. He was soaking in the feel of his light cotton clothing and the room at 60 degrees; L had taken to wearing a t-shirt over his long sleeves because Light always seemed to be hot.

"You talk as if Kira is the one to blame? And you disassociate yourself from him quite a bit."

"Uh, yeah. That's what one tends to do with Disassociative personality disorder…"

"What I mean is that you don't openly display any remorse, is that because you think that what you/Kira did was right."

"GRAHH, L have you ever listened to a word I've said?"

"Yes, I play your conversations on video repeatedly while you sleep." Light envisioned crickets chirping in the background…

They stared at each other in silence for a moment, before Light stuttered back to life.

"I'm not going to acknowledge that. Infact, if you have something relevant to ask me you can ask me after I take a shower." Light went over to the dresser and started to pull out some clothes.

Without another word Light walked into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Light leaned against the door and could hear Pen and L talking. But he couldn't make it out. Light lowered his head before stepping into the large bathroom. He turned on the water to his ideal temperature and turned to the mirror, truly seeing himself. The past few days had been quite hectic, and when he had showered he didn't spare himself a second glance until now.

"Jesus Kira…" He stared at the black eye. At least the swelling had never gotten that bad; it was only a blue-black ring with yellow edges. His lip still had a sore on it from even earlier than that. And when he lifted his shirt, there was a myriad of bruises spattered over his long thick scars.

"Don't I ever look the martyr." He stated as he finally turned his back on the mirror and finished undressing. He climbed into the shower; it was nice to be clean. He liked warmer showers, while Kira liked colder ones. And Raito just liked baths…

He quickly washed then turned off the shower to dry. He stepped out to change. He heard something from the other room, something akin to arguing. He pressed his ear to the door, but the heavy oak wouldn't let him understand the harsh tones.

He really didn't want to face L. And he thought that Kira should instead talk to the detective. They had a lot of things to work out. And frankly he felt like a third wheel. He glanced into the mirror and noticed a little stubble on his chin, good thing L had acquiesced to allowing him shave now. Even if it was a flimsy safety razor.

He got out the shaving cream and lathered up his face, Light being careful not to knick his skin, but making quick work of his would be beard. When he was finished he rinsed and dried his smooth skin before picking up the razor and inspecting it.

Yes it was indeed flimsy. He was sure it wouldn't work. What to do, what to do. The coffee mug from when he had first arrived was good because it was thick and hurt like a bitch. But this was but a tiny shred of metal. It wouldn't do, and it wasn't as if he could break the mirror with out there being a ruckus, then again maybe he was going abut it all wrong, maybe he could fake his injury at being an accident? That way he wouldn't have to deal with L putting him on lock down like he knew he would. But he quickly shook his head. You idiot… greatest detective in the world remember?

Well at least if I let Kira come out, I can fortify my self well enough to avoid emerging at least for a couple of days. And it wasn't as ifLight would feel anything. That pain would all go on to Kira. Even if he stayed conscious for a little while and remained as Light he wouldn't feel it. An odd turn of events but useful while in Monmouth none the less. Plus it meant he didn't have to play that infernal instrument that Kira had discovered he could play. And so it wouldn't lead to **that**.

Of course if Lucious came out, it wouldn't stop him from playing, but Lucious wouldn't get out. But how to get Kira to come out with out trying to fall asleep on the bathroom floor?

He knew L wouldn't let him sleep if he went out into the room; he gazed at the cupboard door. That's it!

He sat before the vanity on the floor, opening the cupboard door. L would come in as soon as he heard something, so Light would have to make it count. He shakily lifted his left hand; Kira was multi dexterous so it really wouldn't matter. He put his left hand, ring finger over the edge, right in the path of the cupboard door. He took a deep breath, and slammed the cupboard door shut with all of his might.

Effectively breaking the finger in the process.

L heard the cry from the bathroom, and cursed him self immediately for being so negligent. L was the first to reach the door, with Pen close behind. He slammed the door open to see Light lying on his side, cradling his left hand.

"Damnit." L muttered before he and Pen stepped into the bathroom. There was a puddle of blood on the floor, but L knew it wasn't that much. Kira hadn't put on his shirt so that it wouldn't get full of blood.

Pen growled before leaving the bathroom to presumably get some more heavy-duty first aid. While L knelt over the cringing, no doubt now Kira, and lifted his hand by encircling Kira's wrist with thumb and index, Kira tried to pull it away but L's hold was strong.

He looked at the hanging appendage; it was bent at a wrong angle.

"Well, to say that it is broken would be an understatement. The nail will turn black and fall off. At least he made a good choice with the finger. But I'm afraid you may only be able to type one handed for a while. No matter, there is nothing to type. Light will not be coming out again I presume. Light Yagami" L prodded, he looked to Kira and the grimacing kid who only glanced at L between stomping his foot and grinding his teeth. L sighed.

It was obvious that Light was being evasive about something, and would even go to extremes to keep such hidden. But what could he be hiding?

Pen came in the room as L helped Kira onto the bed. He sat there cradling his hand, curling his body around it instinctively. And When Pen approached and reached for the hand, Kira jumped up and backed away from her. L watched the youth back away until he was fed up and told Kira to stop.

Kira immediately stopped and after L beckoned him, he returned to his seat on the bed.

"Ok, let me see it." Reluctantly, Kira allowed his hand to be pried away from his chest. When he saw it bent at a wrong angle the way it was, a wave of nausea washed over him.

"You really are a masochist aren't you? Well at least a part of you is." Kira looked at L.

"Huh?"

"You slammed your own finger in the cupboard."

"Did I…?"

"Yes you did…idiot." Pen and L both voiced. They exchanged a quick glance that went unnoticed by Kira. Pen held his hand firmly in both of hers.

"Of course I knew you were an exhibitionist, but I never knew you were a masochist too." L jabbed.

"What?" Kira asked, mind still dazed and in pain.

"Well, when you knew that I had cameras in your house. You made sure to put on a show. So I knew you liked being watched, but apparently you like pain as well… this is going a little far don't you think? What's it like to be a submissive who likes pain?"

"Why you! - AH" The distraction complete Pen had grabbed the oddly bent finger and reset it. Kira was as white as a sheet.

"That was a little crude don't you think?" Kira said a little wobbly.

"Yes but effective." Pen elaborated

"It would have to have been reset anyway, and if you let to much blood amass and it would have gotten too swollen, it would hurt like a bitch even more(1). Here is an ice pack." Pen handed him the ice pack.

"Ahh, what exactly happened?"

"Your alter thought that I should talk to you instead of him." L said retreating to the chair by the window.

"That's right! One minute we were talking and then the next thing I know, I'm lying on the bathroom floor with a broken finger." Kira said suspiciously.

"I called out your alter, we only talked for a few minutes before he retreated. He is at odds with me." Pen looked at L and looked as if she were going to make a point but L quickly interrupted her. "I need to talk to him, but it seems he won't come out any time soon.

"Why'd you call me Light in the bathroom."

"That is the trigger for your alter. His name is Light, usually just calling you by that is enough to bring him out."

"… Did I decide that?"

"No I think it was Nix. He knew I wouldn't call you by Light, and if I did it wouldn't be that much of a problem as Light was supposed to emerge to start the set up for my assassination any way. Nonetheless, I won't be calling you Light any more unless calling upon him. It would be troublesome to have to keep explaining things to you. But…. Pen could you excuse us please?"

"Of course. I'll make up some smaller ice packs, I'll have Watari send them up."

"Alright, but take your time." L rose up

"Kira I need to try an experiment. I apologize" L stated after he closed the door behind Pen, a predatory glint in his eye. Light didn't say anything he just froze and gazed blankly ahead, the word experiment made him shiver.

L sat next to Kira on the bed. Kira scooted away. He didn't Like this L and the way he was looking at him, there was something just…off. It felt like the man was emitting menacing vibes that screamed to him 'I have some candy little boy'. Kira scooted away some more thenrising up, but L pulled him down and wrapped his arms around Kira. L looked into his eyes.

When he didn't get the reaction he wanted, he leaned forwards and kissed Kira full on the lips.

That familiar zing swept through them, but for Kira, this was a new experience. He tensed, but that was all he did. Staring at the man's eyes that were mere inches away from his own. If he hadn't been so terrified, he would have noticed how utterly amazing that was.

When L finally pulled away, Kira just sat there dazed, his eyes glazed over.

"Raito kun." The boy's eyes snapped open at that. No it wasn't Raito, L concluded. Ahh well…

"I apologize Kira kun, but I was trying to awaken one of you alters.

"By kissing me?"

"Yes, remember I told you one of your alters is in love with me."

"Oh yeah…" Kira looked for the entire world to not be listening, but L knew he was in reality hanging off L's every word.

"Oh yes, you don't recall?" Instantly Kira's face screwed up into malice and for all the world he looked as if he would throttle the detective any second. Instead he stood up and walked into the bathroom and slammed the door.

L sighed and slid the cuffs from their place in the drawer by the door, into his pocket. He walked over to the door, and opened it. It had been an unspoken rule that even though it was unlocked, L would not go into the bathroom while Kira was in it. But after today, that wouldn't be happening anytime soon.

Kira sat on the edge of the tub. His fingers of his unhurt hand tightly gripped the edge of the basin and matching it quickly in hue.

"Get out!"

"I'm sorry Kira, I can not. Especially after what you have done to your hand. I apologize once again for kissing you, but since you won't open up about what has happened in there, and the subsequent anger.I thought that the others might, and I need to talk to Lucious." Kira sneered.

L knew that with careful pushing Kira would snap soon, and perhaps, with Kira's alters on hiatus that is what he should do. But before he could open his mouth, Kira spoke first.

"The first week I was there was a complete blur, they had me doped up so that they could situate me properly. But by the second week I was introduced to Nix. He told me that Light Yagami was dead. That L had killed him, and that I was now Kira." He was speaking in a mechanical voice, which sent chills down L's spine. "He told me that it was your wish, and I easily excepted that, it seemed like a foot note with everything else going on. They pushed to see where my boundaries were, what made me mad, what gave me satisfaction… then the torture began, nothing rough at first, I believe that they couldn't leave a mark on me because Watari would be coming and I'm sure some higher ups where checking up on me through the many walls with one way glass. It' was mostly psychological torture at first, and I believe they were trying to mold me into an image to present to their superiors."

"After that day, when Watari came… Right after he left actually, they dragged me into a dark cold room and beat me with in an inch of my life. That happened every day until Nix would come in and appear to save me. The rest I believe you know… If you have any questions, I suppose you would have to ask me directly. It's a years worth of nightmares L. A lot to go through." To say that L was surprised, wouldn't have given it justice, still he knew all this... what he wanted was the anger.

He pulled the chain out of his pocket and secured the cuffs. Kira followed the detective quizzically as L led him out of the bathroom and over to the bed once again. He secured the other end of the cuff to the bedpost.

"What…why…" L placed a finger on his lips and smiled sadly. He rose up and left the room, leaving Kira in a panic. Had he done something wrong? He had thought that telling L a little of what had happened there would stave the persistent detective off for at least a little while. Why was L acting so strange?

But L returned minutes later with the two ice packs that Pen had promised. He shut and locked the door from the inside behind him and then made his way over to the sitting Kira, who watched the detective with eyes wide not trusting anything the detective did. L took the cuff that was secured to the headboard, unlocked it and secured it to his own wrist.

L took Kira's hand carefully and wrapped the ice pack around the poor finger.

"L, what the hell are you doing? Why are you acting like this?" But Kira's mouth was once again quieted with a finger while L shushed him. The whole situation seemed surreal.

"Light would have me believe that he is the one in control of Lucious, but I think that's false. You've been very careful in your anger towards me ever since you punched me. I believe that you won't allow Lucious to come out yourself. So I want you to let go, Kira. I want you to be angry with me. For taking your dreams and dashing them to bits, and sending you there where I knew…" L lightly pushed Kira's chest until the two where laying down, and simultaneously he traced where he knew a thick scar to be, "I knew that this would happen."

Light only tensed for a moment, before blankly staring up at the ceiling. What he wouldn't give just to walk away from all of this. If he could just walk out onto the street and escape from every one and everything. To be anonymous again. Kira never knew he would miss it so.

But L had him instead chained to him, trying to bring out an aspect of himself that destroyed. Destroyed people… would destroy L if given half the chance.

"It's ok to be angry Kira, I know they beat that out of you there. I know that they didn't want you to feel anything, but you have every right to be angry, at me." L lifted Kira's shirt onto his thin long torso. The bones at his hips jutted out making sharp shadows on his once golden flesh. Kira swatted at L's hand but the detective merely ignored his attempts to be left alone.

"Too much L…" Kira squawked out. As if his voice was choked with emotion, as if he could break at any time.

"What?" The detective asked innocently.

"This is too much, I can't deal with this right now, can't we just focus on the mission? I don't want to…"

"The mission can not happen unless I can talk to Lucious."

"Why." And the question seemed to be aimed to the heavens, but L knew it was for him.

"Because he could be Nix's wild card. I need to know for sure that he isn't. Don't worry Kira, I can hold my own against him…you. Kira, why did you write those names down in the death note?" There was a long pause before Kira answered.

"Because, I… thought I could make the world a better place."

"You would make a better place by killing off people? That sounds like Hitler."

"It wasn't based on anything but people's actions. It was nothing like Hitler. But…I was wrong, I took a risk and now I'm paying for it."

"And you think getting tortured and raped has paid for it?"

"No, there is no measure for what I've done, and how I should be punished."

"No measure? Why not?" There was a long pause where L looked only the tiniest bit worried. "Do you trust me Kira? Would you let me tell you when you had paid enough, or at least when you should focus on your atonement?"

"..."

"You and I have both played justice, do you trust me enough with your justice? Would you?"

"I don't know…"

"Would you like to know how I would punish you enough so that you could at least feel some what absolved?"

"Yes."

"I would force you to feel. To heal so that you could feel properly. I would use that mind for as long as it is sharp. But you would never again be free of me. It would be like entering into a relationship: you would have to give up your personal freedoms, but I wouldn't prevent you from speaking your mind and considering your proposals. Would that be fair?" Kira shifted uncomfortably. "And of course, you would be my proxy if the situation ever arose. I've never actually thought about having one. I prefer Watari to be there and also to see for myself, whether or not the other party knew I was L or not. At least when it came to serious cases. But if you could fill that roll, it would be a load off my mind."

"Don't you think this is jumping the gun?"

"You mean before getting this mission over with? No I don't think so, I think You need to be clear on what your options are before your hands touch the death note again."

"I see."

"L I don't know, isn't this a risk? I mean, what if Lucious is permanent and cannot be reasoned with? I feel as if I'm a ticking time bomb. This can not end well."

"You will not see it ending well unless you trust me…" L said a little sadly.

"Fine. Yes, I will of course follow you, my life is in your hands."

"You must know that I will not tolerate you behaving like your alters then. There will be no self sacrificing of what, at the risk of sounding egotistical, is mine."

"I understand." Kira said firmly as L's hands where now tracing his hipbones. L, with his owl like eyes watching Kira's adam's apple bob with nervousness.

"Good." And that was the verbal agreement made, L felt like he had just closed the envelope on a very important contract that would govern both his and Kira's world for the rest of their lives, and yes, that very much so was the case.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?"

"What do you think?" Kira didn't look at L, he tried to turn away to present his back to the detective but L would have none of it.

L loomed over Kira now, his arms firmly around the boy, careful of his broken finger but secure enough that Kira could not get away.

"Did you know that you love me Kira?" Kira's head snapped up. "You love me." The detective stated firmly. "All of your alter's have confirmed it."

"I don't…" But L kissed him and their mouths collided again, and Kira was crying with that kiss. He was crying because he didn't deserve this. He wanted to scream to the world that he didn't deserve L! And he wanted to scream at the loss of control. Because he remembered a time when his life had been driven with it, and now it seemed as if he had been so very foolish... yet, he still craved it so.

L pulled away when he noticed Kira's distress. He smoothed the hair off of Kira's forehead, and wiped the tears from his eyes with his thumb. That mangled thumb that had traced the lips Kira had just been kissing countless times before.

"Why. Why do you torture me so?" And L was now lying atop Kira, this time sandwiching their bodies so tight together that the other almost couldn't breath, and the detective's thigh was in a dangerous place. "Please. No…" Kira's eyes leaked more and when L moved his thigh higher Kira thrashed his head in denial.

"Do you know why this isn't torture?" L asked the teen.

But all Light could do was blink away the tears rapidly as he held his breath and faced his stricken eyes towards the detective. He shook his head rapidly no. L took a deep breath and stilled his muscles. Preparing himself.

"Because, I love you too." And Kira's eyes rolled into the back of his head, and a brute scream erupted from his throat. He thrashed about on the bed trying to get away. But L firmly held him in place.

"_You will die! You will die! I will kill you! You are dead_!" Erupted the archaic language from Lucious's throat. "_Release me, release me_!" But L held firm.

"_Calm down. I want to talk to you_."

"_I will never talk with you, you have to die!_"

"_Why do I have to die?_"

But the vicious child that was Lucious just fell into silence waiting for L to loosen his grip.

"_You could have killed me already. Many times I suspect, why didn't you?"_ L asked

"_I tried." _lucious hissed

"_I don't believe you."_

"_I don't care what you believe! Let me go!"_

"_No I don't think I will. Now I need you to answer me. Why do I have to die?"_ L shifted his arms tightly around Lucious but the youth ignored him. "_Why didn't you kill me?"_

"_I will kill you!"_ Lucious growled out

"_Why do you act as if you hate me?"_

"_It is not an act. Because you sent me there, and you made me like this."_

_"Made you like what?"_

"_I'm not stupid! You broke me into many pieces. I have many names now."_

"_I didn't do that to you."_

"_Yes you did. Because you killed my identity. You killed the real Light Yagami. You were the one who made me. You were the one who destroyed me. My master took what was left and made me useful._" L sighed.

"_That isn't true. He made you to sacrifice you. I punished you so that you could go on."_

"_Punished? PUNISHED?"_ And like that Lucious was now leaning over L his hands forcing L's pale white wrists to the bed. Lucious growled down at L. And almost instantaneously there was pounding at the door. But L had locked it.

L wanted to call out that it would be fine, but he knew that it would just antagonize Lucious.

So he just stared up at him, because L knew he didn't have anything to fear. He knew after he watched all those videos that were hidden away on his computer. That even when he was Lucious, there was a steady sadness in those eyes, and L could read it.

After all this was a manifestation of the same person whom he had studied to the nth degree. He knew where his mind was and he could guess easily what the youth was thinking. Especially when he played that Cello like he did. The boys face at such times was so transparent that it almost hurt L. Because the Light Yagami of before would never dare to let himself be that transparent.

Lucious snarled and wrenched free a little to punch him, as if he could read L's thoughts and wanted nothing more than to bash them from L's head. But something in side Lucious wouldn't let him. Something much more powerful than his naive alters who thought they could control him.

L recognized the hits as being weak and almost smirked at Lucious… almost. There was a time where it was easy to play off the others emotions. It was easy to banter and fight and hit and punch. But now it wasn't a game. It was something far more critical to Lucious and all the others. And he wouldn't dare try to exacerbate the problem.

L surprised the youth and threw him off of him only to pull the fallen boy into his arms in an inescapable hug.

"_I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."_ Lucious froze. _"I'm sorry that you had to go through what you did. I know what they did to you, to get your full cooperation. I'm sorry_." And there was real, honest to god remorse in L's voice. Lucious struggled for a moment but the firm hold would not release him. And Lucious felt L tremble. He felt the detective hold onto him for dear life and he was trembling and when he finally managed to extricate himself from those arms, Lucious almost gasped to see that L's unblinking eyes had tears pouring forth from them.

Right then the door smashed in and in rushed Watari with a taser ready.

* * *

(1) Lalala, talking out of my ass! Lalala! Hey it could be true. (Shakes head) Don't try this at home kids! You could sever an artery! I am not a first aid instructor or a nurse or doctor. Don't listen to any of my babbling medical jargon; I like to play doctor, that is all. -o

:Yawns and curls up with her cat:


	15. Rinforzando

**Rinforzando**

reinforced; i.e., emphasized; sometimes like a sudden crescendo, but often applied to a single note.

* * *

Watari looked from L to Lucious and back to L. His eyes widened at L and Lucious was honestly afraid of the older man as a murderous look imbued itself into Watari's steely gaze.

Watari took a step toward them and Lucious ripped out of L's arms. L's tears had subsided and after wiping them from his face he looked as if he had never shed a tear. There is a resounding silence as the detective and his servant face Lucious, and the gears in the Latin speaking one's mind crank into over time.

The quickness that L's tears had evaporated, Watari and his now aggressive body language, all the signs pointed towards L faking it. Lucious let out a violent snarl. His face contorted with the pure unadulterated anger that marred his features.

"_Spirius!_"

"Watari, back down. He will not harm me."

"Then why is your eye swollen, and why were you crying." The man asked through clenched teeth.

"I was merely lamenting over Lucious's past and as for my eye, I deserved it. Besides Watari, I can handle my own."

"L…" The man seemed a bit high-strung, there was no doubt that Pen had told Watari about Lucious and his purpose. That was probably the reason why Watari always seemed busy nowadays: He was constantly monitoring them incase Lucious emerged behind L's back.

L stood and walked towards Lucious who snarled once again. But confusion was evident in his eyes.

"_It's all right Lucious, he was just worried about me_." L held his hands up in surrender as he approached but Lucious kept eyeballing Watari and backing away.

"_You are a liar, that is all you are capable of_!"

"_I've never lied to you Lucious_." But Lucious's eyes were narrowed with anger burning through L's hunched frame, and when his back hit the wall he seemed to notice that he was cornered.

Fear flashed through his eyes for a brief second and then he bolted. He upturned a chair that had been between them all and it distracted Watari enough for him to miss when he fired the taser.

Lucious bolted past them towards the door, but stopped suddenly as the brief determined face of Pen appeared there, she stepped in and slammed it shut behind her. He jumped over the bed towards the window.

"Lucious the mere fact that you do not wish to stand your ground and fight me tells me that you believe me. It is the truth." L said in English, knowing that Lucious could understand, if not speak it. Pen and Watari looked at the detective incredulously. The detective was baiting the assassin!

Lucious wasn't acting as if he heard; he was busy trying to unlatch the window, which was an impossible task. Lucious found this out quickly And L moved in to cut off his only other option, which would have been to barricade himself in the bathroom.

Now Lucious really was cornered. Pen was standing there holding a chart in her hand like a potential weapon, and Watari was staring the youth down as if he was trying to pin him with his eyes. L placed himself on the other side of the bed, away from him, hunched over and arms at his side looking as unthreatening as he could.

Lucious's breathing quickened and his eyes widened as he backed into the corner, pressing his shoulders back against the wall, to undoubtedly propel himself forward if any of them came an closer. L turned towards the two older occupants of the room.

"Watari, Pen…please leave."

"L…"

"Now." Watari stiffened, obviously unhappy with L's decision as he briskly walked from the room, Pen sending worried looks over her should as she followed him.

"No one wishes you any harm Lucious." L stated as he slowly walked toward the sofa in front of the TV. He climbed up standing on the cushions before sinking down into his usual posture with his back to Lucious. "Would you come talk to me?" But L could hear him try the window once again, and then he moved towards the door trying to keep as much space between L and himself. He tried the handle to no avail. L could not help a small twitch in his mouth, trying to suppress a smile.

"Lucious…" the frantic young man turned, defeated towards the detective, "Calm down please. No one wants to cause you any harm, least of all me. Infact I believe I have more care over your well-being than you do. You need to relax… I think that you will find something to help you with that in the closet." L could see Lucious's reflection on the black TV screen and he watched the wilted young man falter, and then contemplate whether he would listen to L or not. His eyes pierce L's back as he reluctantly made his way towards the closet.

It reminded L of a skittish cat. When Lucious finally turned towards the closet to inspect what L had meant for him to see. A soft gasp is heard.

Lucious pulls the cello from the closet and immediately begins to inspect it sinking onto the mattress to look better. He finds it well tuned and he was so enthralled with it that he did not even notice L sneak up behind him.

Lucious nearly jumped out of his skin a foot or two as L asks from the close proximity:

"Will you play me something?" Lucious made a non-comitial sound and continued his awkward expression, signaling to L that he was at least thinking about it. And as Lucious was so utterly focused on the instrument, L pondered that he never realized that Light Yagami was such a melomaniac.

The boy steadied the instrument in his hold and strikes the bow across the strings in such away that it displayed the artist's anger the note impossibly low but then it quickly turned into something much softer, and dare L think it, lighter.

Sawing his way back and forth over the strings. L thought the piece fast paced and he knew it was like an exorcise to alleviate some of the aggression Lucious had built up in the past few minutes. Very quickly L recognized it as Bach's, suit no. 4 the Prelude. The piece required perfect timing and great skill with the fingerboard, Lucious pulled it off brilliantly. Soon lost in a frenzy of notes, eyes closed. L can tell that Lucious is miles and miles away. He thought of how this one's emotions were like that of a child. Honest and sincere and so focused was he on the now, that made him…not happy per se, but calmer.

L breathed a sigh of relief. Fully absorbing the melody into himself. Lucious was so talented that L believed that he had to have some prior training to Monmouth… and it was nice to not only hear but also feel that deep rumble that only a live cello performance could create, it seemed to resonate with the very muscle that made up the human heart.

The sound permeated everything like a woody scent with deep chocolate and coffee colors. It was something deep and rich and energetic. And even though it could be compared to the anguished song of something unperceivable sad, it still lifted their spirits.

When Lucious finished, he breathed a shuddering sigh of relief. Riding on the after glow of the spiritual experience with eyes closed, L watched him with heavy eyes. And if L's eyes weren't the deepest shade of brown, Lucious, if he had looked, would have seen that L was making bedroom eyes at him. L thought almost giddily that 'music does indeed soothe the savage beast' as the boy had pulled a 180 and he was now calm and collected.

Finally Lucious opened his eyes. L saw such great sadness permeating them that the detective reached out and held the boy fiercely. Lucious, too dazed from his near euphoric state to do anything but freeze at first.

When realization filtered into Lucious's body he tried to wrench away from L, but the detective would not relent his hold.

"_Let me go_!" he said, trying to force more anger into his words than was really possible for him right then.

"_Lucious, please listen to me, and believe me when I say that I love you, I've fallen in love with you. Please believe me_." L's words were muffled as his mouth was pressed into Lucious's bare shoulder. L's arms pinned Lucious's own as L held him whole-heartedly pressing the boys back into his chest.

"_You are a deceiver_." But his voice cracked, he was trying to convince himself, L continued to hold him in the loving embrace, and it went against everything Lucious had been taught.

"_As are you… but I am not deceiving you about this. How can I prove it to you?_"

"_Let me go_." And L let the youth regain access to his limbs. L as if to fill the void that had been emptied wrapped his arms around his legs instead. Lucious watched L as he drew into himself, his eyes piercing, and watching every subtle move L made.

L gazed back at him as L openly displayed all the emotions the detective had stored inside. He watched Lucious back and realized that if Kira was the dog, then Lucious was the cat, a quiet and secretive Lynx who could barely hide his vicious nature and suspicion.

"_Tell me what you want of me. How I can prove myself to you?"_ And the lynx looked like he was presented with a mouse in a cage. It was a baffling question that L had asked. But still the suspicion reigned over Lucious's features; it would take much convincing on L's part to win over the beast that was Lucious.

But L knew that he would inevitably win this battle. He had to or he would lose every Light.

"_I…"_ Lucious said, looking away and stroking the wood of the cello, almost bashful before fire returned to his eyes

"_Yes?"_

"_I want to be free. I want to be let go."_ And there was so much emotion in Lucious's eyes that L found his breathing had halted. L looked away. There was no possible way that he could grant such a wish…but perhaps he could create an illusion of freedom. At least until the more reasonable of his alter's could emerge. He hated having to deceive the childish emotional Lucious…but this was just not feasible.

He had to grant him something. Give him everything, but the one thing he could not. Reaching a conclusion L looked up in sadness, and shortly nodded. He would let Lucious out, but it would be on a leash.

Nix was his collar, L his leash. And L wanted nothing more for the boy to be bound to him by something other than punishment and fear. But that tether could not be created with out some sort of compromise. After all Light was such a strong person, his light shone far brighter than that of an average person, it wouldn't be fair to just dismiss and dim that light by keeping one such as him in a cage, his whims suppressed would dull that very shine that had attracted L to him in the first place.

"_I can give you some freedom after this is over, But we need that note, letting it remain in their hands is not an option. Will you at least help us until that time? Surely you see the danger that book holds over this world…you do right?" _Lucious nodded and L breathed a sigh of relief Lucious's face turned to stone and he nodded again.

"_All rig_ht." L said, "_what if we had an outing today? I'm sure Watari and I could arrange something… we would have to put a tracking device on you but I think that would be a satisfactory compromise_." L offered, noting that he felt the need to lighten the other's spirits. Lucious's face lit up for a brief second before falling into a stoic grimace. He shiftily looked at L.

"_Y-yeah_." L merely thought that Lucious was just hiding his happiness at the prospect, but L couldn't have been more wrong.

* * *

L was feeling generous and L never really felt generous, accept of course when he was handing over the giant check to Wammy's' but then the rational part of him took over and he realized that Wammy's was training young brilliant people to prepare them fordifficult lives in what ever they chose for their trade. Essentially ensuring that each of the orphan students would lead hard lives.

Wammy's was a place where many agencies and organizations scouted for all over the world. Yet entering the world without that training… It was a paradox he had come to learn to accept. They did more good for the world and it really did give its graduates a fighting chance, so he couldn't feel too bad about being a part of it. Especially when he thought of the friends he had made along the way. The people he had come to realize were his family. They were the happiest times in his life, and L knew that was the case for 87 percent of the children there. Wammy's was for orphaned geniuses all over the world. They would not receive the type of nurturing they would need if they were either in the system or a foster home.

L pondered briefly that if Light had been orphaned, would he have been taken into Wammy's? Undoubtedly as the young man had an IQ just exceeding Bobby Fischer's.

L watched the youth glance ahead smiling. He looked truly content to be outside in the cool fall air. Lucious had yet to give way to any of his more reasonable alters so that now L found himself walking with Lucious through the front gates of central park.

L watched as Lucious was like an amazed child staring at the green grass of the strawberry fields and then the water behind the fence. They were not alone like they appeared to be. There was a tracking device of L's own creation hidden in the collar of Nix's, which now lay hidden under a bulky gray scarf.

L did not make a habit of going out into public, and even now L knew that Lucious and he were under the careful observation of Watari, Wedy and Aiber. Lucious noticed a few times Wedy jogging past them, but he said nothing, merely glancing back at L.

The air was hinting that winter was well on its way. And both L's ashen complexion and Lucious's own had a slight red tint to them from where the wind nipped at their cheeks. L was on edge, but trying to enjoy himself. He found himself thinking of excuses that he could offer passer's by if incase Watari had to shoot Lucious with the sedative gun that had undoubtedly been aimed at Lucious since the moment they had left the apartment.

L found himself peering around. There was a chance that Nix had men on L and Lucious as well, even if the detective and the criminal had left the building in the dark of morning and the surveillance team had seen neither hide nor hair of any observation.

Lucious's warm and giddy laugh broke through L's thoughts, like a petulant child who had forgotten he was supposed to be morose. He glanced at Lucious and saw the laughter light up the young man's face. There was a performer before them with a crowd. Lucious hadn't dared lead them closer because of the crowd but he was watching from a distance as the woman dressed as the statue of liberty came to life and sent a child screaming to her mother after the 'statue' had stolen her hat.

Lucious looked to L, and the smile quickly fell from his face. He looked away and his face was instead troubled.

L smiled as he stared at the back of the youth's head. He had had a long and drawn out fight with Watari about whether or not this was such a good idea. L was extremely glad that they had gone out. He hadn't seen that smile in such a long time, even if it was short lived, and the reason it had fallen was his own presence. And there was no way that any Alter of Lucious's could have informed Nix to today's outing, it was a virtually unplanned trip and Lucious had no clue as to where he and the detective would be going. And that smile, L had realized, made all the worry and trouble worth it.

A huge sense of foreboding washed over L and he briefly wondered if it was time to head back, it could have after all been L's uncanny hunch that something was about to go awry that had sparked the emotion. But he realized that he wasn't worried about today's unorthodox outing at all. He was worried that, the smile that had lit the youths face would be the last L would ever see of it. And not just a sense of doom made him believe that. The absence of that smile could in the future be prevented by a plethora of reasons.

He wondered if Light had been lying, after all Light was more of the plotter than the other alters. It could be a ploy that the alter was setting up to ensure anything from L's demise, to Light's release from captivity. When Lucious had admitted that he wanted freedom above all else, L couldn't help but feel that this was indeed the case for all the masks of Kira.

Soon the park began to fill up with more and more people and L realized it was because it was lunch hour. That unease returned and he grabbed Lucious's elbow, Lucious nodded as he grabbed L's mitten clad hand and they began walking deeper into the park away from the people and towards the exit that Aiber had specified he would pick them up at.

Lucious knew that L hated crowds and if he had time to think about anything other than his situation he probably would have realized that they awakened a sense of anxiety in him also.

"Should we go back?" Lucious said trying to sound nonchalant. L looked at the youth before nodding, his eyes wide.

"Yes." L pulled his phone from his pocket and started to dial Watari to begin their extrication from the park. Lucious found it quite unnerving when he could hear Watari's phone ring, in the not too far distance.

"Watari…yes." L flipped the phone closed and L smiled warmly at Lucious before turning back towards the entrance. It was a mistake that would replay over and over in L's mind later. Even though Watari was probably still trained on Lucious and L's location, he was still more preoccupied with contacting Aiber and Wedy as to relocate them.

And when he was punched… viciously punched on the spine from behind. The zing that traveled through L's spine made his limbs weak and his legs gave way as wide eyes focused on the ground where he would be landing in a few short milliseconds.

The only thing that entered into L's mind was, 'oh bother' but before L could fall forward from the blow Lucious had pulled him back against him, and L quickly realized why Lucious was doing such. He was holding L there to block the tranquilizer shot from Watari. Even as moments before L's call had given away Watari's location.

But the expression on L's face was one of quiet acceptance. Where any other person's mind would have been reeling at the fact that right now they were at the mercy of a mass murderer, L was only disappointed that he had not been able to rid the world of the death notes.

"You should have killed me L." Lucious's broken words were whispered hotly into his ear in English, was this still Lucious? There was no way of knowing who it was. There was a shout from Watari in the background. And only then did fear grip at the detective's heart. Then a whistle, and Lucious stiffened. Another brief blast on the whistle had Lucious jumping up from behind L. Lucious stepped away from the detective.

"How?" The detective asked, more broken by the betrayal than the actual blow.

"The collar, it's more than it appears." L dared to turn so that he could face the youth but Lucious had his finger pressed to his ear. Even though L had scanned the collar, it became quite obvious that he had missed something. "Play dead L." Lucious…whoever it was pushed L to the ground, as leaves rustled next to them.

"Did you.." But a scream interrupts them; some innocent bystander had spotted them and was now screaming for help.

"We have to go." And L still lying in the dirt, his glossy eyes wide, turned his head slightly to witness Nix lead the criminal off by the nape of his neck. The youth didn't spare a second glance at L but trudged along with the lieutenant obediently. L could here more footsteps fast approaching, it was Watari.

"L! L, are you all-"

"They went that way!" And L is on his feet in seconds going after the two who were already 100 feet away and rapidly submerging them selves into a crowd of people. L kept his unblinking eyes on Lucious's form, through the myriad of passing citizens. He can hear Watari and now Wedy pounding on the pavement behind him, but the crowd has grown too large, today was a very misfortunate day, as there seem to be a large group gathering in the park for some kind of a protest. L was having trouble navigating through the throng but he saw Lucious turn his head, meeting L's eyes with a blank look as the Lieutenant led him off, before the mass of pedestrians and tourists and activists swarmed them and they disappeared as if they slipped beneath the icy water of the lake right next to them.

"Damn it!" L cursed.

* * *

Nix chuckled darkly as he gripped the steering wheel, he looked over to the boy sitting in the seat next to him. There was no use in trying to talk to the boy. He was a mindless drone right now. He had been worried at first when Raito had shown up in Lucious's stead. But it was a possibility that Dr. Miller had admitted could happen. So they drove in silence until arriving at the docks where they were to meet up with a different transport and determine what to do now incase any change had to be made to their plans.

Nix hoped that the boy had L's name. He had sent the signal that said he had, but…well Kira was unpredictable. And as they pulled into the dock, Nix escorted Kira from the car. They entered the nearest building and Nix ordered this blank alter to strip.

He did so with no hint of hesitation. He stood there naked in the biting cold with out any reaction at all as Nix took the clothes and handed them off to a man with a dark jacket and sunglasses. The clothing was to be shipped far away from them; there was no telling what tracking devices were in them.

Nix was a little wary that there was a tracking device embedded perhaps in the boy's skin. New technology had been made available earlier that year that enabled small electronic devices to go unnoticed. It had In fact been the same technology that had kept L from suspecting there was anything different about Light's collar.

But the Lieutenant was not taking any chances. The wand was quickly swiped over the young man's body. Nothing showed up. A good sign, but still the lieutenant was on edge. The only way to be sure was to undergo a full body scan and that just wasn't possible right now. It would have to wait until they got back to Arizona, and even though it was a risk, taking him to 089 was the most feasible way to get him out of L's reach, it held both the death note and the shinigami and once inside the building L would never be able to permeate it.

The boys usually piercing amber eyes were dull and cloudy, staring off towards the ocean. Goose pimples covered his arms and back, but that was the only sign that the boy was cold. The lieutenant handed him a pair of black jeans and a gray t-shirt. It wasn't enough to protect from the cold, but it wasn't as if the lieutenant would have to deal with any complaints.

"What's his name?" The lieutenant asked staring the boy in the eyes, but he did not answer. "What's his name?"" He asked again this time back handing the boy. Seagulls cawed in the background and the sound of a few operatives shifting warily in the background. After all it was unnerving for them to witness this blank stare being treated thusly. It was an ugly reminder of what the government was capable, and they did not know that this was the most wanted criminal of the century. Finally the boy's eyes lifted to Nix's and he answered.

"I know it, but I want to write it. I will not tell you, I must be the one to write it down." The lieutenant laughed bitterly.

"Do you think that they will let you!" The lieutenant stared steely down at the boy.

"It doesn't matter, you need L to be killed by Kira for the media's sake so that you can continue killing in his…my name. I am Kira. Only I know L's true name. You have no choice." The lieutenant sneered and cuffed the boy in the back of his head.

"They will just torture it out of you."

"If you think that they have the time to do so, then so be it. I for one would rather die, than give you the pleasure" There was no emotion from this now empty vessel, only pure strategy, and the lieutenant sneered. This Alter of Light's/ Kira's was like a robot. Something that was both a help and a hindrance to the Lieutenant.

He sighed heavily before walking off, leaving the youth standing there.

He wants to write the name himself, well Nix supposed that it could be arranged; yet he did not like accommodating the young man… He ripped the sate light phone from his pocket adjusting his glasses as he pressed it to his face. He would have to clear it. But Nix supposed it would be a small compromise for the detective's demise.

* * *

L stared down at the computer screen.

"The tracking device is useless." He remarked as the tiny red dot, headed out to see.

"We already have people at the docks, but there is no sign that they were ever there."

"Oh, I'm sure they are long gone." L bit out, he was very disappointed in himself for losing Kira. But there was something that outweighed everything else. Kira didn't know L's name did he?

Ryuk had said that Light had not made the shinigami eye deal so then he couldn't know right? He trusted the shinigami actually; he served as a very capable double agent. So then why would Lucious make a move to go back into Nix's care if he was not yet aware of L's true name?

And the only thing L could really think was that this was Light's attempt to do the mission they had earlier planned, only by himself, and with no happy ending.

But those eyes had been so blank. Was this in Nix's agenda the entire time? The unforeseeable future vexed L. It was now all in Kira's…no, who ever that boy had become, his hands.

"…L, are you listening to me?"

"No I was thinking."

"Well I was asking what we should do?" Watari asked the detective a hint of worry in his voice. The detective stood without word and headed upstairs to the investigation room and Fitz's room.

"L!" The elder demanded but still L did not acknowledge him. He trekked across the investigation room before swinging open Fitz's door, startling the youth only a moment.

"How far are you? And how many systems have you taken over."

"L…What is going on."

"They have Kira, We need to put the plan into action as soon as we can. Watari, Wedy, Pen and I will be heading to Arizona, You and Aiber will stay here to take down 089."

"L… there's no way!" Fitz shrieked. "It's not ready!"

"Make it ready," he said before sweeping from the room Watari close on his heals.

"L what we should do is get out of the country right now." Watari said stoically, knowing that the detective would not listen to him, but needing to say it nonetheless.

"Arrange a quick departure for Fitz and Aiber, I also need you to sequester a plane out of Arizona. The only thing we can do is be there when it is all said and done." He briskly walked into a navy and white room that was heavily locked. The room was a miniature fortress and L busied himself by entering the password into a tiny keypad, in the seemingly innocuous looking doorframe. The door opened and he stepped forward again to a metal door and steadied his head for the retina scanner.

He stepped into the dark vault and flipped on the light switch. It was indeed a small vault, roughly ten by ten, with metal walls all around.

He walked up to the far wall and entered in a code on the slightly larger touch pad before another safe door opened in the wall. In the dark recess, he reached in and pulled out the death note that had once belonged to Missa. The same one Light believed that L had burned.

"REM!" the detective screamed into the air. The shinigami must have been watching everything as she quickly melted through the wall.

"Things have not gone according to plan L.," the tall thin shinigami stated.

"Obviously." The detective replied drolly. "I need you to call Ryuk."

"All right." The shinigami strangely complying with L's demands. "Though…you do know that I can watch from up there and tell you what you need and when you need it."

"And I will be most grateful for that when the time comes, but none the less I must see Ryuk."

"All right L" and the white eerie shinigami melted back into the ceiling to begin her flight across the country and towards Ryuk.

"L let me send a team, you should not be going anywhere near there. We can pull this off but putting you in danger is just stupid."

"Watari…I must go. I am the only one that may be able to pull back Light. I have to." Watari looked defeated at the detective.

"L I know you don't want to believe it but…Light doesn't exist anymore. He can never go back to the way he was."

"I don't want him to Watari. All things and people change, and I have utmost confidence in Light."

"How can you say that L? He wants to die, and he possibly wants you dead!" Cried out Watari.

"Correction, only 25 percent of him wants death for us Watari. I've worked with far less odds."

"You are going to trust those shinigami?"

"I have no other choice Watari. I am certain that Rem will comply and she is the lynch pin. Ryuk I am less sure about but I am fairly confident that he will follow through with his part of the deal. He is not as important as Rem in this instance."

"L…"

"Nothing you say will change my mind Watari. Please, there is much for you to do, you must call Roger Everything will go according to plan, just much sooner… and you must acquiesce us all transport from the states. I am confident it will not remain a welcoming place for us much longer. At least until the president can be informed of the situation. "

"But L… We can not tell the President." Watari said adamantly.

"We've lied to world leaders before Watari, and we will do it again."


	16. Marcato

This is best accompanied by 'Sunrise, Sunset" by Bright eyes

sorry this took so long, I rewrote it four times... :Dies:

sorry about the mistakes, I'm loopy. and no beta.

* * *

**Marcato**: stressed, pronounced

* * *

The boy who had no name was sitting in his seat looking out the window of the plane, as he hugged his feet. His eyes were empty. And his face was blank.

There were men in camo all around him. A soldier next to him was on a phone reading off numbers.

"8,9,3,4,1,5,6…" He continued on and on, and the nameless one's brain could have easily computed the numbers and reasoned out their patterns. But his eyes remained glued out the window at the patchwork circles and squares below him.

There was a lot of talking all around him. Two soldiers and a man in a suit were talking about panama behind him and a man with dark sunglasses was discussing the situation in Iran. But the boy remained quite and still as the people around him were ignorantly talking about what ever it was they talked about when their superiors were with in earshot.

He felt like a child as he watched the men talk and babble. They even smiled and laughed when it felt right. He was a child in the middle of the ocean and the waves kept crashing against him.

He pondered what he would be feeling if he were capable of emotion. Would it be loss? Or would he be content with the fact that he was away from L. He didn't know. All he knew was that his alter had lied. He…they, did not know L's name, and he was sure that he would pay for it. He hoped the lieutenant would comply and allow him to 'write L's name' that was the only way he could get out of this one.

The sun was shining in and he watched as a dust mote danced across the sun light in front of him. He marveled at physics for a few seconds before his eyes focused onto the ones that were peering across from him.

Nix. His eyes were variable brands, so hot that they burned and bored into his flesh. The boy may be naive but he knew all that had happened. Only he was emotionally distant. He recognized that look and the boy, thinking that he did not want to encourage that look, looked away. He felt nauseous then, but he didn't know why.

Suddenly that dust mote was whisked away into oblivion as Nix stood abruptly. He grabbed the boy's wrist and pulled him to the back of the plane where the boy knew, were secluded cubicles for meetings and brain storming via air. It was a luxury jet after all.

His stomach hurt again and his heart increased its rhythm. He knew what the lieutenant wanted. They split more than one conversation as they passed. All these men, oblivious. They came into this army with full knowledge they would be pawns, with only the hope that they would become heroic pawns. There for, no questioning brow was raised when they passed. Nix was their superior after all. Oh if they knew what the lieutenant intended to do in that more private cubicle.

Would they think differently for what they had signed up for? Would they so willingly follow orders if they new that the lieutenant and his superiors were harboring the criminal Kira so that he could continue his killing, in a more private and legal setting? Would they be so cheerful as the two passed?

The boy was pushed into the room and he landed with a thud on the seats as Nix pulled the curtain closed. They were in the very back of the plane now. And it was a rather large plane. No one would notice anything. No one would even hear anything as the walls were so carefully made soundproofed.

But still, the boy knew if he were to make any noise he would have to pay for it. So his teeth clenched as the lieutenant pushed him down onto the seat more firmly.

He as a whole, as in all of his alters and he, had known that the lieutenant was more than just manipulative in his attempted seduction. The man was excited by the boy's looks as well as holding such great power over the greatest mass murderer of the 21st century.

He analyzed Nix's personality and weaknesses far away from himself as the lieutenant manipulated his body into submission. And the one with no name made not a peep as he stared blankly above him at the dust motes that floated past.

* * *

L did not care what Watari said. And for the first time in a very long time, L had to put his foot down with the man. He had to order him. And L did not like doing that. But he was certain that he had to go in there to confront Kira and Nix himself. It was the culmination of two years worth of a fragile and almost broken relationship. How could he not?

And it may have been with slight arrogance that he knew he was the only one who would be able to bring Kira back with them. He was sure that even if Watari were under the strictest orders, and even if he were to get just Kira and not the death note… he would fail.

So he put on the black military pants and the long sleeve black knit shirt. He put on his shoulder holster's preferring them to a waist holster. L was after all, trained in this type of thing. Watari did not have to worry so much, but L smiled to himself when he recognized Watari's stubbornness for what it was. He was only worried about L.

9 years of protecting some one, he supposed, would do that to a person. And when he piled in to the jeep after Wedy who warily looked at him, he knew he had to survive or Watari would never forgive himself. No matter how much he had told him that it was his mistake to make.

They drove to the northeast corner of the first defense. It was far enough away that there were no cameras that could track them; there they sat in the jeep with the heat turned up and waited for a phone call from the enigmatic youth that was making this foray at all possible.

Wedy had been back and forth between New Mexico and New York, observeing the place for 6 months now, ever since they had discovered the death note was there. She had even been inside on numerous occasion's to get the blue prints, under the guise of a scientist. She had been steered far away from all of the interesting stuff she had said.

She joked that the main reason she had infiltrated 089 was to see the Aliens. Fitz had stared wide-eyed at her. And Aiber had shaken his head as he learned what his amazing intended had done.

Aiber called and his deep and russet colored voice filled the jeep.

"Are you in position?"

"Yes. How is Fitz?" L asked.

"Well he stopped referring to himself as a mere human a while ago so I suspect that he is getting there."

"Do we have an estimate?" Watari asked putting the binoculars down. They heard Aiber talk to Fitz in the background and there was some very stressed sounding screeching noise.

"I'm going to keep the line open, he's close. You guys have to make it quick, in and out before anyone even notices. You can't make a stand; there is just too much security and way to many personnel. Estimate is…"

"15 minutes!" They heard Fitz shout behind Aiber. The three black clad people climbed out of the jeep and crouched behind it, taking out the wire cutters, Wedy proceeded to go towards the fence and cut it half way up. Beyond the fence there wasn't any foliage for cover so they had to follow close behind Wedy to keep out of the line of sight.

L spotted two large awkward black and white figures swoop down from the sky towards him. Watari raised his gun, but L put his hand on it and lowered it.

"That's Ryuk and Rem... Do you know where he is located?" L asked them stepping forward with some blue prints and spreading them out on the hood of the jeep.

Rem and Ryuk exchanged apathetic glances as they landed. Rem stepped forward and looked over the paper.

"He is in an isolated room. They haven't taken him to the death note." She said worriedly.

"Light told them that he knows your name and he wants to write the name down himself." Ryuk pointed out.

"That was the original plan. However, I believe his intention is for a different ending." Ryuk huffed. "So where is he now?" Rem looked at L grimly.

"He is in the hospital wing."

"How is he? Will he be able to walk out on his own?" He asked his heart dropping into his stomach in fear. Rem and Ryuk looked into each other's eyes.

"We don't know, he is kinda messed up. Hey, the bargain still sticks right? Even if this doesn't work?"

"Yes Ryuk" Ryuk grinned ear to ear, but there was no judging how this would go. It was true that the shinigami's could see their life spans, but neither Ryuk nor Rem would tell him what he needed to know. Nonetheless, his gut told him that at the very least, both he and Kira would survive.

In what state, and if they were free or not was a different question.

"Can you lead us to him?" L asked but he knew they would. They too, had a lot riding on this.

"Yes." The two shinigami said in unison.

* * *

Kira, after being scanned for any type of tracking device, and after Nix's own personal cavity search, now lay strapped to a metal table. Staring like a doll up into the fluorescent lights. His eyes were filled with tears and they streamed down his face. But they weren't from emotion.

They were from the light and the pain, and the absence of reality.

Dr. Miller had shown up half way through the scan, white coat and cold surroundings a grim reminder of what was to come. His presence made the bile rise in the young man's throat. Even the way he moved, his hands seemed so graceful and his every movement was slow and precise.

And even though the young man was void of emotion, the doctor triggered a somewhat Pavlovian response in him.

The doctor was unpredictable. At least with Nix his motives were clear. With the doctor that was not the case. The doctor wanted to know what made the boy tick; he was the one who had ordered all the tests and torture. And had been the one to turn him into an emotional Frankenstein.

Thank god Miller was not interested in killing L. If he wanted L's name, the boy knew that he would surely get the truth out of him. However if Nix asked for Miller's help…if he had been ordered to get L's name. What would the boy do?

He demanded obedience, if the boy spared a stray glare, Dr. Miller would make sure to punish him. It had happened many times before.

He had no time for any of this. These people seemed confident that L could not infiltrate the compound but he knew better, having studied the blue prints with L and his team personally.

And the detective did not want to have the boy any where near the death note. Because the detective knew that he would choose death. The boy was sure that the detective's affection for him would get the awkward genius killed.

He had been laying there for what seemed like days, when he knew it was only a few hours while Nix and Miller joked about a football game, and pressed a low voltage electric baton to his belly.

The boy screamed, the pain reverberating through him with the cocktail of something that made him completely numb mentally, but over sensitive physically. It made his mind useless.

When Nix pressed the baton on the inside of the boy's thigh, he screamed again. The men merely waited for him to finish screaming before they continued their conversation.

Some where in his rapidly receding mind, he knew what they were doing. They wanted L's name. But also, they were reminding him of his place. And of what they would do if he didn't cooperate.

Nix leaned over the youth and said,

"Was that too much? I'll turn it down. It's up to you when you are ready. I am listening." He said as he cupped the trembling cheek before pressing only a slightly less painful shock into his side.

It had never been so brutal before. Never had his skin split with the current, nor had he smelt his own burning flesh, but they didn't have L to answer to at the end of this, so there were no holds barred.

"The lieutenant is correct, all that you need to do is tell us what L's name is. " They both talked in sweet tones and the young man's mind, having been pushed beyond the brink of what he could take, smiled sadly at their fraudulent affection, in understanding with the trouble he was causing them.

In his mind, they were right, he only need tell them. But his mouth would not open for some reason.

He knew they were only doing their jobs, and felt sorry for them. His smile made the doctor mad and he stuck the baton into the boy's left hand. The boy screamed again and ended by sobbing.

"Please! Please!"

"Please? Please what?"

"I know you don't want to do this, so just stop!"

"We can't, I'm sorry. Not until you tell us." Something shone in the boy's eyes, and a sudden hardness overcame him.

"No, I must write the name myself, if you want me to write names for you from now on then I want to write it. Please! I deserve it don't you think?" He said in hysterics. A bit of the seductive Raito emerged when the last of his words were spoken.

"It's the drug talking. He's just gabbing now." Nix nodded at what the doctor had said, and just then an alarm started to go off, startling both men from their concentration. Everything in the room seemed to still in pause as the two men contemplated what the alarm meant.

It would have been regarded by the others as a failsafe that meant the computer had been hacked, it really didn't have anything to do with anyone other than those that maintained the mainframe. But Nix and Miller's head's shot up and they stared at each other. They both knew that it had to be L.

They had been assured that they were safe. There was no way that L would make it past the first security station. That was if the security station knew that this was anything other than a computer attack. The alarm acted as merely a warning for everyone to keep their eyes open, but both men knew that the genius would undoubtedly find a way past that.

The straps where flung off and the boy was hauled to his feet. He was flung into the freezing ice water tub to rinse of the blood, the boy shrieked at his return to the cold, but they lifted him out quickly.

"Security breach A13, security to assigned stations, open link for parrot."

"Damn it! He is here! What are we going to do?" The boy looked at the panicking men with wide eyes. He had never before seen them lose their cool like this. Especially the doctor.

"We'll have him write the name in the book. That's all we can do." Nix said viciously at the doctor, he grabbed the youth's upper arm and the boy screamed as he had been burned there.

The lieutenant paid him no heed as he led him down a hall, the youth still completely naked, and a fidgeting doctor trailing close behind him.

He stopped at a panel near the end of the hall; it had a small keypad at the bottom. When he entered the code he cursed as the small screen atop the code box said 'on the Fitz'

The youth giggled, and Nix backhanded him for it viciously. The Doctor was standing behind the two and kept looking over his shoulder. Nix attempted to open the door and found it unlocked.

He pulled out a retractable shelf and handed Miller a M1911 pistol and then retrieved another for himself. Then they continued down the hall, as the boy stumbled and shook fiercely having no choice but to keep up with the two.

He didn't look troubled however, he had an eerie grin on and Nix was sorely tempted to slap the look off his face. If he wasn't so sure that he had all the alters of Light Yagami tamed and under his control, he would have been worried.

They went through a maze of corridors; the glaring fluorescent lights beat into the boy's skull with the stark whiteness that surrounded them, and nearly made him vomit with dizziness.

They were going to the death note! His mind shouted at him.

One way or another, this would end tonight. And the boy couldn't help sighing as he trotted like an awkward colt between the two men. He would finally be able to get some rest. And sleep! Oh what a luxury that had been when he was with L. He was eager to sleep before he would be so utterly deprived of it again.

As each door they passed through proved to be unlocked, the lieutenant became more and more furious, tugging viciously on the boys arm through the blazing white halls.

The young man was beginning to warm up from the exertion and he was thankful, but he could barely see as his wet hair was now plastered over his face. He kept reaching up to bat the errant strands away but every time he failed miserably, looking instead like a crazy person intent on shoeing away what ever hallucination plagued his vision.

The two men stared ahead in determination; they were so sure that tonight L would die. The thought made the boy giggle once again, but when the lieutenant turned towards him he cowered back and pulled on his arm in fear of the raised hand.

Just as that happened a large BOOM resounded through the wide corridor they where in. It shook the ground beneath their feet and sent all of them into the wall, the boy smacking his head against the white painted cement.

"Ku ku ku." A dark chuckling broke out through the corridor. The light's flickered once, then when out. Replaced by an eerie red glow that did nothing to cut through the smoke and dust. The doctor and the lieutenant rose to their feet coughing. And Nix pulled the semi conscious nameless one into his arms.

He pressed the barrel of his gun viciously into the side of the youth's head, forcing the teen to whimper and lean his head to the side with the strength of it.

Through the dust a tall and ominous figure appeared. His wings spread out with black menacing fluff. 'ku ku ku' it cackled again and the normally composed doctor next to him screamed on top of his lungs, He had heard of the shinigami, but to see it was something different.

The youth looked at him with wide eyes, around the gun that was aimed at him and started laughing so hard that he had trouble breathing.

"What the fucking hell is that!" Nix shrieked as he asked both the youth and the doctor. Neither answered. One too busy trembling and screaming and the other too busy shaking and laughing. Neither of them had seen the reported shinigami. And the young one found this quite funny.

L heard the laughing and through the apparition of the shinigami as if it were a mere specter made of the smoke itself, he ran through, followed closely by Watari and then Wedy. Another tall apparition and a somewhat amused looking Rem took the spot next to Ryuk.

"Light!" L cried out and the youth's head snapped to attention immediately. Nix smiled widely himself, not taking his eyes off of the shinigami, yet still feeling he had the edge over L.

His mind processed the new development. So Light had not lied. Gods of death huh?

His mind would have to sort through the mess later but right now, he had to focus on L and his demands.

L was so stupid he had walked directly into the serpent's nest, and he expected to get out?

"L."

"Lieutenant?" They both greeted the other with barely contained venom and steel. But their eyes never met. Nix only looking at the God of Death and L only had eyes for the disturbed very naked and very hurt looking youth in the lieutenant's arms.

"Wedy, Rem, can you two get the death note?"

"Yes."

"Then do that. Watari? If we end up fighting one on one, I want you to let me be, no matter who it is I fight."

"Understood."

"This is crazy." Was the only thing that came out of the doctor's mouth as he booked it down the hallway. Disappearing through the door on the end. Nix watched him go, but then seemed to deem it unimportant.

"You think you are going to fight me?" Unexpectedly he released the youth from his hold and placed the hand holding the gun atop the youth's wet and now blood-matted hair. "You are such a fool L, you came here for this?" and he pushed the wide-eyed youth forward some.

"And the death note, yes."

"L you were Naïve to think that you could pin him down into your perfect little specimen case, you would never have succeeded in breaking him enough to make him compliant. I on the other hand, think I have succeeded. Give me a hug Raito." Nix asked cockily. The youth automatically turned around and embraced the lieutenant around the waist. It looked as though he was holding on for dear life, but L made no sign that he was affected.

"You see what a beautiful creature his is now? You want what you have given to me. If it was something you wanted so badly then you shouldn't have sent him to Monmouth in the first place. That place of all places, too." Nix chuckled. "I think when you made that decision there must have been some animosity between you two."

"If I had known he would have been treated thusly, I would never have gone to the CIA."

"Ahh but no one else would have him right? No one else wanted the man who killed thousands. They did want him in the respect that they wanted him dead." Nix tilted the youth's chin and for the first time a deep sadness entered the nameless one's eyes. It wrenched at L's gut, but still L showed no emotion.

"You wanted him because, having him around would make you feel more powerful right? You wanted to assert power over a god. You wanted to become more powerful than a god... You wanted to add him to your collection of misfits that you had beaten. Add this deity to your little conquests club. Like caged beasts, giving you control over something exotic and powerful. You are no better than me, you are worse." He said snarling.

"That is not true. Everyone who works for me works under their own volition."

"By little choice…" There was a long pause as Nix shrugged off the comment flippantly "I'm sure you have discerned now that he loves you L? But he loves me more. I offer him power, redemption. First you were his coveted obstacle but now you are merely a stepping stone for his ascent."

"I don't believe that."

"Don't you? Here he would, no, will become what he had wanted to be. Kira surely will ascended into a god of the new world. We are going to take his dreams and make them reality, It's true L. Here, I will prove it to you." Nix pulled the youth from the tight embrace and looked into his eyes. "Now Light, choose your master."

The youth slowly turned around, L could see clearly the hurt and suffering in those wide eyes, that so much reminded him of his own now. They both stepped forward until they were a short distance apart. Watari behind L, and Nix behind Light.

"Light? Let's leave this place." L asked pleadingly.

"You know L, I agree with Nix, but not because of what he said. Not because I want power anymore, even though, yes, I'm ashamed to admit that I do. But because you were the one who made me like I am now. I was a killer by circumstance before, but now, I might as well be as sick and degenerate as all of those horrendous killers you've put away. Because I want to feel blood on my hands now. I want to shred vital organ's and I want to watch as that very spark dies and once living eyes in an instant grow cold." The youth's face was wild and driven with an immense anger.

A madness had swept over him, it was a look that L had seen many times before in every one of the murderer's he had captured and he realized, at this very moment, that he had never ever seen that look in those eyes until now. He had seen cold and calculating, he had even seen contempt. But never the blood lust that was now plastered on the youth's face.

The boy's fist shot out towards L in a flash, but the detective was expecting it. And again another fist, so fast were the strikes that L could have easily likened them to a snake striking, and then a foot, where L had expected another fist, but there was no intent behind the hit as L went flying back.

If he had wanted to, the youth could have broken ribs with that kick, but he hadn't. L landed on the floor at Watari's feet only winded.

Instead the youth spun on his heel and pounced with all the fury of that Lynx L had witnessed earlier in Lucious and now with the brute force of a wolf's jaw as Light pinned Nix to the floor,

"Raito! No!" the lieutenant cried out in startlement, and with that the youth bashed his head into the floor.

"Raito never liked you, you sick fuck." THUD

"I Raito wanted you dead just as everyone else did." THUD

"I Lucious lied as much to you about my loyalty as you did to him and the others." SPLUD

"And I Light had planned your death by my hands ever since I met you." SPLAT

The youth began clawing at the now unconscious Lieutenant's face. Shredding the flesh as it gathered under his nails and grinning madly down as he watched the blood pool in the corners of his closed eyes and beneath his head. A strong pair of arms wrapped around him but he bucked to free himself. He realized when he couldn't hear anything that he had been screaming.

But even the startling revelation did not make him cease his desperate struggle for freedom; he felt a pinch in his arm. 'Not again' but he did not go unconscious. His limbs grew heavier and heavier and then he all but lay staring at the ceiling in L's arms.

He was vaguely aware that someone was wrapping something already warm with body heat around him. He thought that the act was useless, as he would never be warm again.

He could see L and he was talking but no words reached the youths ears. 'Why are you so frantic L?' He thought. 'There was something I was supposed to do. What was it?' He saw Ryuk standing behind L, peering down at him.

The boy's mind screamed at the shinigami, 'do it now! Please!' But the shinigami only chuckled slowly, almost nervously. And even though he could hear nothing else, he heard that.

He wanted to reach up and strangle the shinigami for not fulfilling his promise. Everything else had been planned so carefully even incase of his failure at the very beginning, he need not worry about torture or confinement because Ryuk had promised him death.

But the Shinigami had not kept it. And now here he was… alive, and he would stay that way for sometime. No thanks to Ryuk.

Suddenly he saw himself being lifted up and he began floating through the red halls into stark white, bright and even more silent ones.

He was aware that there should be noise then, at least the heavy footsteps, and he witnessed Watari raise his gun to shoot at some one who was apparently shooting at them. He flinched each time the gun went off, but he could not hear it. He only thought of the pain that was on the receiving end of those bullets. Pain that he had caused, so much pain and death.

They ducked into a room momentarily, and Then Wedy was there. She had the death note right? He made a feeble attempt to move but he only succeeded in lifting his fingers a few centimeters. Waves and waves of emotions washed over him, like a dam had broken.

He had caused this, He had killed. He had killed! Then L's face came into his view again as it hovered over him. His mouth was rapidly moving, his mouth wide as if causeing a great ruckus, but still the youth heard nothing. His eyes furrowed in a frown. Then as if like an angel, L was consumed with Light. As if he had gone out into the brightest part of the day and the sun shone over everything with such ferocity that it almost consumed the detective. But he didn't need to close his eyes or squint. It didn't hurt his eyes.

And he felt as if he had just fallen into the warmest pool of light. But no that wasn't right, he couldn't be warm and he started clawing at the warmness as it engulfed him, and he felt the earth breathing beneath him, even in the damnable mountain, encased in a fluorescent coffin, he felt joy but he cried because of it. 'I don't deserve this!' And then flashes of everyone he had ever killed started flitting through his mind, the men he had judged, the twelve FBI agents, Naomi, Ray, Missa laughing and tugging at his arm.

Then he was a child again, and he was chasing Sayu and her friend as they giggled helplessly, through a deserted street in Japan at Dusk.

And a world he would never see. Calm and free of crime. People walked around at all hours of the day with out fear, People shared their food with those less fortunate, they cherished there neighbors, and he saw a happy family playing in a park. He was absolutely positive in that moment that if he had succeeded in his goals, this all would have come to pass.

The universe was rotten without him. But when he pushed those thoughts away seeing them as a fallacy, a great wave, like a giant tsunami of darkness loomed over him then crashed down and engulfed him, and the images... all the pictures that he had been subjected to while in Monmouth, of dead and decaying corpses and even the ones that were most recent, presumably caused by the CIA themselves in the fake case, KIRA LIVES. All those pictures began coming to life. He could smell the blood. He could smell the decay.

His mind screamed in agony. He swore he saw Satan then, and it wore his face, eyes glowing red and a sneer he had seen before in a mirror...

He was evil! He had to die! Oh god, he would be the end of the world. And he loathed himself so utterly that he wished he were those dead and decaying.

And then a fear gripped him so completely that he felt himself stiffen in an impossible position. Cramps and pain shot down his spine until he fell unconscious

* * *

Watari said nothing as they made there way over to the rendezvous point. They had to restrain the youth as they were making their way out: he had had a violent seizure.

He was now cuffed behind his back and swaddled so tightly in Watari's large black jacket that it dwarfed him and made him seem impossibly small. L's eyes were Red with so much anxiety, he said nothing as they pressed on quickly.

Pen was waiting with a chopper, she slammed open the door and Watari took the pilot seat as Wedy jumped into the copilot seat and Pen and L took the unconscious youth into the back.

"Jesus." The doctor breathed as she checked him over and took his vitals. "He is going into shock, hand me that blanket." He was wrapped more securely in the coarse fabric. "What happened?"

"We accomplished our mission, then Kira had a seizure." L stated coldly. There was bitterness alive in that chopper, but L would not be the one to warn Pen of what kind of work was before her.

"So we go to the Renaissance in Glendale."

"Yes there is a man waiting there who will take us to Oregon." Wedy said, trying to move past the tension in the chopper, yet she didn't take her eyes off the youth that was bundled up before her. She had seen Nix's body, and his bloody hands.

Almost instinctually she drew his hands out from under the blankets and she pulled a sanitation wipe from the elaborate first aid kit and began meticulously cleaning his hands and his fingers.

She continued with her task in silence as the chopper whizzed toward their first destination.

* * *

A glimpse of an old home made quilt, and dust filled rays of sunlight. That same silence that pierced his mind before. A hand in his hair.

Pen and L's worried eyes loomed in his line of sight like vultures circling his corpse. He felt a pinch in his arm and again he met with darkness.

* * *

L's hand had not left the youth's hair, he carded through it till all of the congealed blood flaked away, he didn't care how dirty it was, he needed those strands wrapping themselves around his fingers. Even as he carried the youth off of the RV that had taken them to Oregon, his hand had curled over the youth to land in his hair again.

Kira's head lay nestled against his chest like a babe until Watari, who had gone ahead to sequester a boat that would take them to their final destination, took the load from L's arms. He trailed behind with his hand still massaging the youth's skull. They boarded the chartered yacht and headed out to sea.


	17. Dimmuendo

No Death Own Note

If some of you have forgiving hearts and have pardoned me my complete bastardization of this story, and you aren't amongst those who are raring to go with pitchforks and torches a waving, (…) this chapter may change your mind.

That being said, I don't apologize.

:Set's fire extinguisher next to keyboard:

To my 20 loyal reviewers and to anyone who has reviewed at all! I love you. I love you. I love you.

If I were into poetry, I would write a sonnet about how you are the very air I breathe, and the reason I jump out of bed every morning to check my email.

I've never been good at accepting complements, so I apologize now for all the "I loves yous" that came too late. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!! I really love you guys, and I'll be sad to see this story go. I'm guesstimateing around chappy 20 or so.

Read on dear little pretty ones.

Oh yeah, and WARNING: character death.

No it's not what you think! NO! I SWEAR:runs away:

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Dimmuendo

Decreasing

L's nails where all wasting away some where in his digestive track, chewed into tiny pieces. He knew it was a disgusting habit, but L had a lot of bad habits, and no one really had ever made an attempt to break him of them until Pen, and by then it was way too late.

He was fairly certain they would last forever, and pointless minutes made him contemplate what this would mean for the rest of his life. Would he always remain the derelict and weird detective that he was, with no driving force to stop his bad habits and thus remain this way until the inevitable?

Or perhaps more unlikely his need for sweets, and his oral fixation (he scowled) would some day lead to his destruction? Perhaps he would be unwittingly poisoned with an apple and almond tart. Cyanide did have the faint fragrance of Almond's after all, Even more ridiculous, he pictured some nefarious villain creeping into his room during the four hours of sleep he allowed himself every three days, to dip his thumb in some poison concoction.

His mind was definitely not at full potential, he cursed as another wave rocked the three-story ship that was disguised as an oceanic research vessel. His face turned a tiny shade greener at the movement. For all the ingenuity of this ship and it's location in international waters, his stomach much preferred solid ground.

He sat hunched over his new Toshiba in the morning light that filtered in through the soft white linen curtains from the upper decks. Light laid next to him his wounds and burns wrapped tightly; a look of peaceful rest was on his face.

He was restrained however, his arms carefully and securely bound with soft white padded straps and he was laying above the sheets as it was quite a warm day 50 miles off the coast of Jalisco, Mexico. The white cotton button down pajamas he wore engulfed him, as they were slightly large on him

After they had escaped the states to the RV Lorgnette, a research vessel that secretly L owned, Pen and L had painstakingly dressed his wounds, and cleaned him thoroughly. The Burns were horrendous, and if they hadn't been taken care of, L was sure he would have lost his left leg from the abscess that would have formed.

Kira had only regained consciousness twice since their escape, and both times had been disastrous, waking screaming out everything that L had feared to hear.

Crying for Ryuk to please kill him and lamenting that he had 'failed again' Today Pen was determined to wake the youth, she had stopped the heavy sedatives and instead began him on pain killers. L was wary.

Watari had filled her in on the youth's state of mind before he had fallen unconscious. It was clear that the doctor was worried as well. She had restrained him immediately after she heard the news while L looked on sadly.

The blue sky was shining in through the window. As the youth began to stir. L did not know with whom he would meet, would it be the nameless one he had met just before or would it be Kira, or one of the other's. Pen and he, were discussing what to do in the event one of the more fragile of his alter's awoke, and while they spoke the sandy auburn head turned towards the light. A soft moan interrupted their words as the boy stirred awake, his breathing steadily quickened.

L surmised that he would have a rough time of it, as his mind had not been allowed to handle what had happened to him yet. To him the whole thing had just happened, when in reality it had been a half of a week since they had left the states.

Tears began instantly behind the closed eyes and his head tossed back and forth.

"No no no no!" the ferocity with which he said this, grew in tempo until finally he was outright screaming, back arched off of the bed. L's hand was in his hair instantly trying to smooth down the cries that were most certainly reaching out side ears now.

"Shh shh, Kira wake up, your safe now. Your safe." But L's words went unheard as the decibels increased.

Startled eyes flung open but they still did not see as they darted back and forth like that of a frightened horse, when he moved his arms and legs, pain shot through him and his eyes rolled into the back of his head. Aiber quickly entered with a tray, laden with a bowl of ice and a washcloth. He set the tray down and went over to the large windows that looked out to the sky, and deck below. He closed them quickly before grimly turning back to the scene unfolding before them. rushing to the bowl to wrap some ice in the cloth, and handing it to Pen who immediately put it to use.

L continued shushing him but his voice was finally losing oomph as it was probably dry and worn out.

Pen grasped the boy by the scruff of his neck and forced him to at least face her, even if eyes didn't want to meet.

"Light!" No response, just the gurgled scream as it slowly died, his mouth gaping, eyes wide as his back still arched off the bed. Pen released him and sighed heavily, she looked to L as if in surrender. She didn't know what to do.

"We should just sedate him until he is ready." L shook his head.

"Would you two please go sit by the window?" Pen reluctantly stood next to Aiber and they made their way to the farthest wall of the cabin, where a small table and two chairs that were located by the same large window Aiber had just closed, were located.

They sat quietly and watched the troubled youth still flounder on the bed as L tried to calm and sooth him.

When L saw that the two were sitting, He quickly undid the binds that held his arms down. Pen sat up as if to protest as hands came up to claw and scratch again, but L was ready for it. The little freedom the boy had been given, as his legs were still bound at least served to steady his screaming.

Now no sound could be heard coming from the youth. Using his energy instead to fight his way out of the nightmare using his nails.

L released the hands and flung himself over to his computer, his fingers flying over the keys with skill finding one of Bach's cello suites, he pushed play and at first a quiet sound filled the room until L cranked it up as high as he could.

It wasn't complex, just something filled with emotion; the effect on the teen was instantaneous. His spine straightened and his mouth closed. Instead of his eyes shooting wildly about they were now staring wide at the soft white canopy, currently tied up to the bedpost. His breathing slowed and he swallowed.

Very slowly as the song played, his eyes began to thin out so that they were no longer fiercely staring at nothing. L leaned over carefully and slowly until he was in the boy's view. But only his profile, he didn't want to intimidate him by looming over him.

L could see in his peripheral the boy beginning to focus and turn his head towards L. Still L made no motion, only looking at the blue sky through the curtains as the young on adjusted.

Suddenly and without warning a pair of thin sinewy arms, that had once been healthy, had once been lightly kissed with sun, wrapped around L's waist. Pen, Aiber and L all let out silent sighs of relief. But their gentle sighing had been stopped abruptly as the youth's form shook and soon the quiet crying became soft pitiful sobs.

L turned and wrapped his arms around Light in earnest. Sad wide eyes turned to the two present who silently nodded and stood to leave.

As soon as the door latched, L allowed his own tears to fall, collapsing with the youth in his lap onto the soft white mattress.

They lay like that for a long time, only parting long enough for L to reach over onto the nightstand and poor the youth a glass of crisp clean water. He watched the youth drink it greedily before taking it away, lest the youth become ill.

Then wrapped his arms around him once more and sinking once again into the covers. The crying had long since stopped but L dared not remove his arms from Light's form. He lifted his hand and took the cloth that was wet, but now had no ice. He brought it gently to the boy's face, wiping the tears and sweat off of his brow lovingly but even as he had stopped openly crying now, fat drops of saline fell still.

"Do you need anything?" L asked the youth, who shook his head no, and slowly began to extricate himself from L. But the detective would have none of it, and hugged the boy more fiercely. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry." L repeated over and over again into the youth's hair, watching the strands stir as he spoke.

"Don't say that." He hugged the detective tighter as if to stop him. "I just want to forget for a little bit ok? Just for a little while." L extracted himself from the boy's arms. He stood slowly and walked over to the slatted door of the closet. He pulled out the cello that Aiber had rescued in their escape.

The boy's eyes welled with tears. And he held out his arms as if to welcome a long lost friend.

L handed it to him, and undid the boy's feet restraints. Immediately upon receiving it, the youth started, with gentle hands, to extract it and the bow from its case. When his feet were free he stood it up and began to play. The same tune that was currently playing on the computer, until L reached over and pushed pause, so that only the sound of Lucious's cello sang through the small quarters.

L stood and walked to the window, opening it, he looked to the deck below the room and saw Missa playing hopscotch with Bonnie and Christian. When the cello drifted out to them they stopped and looked up with wide eyes at L who smiled down at them. Missa was overcome in silent tears as her and L's eyes met.

8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

The boy who had no name was standing in the bathroom, L was dozing on the bed and he must have been extremely tired, the boy had to feign sleep so that the detective would let his guard down.

So the nameless one stood in the bathroom staring at himself in the mirror, his gaunt reflection pale and white, and for a moment he could convince himself that he was a ghost, and this was a dream. In his heart he knew that the reason for his feeling of complete failure stemmed from his former self, and it's addiction to power. It hadn't gone, as he had wanted after all.

A pain shot through his heart, something he had recently come to identify as sorrow. The others except for Kira, had integrated with him, and now he had these emotions that he had to deal with. Before it was just logic that demanded his death. He was Kira, he should die. But now the pain in his heart was more than enough reason. He stared at himself for a few minutes before exiting the bathroom.

He lovingly traced the stem of the cello that was leant against the bed still; he walked past and went to the glass on the nightstand. He felt bad taking advantage of L while the Detective was not at his best, but this may be his last chance.

He reached for the glass silently and turned to L. He had grown to love the detective during his time chained to the man in Japan. And whilst he was at the mercy of Nix and L, his love had been manipulated into some thing extreme and almost psychotic. L didn't know the extent to which the youth cared about him. And it scared him, he had never had feelings of even extreme like for anyone.

Then the detective came along and changed his whole perspective. And he had to go and do it when the youth didn't know what he was. A murderer. Not only that but a mass murderer. He breathed in L's scent as he hovered over him.

This was for the detective. Obviously the genius was not right in the head with him around. L would destroy the death notes, and Kira would be dead. He could then mend relations with America. It was a rather powerful country to make enemies with.

A tear wetly slid down his cheek as he walked back to the bathroom.

'There's no other way. There is nothing else' he kept chanting in his mind. As he wrapped the glass in a towel and slammed it to the floor. Only a muffled cracking could be heard. He slowly peeled back the edges of the towel to reveal large shards of glass.

He carefully extracted a piece and began running the bath. Hot water, it helped circulation and thus it would help his body drain the blood from his body. He undressed and slid into the bath as it filled the glass, and a washcloth wrapped around it for grip, in his hand.

He stared at the faucet for a minute. 'There is no other way, there is nothing else' He raised the shard and watched the light reflect off of it. He was alone, like it always should have been.

The door slammed open and the youth jumped near a foot out of the tub before he sank in lower, just his head above the water. L was angry as he stood in the doorway, quickly grabbing the shard and cloth from the youth and cutting his finger's in the process, he didn't say anything as he scooped up the towel with the rest of the shards and swept out of the room. A quiet rage on his face.

When he returned, the youth sank lower in the water still.

"Did you think I was stupid? Did you think I would really just fall asleep with you unattended? Do you think I'm an idiot!?" The detective was yelling now as the boy flinched at every sharp syllable as it left the geniuses mouth.

"I'm sorry." The boy said weakly.

"Your sorry?!" The detective's usually dull voice had taken on a razor's edge. But as he stood there, pissed off as all hell, he seemed to come to a conclusion and sank on his heels next to the bathtub.

"I won't let you die, I won't let you be murdered and I won't let you kill yourself. Call me selfish but I won't let that happen."

The youth had anger in his eyes now as he raised his mouth above the water.

"You are a fool L."

"Yes, it seems so."

"The Americans know I'm alive, they will come after you."

"No, I don't think so."

"Why, don't you think so?"

"Because they are not searching for me, they are searching for Miller. And they want his head on a platter, not yours." The boy's eyes widened.

"How, what…"

"I have a direct link to the president of course. And I have many friends on the senate. I've told them your story. And the deal is still on, I am to train you for three years."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"I am not, of course the president has told me that your identity must be wiped clean. And if her men ever got wind of your disappearance from my side, both you and I would be brought to swift justice. But I've had a rather long talk with her and the first gentlemen and, they both know your entire story, from beginning to end. I've told them how you've changed, and they wish to send you their deepest apologies for how you were treated in the care of the government. The president herself wants me to assure you that the whole infrastructure of the CIA is being reevaluated. She is deeply ashamed that such torture took place in her own country and by her own subordinates." The youth's eyes looked as though they had never been wider.

"What of the death note?"

"Something as easy as a little black book is easy to fake it's destruction. The president was a little upset that I told her I just burned it, but she got over it relatively quickly."

"Surely they can't believe you."

"Why wouldn't they, I've been on their side of justice for so long. It would be hard for them to imagine me not keeping my word."

"It just doesn't make any sense… I'm Kira!"

"Are you? Are you going to take up mass murder again?"

"L you were there, you saw what I did to Nix…" The boy trembled and L's eyes narrowed.

"That man deserved far worse than what you gave him. I believe that justice was served. Don't you? "

"That wasn't justice. That was murder."

"Correction Yagami kun, that was self defense. It may have been a little gray, but nonetheless self defense, as your only options were to kill me or die." It was true, if he had hesitated from the beginning, he knew that the lieutenant would have shot him on the spot. And then who knows where L would be. The boy sank lower into the tub. And they sat there in silence for a long time until L held out his hand in gesture.

"Nice to meet you, my name is L Lawliet." The youth's eyes slowly widened until they were mostly whites as he stared at the detective. But he didn't know how to reply. He didn't have a name, at least not this side to him. "Your new name is Kith." L offered, smiling.

"Kith? Wha-" L pointed his finger into the air.

"I do admit it's a bit random, but I wanted it to be completely different than anything that came before it. You don't mind me giving you a name do you?" Kith blushed but shook his head slowly.

"No, I don't mind. But what does it mean."

"That's a very good question. It means…" L looked about, there were a number of definitions for the word really. Country to which one belonged, place of origin, a group of friends…and each one fit what he wanted for the youth. He decided to go with his deciding factor for choosing the name. "It means home." L grinned impishly at him, the boy's eyes widened and he blushed again. L liked that blush. He wanted to see more of it, and the gentle stirrings of passion began to creep into him. But he was not crass. He knew that Kith was not ready for anything beyond, well, holding each other.

But the promise that there would be something more than this wordless love between them made L's heart swell with eagerness.

"Kith…I like it." And Kith smiled.

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Kith wasn't as shy and introverted as he first appeared to be, L found. He was outgoing and charming like the old Light had been.

He greeted Pen with that old familiar smile that was the Yagami boy's trademark. And thanked Watari adamantly for his assistance.

But it worried L that he had seen neither hide nor hair of the alter Kira. It was obvious to L that the reason this boy was so easily handling this new situation, was because inside Kira was suffering. And try as he may to bring the morose alter out of his shell; the boy simply would not budge. And Kith would not give way.

So when the deck hand served them breakfast that morning, and Kith had smiled disarmingly at the young woman, L really didn't want to do anything just yet. It had been so long since he had seen the youth back to himself that he thought he should give it a little more time.

Even though the youth was more outgoing now, he shied away from going out on deck for a tour. And in the ten days they'd been on board an ocean fairing vessel, the youth had not even seen the ocean once. L was reluctant as well to be giving him the tour, lest he find the moment right to throw himself overboard.

After all, certain death surrounded them on all sides, and he had a suicidal and mentally unhinged youth on his hands.

Kith had no problem handling the waves, But L had to take Dramamine, despite the fact that he had been on board before. Kith smiled as L dozed on the bed, preceded promptly by L fishing out the handcuffs from his nightstand and securing Kith to himself.

Then Kith sulked, and was almost of the mind to pester the detective so that the young man could not sleep.

But as L drifted off into a lucid dream, acutely aware of the boy at his side the whole time. He found that he would be quite satisfied if neither of them had to leave this soft white cabin ever again… minus the seasickness.

When he woke, a warm breeze drifting through the window from the mainland deserts, filled the room with the sound of music. Faint and undiscernible. He looked to his side and saw that Kith had curled around L's arm; the detective's heart beat faster at the sight. He extracted his arm from the youth unlocking the cuff, and L stood and went to the door. He opened it letting the warm air flood even further in. He could see the Mexican sierras jutting up over the edge of the boat, a faint mist covering the mountains as the sea breeze condensed there. He reached up on his tiptoes to see over the rail but it was to no avail.

A warm presence at his back signaled that the younger of the two was standing behind him. He turned slightly.

"Want to go for a short walk?" Kith eyed the mountains in the distance warily, but soon nodded.

L grasped his hand, startling the boy, and dragged him out into the hall that led to the stairs, as if it were a band-aid and ripping it off quickly would make it hurt less. He dragged the youth to the stairs and turned to face Kith.

"Are you ok?" L asked warily, his toes gripping the deck as the boat pitched. Kith nodded.

"Slower." He said with eyes wide. L nodded. He took Kith's hand again and began descending to the main deck. When they reached the bottom of the stairs he looked around the corner and breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't see anyone. He slowly brought Kith up to the railing and they looked out over the short distance there was to the land.

L pointed to a city and port to the south,

"That's Puerto Madero." Kith nodded as he calculated where they were.

"Mexico?"

"Yes."

"Why."

"Call it a vacation." Kith cocked his head to the side and looked at L with a hint of amusement before returning his eyes to the surf.

He looked up the port side, inspecting the ship. It was huge, immense really, at least 350 feet in length. There was a large crane of the stern and the whole thing was white and chartreuse with the name Lorgnette off on the side and a large symbol he didn't recognize.

His eyes fell back to the land that they were cruising past, the waves where laden with surfers. It was indeed a good day to surf, as the waves were large. And up in the tropical sierras there was a thick fog rolling down towards the sea.

"Why are we here? I mean..."

"We are here for another three days, picking up supplies." L explained easily. "Then we will be headed out to sea so that the ship can actually earn its name as a research ship. I'm afraid the scientists are getting antsy, as I've stolen their vessel from them. As well as their time."

"You stole thi-!"

"You misunderstand me, I own this ship. Not only do I hire the men who maintain it, but also I fund the research done on it, It was just that I needed it for a rather pressing matter. So I've sequestered it. It's really just a cover. This research ship will be acting as my base as well as the orphanage. The children haven't been moved from Wammy's in ten years so this is a bit different. Fortunately, as you can see the ship is rather large and big enough for all to live comfortably onboard. However the head of research has explained his situation to me and we must head out to see so that he can fill his deadline. After that he and his crew will be onboard for the ride. Unless they wish to make port."

"And they are ok with that?"

"Like I said this is really a cover for Wammy's. It has been Wammy's fail safe for two years; I'm merely lending it to the researchers. I'm being quite kind in letting them finish their research." L said, with almost a pout on his lips.

"Ah no no, that's not what I meant..." Kith said raising his hands defensively. They ended their conversation with awkward silence. Both leaning on the ledge and looking out over Mexico.

"So, um…what are they researching?" Kith said finally.

"Deep sea squid. The species they are looking for is quite elusive and the tide it is found in only lasts a few months of the year. They have not been able to look for it until now." L said nonchalant.

Kith stiffened as a large group of children began to pile onto the deck. He abruptly turned around and walked straight up the stairs at a clipped pace. L hot on his heels.

Once in the cabin he closed the door behind L and leaned against it.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine." He snapped, venom filling his voice. But he wasn't all right. He sank to the floor as the sound of children laughing floated through his brain like wildfire.

He was playing with Sayu again. She was laughing at him as he made funny faces across from her at the kitchen table. In seconds he was crying. L was rather shocked; he squatted down and grasped the boy's shoulders.

"Kith what is wrong?"

"Nothing!" He shot up and dashed into the bathroom. Promptly throwing up the grape fruit he had eaten for breakfast.

When he was finished he sat down with his back to the wall running his hands over his face repeatedly.

"What was it about?"

"Do you ever shut up?" Kith snapped. L only shoved the tip of his thumb into his mouth before speaking in a deadly calm voice again.

"What. Was. It. About?" He asked again. Kith pulled his knees up to his chest.

"Sayu ok?" Kith bit out. L looked startled for a second before sitting down across from the youth.

"Why where you having flash backs of your little sister?" Kith raised his eyes incredulously at the detective.

"Are you serious L? Have you even looked at the death note at all? The one we brought back with us. The one Nix has had since my incarceration, excuse me, second incarceration." Alarms went off in L's head, he hadn't. He only verified it, but he hadn't looked it over as detailed as he would have liked… What a fool he had been!

The detective leapt to his feet and walked over to the phone. He dialed Watari, and asked him if he could bring him the death note out of lock down.

In minutes Watari, Pen, and a case holding the death note were standing in the doorway. L briskly walked up to Watari and snatched the case out of his hands, he punched in the key and opened the case, taking out the book, he flipped to the last written page. There were a few names…no doubt done as preliminary testing on the death note. He had expected that. But as he scanned the list, he found with a heart so cold and stone, the three names he recognized. Koshimizu Yuri an acquaintance of Light's, Kanzo Mogi… and Yagami Sayu.

88888888888888888888

Too much?


	18. Appoggiatura

This chapter is best accompanied by Blue October's 'X-Amount of Words' many thanks to my reviewers. they were so lovely this time. Very inspiring.

* * *

Appoggiatura

a grace note that "leans" on the following note,

taking up some of its value in the measure

* * *

Flash back: 

Light was strapped to the chair in a plain but nice looking office. His grimy hair was covering his eyes. L thought that he looked a bit defeated. Still Light and defeat didn't seem to go hand in hand. He knew that as long as Light lived, he would have to be on guard from the youth.

Still he looked utterly and totally worn out. Nix sat next to him as well as some one named Miller… a doctor presumably, while some big shot senator sat at the head of the table and the head of the CIA at the foot. Watari sat next to L.

"I have signed the papers necessary." L stated as he met the man in the brown suit's eyes.

He was the head of the CIA, L new that this man was not the one to give orders. He only informed the board of what was going on.

"Then it's an agreement." Spoke the elder senator, who sighed and eyed the young man strapped to the chair warily.

"I have a question however. How will Light remember that he is Kira?" Nix asked coldly across the table. The senator's bodyguards standing at the door shifted uncomfortably.

It seems that they had not known the cow-towed boy was Kira. Now they were extremely uneasy.

L looked up solemnly

"Yes, that brings me to what is next." He pulled out a manila envelope and slid it across the table towards Nix.

Nix picked it up and opened it. What he took out sent chills down Light's spine. Whether they were from anticipation or the sight of something so memorable.

"That is the cover of the death note. It is my understanding that he will forget without being able to touch the death note, but just a brush with that will bring his memories back. You'll notice that it is the black cover. Unsuitable for writing on, even if you were to remold it in to a new sheet, I've been informed it won't work. It has been covered in wax. I've tested it. This is the best way to store a piece of this type of paper. This way you can merely brush it against his skin." Nix nodded.

Light looked down at the torn cover. It really was only the half of the cover that said 'Death Note' on it.

"Now if you will please direct your attention to Watari?" Watari stood and presented all the men in the room with the death note.

"I had all of the rules tested, the ones I earlier speculated where false have been verified to be just that." L informed them, Nix took the book and flipped through it, he handed it to the others until it circled back to Watari. L noted the tiny hint of greed in those cobalt eyes. "When we destroy the book, no one who has touched it will be harmed."

Watari walked over to the garbage can before pulling out the book itself. A shuddering gasp erupted from Light as he watched the elder douse it with lighter fluid. Light's heart beat faster and faster as he watched Watari light a match and set the book afire. L watched with interest the reflection of flames in Light's eyes as he stared at the desecration.

It went fast, Watari going over to open the window as the book had produced a lot of smoke.

After a moment, the head of the CIA nodded and stood along with the senator as the flame died, and Nix was holding the piece of death note he had been given for Light's memories to the boy's arm. L watched the teen's reaction carefully and when the book was completely destroyed he seemed to let out a sigh of relief.

"I can't really say I'm glad the note is gone. A lot of good could have come from it after all." The senator spoke lightly as he watched the last of the cover crumble to ash. "But I would rather have that kind of power be destroyed, than have it in the wrong hands." L nodded, as he stood as well.

"There is one more thing Lieutenant Nix. As of today, Light Yagami is dead. His name should be Kira from now on." Nix nodded at L, smiling at the down cast youth. "He chose this path since the moment he used the death note." L was now speaking to Kira. But the youth didn't lift his eyes. And L was almost glad. After all he knew that he had sentenced him to a year of hell.

Rem was hiding in the wall, watching through the vent that L had pointed out to her earlier, and she watched as the men stood and led a shackled Kira from the room before she herself departed unseen through the ceiling.

That was the last L had seen of Kira for a year.

: End flash back

* * *

When L looked up from the death note, eyes wide with fear, he saw Kith standing in the doorway. Head bowed so that his hair covered his eyes, a shadow hiding the emotion L knew had to be there. 

"So you see L, your little dream for our future was nice. But it could never come to fruition." His voice was forced and strange.

"Kith…did you-" L asked horrified.

"Yes L, when given the choice to either kill just my sister or my entire family…I chose my sister. I killed her… me. That beyond the torture is what you sentenced me to."

Kith's shoulder's slumped forward. And it seemed his legs had gone extremely weak as he was now trying to support himself with the door frame. Clutching to it desperately.

His face lifted up to the light and he looked at L. L knew then, more than at any other time: This boy, with so many names, was broken. And he had done that to him. He had sentenced the youth to this. And now it was his duty to pick the pieces up and try, try for all he was worth to put him back together.

L scrambled off the bed, almost losing his footing, as his eyes were not focused on where he was stepping. He made his way over to the boy who now had silent tears tumbling down his face.

"That's why…" Light took in a shuddering breath. "That's why I should hate you!" The boy weakly hit the detective and tried to push him away. But his shoulders shuddered again and his hands flew to his face. "Why can't I just hate you?" The boy cried silently. "It would be so much easier if I could hate you." Meanwhile Watari had read the names and left to confirm the deaths.

L, felt ashamed. And held out his arms as if checking to see if they would betray him and hurt the youth further. His eyes were wide and his mouth was set into a firm line. He HAD done this to the boy. And he found himself holding on to the youth for dear life.

"Do you see? I can't go on living… that's all there is to it!" He said hysterically. Kith tried to pull himself from L's grasp, but the detective would not let him budge. He kicked and pulled on the detective's hair when he would not release him.

"Stop!" The youth screamed in fear. L held fast.

"It isn't right what happened to you. But you aren't a monster, nor a god. You are a human being Kith. A human being. And human beings have to let themselves feel. No matter how painful." And his voice was choked then because he was a hypocrite. And he knew it well.

For so long he had denied his heart. Now… Now that he allowed it control it seemed to be taking over everything. And the overwhelming hurt that came with this inevitable betrayal… It almost broke him as much as the look on Kith's face.

"Oh trust me Lawliet…" Pen gasped as she realized the boy knew L's name, "I feel. I feel everything. And that is why..."

"But you don't. You won't let yourself feel your own pain. If you did, you would be whole again. No matter how you pretend, you are **not** whole. Not with out Kira. Just because you know what you should be feeling doesn't mean that you are actually experiencing it. No, Kira is the one experiencing it. Isn't he?" L said this eyes wide in amazement as he came into his own epiphany.

This lesson he had always tried to learn for himself, was finally coming to him. He never realized the need to free one's heart; he had never let his heart feel anything. And now that he was letting his own heart out, breaking down ancient walls that seemed to have been there forever, it was excruciating… He knew the road Light would take if he did not acknowledge his pain. It would be a life full of the feeling of Novocain. He would be come a robot, just like L had.

Once again Kith tried to pry himself out of L's arms.

"Leave me alone..."

"Let Kira out."

"No…"

"It's ok Kith, I want to help."

"And you are stupid for it! DON'T CALL ME KITH! I HAVE NO NAME! You created Kith, so that you could feel better. I am not your home!" he roared, a new wave of strength washed through him. But still L did not budge as Kith's hands pushed and scratched.

"Let Kira out." Kith roared a second time before collapsing onto the floor in L's arms. His hands flew to his head in anguish.

"No, I can't do this. I can't do this anymore please!" L stood and told Pen to get Watari. She ran as L still held the trembling youth in his arms. Fiercely holding onto him, to the point that he knew he would bruise him. Watari and Pen reentered moments later.

L solemnly came to a decision, it would draw things out, but it was the only way that he could foresee Kith and Kira to begin healing. L drew away from the youth and took the two death notes in his hands, turning his back on the others, he stared down at the black covers on the back. The fake rules Light had written to deceive L.

That time seemed only days ago. He made a motion with the note before handing it wordlessly to Pen and stuffing his hands in his pockets, hunching his shoulders.

"Help me bring him out onto the deck Watari. Bring the death note Pen, the metal trash receptacle… also a lighter." He asked of Pen. Understanding lit in all of their eyes. Most fiercely in Kith's.

"No… you can't!" He was still the rightful owner of the death note, if L did that...

"I can, and I will." They took the youth onto the moonlit deck bracing him between the two men, his legs obstinately refusing to cooperate.

They watched as Pen set down the tin container and took the notebook in her hands. L turned towards 'Kith'. It was true that the cover still lay in a file cabinet somewhere, possibly still in 089, but this had to be done now. For Kith's sanity.

He would worry about the cover later, L had never planned on keeping Light from his memories indefinitely anyway… Right now this all did not matter. The boy was still the rightful owner of the note and L knew that Nix would not have let the youth forget. It would be counter productive, that was why his memories were still intact.

"L I won't believe you… all that I've been through! I will have believed I was innocent! I will have believed I didn't deserve it. You can't do that to me. You don't KNOW what that will do to me, all I will remember is my use of the second death note...All I will remember is...My killing Yuri, Mogi, and Sayu." His voice choked.

"It may make things worse Kith, at first, but it is the only way, it is the only way to make things better in the long run." Ryuk stepped out of the shadows.

Kith looked to him 'surely Ryuk would see some sense?' But the shinigami just stood there, wide yellow eyes reflecting the moon and shining down on them as he munched on his 30th apple of the day. L looked to him and the shinigami nodded.

"What? What is going on here?" The one who refused a name cried out to Ryuk. He couldn't help feeling betrayed.

"Pen?" L asked steadily. What he wanted was to lighten the guilt. If that could happen then Light could heal from one thing before L let him remember the other.

"Yes." She took the first note, Kira's note, and held it by the spine. Lighting the edge, and watching it burn.

Instantly Kith felt a blaze start in his heart. He saw the note burning and could see nothing else. All was black except for the light of that note as the flames began to consume it, and, what felt like his soul. He was burning with that note.

He could feel himself shaking and he closed his eyes, but still he could see the book burning. Still he could feel the heat from the blaze and it gradually grew hotter. Still he could smell that acrid smoke, soon engulfing him in a wave of heat. Flames flicked at him from every direction as he cried out. The book was burning fast. And the ash was being scattered by the wind as it was decimated.

He snapped his eyes open and watched in horror as finally it was completely consumed. And he screamed. His eyes flung wide and focused on L, but he did not hear the ocean or the wind anymore.

Only a roaring of the ocean in his veins, L mouthed something down to the youth. Kith could read the detectives lips, as he focused on them "Purge"

Falling into L and Watari's arms he saw that same tidal wave he had seen in 089, only this time it was made of fire. This time it would burn everything away. And he would be gone.

Why? Why did L need to give him so much pain, he felt his fingernails dig into his own palms as hot trails of wet fell down his face.

An overwhelming urge to hold and be held came over him, but he was powerless. It felt to him that he would never again feel that comfort, and a vision of his mother and father mourning over his sister's and his coffins, slammed into him. He had taken his parents children away.

He only could speculate what kind of torture that was. But still he could guess at the immense pain his mother was in. Her son dead, he did not know whether she knew him to be Kira or not, he hoped not, and his sister killed as well, taking everything away from the woman who had raised him. Who had given him so much.

Were there no limits to the cruelty that affected him, and everyone who was a part of his life? A brief memory entered his brain of Ryuk saying that the death note would only bring him misfortune.

But then his mind felt as if it were being torn apart. The memories were vanishing even as his seizure showed him image after image of his past.

Like water, he grabbed for them, but they slipped further and further from his fingers, and soon he was only left with sensation as his mind turned blank trying to rebuild itself.

Something was wrong in his brain. Synapses snapped around, things were becoming much more jumbled than they should have been. And like a light switch the youth fell still.

* * *

Light opened his eyes. The shadows on the wall moved as a warm breeze blew the curtains open a little wider. It was vaguely familiar. He felt something warm next to him and as he turned his head. He saw that it was L. 

It all came flooding back to him then.

L had sentenced him to a medical facility, because…because he had some kind of evidence that he was Kira… And he had spent a full year there. Experiencing the worst pain he had ever known…Essentially forcing him to kill... and L… had sentenced him to it.

Tears sprung to his eyes. L had come back for him? He had been let out? That's right. They still thought he was Kira. But he was still spared…why? Was it because L had found new evidence? No that couldn't be it.

It was because they wanted to turn him into another L. And he was supposed to train with him.

Then… then he went back to Nix for some reason. Why couldn't he remember?

He gripped his head and shook it. Stopping abruptly. Something… a lot of somethings were missing.

'What is my name…what is my name? Light is my given name… but L took that away from me' Kira? He knew he had been called Kira, And Raito, and…Lucious?…Kith? Why? Where did these names come from? He knew who had given him each, but he did not understand why.

There were huge chunks of time missing. And it felt like he wasn't whole. He felt like there was something inexplicable missing. 'Why did I forget? Did I bump my head?'

He felt his head, there were no bumps. As he moved his arms he noticed a bandage on his hand. Inspecting it curiously, a flash of Nix pressing an electrical device to his arm slammed through his brain... The wound was tightly wrapped and even when he lightly prodded it, pain shot through him.

He scrambled off of the bed, causing L to sit up; he had been lying in that half dream world where reality and dreams melted into each other. His mind reeled from that place and worry filled him.

L was a bit worried because really, he did not know how the boy would handle the situation. He had a sneaking suspicion that even after the death note was erased from his memories, he would still know that he was Kira. The evidence was all around the youth. And he was no moron.

On top of that, what would L call him? Did he still have the separate personality? There was no way of knowing without talking to him. He ventured a guess and called out.

"Light?" Light spun around to face the detective.

"L…Lawliet. What did you do to me?" Light pleaded with the detective, his eyes filled with anxiety and anger. "What have you done?"

"Sit down and I will tell you." But Light did not budge. He just kept shaking his head until he froze.

"Sayu." And L looked sadly at the youth. There had been a revelation it seemed.

He knew Sayu was dead. They had verified it. They had… shown him the coroners report. Confirming that Sayu was dead.

He squeezed his eyes shut as he imagined his sister laughing as he walked her to school and he was drowning in his own tears suddenly.

"Why? Why, why why?" He ended as pained cry escaped his shuddering throat and he sunk to the floor. L was at his side in seconds, but Light viciously pushed him away.

"Is this Justice L? Is this what you call justice? If that is what it is, then I want nothing more to do with it." Light stood and stumbled into the bathroom slamming the door behind him.

L sighed heavily and returned to his laptop, this time bringing up the surveillance equipment for the bathroom. He did not trust Light's state of mind at all.

Light was standing in the mirror; L thought that at the very least his memories must be hazy. L was sure that he could remember the pain. He called for Ryuk and rather quickly the shinigami appeared at the door. Opening it.

He opened the door you see, because he was holding a basket full of apples, and he did not want to leave them behind.

Ryuk took the top most apple and devoured it in seconds.

"Ryuk, how full of holes will Light's memory be?"

"It's hard to say. For him the death note never existed, but like with Missa, the stronger emotions are left behind. Of course, you and I both know that he isn't stupid and he has already messed around with his memories once so… so he very well may figure out that he was Kira. I think the note just erases the memories, and doesn't expect anyone to figure it out." Ryuk took another apple from the basket and bit into half of it. The juice from it trailed down the gruesome shinigami's chin. "It depends on how much the death note and his being Kira, was mentioned I suppose. The fact that he went insane doesn't help…"

"Thank you Ryuk." Ryuk had perched himself on the edge of the dresser, bent over staring at L.

"Ne ne, Missa was telling me about something called…umm-Granny Smith? I want to try that"

"We will buy them tomorrow when the crew goes into port."

"Ok," The shinigami turned around and seemed to be about to say something, but he just chuckled and left the room.

L had tensed at that, he must hurry and get back to work lest the shinigami become bored with their arrangement.

He turned back to the video and saw that Light was running the shower. He was currently trying to peel back the bandages. L sighed and pulled himself to his feet.

He knocked on the door before opening it.

"Get out!"

"No, you need your bandages changed if you want a shower, and you can't do that by yourself."

"I SAID GET OUT!" The glass almost vibrated at the shout, but L stood his ground and took Light's burnt hand in his, he started to peel the bandage away. Light tried to rip his hand out from L's grasp but L held it firmly.

"LET GO!" Still L held firm. He began to see the blood that had seeped through. This wound seemed to be healing the slowest.

He pulled carefully, even though Light was not having any of it. He still tried to wrench away till suddenly a sharp pain caused him to cry out. He doubled over and sunk to the floor as a wave of dizziness swept over him.

L's cold clammy fingers caressed the fevered skin of Light's arm as he fell to his knees with the youth. Light was biting his tongue so as not to make a sound.

"Hang on, this part will hurt." And L began peeling more of the bandage off, soon he was finished with Light sweating and breathing heavily while staring wide-eyed at the floor. He gently took up Light's other arm and started peeling away the one at his shoulder.

Light did not make a sound but his eyes watered again. L's eyes narrowed and he pulled more at the bandage. Still no sound

"Why do you not cry out?"

"That's a… stupid question." Light panted out.

"I'm glad to see you back to yourself again Light, but I must say that I haven't missed your pride." Light fiercely turned his head to the side to stare with intensity into L's eyes. L held the gaze easily, he found that not surprisingly Light's stare faltered first.

L went back to his task. Removing the bandages from his arm and his leg's also. By the end of it, Light was covered in sweat, sitting on the bathroom floor in his boxers, his palms upturned and his back slouched. L reached to turn the shower down cooler and rolled up his sleeve to determine when the temperature was acceptable.

He reached down placing his hands under Light's arms and lifting him onto the toilet. The ship gave a pitch that all most knocked Light back off.

"It's windy tonight." L remarked. But there was no reply. He slowly picked at the hem of Light's shirt, preparing to lift it over his head.

"No." Light's eyes were filled with emotion as his hand settled on L's own. There was a long pause as they felt the ship gently move beneath them. L took a deep breath.

"Light, you are Kira…" L said with sadness.

"I know." And Light fell into his wide-eyed stare once again.

"But I know… I know that you no longer wish that were so. You know you can never go free, and I know you don't want that yourself. But I think you have paid… I think that if you were to help me, and now after this whole mess, justice will be… satisfied. I think, that you deserve the chance for redemption."

"I…"Light's eyes searched L until the detective noticed them and Light let them fall to his hands. He grit his teeth when he noticed them trembling.

"And for tonight… just for a little while, lets just be two people. Two ordinary human's who are on a boat. With nothing weighing them down, two people who have nothing to apologize for. Tonight lets pretend to be just two friends. One helping the other... Please." L's owl like eyes pleaded with the youth. And Light could only stare wide-eyed back.

He didn't know what to say. He was struggling with something that shouldn't be there. He should hate L. He should hate him for all that he is worth. If for no other reason than, it is what he expected of himself.

But he couldn't, he couldn't hate L because L, not only was the one who stopped him from becoming something that he would regret, but he was also the one who saved him and he was the one who came back for him. And now words were coming back to him…

…_Lucious, please listen to me, and believe me when I say that I love you, I've fallen in love with you. Please believe me…_

'Who was Lucious, or more appropriate… why is Lucious me? And why did that evoke such an overwhelming warm and confusing… like… in me?' He didn't understand… And the thing that really irked him about it was that he knew he should understand. The answer was at the fore of his thoughts, but still ever elusive.

L leaned forward and rested his forehead against Light's.

And then… then L's mouth was breathing in his breath… and then L was kissing him.

He remembered another kiss now. An awkward kiss. He forgot it just as quick because L was kissing him. And he couldn't pull away even if there was a part of him that begged him to.

When L's tongue begged entrance Light let it in without hesitation. And that worried him.

He told his brain to tell his arms to push the detective away. This was completely inappropriate, and yet... It was as if his subconscious were no longer sub anything. It was now steering the ship and soon he was kissing back. And there were tears.

He grasped the front of L's shirt in his fists tightly. But they neither pushed nor pulled. The intensity of their grip was completely irrelevant to their inactivity. A seam popped somewhere.

Then Light was lifted and he was lying back on the floor, but there the detective paused in the kiss for a second. Seemingly mulling something over in his brain. Something that for a moment sent irrational fear through Light and he gripped the shirt tighter with his incompetent hands. Cursing himself with his inability to set his mind onto a rational path. Fear spiked again…was it fear of rejection? That's what it looked to be. But that made no sense.

It only lasted a second, then L moved from his position covering the youth, and moved to a less intimidating position laying down next to him, which caused Light's muscles that he hadn't even noticed had tensed with the movement, to relax somewhat. And the Kiss lessened into that of something tender and sweet…and heart breaking.

There was an overwhelming sadness pouring out of L, which arose something fierce in Light. It wasn't a battle.

No.

This was giving, and desperately receiving.

L being the one to give his comfort, his grace, his humanity. And light, being so very parched for just that cocktail of chemicals, shed even more tears as he took it freely. He allowed himself to take it, and L silently extolled Light's bravery.

Some how, Light marveled, the man next to him knew his boundaries. Somehow he knew where to touch so gently with those intelligent clammy fingers. And each of those muscles L had smoothed and paid attention to, uncoiled. Endorphins rejoiced somewhere in Light's brain.

L traced Light's spine, and kneaded the muscle around it, which caused Light to shed even more tears. He didn't really know why he was crying. And he chastised himself as he thought that some one intelligent as him should know what was going on with his own body. But L, seeming to have sensed that small negative barb, pressed a pressure point on Light's lower back causing the boy to moan.

Sense snapped back to him with the noise coming from his own throat. He sat up quickly, rather shaken and still crying. Now with a deep blush covering his face.

He did not see L nod to himself and smile as he slowly rose as well. He did not see him as he pulled out two towels and set them on the counter. He hoisted Light up onto the toilet and tentatively slid his index fingers under the boy's boxers waist line and pulled, Light did not like that at all and started clawing at L.

L had been expecting this and caught the youth's hands. A low rumbling growl that turned into a desperate whine, told L that the boy was dangerously close to his limit and immediately the detective snatched his hands away. Light forced to drop his hands to his lap.

Instead the detective turned and started to undress himself.

"Wha-" Light's mouth wasn't working but the detective was smart enough to figure out the boy's train of thought.

"You can barely stand. It will be all right. I will keep my shorts on."

"I c-can bath m-myself." Light looked down at his pathetic attempt at speaking. L caught his cheek and knelt before the youth.

"It's ok. You can show me your weakness. I won't think any less of you."

"I'm n-not weak!" Light pushed the detective's hands away.

"No, your not. Light, you are the strongest person I know…but no one is that strong. No one is impervious. And today, you are at your weakest… but no one here will take advantage of that. I won't take advantage of that, so please, let me help you." L asked again, his hands encircling light's waist, to steady him or to keep him in place, Light didn't know.

What he did know was that L was right. Today, right now, he needed help. All of his energy was used to stave off the overwhelming sadness that permeated him, even now threatening to consume him in an overwhelming tide.

So he nodded. Shutting his eyes and let the detective take off his shirt. The detective did not touch his boxers again.

A silent thrill washed over L at the sight of his shirtless counter part, but he squashed it quickly. Cursing his own hormones for being so delinquent. Right now, Light needed the utmost care, and he suspected that if they were to ever get to a place where they could lovingly embrace, it would only be after much hardship. The youth had gone through too much.

He stood Light up and maneuvered himself into the shadowed shower. The ship did not allow for so much light in the night.

He stepped into the closet sized shower and let the water beat upon him, knowing that the water would sting if it's spray were to directly hit Light's wounds. L's hands encircled Light's wrist and he gently tugged at the youth till he was also in the small cubicle.

L cupped some of the water that spayed behind his back and then gently let the water slip through his fingers over Light's burnt hand.

Light hissed but that was all. L turned the water down a bit more, so that it was now a comfortable cool spray pelting his back. He let another handful of water leak like a sieve through his fingers over the multiple welts and wounds on his arm. Then did the same with Light's other arm.

He continued his meticulous cleaning of the wounds until they were all wet. Then turned the awkwardly stiff Light around and began wetting his hair down. He took the small bottle of shampoo and gathered a small amount in the palm of his hand before gently massaging his scalp. Letting the soap wash down his back and wash away the sweat and grime that the equatorial heat brought out of people.

There was a small ledge on the wall opposite the entrance and L had Light sit down there, and he continued to wash his hair.

L could see the tension beginning to wash down the drain. And as that was washed away, it seemed to wash away his strength. His shoulders now shook a little, as at first small sobs escaped, they gradually turned louder. L's hands stilled and hovered above the youth. He didn't know what else to do really.

Suddenly Light let out a cry that could be likened to a dying animal. He slouched forward.

"Sayu! Oh god..." He cried out miserably. L's shaky hands pulled Light into his arms.

* * *

Is this too confusing?

* * *


	19. Crescendo

**REVISED**

* * *

**Crescendo**

– growing; i.e., progressively louder

The soft sound of the cello drifted around the boat; making all who heard it, fall into a type of enchantment of surrealism. The tune, they marveled, both felt like a tether to earth while lightening their steps at the same time. Even the children, who had been bored helplessly, were calmer than they had been.

The weather had been fair the whole time, baring some gusty winds. Those times the children were battoned down below, studying and helping the crew with other tasks.

Now, however, the stairs towards the upper decks were clogged with them sitting on the steps and playing with puzzles, gadgets or studying just beneath the overhang. They were all spread out around the sound and Light was at its very epicenter on that upper level, where the children were not allowed.

Though none of the children could see the source, as he was in the open door to his room and the railing was a covered one that just barely hid him from view with the aid of a looming shadow from the roof above him.

Light liked it that way, he could see them, but they could not see him. Their laughter and playful antics seemed to fill him with a sense of calm. However, not just a few times had he seen his sister playing with the little ones who ran around down below. When that happened the music would halt for a few seconds before continuing on.

L had been busy all day on the satellite phone, or on the computer. Always was his conversation hushed and Light heard not a word of it. He really didn't want to if it pertained to him, but if it was an incoming case then he was ready for any work to take his mind off his situation.

Light gazed around at the open aired gangway that his toes barely just touched through the threshold of his cabin door. There were orange life vests everywhere, no doubt because of the sudden influx of children, and he could just barely see at the back that the crane with the large submergence vehicle was being lifted for the last time during this voyage.

L had told him the day before that the scientists had found their tiny squid and now it was time to secure the small craft and head back to land.

Which L punctuated with an impish grin.

But Light was not so sure. Going back to land meant having to interact with people. Going back to land meant having to leave this room that had become his whole world, though he would never admit it. He supposed he would just suck it up and walk right over this threshold when the time came. Besides his prized skill of hiding what he was feeling was way out of practice. Even Doctor Penelope could read him.

He didn't know when his poised and careful craft had shattered, but it had so completely done so, that now he found himself with out his usual defenses, and jumping at the slightest thing.

It was no use practicing them on L, the detective had had no problem surmising what his thought patterns where, only leaving slight room for skepticism when Light's stoic façade had been at it's best, while he had been trying to kill the detective. That usually resulted in L treating him like a petulant child. Which he absolutely abhorred. But at the moment it wasn't as if he could do anything about it. If he were to throw down with L right now, his brain would turn to mush as he would be completely frozen with a fear so icy that borderer on a phobia. Yes, at the moment Light was phobic of Life.

The dinner bell rang on the other side of the ship and a few of the children rose to leave. Some still lingered, until Light took mercy on their hungry stomachs and stopped playing for now.

He returned the cello lovingly to the case and closed the door behind him. It was time for L to attempt to get him to eat again. It wasn't as if the youth ate nothing, it was just that the food tasted dirty in his mouth and he wasn't especially fond of dirt.

But still every day L threatened the youth with a feeding tube if he did not at least eat a little something. The detective would not relent until Light grabbed a piece of fruit (never an apple for some strange reason he couldn't fathom) from the bowl, or a croissant from the basket. Usually that was all he ate, And Light thought that it was fine, the detective should worry about his own eating habits a while.

However Light startled at the realization that he hadn't seen L eat a single sweet or dessert since he 089…

"Today a croissant and a Kiwi will not do Raito kun," L flinched at his own slip up but there was no reaction on the youths face. "Today you will have protein, you will have brain food. Fish." Light's stomach churned at the mere mention of it.

"L, I'm not hungry."

"No you are hungry, your body is screaming for nutrients, it's just that you can't hear it but for the screaming going on in your brain. You will eat, or I will feed you with a feeding tube. This time I won't be staved off with a mere compromise of a quarter ounce piece of fruit."

"Ok ok. I'll eat, I never said I wouldn't it just seems such a waste as I am not hungry."

"It's not a waste if it keeps you from collapsing or your bony elbows from attacking me in the night." But this was all just filler, and they both knew it. It was as if they were skating over something huge and dark, something menacing and they were both reluctant to delve into the myriad of problems the youth faced. It was easier this way and Light was thankful, but L was more than a little worried.

Worry was something that just looking at the detective, you would think that he had issues with, from the chewed up fingers to the baggy circles under his eyes but that was not the case.

Worry was pointless, it took up much thinking capacity and to him it was a waste of time.

If he worried about something, it was usually around the lines of whether or not the Café Lettario in Milan was going under new management.

But then Light had come along… creeping into L's already cramped brain, and now it was festering with worry.

A deck hand served them dinner, as Watari was more or less minding the children. L admitted to Light that while not on a case, Watari was not as a servant. He was always around L, to lend his own quick-witted mind and yes, his combat training towards L's protection.

L also admitted that Watari had founded Wammy's, He thought about telling Light Watari's real name but left that up to Watari to decide. Watari had been a private investigator who came into a lot of money (mysteriously) and founded the orphanage for the gifted, because he had found that there were many orphan's in the system that were gifted and did not have any choice but to become ordinary wards of the state, and never receive the kind of nurturing to their minds that they needed.

They continued on with this small talk until L noticed Light had merely pulled apart the tender flesh of the tuna and had not in fact eaten a single bite.

L's eyes narrowed as he looked across the table and Light winced before reluctantly lifting his fork to his mouth.

He ate but he did not enjoy it. Even though he was trying his hardest not to let the detective notice. Light grit his teeth that he could not even hide the fact that the fare was not to his liking.

"Is there anything you would eat?" L asked exasperated.

"I'm sorry." Light said, then cursing himself for saying it. 'Why should I be sorry? I wasn't god damned hungry that's all there was to it!' He thought. But still he looked regretful.

"If you could have anything, anything at all."

"I wouldn't tell you because you would just be hare brained enough to travel across the world to get it. Honestly L, this needs to stop-"

"Let me guess." L took the napkin that had been placed on his lap and crumpled it next to his plate.

"You are not worthy of my worry. Am I right? Of course you will tell me that I'm just being annoying, or try to build up the façade that everything is fine and dandy, but that's far from the truth. And even you, who want so badly to forget, cannot. Can't I just worry about my severely disturbed friend?" Light winced again.

"Make no mistake, my first and foremost goal is to harness that hawkish brain of yours so that I can utilize it as a tool for justice," The detectives voice was strong and harsh but the next part he said softly. "In order to do that you must be healthy, you can not think properly as emaciated as you are, and besides all that…I think you know how I feel about you." Light's eyes snapped up at the detective, them going wide.

"What, do you think that I just make out with all the ex-criminals on the bathroom floor?" Instantly Light's face became tinged with red. 'It was making out, wasn't it?' He asked himself. For some reason it hadn't felt as such.

"Please eat your meal or tomorrow I will be forced to feed you Ensure through a tube. Head chef Tray is very skilled in the culinary arts, I find the tuna to be quite delectable." L said encouragingly. Light tenuously lifted another bite and continued to eat the meal. Still he tasted nothing but grime and soot.

And as a wave of nausea over came him, he struggled to keep everything down. He would not throw up in front of this man who was so sure he was a crumbling shell of a human. He just couldn't stand the embarrassment of having L hold back his hair as he threw up all that soot. He needed to gain some damn ground back 'and pukeing my guts out won't help that.' He thought bitterly.

Light grumbled as he went to lie down on the bed. L usually had full reign of the bed until Light went to sleep while Light sat at the desk still researching as much of L's former cases that he could. But tonight was windy and the waves were high. That added to his full but tender stomach, demanded bed now. He didn't care if the sun was still only a little over half way past its mid point. They ate early so he would go to sleep early.

He laid down next to the detective, his back to him as he began his new nightly ritual of shaking like a leaf while clutching at the blankets as if he were in a snow storm, and tried to forget his gut… and tried to fall asleep.

His eyes pressed closed, the clacking of keys on the laptop used to be highly annoying to him, but now they gave him a sense of peace and a sense of safety.

He had finally started to drift, when the typing stopped. Light's eyes snapped open in response until the typing continued and he closed them again.

The typing stopped again and light peered one eye open to see the detective leaning down over him.

"Are you all right?" L asked placing a finger on his lower lip.

"I'm fine."

"You look a little green around the gills."

Gills, fish, dirt. ...

Light bolted up and ran into the bathroom. L quick to follow, Light skid on his knees towards the metal basin and made it just in time before he threw up. L came over next to him putting a comforting hand on his back but Light pushed him away.

He wanted to be alone. It felt as if he had never been alone, ever.

And his face was crimson not only from the exertion but also the embarrassment. Still L did not leave; instead he sat with his back to the sink and waited for Light to finish.

As light sat there hanging his head, he heard the detective say almost solemnly.

"I'm afraid there is no choice, tomorrow you must have a feeding tube. And possibly an IV."

"I had been able to keep down small things!" Light cried out, he did not want to go through with something so utterly humiliating. He needed to be fed he needed to be cared for, he needed to be looked after and he _**hated**_ needing anything!

Light lifted his head, he was weak but he did not feel like sleeping now. The detective ran a washcloth under the faucet but Light wrenched his head away. L huffed and pressed the wet cloth to his face while pinning the one opposing arm to his side.

Light growled and swatted the hand away with his free hand. Until L had had enough he stood, peering down at the boy with those giant black orbs with no emotion readable on his face. Before swiftly walking from the room.

Light surmised that the detective was probably pissed at him, 'well that's too fucking bad. What the hell, I don't need a nurse maid!' Then again he just regurgitated the only solid protein he had managed to eat in more than a week and a half, he stood to look at himself in the mirror.

What he saw was not Light Yagami. What he saw was not even fit enough to be called the ghost of Light Yagami. The baby blue t-shirt hung off his bony shoulders and his wrists that were once elegant and flowing, were now bony replicas of what they used to be.

And he knew that if he were to lift his shirt his ribs would be as visible as ripples in the sand. He knew he wasn't at his best, and the scary thing for him was that he did not know if he could ever get back there.

He rinsed his mouth, plucking the tooth brush from it's case in the medicine cabinet and set to work, the overpowering mint relieving that awful taste in his mouth. But it seemed he had been brushing too hard, as he tasted the familiar taste of blood mingling with the mint.

And wouldn't you just know, L entered the bathroom again with a change of clothes neatly stacked and held in one hand precariously for him, right as the youth spit the now pink tinged paste from his mouth.

But L said nothing, his face unreadable. And that made it worse for some reason. L set down the clothes he had brought him and left the room silently.

That silent treatment… for some reason, Light couldn't take it. For some reason… a pain started in his chest and blossomed through his heart… he had never felt that pain before. It felt a little like regret, but no, that was not it.

And he was overwhelmed by the sudden need to seek L's apology. He rushed into the room, still holding his toothbrush, but L was not there. An illogical fear spiked through him before he had a chance to calm his nerves with the gentle thinking process that was his only savior.

L had probably gone to talk to Watari or Pen about his needing a feeding tube, he reasoned. He walked into the bathroom. He finished with his mouth and decided he wasn't quite tired yet. He crept back over towards the cello. Sunrise and sunset had become his favorite times to play and he had been tardy, the sun was almost finished setting.

He opened the door and the children suddenly quieted. He heard one of the groups of children whisper that L was keeping a mermaid locked up in his cabin. He grinned wryly.

'Nope just a mass murderer.' He sat the chair in his spot and balanced himself off the edge of it, while taking the cello in his hands and bringing it to rest against his chest.

He chose an excerpt from Dvorak's, cello concerto in B minor from op. 104. He liked to start the day with something lively and end it with either something dramatic or something sweet and soft.

Children were laughing and running down on the decks, he spotted Near sitting by himself next to a puzzle. So even one of the infamous successors had come? No matter.

As he started the soft wail with his bow, those with trained ears, which were surprisingly many of the children below, could hear the emotion behind the piece. It was as if the music were pleading with someone. Almost and apology, yet there were moments when the cello sang out of defiance and strength. Those moments he saw, that Bonnie, the little curly redhead he had seen in England who had so easily picked the lock on his door, dance around on the deck pleating and pirouetting quite beautifully for such a young thing.

He smiled at the image before turning away lest he see his sister again, and fully submerged himself in the music he was playing. He was thankful that no one found it a nuisance; otherwise he might have gone insane with the lack of music.

Suddenly without warning one of the children below screamed. So very loud that it rang throughout the entire ship.

"Bonnie!" Light's eyes flung to the spot where the girl had been dancing. She was not there. In her stead there was a group of children looking over the railing towards the back of the ship, running to the bow as the ship sliced through the current.

With out a thought, the cello dropped from shocked fingers, a dull thunk could be heard everywhere on board. Light grabbed the vest that he had earlier been inspecting; from it's hook and jumped over the railing with the grace of a cat.

He was nothing but a blur to the other children and as he dove over board. The man over board bell had began to ring and he heard the shrill cries before he hit the water.

The cold salt spiked through him, but he did not feel it for the adrenaline as he began to swim as fast as he could towards the tiny sputtering thing barely clawing her way out of the water.

He swam as hard and as fast as he could towards those wet curls bobbing out of the water only to scream out and subsequently choke on the cold brine and eventually slip beneath the waves. He reached the spot she had been in and dove down towards her, she had only sunk a few feet under and he reached her quickly. He pulled her up and she started choking. Her face stricken with the wetness in her lungs.

She clung to him desperately crying, and he struggled to keep their heads above the water.

"Bonnie, Its…ok… we need to…put this on." He knew the life vest was too small for him so he pulled her arms through the straps and struggling to pull the clasps closed. She was shaking like a leaf and so very afraid, kicking against the water desperately. He managed to get it closed around her and she flung her tiny arms around him and began to wail again.

He kicked against the water, the waves were only enough so that he could not idly float and he had to work, he did not rely on the vest. The tiny thing would not keep them both afloat. But he held her as she cried, looking off towards the boat that now seemed impossibly far away. He spotted an orange raft that the crew had thrown over board, some 300 yards off. So very far away, 'if it weren't for these damn waves'… he pulled the youth away to look into her face.

"Bonnie, see that orange thing over there? We need to get over to that all right?" So he began to sidestroke towards it, as she was still too frightened to loosen her hold. Soon though she noticed he was huffing and heaving and pulled away to float next to him as she kicked and he pulled her along by the front of the vest.

The sun was rapidly setting. The red orb having already sunk into the sea, and now the sky was darkening quickly. He needed to get Bonnie to that raft, but his energy was fading rapidly. No doubt from the energy he had not consumed over the past weeks.

Still he kicked as hard as he could and she was making the effort too. He could see the Lorgnette off in the distance make a wide turn from it's path, away from them, still the vessel had been going very fast, it was but a toy on the horizon, and it was a three hundred foot vessel. It would have to make a very wide turn to get back to their point. It would be a half an hour at the very least.

Light kept kicking with the youth, who now only stuttered broken sobs that were sometimes swallowed by the salty sea. They were both shivering more with shock than the cold. It was not freezing, but it was chilling and the cold seeped in towards the bone and sucked the energy right out of them.

Still his mind was in full gear as he approximated whether or not they would make it. He would get Bonnie to that raft no matter what. They kicked but the current was carrying the lightweight raft further away.

After what seemed to them like hours they finally reached the little orange raft. Light latched his arm over the side and pulled her over the inflated walls into the life raft.

She choked and sputtered before curling up into a tiny ball. While Light held to the orange thing, still floating in the water, relieved he had saved Bonnie…

He was at an impasse.

Bonnie would be safe now. Bonnie would be fine, and now he found himself contemplating his weary state of self. All that he had been through and all the atrocities he had done.

Bonnie noticed his wary motions, and moved towards him to attempt to help pull him up.

He looked at the tiny thing shaking and full of so much life. She had her whole life in front of her. This scare would pass and it would only become a distant memory, perhaps an interesting story to tell her friends…

He had nothing. He had no family; he had no purpose in life, other than to be a menace. L said that he wanted his mind… but his mind had lost. He had lost, so why? He didn't even have a name.

He couldn't go by Light. Everyone knew that L the detective had captured and had Light Yagami put to death as Kira…

What did he have to live for? He had failed. Who wanted a loser to work for them? The detective was wrong in thinking that he was some genius anomaly. He was just a spoiled arrogant brat, who used to study hard and didn't remember killing thousands upon thousands of people. Not giving them a second chance that L was now giving him. He didn't deserve it and his legs stopped kicking.

He himself had killed his own sister. That thought had been paralyzing every time it entered his mind, he saw the face of his sister now in the life raft, tears streaming down her face as he pictured her dieing.

She had not gone as a victim of Kira. She had died in an auto accident as dictated by the death note. He had to write every word they had already laid out.

Had it been painful? Had it been terrifying? His arms slipped over the edge of the lifeboat, his face growing cold and emotionless. Bonnie clung to him and screamed.

Could his own sister ever forgive him? He knew she would, but that didn't change the fact that he could not forgive himself.

She was gone. She was dead. He knew that his father was now a broken man, and his mother? Well if the fact that her own son was a mass murderer hadn't killed her, then

The death of his sister…

He let out a choked sob. His mouth filling up with the bitter saline of the sea.

He was so sorry! And he could never ever tell them that. He could never give them back their children which deep down he knew, had been their life. Especially his mother.

He knew that she was a broken shell of a woman now. Were his father and mother still married? Probably not. He had done that. He had ripped apart the only people that he could tolerate in his life. The only people who were least deserving of such treatment.

He began to sink into the ocean his head tilted back watching as the stars started to blink on in the light navy colored sky.

Drowning wouldn't be a bad way to go. It would be very peaceful. Quiet.

"No!" The little girl cried out desperately. His gaze lazily slid to her. She was crying, he reached out and smoothed away the tears. He wanted to say that there was no reason to cry for him. But he couldn't open his mouth.

He felt suddenly guilty for doing this to her.

If he died it would no longer be just a scary memory or an old story… it would probably become a nightmare. He could work out how she might psychologically be affected by his death. She could develop a complex, and anyone who saved her, or helped her, would be doomed in her eyes. Perhaps he was being jaded but he could only imagine the worst.

This was being selfish. But being selfish was the way Light Yagami worked. In the long run it would be for the best.

His own eyes turned dark then. He had thought that very same thought when he had killed those FBI agents. When he had killed Naomi, and finally when he had so completely corrupted his own soul. He had called them all sacrifices. And he was still doing it. Now sacrificing this young child's peace of mind. She would grow up fast after this. Always having a skewed view of life and death

Another tear-streaked face entered his mind.

L.

L had actually shed tears for him… and then the kiss seared its way to the front of his memories. A tender and meaningful kiss. There had been so much emotion there that he had not known existed, and he craved for it. Like some parasitic being.

That was the flame that kept his heart from slipping beneath the waves.

Suddenly, the sound of Bonnie crying broke through his thoughts; her tiny fists were wrapped in the fabric of his T-Shirt. Trying desperately to keep his head above water.

He looked at her face. It was odd how a child could be crying over him. He was honestly baffled. He grasped the edge of the raft and slowly hauled himself over.

Once inside, the little girl flung her arms around him and sobbed into his sopping wet shirt. He shakily put his arms around her and held her close. Both in need of warmth. Both in need of comfort.

"Shhh shh shh, look it… Bonnie look at the sky!" Light said, a calming tone seeping out of him and wonder in his voice. This was easy, this was familiar, and after all, he had once had a little sister. A tear diffused in the wetness surrounding them. She pulled her head from beneath his arms. "Isn't it beautiful?" She nodded weakly.

"I like the orange parts" she said in a tiny voice referring to the deceased sun and the clouds that still desperately clung to the horizon.

"Mm hmm…" They sat in silence both shivering, Light willing all of his body heat to radiate upon the fragile thing next to him. She raised a faltering hand towards the stars that shone most bright in the sky above them.

"We were all on a break from class, and I was so 'cited cuz of the Leonids." She said wearily, "Now I've ruined it for everyone!" Fresh tears fell like water compared to the salty grain of the sea on her skin.

"Shhh, it's ok, No one will be mad. It was an accident… what's the Leonids?" Light asked finally trying to break her free from her tears, he knew but he was trying to draw her thoughts away from the cold. The result was the little girl staring up at him in shock.

"You don't know?" He looked down at her and shook his head. "It's the big Medidor shower! It's November 17th."

"Do you mean meteor?"

"That's what I said, Medidor." But she didn't miss a beat. "See that? That's Sagittarius and over there is Scorpius. That's L's consselation. He's a Scorpio." She said, her breathing finally beginning to calm. Light smiled then paused.

"Wait, when's L's birthday?"

"Its Halloween!" she said excitedly then her hand flew to her mouth. "I wasn't sposed to say that."

"I don't think he will mind." He said consolingly. Just then a shooting star shot across the sky.

"Oooh see? That's from the Leonid shower. Make a wish! We should wish to get saved!" And she screwed her eyes tight as she thought long and hard on her wish, hiccupping silently from the left over tears stuck in her throat.

Light watched her for a moment before he also closed his eyes and made a wish.

* * *

When the ship had finally come, he could see the faces peering over the aft silhouetted by the large searchlight's they used to see well. There were two sets of crew to haul them up. Bonnie at the aft and L at the bow.

Light stood shakily on the raft and lifted Bonnie into his arms. He lowered a little when the wake shook the tiny boat then lifted her up as the vessel slowly rolled passed. Watari and Pen lifted her from his arms, as they swept past. Then a crewmember and L pulled up Light when the tiny raft passed them. They tumbled to the deck in a heap, before a blanket was lowered down over him. An elderly man, who he had heard being called Rodger thanked him with tears in his eyes.

Light was over whelmed. He looked to L, whose eyes were unbelievably wide, and of course, calculating. L could plainly see how all this attention was bothering him so he whisked Light away to their cabin.

"You should go see if she is alright." Light told L, not meeting his eyes. L watched him carefully before nodding and stepping out of the room. Light slowly made his way towards the closet and pulled out the heaviest things there. A larger Sweater, another T-shirt that fit him better than the other, and a pair of warm flannel pants. He stepped into the bathroom and began to peel the wet clothes off of himself and turned on the water.

The rationing gauge was on red, so it would have to be a quick one. He turned the water to hot. But didn't wait for it to heat up. Honestly anything was warmer than the ocean. He rinsed off the salt that he knew covered him. Quickly washing his hair before rinsing and turning the shower off.

He grabbed his towel and quickly dried off. Slipping on the T-shirt and the pants, then a hoody, he finally stepped out of the bathroom while toweling off his hair.

L was waiting there. Sitting in the middle of the bed, crouched onto his haunches and staring at him. Light wondered what Bonnie had told the detective. He wondered if even she surmised what had happened.

She was a ward of Wammy's after all, and proved herself well beyond her years while in the raft explaining all of the constellations, which he had already known. But it helped her take her mind off of their situation.

Light moved towards his cello that had been put away already.

"So are you going to explain, or will I have to figure it out myself." Wise black eyes asked unblinkingly.

I didn't see her fall. But I heard it. I grabbed the life vest and just…ran. That's all there was" But Light's heart was beating furiously now with what he had learned during his brief swim in the see.

And for what he had wished for as well.

"Bonnie wants to see you. It seems you had quite an affect on her. She said you promised to watch the meteor shower with her."

"She was going into shock, I needed to keep her mind occupied." Light said, still not meeting the detective's eyes.

"I saw the whole thing through the binoculars." Light's eyes finally met with L's.

"And what did you see?" He asked trivially.

"I think, that I saw you come to a conclusion." L stated lazily before standing and walking up to Light and wrapping his arms around him. "She said that you wouldn't tell her your name?"

"Well what was I supposed to say? My name is Light Yagami… the man you will come to find out was, responsible for-" But L interrupted him with a kiss. And this time the kiss was nothing but pure unadulterated passion. A yearning that both of them only ever realized, when in each other's presence.

The kiss grew more heated, but before they knew it. Light was backed against the wall. But not in the way that either of them wanted him to be. No. His back was pressed against that wall with fear. And it seemed that the ocean chill had gotten to him more than he thought, for he was shaking uncontrollably.

But he wanted this! He had wished for it! Why was he not allowed even this? He flinched as L walked up to him and grabbed him by his shoulders.

"I'm sorry."

"You are not the one to be apologizing. Come on. Bonnie is waiting for us and I think we have a name we can use. At least for now." L opened the door to the cabin and waited for Light to compose himself.

Light walked right on through that door, no hitch no hesitation. He thought he knew the reason; it was because L was with him, but he didn't dwell on it. He followed the detective out onto the landing. It was dark but a few of the safety lights were on so he could see that all of the people on board had gathered on the open area of the deck.

Their was a lot of people on board he realized as from aft to bow there were groups, some set up with blankets other's just sitting in their door ways. No one was especially close to the railing. Especially after today's scare.

Already overhead there were stars whizzing through the inky oblivion. He heard a shout and quite suddenly he was effectively hobbled around his legs. A small pair of arms clamping around his knees. He would have fallen if he had not steadied himself on L's shoulder.

"HEY! What's your name?!" L bent over and lifted Bonnie into his arms.

"Do you remember when you got your new name Bonnie?"

"Yes"

"Well he doesn't have one yet."

"Oh." She said looking apologetic at Light.

"He needs one though don't you think? The only requirement is that it must start with an L." A few heads shot around at that, drawing more attention than Light liked. "Would you like to give him a name for me Bonnie?" Her eyes were large with seriousness.

"Sure." She said a little breathless, turning her face towards Light with wonderment and reverence in her eyes. Infact more than a few of the children around him, were looking at him that way. He smiled shakily, a little creeped out by the reverent stares.

But L just smiled easily before setting Bonnie down next to Light. She seemed to overcome her sudden shyness and grabbed his hand.

"Come on! We have a spot over here. It's darker." She tugged on his hand and led him through the rapidly dispersing crowd. " So you need an L name huh?" Light was beginning to wonder what L had been up to. And he also wondered if by the end of the day he would end up with the name Lovey or Lumpy. Urgh.

He turned around but L was nowhere in site. A shiver ran up his spine, but he pressed on.

She had been going on about the meteor shower earlier. He had a pretty good guess of what it would be.

"Why is an L name so significant?" She stared up at him again searching his eyes to see if he was lieing before looking around suspiciously and waving him down towards her.

"No one gets L names even if they come to Wammy's after K… L is for L. No one else can have it. I think it means that he is going to be pardonirs with you." Light's eyes widened. Was that the position L was putting him in?

He had thought he would be doing the tail ends of investigations or maybe he would be doing data entry… but partners? Maybe it was more along the lines of him acting as his proxy, yes that made sense. He would need an L name incase they were compromised.

He was thinking hard when he and Bonnie arrived at their large quilted blanket with several of the smaller children sitting there.

"Hi Sister Kaye! This is the guy who saved me, see?" Bonnie tugged on his arm so he looked up and froze.

There, sitting before him was someone he had thought long dead. She was dressed conservatively in a long gray skirt and white silk blouse. Her hair was no longer in pigtails. In stead it was done up in a French twist. She pulled the look off sharply, but still she hardly looked herself.

"Miss-"

"Kaye, sister Kaye, nice to meet you." She added quickly. She smiled sadly at him. It seemed that she had grown up quite a bit in the past year.

It was odd for him, because he was really very glad to see her. He was so glad she was alive, but still he knew there was a lot he didn't remember. They had gone out a while, still his memories where fuzzy, so he knew there was more that was linked to the death note. She spoke to an older little girl in their group.

"Elliot, will you watch the little ones? I have to speak with…"

"I haven't thought of a name yet Sister Kaye, he's getting an L name though!" Bonnie said in a harsh whisper. Missa nodded as if she had expected that answer.

They began walking towards the other end of the ship, weaving in and out of the groups of kids staring up at the sky.

"How are you doing Light?" she asked, that child like voice seemed out of place.

"I'm fine thanks, what about you?"

"I've been good. I can't thank you enough for saving Bonnie. She is one of the more wild ones but she, they are all so close to my heart." They continued walking on in silence, drawing the attention of a few of those that knew who they were.

"Look Light, I know that you've been through a lot, I want you to know that you will always be in my heart. But as you can see, I've found god." She said leaning against the front railing hands clasped in front of her.

"I thought you were dead." He said. He mimicked her position against the railing next to her.

"I came close a couple times, but I'd rather not get into that, I'm sure you don't want to go over the past year either. I thought you had died too. And I kinda lost it, you were my heart… But with religion I found that god had my hear the whole time." It almost sounded like a Dear John sermon… he supposed it was.

"I'm trying to say that I don't love you anymore." He almost breathed a sigh of relief.

"I understand." He said being diplomatic.

"Anyway, I'm the den mother of these little brats and I love every last one of them." She smiled sincerely.

"I'm glad they have you." He said nodding.

"I'm glad I have them too. L has been very kind to me, he faked my death and I came to live in England. He says that I'll always have a place watching after these little ones."

"That's great!" He said sincerely.

"It really is. I have so much to be thankful to him for. That's why I want you to trust him. He really wants what's best for you. I didn't always think that, but I do now. You should trust him ok?" Light nodded. This whole situation seemed a little surreal. They heard tiny footsteps approach.

"Sister Kaye!" They both turned and saw Bonnie standing a safe ten feet away from the railing. Reluctant to come any closer. They walked up to her and she instantly grabbed Light's hand. "I found a name for you! Leonid!"

Light smiled and picked her up balancing her off his hip.

"Leonid… I love that, thank you." He said smiling. Just as he thought.


	20. Al Niente

**Al Niente**

To nothing

* * *

L had managed to stop the boys from mutiny. They had been more than a little upset when they heard that Light was to be L's new partner. Of course Mello had been the most worked up about it. That was to be expected. But when Near pulled out several chunks of hair, L knew he was in trouble.

"This is all conditional of course. This isn't a matter of chain of command. You three are still in the running for the title. And if by some freak accident, I die and he is left alive, which I assure you, will be very unlikely, those whom I have chosen will take the title of L and he will be there to serve that title." This was all rather awkward.

How did L explain these emotions to these kids? He was fairly certain that if he were to admit he was in love… L shivered, that he would somehow appear weak in their eyes. Mello was already on the brink of running away, again. He was sorely tempted to remain at sea, so that the youth would not have the opportunity.

"So, he is like Watari?" Near asked plainly, eyes piercing into L. Near would be the first to figure it out he decided. But that was…could be fine? Perhaps if they knew the actual scenario then they would see that it is acceptable to have feelings. As long as one can rein them in.

It would be a lot for Near to take in, and even though Mello was full to the brim with emotion, he wouldn't understand because he had never loved. L sighed.

"Something to that effect."

"L, are you gay?" Matt asked behind his game boy advanced.

All right, L had not seen that coming, and from Matt no less. L threw up his hands and then realizing his actions, quickly forced them to hang still at his sides.

"No."

"Then are you bi? Mello asked, apprehension dawning.

"It's is none of your business. Just know that Light does not stand in your way of becoming L. I should just give up the title and let you little shits decide for yourself who gets Watari's money, that's what this is all about isn't it?" L's face had reddened, and Mello and Near had the good sense to look ashamed.

"Look L, It's ok if you love him, but you should just come out and say it. These two

Idiots will just be dancing around the subject for days, and I'll never hear the end of it.

It's not a bad thing to find love, right? And these two need to learn that more than

Anyone else. Alls I'm sayin is that you don't appear weaker in my eyes because you found someone you care about." Two sets of owl like eyes fixed on Matt, Mello just blushed.

"Thank you for your insight, Matt." L said rather clipped. He began to walk away from them but heard Mello speaking behind him.

"What are you talking about you dork?"

"Look, it's not my fault that some people can't be comfortable with their sexuality. SHIT! FUCK! SHIT!" L hurriedly continued towards the upper decks.

* * *

Wedy was currently jet setting around the world on L's ticket. L grumbled.

Fitz was immediately shipped back to India after what happened with 089. He was developing a state of the art translation service for some of the biggest companies in the world.

Fitz made a lot of money that way so in turn, L made a lot of money. And once rumors started spreading about the military compound being breached, L knew those rumors would come back to Fitz.

So L sent Aiber with him for protection. He was fairly certain those in the American government who had the means to sequester Fitz where laying low. But that didn't mean there weren't other countries foolish enough to attempt such a thing.

L wandered up to the top most part of the deck. He climbed into the Dingy and crouched there taking a chunky cell phone out of his pocket.

Watari was currently back in Mexico. Following a lead on the mysterious disappearance of Dr. Miller and a piece of the Death Note. L picked up the satellite phone and called Watari for the fifteenth time that day.

It was nighttime there now… Watari would be done for the day. L turned on the satellite scrambler and waited for Watari to pick up.

"Hello L."

"Watari, how did everything go?"

"The Medical police have a bulletin out for him, but they can't make this their first priority."

"Understood."

"Still I think he's left the country again."

"Why do you say that?"

"A hunch." Watari's hunches usually were impeccable.

"Then we will let the trail grow cold, we've placed him in the system, he will show up eventually. He isn't trained to keep himself hidden. Now I need you to fly to Bath. If you could have all the equiptment set up by the time we get there, it would be a load off my mind."

"Yes of course L. How is everything? I must say that since you have met up with the young Mr. Light, that things have been anything but boring. Am I right?" L could hear a smile in Watari's voice.

"You could say that. It's only more work for me. But I do believe we managed to escape death again."

"As long as you're not too trusting."

"Never." L smiled impishly.

"Everything will be ready and waiting L. I will see you in Blighty."

"Good bye Watari." L took a great sigh of relief. It was true that L's rise to power had been done with the aid of Watari's money, but now he had more than enough to pay Watari back and sustain his business.

Perhaps he should give Watari a vacation when they arrived in Bath. Yes… He would do that.

He reminded himself that he would have to give Pen one too, as soon as she wasn't needed.

Speak of the devil the doctor showed up on the top deck and walked towards the slouching detective.

"L, the results are back. I gave them to Light; I didn't look yet, so he may need you. I've given him a new anti seizure medication…he may get emotional from it."

"You gave the results to Light and left him alone?" Pen looked sternly at L.

"He doesn't want me there L. He wants you there. Even if he won't admit it. You know when you are around him that is the only time he takes his mind off of the past."

"I just needed some time alone right now, the brats have just figured out something that I hadn't planned on telling anyone."

"That you love him?"

"Why me?" L asked staring up at the wispy clouds that lazily slid past

"You're not being transparent really. Except that you care about him. And that really is unprecedented. It's not weakness L. and you need to convince Light of that also."

"But it is Pen." L said drolly, " I've seen the results of what a relationship can do to high profile people. Hell it's in every comic book, and every b-rated movie. When you are in love, people find out and exploit it. And in my line of work? Light has a giant bull's-eye on his back…"

"L if there is anyone to break out of that mold, and keep that from happening it's you. And like it or not, he needs you. If he didn't have you, he would have wasted away… probably months ago. We've gone over this before. You need a companion as well. Light is perfect. He's got baggage, but that only draws you to him, He's like a puzzle for you." She put her hands in the sweater pockets of her jacket.

"And, you can't just toss him away. I think he still needs to learn what real justice is. Present him with a bad case when he is ready. Something infuriating. And see how he will react. And… there is bound to be relapses."

"Of what."

"Of his god complex… maybe even of his multiple personalities. It's not unheard of, and I don't have enough knowledge about the Death Note to tell if whether or not the burning of that book is definite."

"I kept part of the cover." L admitted. Pen looked at him and gave a deep sigh.

"I can't expect you to close off all of your options, but I can tell you that he may never be ready for those memories…"

"I know… but I can't just throw it away. There are a lot of memories tied up in it. And who knows, it may be relevant later." Pen nodded.

"I understand that but you have to let it go. I think it's time you forgive him, and stop punishing him." L hung his head low. Those words hurt to hear because they meant that yes; he had done all that had been done to Light, in order to punish him.

"Agreed. I've already sent Wedy to Switzerland to put it in a self-storage account. It will remain there unless something unforeseen happens." L said his thumb firmly between his lips.

"Good, now go talk to Light. As you may well know what those test results could be."

"Yes." L stood and jumped over the side of the dingy, his bare feet slapping against the deck.

* * *

Light was sitting on the bed, staring at the manila envelope on the mattress. Inside were the results of his blood culture… They had just arrived when the Lorgnette made port in Auckland New Zealand. Not even Pen had had the chance to see them.

He didn't need any damn blood test to tell him he was dirty. He knew it already; it was just a matter of how his filth would kill him.

He quickly grabbed the envelope and tore it open, pulling out its contents with shaking hands.

Syphilis: Negative

Chlamydia: Negative

Gonorrhea: Negative

HIV: Negative

Light took a deep shuddering breath and stared at the wall thinking of what was, and what could have been.

L entered then, to see Light staring blankly at nothing. Morose looking, on the bed. The manila envelope he knew to hold Lights test results, open and the sheets strewn out over the mattress. His heart plummeted.

He swiftly walked over to the sheets and scooped them up, after assessing the damage he looked up in confusion. Light's eyes tore away from the wall and as soon as they met L's he broke down. Tears upon tears were falling and he was now desperately trying to stop them. Wiping them away to only have more form in an instant. And even trying to smile an awkward dignified smile.

"I'm stupid, I don't know why I'm crying. God damnit." L's eyes were shadowed by his bangs; he sat gently next to Light. He then wrapped his arms around Light and pulled the youth down so that his back was resting against L's criss crossed legs and staring up at the detective who was grinning from ear to ear.

"L, what are you smiling about?" Light bit out angrily. Was the detective making fun of his weakness? But L just shook his head.

"I'm smiling because, you're crying which is good because you aren't holding your emotions inside anymore. I'm smiling because you started crying when you saw me, indicating I hold your trust. And I'm smiling because you don't have an STD." Light scoffed and tried to sit up but L's firm grip on his shoulder prevented him from doing so.

Only a faint shiver entered him from the show of force. And he smiled weakly again as some tears still fell. L began petting the youth's head, which irked the teen. One eye narrowed at L and the detective laughed.

"Can I get up now?"

"No, I don't think so."

"L…"

"Lets stay like this a little while hmm? It's not hurting anyone, is it?" and Light's eyes went wide. He stared up at the smiling detective.

"L, I'm dirty." He confessed. L's eyes instantly narrowed dangerously.

"You are the cleanest person I know, besides Watari."

"L, why? Why me, I'm no one, I can't hold the same fascination I did over you when I was Kira." Light swallowed. "I lost, I'm broken, and I'm dirty. That's not very interesting."

"I don't know about that… regardless, you've awoken in me something that had not prior existed. Now you must deal with the consequences." L said, smiling impishly down at the youth.

"L, your crazy."

"So I've been told"

"Your crazy and foolish."

"Yes that too." Light was beginning to get genuinely angry at the detective's flippancy.

"And your stupid," L thought for a moment, cocking his head.

"No I don't believe I've been called that, maybe by you but..." Light struggled again to sit up, huffing angrily at the detective, even though he wasn't entirely sure why.

L just pushed him back down and leant over him, planting a playful kiss on Light's lips. When he sat back up he saw that Light's eyes were wide.

Something clicked in the youth's brain. Something profound. An epiphany.

He tried to sit up again, and finally the detective let him. He knelt across from L, bringing his hands up to inspect them, to perhaps make sure they were not covered in filth. Satisfied, he leapt onto L and started kissing the detective in earnest.

Like a mock battle, their tongues warred playfully, Light nipping on L's lip when the detective was gaining ground. L's slumped form was pushed back onto the pillows and his arms were filled with the warm youth as they tested the water's of heavy petting.

Light's appetite increased when L found Light's nipples through the thin fabric of Light's long sleeved t-shirt.

He wanted to inflict that pleasure also on the detective and he lifted L's shirt to his chin. He thought of even sweater revenge as he leant down and laved L's nipple.

L tasted of nothing, the youth thought for sure he would taste sweet but it wasn't a flavor, it was a texture that was rich and intoxicating on his tongue. A massage for his taste buds, smooth and warm. He continued to gently suck and lick at L's two nipples, the detective blushed and reached down to pinch at Light's own, causing the youth to break away from L's chest in a breathy pant.

He recouped and pulled himself up further, taking the long sleeved T-shirt around L's waist and pulling it up over the detective's head, his hair looked the same when the shirt left him, and Light smiled.

They stared hungrily at each other, their lips both swollen and red from activity.

Light hadn't realized how hungry he was for the detective, and both of them where startled by Light's ferociousness. The detective a little wary that they were going too fast.

But Light would have none of it as he took off his shirt and pressed their chests together to lick and suck at those kiss-swollen lips.

Light seemed to realize then that L had something he wanted and he held the detective desperately close to him. Clinging to L's chest like it was his only warmth in a blizzard. That action caused hips to mesh and both of them moaned startled at the enticing sensation.

But L looked worried then.

"This is too soon Light."

"No it's not." He said again gyrating his hips against L's. "I assure you it's not." Light sat up, straddling L's hips, a determined look on Light's face as he undid the button on L's jeans, he quickly rid the detective of his pants and boxer's in one sweeping motion and then did the same for himself.

He returned to his straddling position and planted his cool hands on L's chest and lowered him self to mold around his hands and L's chest. He laid his head on L's shoulder. L was still a little reluctant, but the tiny movements around his now fully engorged member choked his mind and his throat, so that only incoherent moans of approval could be heard.

They lay like that a while, Light seeming to soak up the warmth like a cat in the windowsill.

L's hands were stroking the boy's back when Light suddenly sat up a little. A vacant needy look in his eyes as he grasped L's erection and quickly, too quickly, sunk himself upon it. Sending L into a shudder.

But Light did not appear to be in pain, his eyes wide and hungry, and his mouth closed and thin. He was concentrating now and L was at his mercy. The youth slowly rose and fell. His head arching up to look at the white washed ceiling.

He did it again, and L lay there without motion except for his hands, which stroked the youth's back in either encouragement or sympathy.

Light rose and fell again. Grinding his teeth against a low guttural growl that boiled up in him. It escaped in a frustrated whine as he hugged L wholly, wrapping his arms around the detective and then falling to the side L in his arms until L was on top.

L understood then and began that same rhythm that Light himself had started. L nestled between Light's legs as they rode up around the detective's waist. And L licked and nipped at Light's Xyphoid Process and up his sternum as far as he could reach.

L was rapidly descending into himself, something animalistic spurring him on. He pushed into Light, watching the youth's face as he shuddered, mouth open with no sound being emitted, repeated the actions, with Light clawing at the blanket beneath them in his mad frenzy of feeling. The same jumbled thought flew threw their minds simultaneously, 'This is different' 'this has never happened before'.

L couldn't believe the sensation that coursed through him. He had never felt anything like this, it was…beatific, profound, and all consuming there weren't enough words in the dictionary to describe what he was feeling.

As he struggled up towards that point towards what seemed to be a now reachable higher plane of existence, he felts something warm and liquid cover him and Light. He looked down. Light had come, and the vision of that beautiful body beneath his threw him over the edge his hips stilling as they emptied. His mind going white with hot ecstasy. He never knew it could feel this way.

He looked to Light sweat dripping off his brow.

But Light's eyes... They were empty. Staring at an invisible point over L's shoulder. Light wasn't seeing him… he wasn't seeing anything, and immediately he shakily withdrew himself. Gathering the limp Light in his arms.

Worry creased his face. What had he done? Of course it was too soon.

L clung to the boy's chest but Light's head lay limp, still arching towards the mattress, like some broken and empty shell. His arms lay limp sprawled next to him and L wept. Falling into that abyss of depression.

L gathered the youth in his arms and went into the bathroom turning on the water before entering it again. L sat the youth down in the spray and held him as he nestled between Light's legs, this time just to be close, pressing his head into the youth's abdomen, needing Light to wake up, to scream and scratch. To do anything.

He let the water cascade down over them.

Long minutes passed, L staring wide-eyed at the wall as his ear was pressed to Light's chest, needing to hear that heart beat beneath him.

A small caress traced L's back and he flung his head up.

Light looked down at him. Smiling, until he saw that L very clearly had been crying. His brow creased until apprehension dawned. He pulled L up into his arms and they sat there holding each other.

"I'm warm L…I'm warm." L openly wept.

* * *

Fin

* * *

-

-

-

-

AN: As you can tell, I left this open for a sequel. While I know some of you may want me to proceed, some of you may not. I myself know what happens next, but I need not tell that story as I feel it might be beating a dead horse.

Still, if I receive enough convincing arguments on the subject, I may be tempted to throw all caution to the wind and go ahead and write it down.

There are a lot of people I want to thank for reviewing. On those days when I just didn't think this story was any good at all, they seemed to know, and they reviewed to fill me up with inspiration again.

They are my secondary muses, (shh don't want the primary ones to get mad.)

**Nilah** most importantly for writing such beautiful evil little masterpieces, and being such a good friend and support through the trials of crawling into a genius's perverted mind.

**Mikanis**, for allowing me to strive towards the greatness of Mikanis's standard.

**Mitsu**, for being there from the very beginning.

**Animefanqueen**, for being such a great and positive reviewer.

**Serria**, for reading this piece of crap, I am truly humbled.

**Thenightwanderer** for confirming that my ideas would at least sometimes be good ones.

**I'mcannedfruit**, for making me laugh at your name every time I saw I got a lovely review from you.

**Subaruxkamui4ever**, for making me take chances, and humbling this story with your presence.

**Sister salsa**, for wanting a dog named Raito as much as I do.

**Greypenink**, for writing Raito pregnant (never read a male preggy fic before). And making me laugh and cry every time I read anything, whether it be review or story from you.

**Hittocerebattosai**, for loving Raito as much as I do.

**Hammerchan**, for trying to yell some sense into the characters, especially when they really needed it.

**Judikickshiny**, for being number 100 (I really needed that review, we're talking verge of tears waiting for 100)

**Lady Kadaj**, for guessing the plot at every turn, forcing me to change the story line and make it WAY more exciting than it otherwise would have been (I had to keep Missa alive, I had planned on her being alive from the very beginning).

**Nihon Jin Desu**, for laughing with me when no one else did.

**Derawer**, for making me happy every time you said anything.

**Bloodshot eyes**, for staying up late to read this, I did this story for people like us.

**Penname Kitsune chan**, for sensing my dismay and immediately sending a review.

**Phoenix of hell**, for almost all of the above.

**Sarah freak**, where'd you go?

**LightxL**, for giving me perspective, and getting addicted to this.

**Xita unlucky**, for putting up with my cliffys.

**creepstats**, for still reading, even when it got depressing.

**Nubial sheep**, for wanting revenge as bad as Light and for liking it so much.

**Shadow**, for one of the best reviews I've gotten.

**Lambetness** and

**Dipilidopa**, for reading this despite my evil tendencies.

**Samiserioslyam**, I love you too!

**no name** (lol), for both loving and hating it, me too…me too.

**Barranca**, for seeing the stuff that others didn't.

**Ana**, for forgiving me for killing Sayu.

**Trisa3d**, for turning into a happy puddle of goo, seriously, people were asking what was wrong with me.

**Shadowform**, and

**HironiKoshinha** and EVERYONE ELSE WHO DID NOT LIKE KITH, for slapping me back to my senses.

**Cattyfuzzy**, for saying that they were in character when I'm not too sure they were.

**MeEksiNs** for the kindest most flattering review ever!

Every one else who reviewed, you guys are the real ones to blame for this. I wouldn't have stuck with it if it weren't for all of you.

And everyone who gave this sad little fic a chance.

Thanks!


End file.
